In her book on Tarot skills, JM sites that the "deepest mystery of The Fool is that not only is it the first major card in the sequence of powers, but it is also the last, unsaid power.[...] He would step off the cliff in full knowledge of what he was doing" (p.26). In the Quareia deck, the idiot card represents emptiness (and stupidity, but ignore that part for now) (p.168). The final card of the Mystagogus deck is the "Empty Vessel." In the description, JM mentions that vessels can sometimes be filled with fateful or angelic beings that work to uphold patterns (p.219).
I have always been a fool. I don't say this to stagnate or to uplift stupidity. My life has been surrounded by a series of massive change events, wherein I was in the right place at the right time to witness change, I actually spent my (short) career in change management, and I can site numerous examples where major storms coincided with important turning points in my life.
Yogic theology correlates with Quariea's philosophy of alignment with spirit. In yoga, samadhi represents various levels of self-abandonment (ego-self) and self-realization (divine-self), and adepts are those that can maintain the seed of ego while opening themselves to divine will. An avadhuta is "crazy wise" and may seem completely insane compared to social or cultural norms, but is rapt in divine being. In Quareia, pursuing your own interests (results-magic) is said to disincline spirits to work with you and may eventually shut down your magic altogether, whereas selfless acts of alignment with spirits can offer you a seat at the round table and a twisting path leading out of the cycle of death.
The major question that arises from both lines of thought is this: how can I know the right thing to do?
My own working answer to that question is this: I have to do what is in front of me and feels deeply aligned, and accept the results without regret but with an attitude of growth. In the past three years of Quareia studies, I have stepped off several cliffs, including agreeing to work with four key spirits, quitting my lucrative job, moving 1,000 miles without full knowledge of where I am going or what I will be doing, diving head-first into tantric discipline, and (most frighteningly) coming to this Reddit community and sharing myself, my understanding, and my faults.
I hope as we round the corner to a new April Fools' day, that you can consider your own foolishness. Are you sitting on your books as the fire burns around you? Or are you stepping off the cliff with faith that the air will uplift you?

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. Before this, we had broken up for five months because of my insecurities, anxiety, depression, and our communication just wasn't there. I relied on him way too much for my happiness, and just general stability to be honest. Anything I perceived as a slight change, made me panic, until I freaked myself out so much, I felt like the relationship must not be right for us.
I've since been in therapy and on medication and it's a huge difference! I've been doing really well. I have my confidence, we talk about issues and get through them every time, and it just feels like how it should've been from the beginning.
However, I've run into an issue that I guess haven't fully healed. We have spent everyday together for the past two months. I've just been staying at his house, and it became my routine. However, he brought up that he needs a day or two for some alone time, which is absolutely understandable. He said it's healthy for a relationship, and I agree. Yet, my old fears were triggered and I completely reacted in my "old ways" which I deeply regret, though at the same time I'm glad it happened so I can see what else I need to work on still.
I just shut down when he told me, and I felt my eyes tearing up. Then I got angry and stifled the resentment inside. Though there were a few differences from how I was in the past. My brain immediately said "why are you reacting this way? what is hurting you?" which was good, I think. Also, before I would just keep everything inside of me and built up this resentment in my head over nothing really. Instead, I had a good conversation with him about it once I had made my way out of the anxiety fog. He was so patient with me, but honest and didn't sugar coat. Also held his boundary, which I truly respect.
I brought it up to my therapist and I felt better. I even was ready to have a day to myself. But once I drove home from work, instead of his house, the change in my routine had really kind of freaked me out. I found it hard to concentrate, and wished he was just in the same space as me. I tried to catch this, and focus on me, but it overtook my brain again. I started to panic, and my trust issues came to the surface as I wondered what he could be up to. I "had" to know. It felt so dire. The pain and fear always feels so real. It puts me in this hazy dream-like state where I'm just not here.
This was last night, and I woke up this morning with a small knot in my stomach. I'm trying to remember everything my therapist had told me, and things my boyfriend and I talked about as well. He even said to me (after I made a quite dumb, insecure joke about not bringing any girls over, which he gently called me out on) "this will be good, because you need to trust me when you're away from me." I do, really. When I feel "sane" and grounded in reality, I never question anything. Hell, he was away for three weeks and I was okay!!
It's like when he's away, I forget all the good. How healthy we have become, and how much I've changed for the better. I just get afraid and it puts me in fight or flight mode when any change happens, because it feels like a threat to the relationship. Even when it's something that will actually make it better! I think I've become too attached again, so he was absolutely right about needing a day of space from each other. I just wish I could've used it to actually work on this issue I have, instead of wasting it.
I don't want to be insecure, or controlling. I don't want these feelings of "I need him here 24/7 or I'll panic." I think I'm just frustrated that I've put in a lot of work, yet still freaked out and couldn't catch it in time. I want to be okay with change, with the ebbs and flows, and with being alone as my own, independent person.
My biggest fear is losing him AGAIN because of my issues. I know I just have to keep pushing through my comfort zone, and keep the work up, but sometimes it just feels scary!!

Hello Reddit, I've been a long-time lurker and am now a first-time poster seeking help and understanding for my unique situation. Growing up, I faced challenges such as gynocomastia (man boobs), hyperhidrosis (sweaty palms), and being overweight. Additionally, my family life was difficult, with my mother being an alcoholic, my father constantly working, and my brothers leaving home early. I often felt alone, repulsive, and struggled with self-esteem.
I discovered porn at the age of 15, but it wasn't until I found online chatrooms that I became truly hooked. I craved human interaction and would spend hours pretending to be different personas, catfishing guys, and exploring my sexuality. I recall edging for over 12 hours at one point, and I engaged in this behavior frequently. This habit continued even after I managed to lose a significant amount of weight (from 160kg to 95kg, 15% BF).
When I turned 19, I met my first girlfriend (now my wife), who took the lead in initiating our relationship. While I wasn't genuinely attracted to her, the feeling of being wanted by someone was too powerful to resist. Throughout the years, our relationship has faced numerous challenges, including a severe lack of intimacy - we don't hug, kiss, or say "I love you", ever. Despite trying therapy, open communication, and accommodating her requests, our sex life has dwindled. We haven't had sex in over 9 months, and we now live more like roommates than partners.
In the past, I experienced extreme jealousy and insecurity in our relationship, developing anxiety and OCD over retroactive jealousy. I would obsess over my wife's past experiences, cry for hours, and even contemplate suicide to escape those tormenting thoughts. Thankfully, these feelings have gradually subsided, and I no longer feel the urge to check her phone, as an example
Unfortunately, I've returned to my old habits of pretending to be a girl online and have developed new extreme fetishes, such as cuckolding, emotional masochism, and even an interest in transformation. I went so far as to use estrogen gel for a week, which I now regret. These thoughts contrast significantly with my previous kinks. I used to really like the idea of being dominant, and even degrading my partner.
Now, I'm struggling to find excitement in vanilla sex and am terrified that these newly acquired fetishes are permanent. It's been a nightmare, leading to sleepless nights and weight loss due to a lack of appetite.
I desperately hope that these fetishes are a result of my insecurities and feeling rejected by my wife and that they'll fade as I work on myself and stop indulging in these fantasies. However, I'm deeply afraid that they won't go away, and I'll never enjoy my old kinks again. I would greatly appreciate any advice, guidance, or shared experiences that could help me navigate this challenging and confusing situation, as I seek to rediscover my true sexual desires and find a path to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship..

Crownlands

News from the Crownlands was unfortunately lost in the noise of all other events happening around Westeros.

North

The starbreaker's attack on the village near highpoint turned out to be a ruse and an apparent assassination attempt on dale whitehill, castellan of highpoint. The attack was enough to draw the attention of the garrison, which an unknown infiltrator exploited to bar closed and burn the castle sept, where much of the family, including almost all of the children, had sheltered to pray during the attack.
Gared Whitehill returns from Essos and exile, after a chance encounter with Lord Dale Whitehill in Braavos. He arrives with three loyal mercenaries in tow, to speak with Dale and the Whitehill family at Highpoint
Hearing the news of an attack on Highpoint and death of his kin, Lord Harmond Umber full of wrath. Pledging his support to Whitehills, he mobilizes his men and rides there.
At the isle of Skagos, Jormar of Magnar bids goodbye to his family and prepares to set sail North, while his eldest daughter attempts conversation with her now-betrothed.
Meanwhile, Lord Manderly sends the ravens to all high lords of the realm, offering his scion's hands in marriage.
Down in the swamps, Rickard Reed prepares an ambush for the faith of the seven pilgrims traveling through the Neck.

Vale

Gretchel Waxley has made a new friend through letters to the Lord Commander of the Crownsguard Davos Doggett. Gretchel and Jasper Corbray have found the beginning of a romance in unexpected places. Four young noblemen-Ethan Redfort, Willem Royce, Asher Egen, and Roderik Tully-go on a hunting trip through the Vale of Arryn. House Redfort arrived at Gulltown for the funeral of Lord Robar Grafton in force, both the number of family members and soldiers. Ethan Redfort swears an Oath to the Warrior with Lord Jasper Arryn as witness before being appointed as a military liaison to the Riverlands. Arwen Arryn at last arrives at Gulltown for Lord Robar’s funeral.

Stormlands

The Stormlands have been quiet this moon, a scattering of movements between the lords and ladies have seen many arrive at Storm's End, largely for communication and friendship.
Meanwhile others plot marriages and pacts and friendships between the leading houses of the realm in the city of Kings

Reach

After the tourney at the beginning of the sixth moon, Ser Bors Rowan approached Lady Cynthea Tyrell to speak on the preparations for Barba Tully’s arrival, his choices for commanders in the army and to tell her about the clandestine meeting Ser Raymund Tyrell held where he had declared her unborn child Tommen Blackwood’s and said it was treason.
Lady Tyrell then ordered Ser Bors to arrest Ser Raymund Tyrell under suspicion of treason.
Moving quickly, Ser Bors did so but not before summoning Lord Peake to speak on the precarious nature of the situation.
Ser Bors assured Lord Theodore, who had since accepted a position in the army, that Cynthea would not find out about Lord Peake’s attendance at the clandestine meeting from him.
Upset with Ser Bors for telling Cynthea about Raymund’s meeting, Lord Athos Rowan argued with his twin about the implications and consequences of courtship his actions.
After the twins ended their argument badly, Lord Athos would write a letter to Ser Victor Hightower, asking for permission to visit Oldtown in order to continue the courtship between Ser Victor’s nephew, Ser Olyvar Hightower, and Lord Rowan’s oldest daughter, Cersei.
Early in the month, Ser Paxter Rowan, heir of Goldengrove, elopes with Baela Manderly, marrying her in front of a septon and witnesses. One of which was his younger brother, Franklyn Rowan. Franklyn recounts the night as he travels to Coldmoat to court Lady Rohanne Webber as was agreed upon by his lord father and Lord Webber. Upon arriving Frankly is informed that Lord Webber had passed a few days before his arrival and that Rohanne is now the Lady of Coldmoat.
Ser Bors and Cynthea would also confer on the importance of keeping Bitterbridge in the fold. Lady Tyrell agreed and told Ser Bors to offer the position of Lord Treasurer of the Reach to Theo Caswell, on top of the command position within the army Bors wished to offer as well.
Having befriended Ser Wendell Westbrook during training in the hopes of having him become one of his sworn swords, Ser Bors and a brigade of men accompanied the young knight as he escorted Lady Sirella Caswell back to Bitterbridge.
Hoping the show of good faith and strength would encourage Caswell to renew faith with Highgarden, Ser Bors was surprised to find Bitterbridge’s levies had been raised and were in force at their arrival.
Delivering Sirella Caswell safely to her brother, Ser Bors extended the generous offers to Theo Caswell, who refused them and warned Ser Bors that if Cynthea’s child should prove to be his then he would come for it, by force if need be.
Ser Bors then said farewell to Ser Wendell, who had chosen to stay at Bitterbridge. Upon arriving back at Highgarden Ser Bors immediately set on bolstering scouts and defenses. Upset at the lack of knowledge Cynthea had sent him to Bitterbridge with, he went to confront her only to find her bedridden and contemplating abdication.
By the time Ser Bors had returned to Highgarden, Lord Athos had left with Cersei. A difficult decision to leave behind his youngest children warding in Highgarden, Lord Athos is plagued with nightmares on the road before arriving in Oldtown and being greeted by Ser Olyvar and Ser Víctor Hightower.
Barba and Oscar Tully arrive in the Reach, and Eden Oakheart is sent to greet them. Marya Florent reveals to Eden the truth about Cynthea's pregnancy, and Theo Caswell talks to him about his anger towards Lady Tyrell and his doubts regarding the paternity of the future newborn.
Eden, recognizing the gravity of the situation and the fact that the region finds itself deeply divided by almost unbridgeable cracks, goes to Oldtown to confront Urrathon Hightower about matters both political and deeply personal.
Meanwhile, Lord Garmon Oakheart is proposed by Lady Cynthea for a position on the Small Council, and he is offered an important role in the Government of the Reach.
At Brightwater, Lord Nyles Florent talks with his bastard son about his legitimization. Worried about the future, Nyles talks with Cynthea Tyrell about the next steps and coming marriage.
At Oldtown, ser Harrold Hightower hosts a practice tourney outside city gates to find capable jousters. Meanwhile, Lord Urrathon Hightower attempts to lure Cynthea Tyrell to Oldtown but fails: Cynthea discovers his forgery of the Queen's seal. House Hightower convenes at the Great Hall and informs all the lords present of the bigamy of Cynthea Tyrell and Nyles Florent. Ravens are also sent.
Wendell becomes the new lord of Westbrook with the passing of lord Toman Westbrook.
At Highgarden, ser Ryam Florent writes a poem about himself. He is approached by Lucia Tyrell to have a chat. Lucia has been stressful lately, writing off letters to Eden Oakheart, who she is being threatened to marry by Cynthea. Lucia collected flowers, so that she and Yanda Redwyne could make Flower Crown. Yanda was having a chat with Brandon Flowers, when Lucia entered the quarters and was making little small flirtatious action towards Brandon whilst shipping him and Yanda.
At King's Landing, Chief Diplomat Daven Chester represents Reach at court. There, he gets rejected for a loan despite his maester Grunwald's effort and masterful negotiating skills. Before his departure back to the Reach, Daven goes shopping with lady Fiona Mullendore, with whom he suffers mental breakdown at the reminder of his childhood. Desperate for the ships, Chester tries to purchase Florent's but his letter is ignored. Back in Reach, Chesters try to buy more wood for the construction of their ships. At last, Daven puts his skills to use, managing to secure a trade agreement with iron bank for the supply of construction materials to Greenshield.
Tired of all scheming against her and failure to control her vassals, Lady Cynthea Tyrell decides to abdicate her seat and titles in favor of her uncle, ser Harrold Tyrell. Cynthea invites lords to Highgarden to swear fealty to the new lord Paramount of the Reach. When the abdication was announced, Ser Bors was one of the signatures honoring the binding document of Lady Cynthea’s abdication.
Nyles Florent is displeased with Cynthea's abdication and decides to no longer marry her, nevertheless, he pledges his fealty to the new lord of Highgarden.
Ser Brandon Flowers visits Raymund Tyrell, who gad been under house arrest, to tell him of his cousin’s abdication and his father’s ascension to lordship.

Riverlands

Following the marriage between his heir and Della Tully, Rycherd Lannister and the rest of the Lannisport Lannister head home to the West, leaving his son Edwyn in Lady Tully’s care.
Lady Tully recalls simper times with her children and her ward, Gaemon. She then writes to the Queen and meets with Lords Bracken and Piper to discuss the King’s intent to back his daughter Gaelyn should she try to contest her brother’s ascension to the throne.
An unwanted guest attempts to eavesdrop on the confrontation between the King and his son, Lady Tully dispatched him.
Finally, the King decides to clue in the Riverlords to the deal he offered to Lady Tully, which she refused.

Iron Islands

While sailing the seas due to a bout of boredom, Harmund Drumm stumbles across a whale, he plans to hunt it.
Eurona Greyjoy calls a council of her Ironborn to discuss the state of the realm, and the mess that is the Targaryen family. They discuss the looming threat of war, and the concept of plundering Esoss for all its riches.
However, before this council, the absentee lord of Blacktyde, Sauron Blacktyde, decides to arrive at Seagard with a large number of ships. Lady Greyjoy, understandably, sees this as a threat, though the Blacktyde is dismissive and rude about his liege’s objections, leading to him being stripped of his titles and lordship. Not that it made much difference, given that he had been off playing pirate for five years.
Finally, to avoid being offered up to some Greenlander by her ‘father’ the King, Eurona agrees to take Sigfryd Farwynd as her Rock Husband.

Westerlands

Ser Tywald Lannister receives another raven from Lady Arwen Arryn, inviting him to Gulltown. Ser Tywald agrees to come and writes back to Lady Arwen, professing his enthusiasm to marry her. With a new look, the now-supposedly-faithful Mina Marbrand makes an appearance at the sept, denouncing her sister as faithless and promising the people of Ashemark that she will restore the gods to her family’s seat. Even as the rumours of her sister's speeches reach the Lady of Ashemark, she is unconcerned, convinced that there is little Mina could do to move against her.

Dorne

Where sands are soaked through with blood, the lord Dayne buries his predecessor. The funeral draws visitors from the Stormlands, Dorne and beyond, all paying respects to a great man, leading a tenuous realm.
Soon after the burial of Gerold Dayne, Arthur is quick to move to dismantling the sedition and tension that plagues the land he is charged to protect. Starting with Vaith.
Meanwhile, the fractured remnants of the red cultists continue to hide and rally, gathering their strength once more.
And lady Toland and Morgan Uller chat over their concerns.

Faith

The Faithful lie in wait this moon.

Essos

All seems quiet from across the sea, in Essos.

The Wall

All remains quiet in the lands North of the North.

I am finding several of my accounts have been logged into by others and passwords have been reset. This is despite using unique passwords everywhere and having a lastpass master password that is 15 characters long. I think it is an older version of my lastpass account, since passwords reset since I changed my master password have not leaked, at least so far.
I expect this is all related to signing up with lastpass prior to all the hacks and leaks that occurred. It's a decision I deeply regret. However, I now have several hundred passwords in lastpass, so I'm not really interested in starting over with bitwarden.
For people who have lastpass premium, have you found that it helps with detecting which of your passwords have leaked? Do you feel that you can resecure your account somehow with premium? I'm using free lastpass, and I feel my only option is to cross fingers and hope for the best.
My alternate plan is to just switch to bitwarden and take several hours to change every goddamn one of my passwords.

Note to Sandi and other mods: I deleted the previous post because I misspelled "Love" as "Live" in the title (ironic, huh?), and you can't edit titles.
From my personal understanding, Love is what the entirety of consciousness is trying to build and develop. Love isn't just devotion to some god or a romantic partner, it can be defined as "unconditional positive regard" towards anything, expressed in ay form. This could mean positive regard for your friends, your family, yourself, a book, a song, a movie, a game, a food, or even a concept or idea. I believe that is what "oneness" ultimately is, far more than just oneself, but everyone.
Some perspectives on the topic (Find the sources by pressing Ctrl+F to search the names and dates here: https://www.nderf.org/Archives/exceptional.html):
-Barbara S, 1/16/2005:
I felt great joy, love and belonging. I was home, where I belong. There is nothing to compare it to on earth except maybe holding your child for the first time. There was no separation emotionally between us like there is on earth.
--
-Ana Cecilia G, 2/25/2015:
There was no confusion. On the contrary, for the first time everything had a logic that I had never experienced before. Everything was harmonious everything was one. The entire Universe made me feel welcome. I felt loved by the trees, the animals the plants and people: everyone. I understood that the pain meant nothing, that all of this was passing, I understood that hatred is fear of rejection. I understood that anger is insecurity, where I was there was none of it.
--
-Rob N, 5/10/2015:
Then I felt warmth. It was as if I were wrapped in a blanket that came out of an oven. It wasn’t too hot, nor too cold. The warmth was simply perfect. It was like being held in the loving arms of an Angel with their wings wrapped around me to keep me warm and secure.
Then I felt the love. This is a very difficult feeling to describe. Try to remember the first time you saw your child or met your significant other. Most people know what I am talking about. It is that feeling of first-time love that is so positive and so powerful. Now take that feeling and multiply it thousands of times over. It is a love that is unimaginable on Earth.
--
-Katherine L, 2/6/2017:
After the life review, I was taken before more beings which seemed to be wiser than the two who brought me to my life review. I communicated with them about my decisions during my life review and areas where I could improve. While it was a collaborative process, I had deep respect and reverence for these beings. I felt that they loved me completely and without any judgment. In psychology there's a term to describe this called 'unconditional positive regard.' I felt completely sure that they had this feeling for me. This surety felt like a warm glow of light around me. The conclusion of these conversations was that it wasn't so much a decision of doing the 'wrong' thing in situations, or making unwise choices, but that the times of greatest challenge for me were times in which I could have acted but chose inaction. It was concluded that when I returned to earth, I must choose action and use my experiences and feelings to guide these actions so that they be an act of love.
--
-Robert N, 5/5/2013:
Then there was the love. This is a very difficult feeling to describe. Try to remember the first time you saw your child or met your significant other. You know what I am talking about, that feeling of first time love that is so positive and so powerful. Now take that feeling and multiply it thousands of times over. It is a love that you can never imagine being possible on Earth. This is difficult to explain, but I suppose the best way to explain it would be that GOD took your soul and held you close to his bosom and gently brushed his hand over you and said in a soft, soothing, yet powerful voice, ‘you are safe, I have you and you are home with me.
The feelings were non-earthly. The warmth was perfect. Not too hot, not too cold - it was as though I was wrapped in a warm blanket. The love was so intense it simply can't be described in earthly words. The best I can describe it is if you remember the first time you saw your child, or that first time feeling of love, and then multiply by 10,000. That is the love of GOD.
--
-Jaime G, 7/23/2005:
In an instant, I thought 'grandma'. And I was instantly in the light. I kept saying. 'You're not dead. I am not dead. You're not dead.' She said, 'No I am not and you are not either.' My grandmother had died three years prior but at that moment I could not remember that, just that she was not dead, and that she was so alive and well (she had died of dementia complications). She invited me to sit and have coffee like we used to all the time at her house. Her table was there, the chairs, she looked like she did when she was in her thirties. She had on a purple dress like a nice one she had with flowers on it. Except that, the flowers seemed to glow a florescent yellow. Then I noticed that there was a florescent light that emanated from the top of the room. I started feeling so good like. I can't describe it. Love, or like the first time you kiss. Electricity. Butterflies in your stomach, like the best drug. I don't know how to describe it, it felt so good. I then got a little panicky because I noticed that there was no light source; it was just there. That's when she touched my hand that I noticed that I looked down and could see my hand. It was there but it looked white almost florescent and she told me that it was all right (all this conversation was in Spanish by the way) and said, 'Let's drink the coffee.'
--
-Joan LH, 9/17/2013:
When I held my babies for the first time, I had an experience of unconditional love flowing from me to them. That is the closest thing I've experienced of The Loving since my NDE; though I get glimpses during meditation and some closed eye processes.
I did hear beautiful music, but it wasn't like our music. The music itself was part of me, but I don't think I was singing. It was more like it was just part of me and I was part of it, but it was much more than just me. I felt weightless and free: absolutely free! I was enfolded in this Loving, and was part of it, too. There was not one single part of me, or part of anything else, that was not love. Individuals did not exist in the same way as we do here. I was still me, but I was also part of The Loving. I simply KNEW things without hearing a single spoken word. I WAS love. I KNEW religions had it wrong, all religions. There are no way rules and judgment could flow from THIS. They made it all so complicated when really it was very easy. There IS only Love and we're all part of it. There is NO way we cannot be loved, no matter what. We ARE love. Time did not, does not, really exist. I have always loved my family on Earth, but I did not miss them at all. I did not think of them, at all. I was more happy and joyful than I ever remember being. I felt absolutely connected to everything and everyone. We ARE inter-connected. We are all One.
--
-Brian T, 3/26/2006:
Then ticking of electricity jolts hit my feet and swarmed all the way from my feet to my head and my body found such awe over the feeling. Right away, my life was shown in a flashing increments of 'movie' rolling year by year, individual by individual. My first favorite flashing was when I was born out and my mother's beautiful face was shown for the first time in my life! I did not realize how much love my mother has for me. Second flashing was - I was playing with my brother and sisters and the closeness I felt being with them. Third flashing was my father throwing my body up in the air, a lot of laughter and some puzzled feeling flashing. Then the rolls went fast, faster and I felt so many stars bursting all over my head or body. It was so unreal. Then I saw a light at the end of the tunnel bursting toward me. My spirit or soul was caught into the light tunnel. I flew through the light tunnel. I could still remember the feeling even today! Only description I could give you is the feeling was almost identical to the movie, 'Contact': The New Built Ball Spacecraft falling down the Giant Gyro-Space machine. The actress went through the tunnel right away and she could see outside space by her 'ball space shuttle.' That's what I saw when I was zoomed through the tunnel. I could see some universe by the tunnel's transparency. Such awesome feeling flying through the tunnel at light-speed.
--
-Marta Y, 1/26/2010:
I saw my life in rapid images, from the moment of my birth. I, who thought that my mother had never loved me, saw clearly, and felt, her love when she saw me for the first time. I saw how she kissed me and enfolded me in her arms. I felt different feelings and with every image that went through my mind, or before my eyes, I cannot define it. And just as I could feel deeply happy at an image of something good I had done for someone, so also this feeling would change immediately and I would feel myself deeply ashamed of something bad that I had done. I realized that no one was judging me other than myself, with a conscience full of wisdom and divine justice, which made me pass judgment on myself. I realized that I had done more bad than good and I was hugely regretful of my actions. From the depths of my soul, I asked to be given the chance to mend the damage I had done to the people who loved me. I learned that the spirit is God, Who is eternal, and that we reincarnate to learn different things, which would be impossible in a single lifetime. I learned that we form a single being with everything created. I learned that my earthly eyes are those through which God can recognize Himself, and be conscious of Himself. And I learned that what we think, feel and do remains imprinted in the universe and that we come to this life to improve, to learn in humility about all that surrounds us, and to teach what we have learned to others, and especially I learned that life is focused on two aspects: Love and Service.
--
-Sue C, 1/18/2012:
Slowly - one, then two, then four, and on, stars lit up in my vision. They were far away and very tiny. They twinkled white at first, and then as they grew in number and I felt I was getting closer there were colors. Colors I have never seen, colors I love, colors I am familiar with. At first, it was like looking at the sky, but as I became one with this sea it was more like a translucent river of stars and colors. They would breathe and undulate and seemed to be as one. They all interacted together like an ocean, with a tide, with waves - rising and falling lazily in space. I became aware of my place among them, floated and relaxed. The most important thing in this place was the feeling of bliss. I can only describe it as the feeling that comes right after climax, that unique relief and relaxation where nothing in the world matters. The only thing different about this was the feeling never waned. It stayed constant. It was the feeling of falling asleep on a summer's day on a hammock in the light of a warm sun. It was the feeling of drawing your child close to you out of love. It was the feeling of seeing a loved one for the first time in a long time. It was all good feelings, and it was ever present in this place. I felt like I would stay in this place for eternity. I felt a welcoming. I felt awareness around me and certainly did not feel alone. I felt that same entity again say 'You can stay here as long as you want'. I wanted to stay. I never wanted to leave. I had been searching for this my whole life. Why had I searched for this on Earth? I didn't care about any of that at the time though. All I cared about was this sea of energies. I felt the entity start to explain 'This is the source'. I watched the sea glitter, and then I saw the colors change. The colors went from many to few. One section of the sea turned purple and pink, the other blue and green. These two felt separated, yet still one. They danced together, rolling around on top of each other. It felt as if they were making love. I realized, this was love. This was a sea of nothing but love energy. This was 'Heaven'. 'Everyone is connected to the source. We come from the source, we return to the source' I heard, in a feeling kind of way.
--
-Sandi T, 10/18/2020:
The first of these, I call, "The Womb". It's similar to "void" experiences except that I saw flashes of pink (sometimes other colors, but usually pink) like muted, dark lightning. I was floating in darkness, everything was peaceful and incredibly calm. I existed, it wasn't frightening. I felt wrapped tightly in immense love. (I think it's important that you remember I was between 3 and 5 years old--I was more 'in' my human mind in this NDE than in any of the others, but I was more like a normal, inquisitive child and without my impediments, brain damage, and autism). This one was also the result of the violence I experienced from foster parents as a child. I do not remember which punishment led to this one, but I vaguely connect being drowned and resuscitated with this one.
I could sense what I usually call my "attendant". Guide, guardian angel, whatever you wish. It was there, as a presence, but not as a being of light this time, just sort of there on the periphery of my "knowing".
I asked, "What is this place?"
It answered telepathically, "It is your memory."
Being obviously smarter than the average idiot, I said, "I don't remember this." (This makes me laugh every time I look back on it--I was IN the memory, so obviously I remembered it!) I went on, "Why am I here?"
"This was a place where you felt loved. You came here to feel safe."
I thought on this for a while. "Is this my mommy?" (I was five, btw, so Mommy was a perfectly fine word).
"Yes, but not this one."
I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing for a while, just floating in the peaceful weighted darkness. There were pink flashes again, and I asked, "What's happening?"
"Light is coming."
"Am I getting born?"
"No. This is the womb of creation. This is your way of understanding it."
"The first time I knew I was me." (It made sense at the time)
"Yes. The first time you knew yourself. The first time you felt love."
"That's when you know yourself? When you know love, you know yourself." (I felt rather clever figuring that one out. I still laugh at the childlike joy I took in this "deep" tidbit, lol!)
At this point, although I couldn't see a body or even really sense a body, I did what I would think of as flips or cartwheels. "I exist." (Again, I felt particularly clever and delighted by this, this 'realization' filled me with immense joy and laughter).
"You have always existed, you just forget from time to time." (Now it was the attendant's turn to express amusement and great love towards me)
I hung suspended in the vast sea of nothingness, watching the rare flash of color around me. Then I admitted it was time to go, and we returned to my body.
--
-Ron K, 1/1/2006:
It is the center of everything seen and unseen. An unimaginable force radiates as a brilliant light in all directions from a trinity of spirits. This light is infinitely more brilliant than the sun, yet it did not hurt to look at it. The color defies a specific description, but a combination of white and silver comes close.
The three spirits were like my entity: separate, but somehow connected. They were one and communicated as one. They were of the same general forms as my entity, too, but they were without distinguishing facial features. The center spirit hovered slightly above those on each side.
Their first telepathic communication (I now realize) was the most important. I came to understand that this trinity is not God, exactly. They are more like the Godhead. They are the omnipresent embodiment of the Impartial Force. The Force they mastered is not a composite, but a self-sustaining whole. It is the 'first cause.' It knows no good or evil. It is neutral. Though tangible and pervasive, the Ultimate Force is not a being, but a principle. This is the spirit or principle that Sufi Muslims refer to as 'Beyond the Beyond' or 'Beyond Allah.' It is perfect love - unconditional and universal. To describe it is difficult, because to describe it is to give it structure and nothing structured can be unbounded or infinite. So we err every time we try to define God within the parameters of our structured minds, using structured words and structured thoughts to imagine structured beings. Only the Trinity fully understand the Force. We only can feel it.
The Trinity came to understand the paradoxical powers of the Force and thereby became the intellectual manifestation of the Force. Call this trinity what you wish, but no name is appropriate, because by mastering the secrets of the Force, they lost individual identity. Only the three know who they are, or where. They are total spirit, total light, total love.
This Ultimate Force remains indefinable as long as we try to describe it within the framework of our experience. But I will try.
Imagine, if you will, that this formless force was vastly infinite and evenly dispersed throughout infinity. Though it is perfect, singular, and whole, for the sake of clear rhetoric, I must describe it has having three properties. It is universal, unconditional, and benevolent. Being benevolent beyond our understanding caused the Force to desire other things to love, so it drew into itself with tremendous power and velocity, causing an extreme concentration of pure energy that caused an implosion, which fused energy into molecules that we know as 'matter'. In this respect, everything that exists is like a shattered piece of this Ultimate Force. The rest, as they say, is history.
So, the simple answer to the grandest mystery of all is the common cliché 'God is love.'
This Ultimate Force of Pure Love cannot belong to any spirit or entity of spirits, nor even to the Force itself. It is felt, accepted, and understood (to varying degrees) by every spirit, but the full knowledge of its exact nature is known only to the Trinity. The Trinity is the conduit of the impartial and partial application of Love. In this respect, the Trinity is God.
To describe God as a Trinity or entity, however, misses the mark. 'God is a spirit, and should be worshiped like a spirit.' It is the benevolent force of love in our souls and has little to do with our physical appearance.
On the contrary, we have shaped God in our image and assigned Him a pronoun. This humanizing of God is the reverse of how we ascribe human characteristics to a lowly mouse and call him Mickey. We anthropomorphize God. God is neither he, she, nor it. God is That which is. But, due to the restrictions of our languages and the frame of our reference, some pronoun must be used, so I use the common 'He.'
The image of God in human form sitting on a throne is a false idol, of the same ilk as a golden calf. A long, white beard, and all the other physical images we create to describe God are simply reference points. Why would a being who can shape the universe with His thoughts need such simple tools as hands? The only way we can create is with our hands, so we imagine God with hands. What man is doing in all these idols is creating an image to which man can personally relate. (The more I study religions the more I suspect that the only thing man has ever really worshiped is himself.) Could it be that the confusion and strife over the nature of God is caused by syntax, translations, and interpretations? Could the phrase 'His image' originally have been 'His imagination?'
As soon as I exited the hospital, the beauty of everything overwhelmed me: the trees and the sky and the sun and the grass and how the wind affected it all. I could see the wind - how it swirled and curved and danced in the trees. I could see the life force in everything, and how everything is related and connected and sustained by one Ultimate Force. All of the colors were extremely vivid, almost glowing, creating a high degree of contrast. Only the buildings, the roads, the sidewalks, and other things created by man were dull. It was like seeing the world for the first time. I felt great energy, tempered by supreme peace, so I walked along slowly toward home, savoring every step and sight of the mile. I felt very light, almost as if I could float.
--
-DW, 4/27/2008:
I wasn't by the barrier any more. I could not see it anywhere. I had a feeling it was to my right and lost in the distance. All I could see was the huge, brilliant light now directly in front of me. I felt examined. I looked right at it, in curiosity.
I was right in front of and dead center (sorry, pun accidental) of the largest glowing globe of light, I had seen. What I learned next amazed me. I discovered that the glowing, golden globe of light was alive. It was a 'self.' It was a living, aware, loving being.
We were the same! We were both living beings. It was huge, loving and powerful, strong and gentle all at the same time. I felt small and confused but I knew it was alive. It knew 'self and other' the same way I did still. I wasn't dead, it wasn't dead, but it didn't look 'human.' It felt human to me.
I was aware that this being of light was aware of itself as alive and living. It was aware of me in the same way. It was strange to look at something I thought of as so different from me and find out it was not different. This felt like a surprising discovery; Kind of a 'Hey, it's another soul!' Not so much that it was 'human' and had been living on earth but I recognized it was another living, aware self.
When you meet a human, you know it's another human no matter what the body that contains it looks like. A cat or dog is alive but not human. A flower or grass is alive but we don't see them as human, either, just another life form. Some animals push the line and feel 'almost human' to us, but we know they are animals still.
That being was 'human' or 'like me' in feeling but powerful beyond description. I was fascinated by it. We were alike and alive but I was in awe of it. That Being was so much more in every way than I was that I felt small compared to it. I felt physically smaller. I felt my lack of my control over myself as less powerful.
The essence of it, the 'self' or, rather, 'selflessness' of it is so much harder to tell. I felt the power the Being appeared to create and that was sent out from it. It was like standing in the sun but instead of sunshine LOVE warmed you. It was like nothing and no one I have ever seen or met but I knew it only loved. There was no other word close to what I experienced. Pure Love came from that being.
The Power of Love created and sent out by that being was a force, like electricity is a force. I could feel it being sent out and touching everything around it. I try to write it and there are no experiences in my life to compare it to that capture the essence of what I felt. It was unlike anything on this world.
That being was composed of love; It created love, it emitted love, it directed love. It lived on love. It was Love; Love the Power. There was nothing in that entire experience with the other Divine Loving Being that was not totally 'good' and powered by 'love.'
I have to use the words we know here. They mean something far more than I can express with them. There was nothing negative in all of that being, or in anything or myself or other one around me.
There was no 'evil, wicked, mean or nasty,' the ideas would not even work to show the opposite of love I felt. They could not be expressed. They were not possible there. Bad, negative, evil, none of that existed there. All I could think is 'There is only Love. It is only good.'
This other being was much larger and more powerful than I was. I felt no fear of it. There was only a complete acceptance of the rightness of the moment; I knew I was safe and loved. I only felt more curious. I wanted to understand what was happening to me. I wanted to know this powerful 'other self' that held me.
As you gather information meeting a new person for the first time by seeing how they stand, how they speak and form an idea of them, we met. The phrase, 'We stood looking at each other' is right but misleading.
Neither of us had a leg to stand on, a place to put it if we had one or eyes to see with as we know them here. I have to use the words I can find that fit best. It is not easy.
It was like forming a first impression in your mind but so flooding of my senses that I struggled to comprehend the completeness of this other entity. It was just too big for me to grasp, though I tried.
Communion
I knew that other self was what held me where I was. It was who had drawn me closer. Now I learned it knew me. It knew me in all I was, in all my life, in all my truth. I could not hide anything from it. I had no desire to hide anything. I felt no fear or shame that it 'saw' all of me. Then it dawned on me. I got the first hint of truly understanding the meaning of the word 'grace.'
That being knew all of everything I ever was and loved me. Not just loved me but everything that defined me as myself, unique from any other bit of creation, was wonderful to it. It loved the way I was made, it loved that we were meeting, it loved me with all the love it had in it. Its love overpowered me. I knew that I was precious to it and treasured by it. I was perfectly what I was supposed to be and it loved me just that way.
If I was a diamond, I was flawless, perfectly cut, beyond beautiful. I could not be loved more by that being. Not one thing in me needed to be changed for that being to love me. I was perfect - in its eyes - as I was made. I felt it think at me, 'As I made you, I did you perfectly!' With joy, it loved me, as I was, completely.
That Being loved me so deeply that it would never hurt me. It only wanted my complete, loving self to be all the 'me' that I was created to be. I did not have to change. That which is my true and ever-living self is perfect. I didn't have to be anything but just me. Truth lies there. Unconditional love sees only the beauty of the truth of love in each living spirit.
We began to communicate when I understood it was 'speaking' to me. Then I knew it could 'hear' what I wanted to share with it. It was not with spoken words but more like with complete thoughts with no possibility of misunderstanding. It was a true communication of perfect understanding between two spirits.
I would 'ask' then would 'know' the answer from the golden, glowing, loving being. I had no lips to speak and no ears to hear but I heard and spoke somehow. So did it. I reveled in that complete, pure, communication. There was no possibility of misunderstandings or evasions. There were no words to confuse the issue, only the truth of learning and knowing each other between us.
This is how we were supposed to communicate and understand between two people. It's that 'heart to heart' talk taken to the ultimate level. I feel the lack of it here. Words are so bulky and awkward compared to just 'showing' you how I feel or what I think. In every sentence I write here, I feel the weight and awkwardness of these words.
I have little memory of all that passed between us. We 'talked' for a time, in loving joy at being together. I was small and asking questions. It was 'answering' me, giving me what I felt a need to know as fast as I could conceive the question in my thoughts. I didn't have to ask some things, they were just showed or told to me.
I 'knew' (was told?) that being loved me just as I was. I did not need to change one thing to be perfect. I was perfect to it. I knew it felt a true joy in being with me. I felt like it was just bursting with happiness because I was there. It was beyond glad to see me; it loved me. It thought I was just perfectly made and was thrilled that we were together. I repeat this because it amazed me.
That huge and powerful entity made me feel like being with me made its life worth living, complete. I was giving it joy by just being there. How could someone or something I never even knew be so loving of me? How could it be so glad to be with me that it seemed like its shine brightened when I joined it?
I was so loved! I was loved completely and just as I was, as all I was. Small, confused, dead by my own hand, I was cherished and loved. I was precious to it. I responded to that with my own thoughts of my joy in the peace, love and total acceptance it was giving me. I tried to love it back with my little self.
The being knew I loved it and that I was thankful for its love of me. Then it loved me more. I loved it more. A cycle of pure love between us grew. It was like the most wonderful, perfect joining of hearts between two beings you can imagine. I call it perfect communion.
The Showing
There came a pause in our 'talk.' Instead of ideas passing between us there was a change in the way we communicated.
I had been seeing that other self as a large, white haloed ball of light with a golden, glowing center. It was all I could see. It filled my whole view. In the silence now between us, there was a change in my perspective. What I was seeing changed but I didn't feel like I moved.
Now I saw a long oval of light with a pattern of tiny blocks in rows seeming to moving all along its length. A glowing golden light came off it like a sun and the love you could feel was like the large Loving Being sent out. This one was smaller. I asked that being what it was that was so pretty and so loving. It answered me. 'This is you.'
I was seeing myself from its own vision, somehow. It saw me as a beautiful, perfect, shining, living being, full of love and peace, filled with joy. I saw myself, but I saw me as it did as a being of golden light and love.
There was nothing I could do that would make me better. I was perfect just as I was. I was so loving and beautiful, seen from its 'eyes.' The self of us is made of love and the love we are shines like a sun there. Me! I was beautiful! It didn't just tell me that, it showed me. I saw me. I loved me for the first time I could remember. I could have cried with the joy of seeing I was loving, like it was.
I saw the truth of what I was in its view. I was filled with joy in the knowledge that I was a loving self and I loved the being who showed me the love in myself. It showed me that, yes, we were alike, we are both living, and we both are of Love.
I knew all of me the way that being knew me and I saw that each experience and person here was a part of me still. Each part of my life was needed to make me completely what I was; Perfect in its eyes. I would appear to be perfect again today if I stood there, even though I have changed over the years.
That is the meaning of Love's grace. You are loved as you are; not as what you wish to be, not as you should or could have been, not as someone else says you ought to be, but only for what you are now. It can show you that in the way it sees you. It's hard to see in your own eyes here.
In that Loving Being's view the truth of what you are is changed. You see only the loving goodness in you, as you were created. There is no shame or guilt because you no longer have a reason to feel it. It's gone. Your life and your spirit are changed back to what they would have been if you did everything right. There is nothing to regret or be sorry for any more. Grace changes it all.
I was at peace with myself. Nothing hurt. I could only see my life and self through that Being's Love. There was no negative in myself or from that Being for anything I had done, including killing myself. It was changed by the power of the Truth of Love with which it was seen. That Loving Grace, total acceptance, complete love and truth created a joy in me. I saw that love was in me, too, not just from the Being shining down on me; it was in me as part of myself. I was full of love and peace. I felt the joy in that truth. I have no right words for it.
I knew I was good. I saw I was good. I was not just 'okay.' I was perfect and I was loving and I was good, not just in its view anymore. It let me know that in my own judgment.
To see myself as good again, like I knew I was when I was a child - oh, my heart, how I wish to keep that feeling with me here. How I wish I could give that feeling to you. Only the Divine Love can grace you with it. Each one can only find it, through that Divine Love, for them self.
The Seeing
Then I was looking back at it again, shining down on me. There was another feeling of change. I felt like I was moved closer to that being. I have tried to tell people how it appeared to me but words are inadequate. Still I attempt it.
Imagine a large, round, globe shaped zinnia. It's deep golden in the center and composed of many tiny petals. Starting at the center a small circle of golden petals appeared to come out from inside the being itself. There were four petals in this first circle. See each tiny petal as a moving, golden flame going outward from an ever-refilled center.
Each petal seemed to stay the same size but each row of petals magically multiplied to increase the circle it was part of, to a size that kept covered that rings area of the globe.
They were not expelled from it, like waste, but becoming, being created, from the power of the love within that Being. Creation as love made real, manifested. I believe each living thing has been created by the Power that is the Divine Love.
As the rows of petals or flames traveled to reach the visible edge of the 'body' of that Being, the color intensified. Each petal changed from the golden hue it had at the center to a glowing white-hot shade. The being was radiating an aura around itself so pure the color can't be named.
Yet the center never stopped putting out new circles of flaming petal shapes. The glow I saw around it I felt as a radiation of love on me. Like the sunlight on a hot day touches your skin, love touched me.
The whole being never moved, yet its apparent surface was constantly in motion. That is the closest I can get to explaining its physical appearing self.
It did not have to let me see it so closely that I could see the tiny circle of four petals burst forth from the center. It was an intimate detail of itself that it shared with me, a very close up view. I believe it not only loved me but it wanted me to know it, all of it, as it knew me.
That was the greatest gift it gave me. It loves me so much it wanted me, little ole' 'killed myself me', to know it better and to love it, too. It wanted my love given to it freely, knowing all of it. It wanted to be loved by me the same way it loved me, knowing all of me and choosing to love it, with no limits.
With a new friend, we listen to them tell us about their life. We get to know each other better over the time we have together. Because we love we want to share all of ourselves and we want to know all of them. It 'showed' or told me of itself.
There was more than the looking, there was a learning of that loving being that I have little remembrance of but I know it was real. I knew it like I know my mother or sisters. It had showed me it knew me. Now it let me know the unique self it is.
It didn't want to love me like a pet or like a possession; it wanted to love WITH me, like a friend. It WANTED me to know and love it just the way it was with an unconditional love. Being loved and loving was as needed to that self's joy as being loved and loving is to me.
As worthless as I saw myself, that I had killed myself, all that I had done wrong in my life, and still that being didn't just love me, it wanted to BE loved by me. It said and showed the truth of that to me, I felt it. It wanted my love. I was desired as a personal, loving friend. To love like that I had to really know it, all of it. That is what it showed me. It's true self.
I loved it, but it had loved me first and I loved it for loving me. I wish that I could explain how precious that was to me, to be wanted when I didn't even want myself. I had just killed me. To be told I was not only desired as one to love, but that it wanted me to love it. That one so loving sought me out in such a way was more than I could understand.
What greater love is there than a love that reaches out to you and says, 'I will always love you,' then shows you all they are, not knowing if, in the telling, something will make you judge them someone you can't love. It made itself vulnerable to my rejection. How could I not love a being that trusted me with all of its true self?
That being already KNEW me before I arrived there. It chose to love me and wanted me to love it, KNOWING all of it. I wasn't asked to love blindly. I was showed the self that wanted me to love it. It wanted to be chosen by me as one that I would love. It had loved me before I was human, it loved me before I was born, it loved me being back with it, but most of all, it loved that I loved it, too.
It was joy filled that I loved it. I was in a state of bliss from the love we shared. So was my new friend, the Divine Loving Being. Our perfect understanding in complete Love was, and could only be, Divine.
--

I’ve been so focused on earning a lot of caps, building settlements with many settlers, establishing supply routes and setting up shops to sell watechems, but I’m finding that I got into this mindset of “make caps to build settlements to make caps to build settlements…” and it’s become an endless cycle with no end goal.
I really have no need for more than 10k caps, because I can effectively trade chems and other valuable goods for anything I want to buy. I don’t really buy expensive, unique weapons and armour from vendors, so anything I buy is cheap (microscopes and hot plates etc)
I like the supply lines, and intend to keep them, but I spent a lot of effort trying to increase population in all the settlements, and outfitting them with full armour and weapons. I bit off more than I can chew, because now I have probably 20-40 settlers across all sites with no armour or weapons.
I also just caved to the boring ass water farm grind by building like 10 large water collectors in sanctuary, (and 10 odd turrets to increase defence) and now I deeply regret spending the resources on it.
Because of these things, I’m considering starting a new save, where I don’t focus so much on earning caps.
Anyone ever feel the same way? Any way I can salvage this in a way that feels good?

In the last few weeks it happened two times:
While I was typing in a text field (on two different unrelated web sites), suddenly I can't type for a while (letters don't appear anymore, as if the text field is read only). Irritated, I go to another window - everything works fine. I return back to firefox - suddenly some garbage starts being typed automatically in the text box.
At this point I disconnected from the internet at both incidents to make it stop.
Now for more context: I'm using Arch Linux + a non-QWERTY keyboard layout, which maybe saved my ass a little bit.
What my theory is - somehow someone hacked my browser and now can hijack it. Only that they apparently can't type my custom layout, so all that comes out is garbage and probably they fail to take over because all key combinations are also different. Now once I switch to another window that is not the browser, the typing spook ends - so apparently they only got into the browser.
​
I have no clue if this is an "auto-typing-script" or some actual person, but some browser malware keeps an open door for them to try hacking me properly, and now I'm paranoid - I had the browser running on a laptop without putting it to sleep for a while, who knows what might have happened in the meantime. The disturbing part is that I think it happened on both of my firefox profiles, which should be isolated from each other.
I quarantined both firefox profiles and tried to dig in the files to find something suspicious, without success. I tried checking logs on my system, but found no suspicious entries.
Now if they would have completely infiltrated my system already, then it would not appear to be sandboxed within the browser and there would be much more spook going on, right?
But if it is in the browser, the only idea I have is that some extension I installed and maybe even forgot is compromised, or someone managed to inject some malware javascript into something that looks innocent.
I'd be happy to get advice, before I panic and reinstall all my systems and change all my passwords. What are reasonable things to do? Also, what hardening of linux and my browsers would you recommend for the future?
For all "important" things I have 2FA enabled, and I got no suspicious "you signed on from weird location" emails yet. Also, I see no trace of actions on my system. Either they already rootkitted it so deeply that I can't ever find it (but then why stop at just controlling my browser?), or - I hope - the attacker never was able to complete the attack on the system, maybe spoiled by my keyboard layout.
What checks can I perform, what tools I could run, and is there something like `lsof` but with logging, to get a log of all external IP:port connections (and ideally running process)? That log could be useful immediately after it happens again, to find out where the attack is coming from.
For now I reset my firefox profiles, disabled extension syncing between devices, started from scratch with only ublock and tree-style-tab, and will try to be vigilant...
Thanks a lot in advance for any advice or useful hints on analyzing and handling this rationally!

Take 2 because the first post didn’t upload. Will wait and see if this one does.
Before I start making any posts on this sub, I thought I would make an intro. I’d love to talk to anyone that is going / has gone through a similar experience as me, or anyone really, who just wants to talk! Any advice would be great too. I might keep some information vague; I don’t want to identify myself, as I am still physically in the borg and have a very PIMI family. I always ramble so please bear with me.
Hi! Born and raised in the borg. F, Early 20s. PIMQ but very close to PIMO (more on that later). I don’t like labels, but I’m “bi”.
I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now. At first I didn’t make an account because I was just trying to laugh at the “stupid” things that were being said. But like most people who do that, I realized that what was being said was in fact, true. Once I realized that, I decided to make this account.
As a kid I wanted to be in the borg because it’s what I was taught and it was all I ever knew. When I was around 12 I stopped wanting to. It got boring. And I realized I was different. I hated it. I also realized that I was bi. I mean, I always knew I liked boys and girls but this was when it hit me.
I lived a double life growing up. For some reason I kind of liked the thought of having a life that no one knew about (to jdubs). I did things I wasn’t “supposed” to. My school friends knew I wasn’t into the religion, and they knew how my family was, so that really helped.
Unfortunately I was outed against my consent. I went through hell during that time. Very homophobic family. This is the only traumatizing thing I really went through that I can recall. It’s been some time, and I realize my mind purposefully forgets bad events like that, so I don’t really feel bad about it anymore. It did affect me a lot, though. I remember it being the worst time of my life. It’s undiagnosed but this is when I started showing signs of what I think is depression.
I got older. I thought that I would give the jdub thing a shot. I ended up getting into it and I liked it, so I got baptized. I wasn’t forced to do it like some kids are, it was my own choice too. But now I regret it. I almost walked out of it last minute. My family was really happy that I was finally making this choice, and I didn’t want to let them down. But I was going through another episode of depression and I started to think that it wasn’t a good idea anymore. But the day came and I thought that maybe this would help with my depression and that it was Satan testing me. Lol.
I ended up getting into a relationship with a girl. Won’t get into details about it. But I was deeply in love with her. Like head over heels. We decided to end it after a couple of months, though. No one knows about this.
I mention this relationship because it actually affected me positively. She helped me love myself more. She helped me realize that it’s okay to be who I am. I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. She helped me mature. The person I have become is all thanks to her. She is a really good person, and after all this time, I still think highly of her. This conflicted with my thoughts about the borg, because I couldn’t be with a girl if I ever decided to be with one.
I feel bad because it took me a relationship and a lot of time of my life to actually get to that point. I always hated myself for being bi because of the homophobic environment I was in, not because I thought/felt that it was wrong. Its actually never felt wrong to me, it’s always felt good.
Growing up I had a very low self esteem. I’ve also always been very shy/awkward. For some reason I link these things with always being a people pleaser. I think it might be because of how I was raised in the borg: to always do what everyone else and big J wants, not what you want. But I’m taking little steps to finally stand up for myself and do the things that make ME happy, and accepting/embracing/loving myself more. Even more so now that I’ve found this sub. It’s okay to be who I am and I like that.
I don’t want to say I’m fully PIMO, at least not for now. But the things I’ve learned in this sub show that this isn’t “the truth”. ARC evidence disgusts me. I can’t be myself openly even though it’s not wrong and I don’t feel bad about it. Lies about 607. And I’m heavily against shunning and I will never be in favor of that. Also what they’re doing to TM3?? Super sketchy. So I’m leaning more towards PIMO but giving myself more time to be sure of it. I guess I always have been, even when I was “PIMI”. I feel like I still have to do more research. I’ve already found more than enough but I still need my time and I think that’s okay. I think it’s funny that even though the proof is presented here, people still encourage you to STUDY and FIND IT FOR YOURSELF whether or not you agree with it or if it’s true. Not something the borg would do about their own teachings! I find it so disappointing.
All of this has given me some anxiety. I feel like I’m living an out of body experience in the meetings? It’s like I stare at the people in my hall to see if I can see a hint of PIMO in them. Like I feel like everyone is lying. That my life has been a lie. Or I don’t know if I’m just looking at myself in them? If that even makes sense. When I’m around jdubs I get annoyed and I don’t really want to talk to any of them. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. And I feel like I’m having an existential crisis. But at the same time, I feel good inside. Almost as if I’m at peace? I guess because I’m starting to realize that I can do the things and live the life I’ve always wanted; that they’re not wrong as the borg has made them to be. That there’s actually HOPE that I can live my BEST life in the future! Because I know these things would make me happy. So I guess sometimes I feel anxious but other times I feel calm. Idk if I’m the only one or maybe I’m crazy. I can’t be fully POMO, at least not for now. I have family and the thought of losing them just breaks me. But it also proves the point that if they really love me, then me leaving shouldn’t be a problem. But, I can see myself becoming inactive. But to live my life the fullest, I know I would have to be POMO.
But I’m just starting this PIMQ/O journey. I’m not gunna stress about it right now.
I just don’t know what my next steps should/would be for me. Any advice would be great.
I’m super excited to be part of this sub now. Everyone is very welcoming, understanding, etc. MUCH more than the borg makes itself to be. 💀
This ended up being TOO long so if you read this: THANK YOU! 😄