i keep seeing people here, both in the comments and in top-level posts, trying to do identity policing. blatantly transmisic content doesn't seem to get removed — at best, posts get locked.
i expected better than this from a community centered around going against oppressive gender norms.
the rules say that "Transphobia, homophobia, or any other anti-queer sentiment will result in a swift ban". but i've seen exactly these sort of comments being left up for days — that's not "a swift ban".
a list, just off the top of my head, of anti-trans ideas i've seen expressed here:

• all trans people are binary.
• all trans people have exactly one gender at a given time.
• you can't be both a girl and a boy at the same time.
• being a femboy when you're an AFAB boy is "counterproductive".

maybe at least put up a pinned post listing some common anti-trans ideas that even GNC cis people tend to have?
oh, and if none of the current moderators are trans — get one that is, and in the meantime educate yourselves about transmisia. if some of the current moderators are trans — the rest of you, listen more to them.
i expect there to be people thinking that this is "irrelevant", and expressing that in the comments here. whatever. the rules imply that the moderators here care — or at the very least, want to seem as if they care — about opposing the oppression of trans people, so this is relevant. breaking oppressive gender norms is not just for cis people.

What do you think about non-vegans being against things like sea world, aquariums, or zoos because of the space the animals get to move around?
For me, I think it's hypocritical to act like you care about how much space an animal gets when the animals you eat very likely get much less space than the ones at those places. Many times they have so little space they can't even turn around or stand up, but the people whining about the space that say lions have in zoos ignore that.

Four knives that all have solid lockup & great action
Payment preference in order: Zelle > PayPal > CashApp. G&S listed = FF converted with PayPal fee calculator rounded to nearest dollar. No trades at this time, please. Take off $5 for each knife purchased after the first.
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Pro-Tech Malibu in 20CV - Modded <> SV 145 PPGS = SV+5

Action: Deploys with a slightly lighter detent feel than most Malibus I've had, but it still nigh impossible to fail & feels satisfying like a Malibu should. Drops shut instantly.
Lockup/Centering: Both perfect
Mods: This knife arrived to me already modded, but it had some issues that needed fixed. I re-did the acid etch to a more even finish. The scales were slightly snaded, which looked decent but provided zero grip. I ran an 80 grit diamond plate across the scales to give it excellent grip & a unique look. The original acid etch caused the blade to bind significantly when attempting to deploy, but I've smoothed down the relevant surfaces, & now this is one of the smoothest Malibus I've ever owned out of 15 of them.
Blade/Edge Condition: Diamond 1000 grit @ 20°/side on my Wicked Edge, new edge unused. The blade is extremely sharp.
Body Condition: See mod notes above. I did install a brand new rear frame screw next to the pocket clip because the old one was very slightly stripped when trying to tighten. I just installed it, so it's really brand spanking new. The old screw still works okay, so I'll include it just in case you'd need an extra one for any reason. All the other screws are in great shape.
Carried: By me, about 15 times
Disassembly: Yes, to clean & mod. I've cleaned it out freshly for the next owner.
Ownership: I'm at least second
Box/Papers: Includes all original materials
Notes: Public Service Announcement: The Malibu does NOT use all T6 screws, as many seem to believe. Only the clip screws & small frame screws on either side near the pivot are T6. The pivot screw & rear frame screws next to the clip are hex 1.5mm or 1.16 in. Please do not use T6 on these screws, as you run the risk of stripping them!
This is one of the coolest Malibus I've had, with snappy action that's on the lighter side but feels so great. I'm very, very proud of what I was able to accomplish here, especially given the state I received it in. It's 100% a gem, & will make a great user for its new owner.
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Kizer Lan in N690 - Modded <> SV 35 PPGS = SV+1

Action: Deploys with a very snappy snick, with a satisfyingly tight detent. Drops shut instantly, like literally instantly like the Malibu above. Be careful!
Lockup/Centering: Rock solid lockup. Centering may very slightly favor the clip side, but dang it's close to perfect.
Mods: I've acid stonewashed the entire knife, & removed the "Lan" script that was etched into the clip beforehand.
Blade/Edge Condition: Diamond 1000 grit @ 20°/side on my Wicked Edge, new edge unused. The blade is extremely sharp.
Body Condition: Frag micarta has developed a nice dark patina.
Carried: About 5 times total
Disassembly: Yes, to clean & mod
Ownership: Just me
Box/Papers: Includes all original materials
Notes: I can't believe how drop shutty this knife is, a total guillotine. Impressive, & quite comfortable in hand. The compound hollow grind is also nice.
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CJRB Crag in AR-RPM9 - Modded <> SV 25 PPGS = SV+1

Action: Deploys reliably with detent on the softer side. I had to lighten it because it was nearly impossible to deploy when I first got it. Shakes shut very easily.
Lockup/Centering: Rock solid lockup. Centering slightly favors the clip side, but not by much.
Mods: I've filed away some material around the finger choil to turn it into an actual useable finger choil. I also roughed up the scales to provide better grip because this thing is dang slick out of the box. Much better now.
Blade/Edge Condition: Diamond 1000 grit @ 20°/side on my Wicked Edge, new edge unused. The blade is extremely sharp. There is some sign of wear on the black coating near the edge that shows signs of use before I sharpened it.
Body Condition: See notes above on mods
Carried: About 10 times, used to break down a few boxes before sharpening
Disassembly: Yes, to clean & mod
Ownership: Just me
Box/Papers: Includes all original materials
Notes: If you want to try a Crag for cheap & actually have a finger choil, this is the one.
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Jufule Nymble T G10 clone in 14C28N <> SV 25 PPGS = SV+1

Action: Deploys well using all three methods. Shakes shut easily.
Lockup/Centering: Both perfect
Mods: None
Blade/Edge Condition: Diamond 1000 grit @ 20°/side on my Wicked Edge, new edge unused. The blade is extremely sharp.
Body Condition: Yellow G10 is kind of cool & different looking. No marks anywhere I can see
Carried: Never
Disassembly: Yes, to clean
Ownership: Just me
Box/Papers: Did not come with a box, but I'll pack it securely (I wrap knives like this in cloth before packing).
Notes: A solid knife, from what I can tell. It's a bit on the heavier side at 4.1 oz, but it feels like it could withstand anything.
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PLEASE READ
NO COMMENTS IN PAYPAL, CASHAPP, OR ZELLE NOTES please, or I'll be forced to refund your money. SOME SERVICES BAN USERS FOR KNIFE MENTIONS. Not certain about services outside of PP, but I'm not taking any chances.
OP YOLOs instantly trump PM/Chats. Items are still available if not crossed out or marked as "sale pending".
Unless we make other arrangements right away, I expect prompt payment. No one wants their post to get buried, only to find the buyer backed out of the sale/trade while visibility has faded. I try to always be fair by honoring first Yolo, but ultimately I reserve the right to sell to whomever I choose.
Prices include tracked shipping to US only, ASAP Mon - Fri unless otherwise specified.
By dealing with me, you are stating you are of legal age to purchase & possess the item(s), & that the particular type(s) are legal to own in your locality. For transactions $100+ I prefer user flair minimum of 1, but decided at my discretion. Thanks!

Greetings fellow posters, commenters and watchers! It is I, another lonely spec of dust in the infinitely massive cosmic body! I come to you today in search of something new…something wholesome— and long term! (My horrible attempt at a hook)
It’s no secret that this subreddit is for that sort of thing, so might as well get to the point shall we?
I’m a 21 year old guy from the southern USA with ginger hair, large glasses, and 4 dogs! Disclaimer, I have Autism and mild depression. Just letting you know in advance! :)
Currently, your boi is a college student studying and suffering for a bachelors degree in fine arts. 😂 It’s my ultimate goal to be an author and scriptwriter of not only the latest films, but comics as well! Since—ya know I’m a geek. It’s a huge stretch of a goal, but you only live once, so it’s worth a shot right? I find great interest in writing, and studying films and their deeper meanings. So if you have an interest in that too, we already have a LOT to talk about! ^{-^}
Other interests of mine include:
-superheroes -Anime (Like MHA, Demon slayer, Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul, Spy x Family, and One punch man) -gaming (PS5, PC, Switch. Will get Xbox soon) -Adobe photoshop/illustrator -psychology -philosophy -crime documentaries -music from the 1940’s-1990’s -Horror -building and modifying my technology -hiking
Now then, what do I want out of a partner? To put it simply, I just want the one you know? The one that’ll be my best friend through and through. Someone I can joke around with, tell anything, stay up late talking about video games, fandoms, or wild theories. I don’t really care much about appearance so much as personality. I need someone to respect my own beliefs even if you don’t agree with it, and I will in turn do the same. I want to be able to do more than just text my partner on a daily basis, I want to game with them, or video call! Or we write a horrible Fanfiction together or Roleplay! Whatever the case! I dare to eventually marry now, so if that’s not your cup of tea, then I’m probably not the best option for you. Next, my age range typically falls around 18-24 currently. Maybe 25? It just depends honestly. I want that slow burn, and someone who puts equal effort into the conversation. Bonus points if you yourself are into writing!
I think that’s it for now? I’m sure there’s more to be said in conversation, so I’ll leave it at that. If any of this interests you, don’t hesitate to Dm! But please don’t just be like “hey.” There’s no substance with that! I need more! Anyways, can’t wait to hear from you!

I (21) house sit frequently for family and friends they refer me to. I’m not professional in any way, but I take pride in how I care for every animal and home. Recently I took on a job doing day visits for a family members co-worker. From the beginning, it seemed normal and straight forward with the exception of the amount of cameras… My bf has now adopted the name Fort Knox because of the three camera I know about. That didn’t exactly bother me as I’ve housesat for owners with cameras before. Yesterday I got a call during my regular job from the husband asking how the dogs were doing so I informed him I left around (insert time) and that they were being picky about eating. He then proceeded to condescendingly ask if I took them for a walk. Think of how an adult asks a child when they know the truth. But I take them out every visit and him asking me as if I was lying to him really bothered me. Now this morning I got a text from him with a rundown of things as if I’ve been doing everything wrong. “Take the harnesses off”. I don’t leave them on in the first place. “Don’t feed them in their pen”. You told me to when they wouldn’t eat their food while I was here.
For some reason all of this just really upsets me. I’ve never had an owner question me like this. Because of this, I would like to not house sit for them again but do I give them the reason why? In no way have I mistreated their pets or not followed instructions but I’m left feeling like they’re nitpicking my every move and over analyzing everything. How can I drop this clients in a respectful way if they’re going to treat me like this?

52 yo man from Cleveland. 5’11”, 185. I’m looking for a younger submissive woman that enjoys an older Dom and wants a long term relationship.
I’ve been in the lifestyle on and off for 15 years. I love the dynamic of D/s and ddlg. I'm also fixed.
Kinks: Age gap, TPE, objectification, praise and degradation, obedience training, protocols, bondage (girls look fantastic in a collar and lead), spanking, whipping, control of dress, diet and behavior.
Limits: No scat, diapers, hard abuse, drugs, blood, illegal stuff.
Personality wise, I’m an intellectual and geek. I love movies, language, literature, gaming, politics, animation, science and cooking.
I’m looking for a submissive girl with a good mind and a good sense of humor. She will take good care of herself, be height-weight-proportionate, and will look to me to decide how she improves herself. She will be willing to serve and be trained as a sub. This is not for the timid, so if you're basically a vanilla girl with some interest in kink, I won't be right to you.
Video verification after we get talking a bit is a must. WAY too many fakes on Reddit.
https://imgur.com/McUJAVQ
* Fake people, don’t even bother. I'm not your sugar-daddy, meal ticket or OnlyFans customer. But for sincere girls, say hello. I’d love to chat with you.

Grand Theft Auto is no stranger to add-on content, but the latest in a long line of leaks suggests Rockstar might be taking a bit of a different approach for the long-awaited sequel — splitting up parts of the game to repackage as DLC.
The rumor comes from established Rockstar leaker Tez2, who says Grand Theft Auto 6 is currently targeting a release in holiday 2024 “which has been pushed back multiple times.” Tez2 adds the game may be pushed back again, into to 2025.
Furthermore, Tez2 claims Rockstar is considering breaking up the game’s content into post-launch DLC, to ensure the game can meet a release date. If GTA 6 launches in 2024, it will be a whopping 11 years since the last release in the franchise.
This wouldn’t be an unprecedented move from Rockstar, considering the approach the studio has taken with GTA Online, incrementally releasing massive updates and new story content. Notably, however, GTA 5 didn’t feature any additional story content, just updates to the Online portion of the game.
GTA Online GTA Online has managed to stay relevant for a decade with consistent updates, and it makes sense Rockstar would pivot to that same approach to single-player content.ROCKSTAR Taking this approach would let Rockstar more easily hit whatever internal timeline is established for GTA 6, and provide a road map of content to make post-launch more appealing to players. Interestingly, this isn’t the first time this kind of rumor has been brought up by Tez2, as last August the leaker reported GTA 6 would “expand over time,” adding on new cities after launch.
The easiest approach would be to create content that ties into both the single-player and multiplayer aspects of GTA 6, and creating new cities in-game could do just that. New locations could be fully playable in the online portion, while also adding on hand-crafted stories and missions. This would allow Rockstar to continue the overwhelming success of GTA Online, while story content could help attract new players or those that might not care to engage with multiplayer.
This tactic of splitting up elements of the game as DLC is something Nintendo has been using for years, to great success. Mario Strikers: Battle League, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Mario Kart 8, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, and Nintendo Switch Sports, have all seen scheduled add-ons for new content, even years after their initial release. At this point, it’s not clear how much of a live-service element there will be for GTA 6, but this Nintendo-like approach would allow Rockstar to retain players who are primarily interested in single-player experiences.
GTA 5 Although GTA 5 never received single-player DLC, Rockstar’s director of design said in a 2017 interview the studio would “love to do more single-player add-ons for games in the future.”ROCKSTAR Nintendo stands apart from other developers, though, in that typically these updates are free or bundled with a Switch Online subscription. It’s a smart move, as games like Mario Strikers, which would typically have a very short shelf life, suddenly provide players with more of a reason to stick with it for the long haul. It also allows Nintendo to continue to sell its older, first-party titles with minimal discounts.
There’s no video game property in existence bigger than Grand Theft Auto, and a report in 2020 estimated GTA Online made a staggering $600 million in 2019. Even in 2023, it continues to hold an enviable place in the sales charts month after month. The popularity of GTA Online has only continued to increase over the years, and that mainstream success is exactly what’s poised to make GTA 6 such a massive success.
Breaking up content into DLC lets Rockstar bring GTA 6 back into the conversation every six months, year, or whatever release timeline suits the studio and the community best. Seeing a big GTA 6 update in a State of Play or other presentation will likely bring thousands of players flocking back to the game, and considering GTA 5 and GTA Online are still alive and kicking a decade later, it’s easy to say Rockstar is hoping for lightning to strike twice with GTA 6.

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

• Lawn Killer
• Lawn Killer: Birth of a Baby Panda
• Lawn Killer: Catching Lunch
• Lawn Killer: The Order Of The Wren
• Lawn Killer: The end of summer
• Lawn Killer: Merry Christmas, Baby Panda

By the time I was sixteen Linda got my dad to send me off to what they thought was boarding school. In reality it was a compound where the Order of the Wren would begin training me so I could be a full-fledged member.
During this time D and I would talk on the phone a few times a week. Since the Order had me move around so often I had to be the one doing the calling. These conversations didn't last as long as I would have liked because there was no privacy in the hotel rooms we would frequently stay at.
By we, I mean the two experienced hunters I would have to learn from. Their names were Williams and King. Neither did much talking and I could tell they didn't like having me around. Not that I could blame them. I was inexperienced and they had better things to do than to hold my hand and explain things to me. That meant that when we had to go somewhere to slay some monstrosity, I would have to wait in the hotel we were staying at.
I was bored out of my mind most of the time when we were traveling the country but I would learn to love those dull moments soon enough.
Williams was alright even though he smelt like a chimney, but at least he was patient with me and kind. However, King was crazy, cynical and had an unhealthy obsession with explosives. I asked him about it once and he told me “In this line of work, some things are vulnerable to fire, monk root, silver and stuff, right? But in my experience nothing can survive when twenty pounds of homemade explosives go boom.”
The days passed slowly so I would kill time by sharpening rune covered blades that would hurt all sorts of monsters, making specialized ammo, documenting everything I thought was noteworthy so future generations of members could learn from us, reading, playing cards and waiting for Farsight to call.
I asked Williams about Farsight on a few occasions and he told me that they were high ranking members of the Order who essentially ran everything. Since they were a secretive bunch, who they were and how they knew where to send all the teams was a mystery.
Most people I spoke to said they thought the biggest clue on how Farsight operated was the history of the Order itself.
Learning about the Order was a top priority during my studies at the compound. The long and the short is: back in the day there were some nerds that saved a bunch of books and scrolls from a fire that was about to consume a library named after some guy named Alexander. Lots of these people died as a result of saving what they could and because of their sacrifice the Order knows how to dispose and kill monsters.
My studies were not limited to history either. Most of the time was spent doing military drills, however on a few occasions I got to try my hand at magic. That being said, magic welders are rare and I was not one of them.
The first time I ever saw any action we were waiting somewhere in Ohio when the phone rang.
King answered the phone, waited and responded with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and finally ‘understood’ before hanging up.
“What did they say?” asked Williams.
King sighed and shook his head. “We got a plane to catch,” King answered as he slapped his knees and stood up.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Alaska.”
“What's in Alaska?” Williams asked before I could.
“Farsight got wind of some town that went missing.”
“A town went missing?” I asked, pinching my eyebrows together in confusion.
“It happens,” King shrugged. “Roanoke, Waterway… Etcetera.”
“Waterway?” I asked. “Never heard of it.”
“That's because it disappeared,” Williams answered before turning to King. “Did Farsight tell you what was there?”
King gave him a look before returning to pack up his things. “Do they ever?”
Getting to our destination meant getting in three different single engine planes that all took off and landed on someone's field instead of an airport. Each of the planes were held together by duct tape and prayers. After that, we rode in a boat for an hour.
The island we were assigned to go to was small and covered with equal parts trees, brush and rocks. There weren't many houses and the nicest one of them was a doublewide trailer in poor condition.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as we made our way off the dock and onto land.
“I don't like this,” Williams added as he took out the HSD (Handheld Supernatural Detector. It sort of looked like half of a bike handle covered in copper wire, black electricians tape and at the end there are two antennas). “Nothing” Williams said after waving it around a little while.
“Keep it activated” King said, his shotgun at the ready as he led us through what passed as a town on this island.
“Maybe the signal is too weak” I suggested.
“Might be,” King responded. “Might not even be supernatural?”
“What else could it be?” I asked.
“Disease? Jobs disappearing” King answered.
“Doesn't look like there were lots of jobs here anyways” Williams pointed out, waving the HSD in different directions but not picking up anything. “Besides, Farsight isn't wrong about these things” he added as King led us to the first house and walked in.
“How many people lived here?” I asked.
“No more than thirty,” King answered.
We kept checking the houses, but time after time there were no clues to tell us what happened to the island's occupants. There were no signs of struggle, the clothes were still on the hangers and there was even food that sat around for so long that whatever it once was became mostly mold.
“So what's the plan?” I asked after reaching the last house before the forest started. I was hoping that they would say something that involved a hot shower. After the trip out here I felt that I could have used one.
Or two.
“It's going to get dark soon,” King answered, looking at the sunset. “And since we don't know what we are dealing with, we should find a place to stay for the night.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Churches are safer than most places” Williams suggested, pointing to a squat, square building.
The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The first thing King and Williams did was to see if we were alone. They checked the confessionals, the back office, the bathroom, under every pew and kept their eyes on the rafters.
King figured the safest part of the building was the back office, so we all went there. With the three of us it was cramped. I would have suggested staying in one of the houses, but it wouldn't have felt right sleeping in a strangers house when they were missing, besides, places of worship would provide safety. At least from some things.
On the desk that belonged to the priest was a newspaper and Williams picked it up to check the date. Something I would never have thought of doing, and saw that it was two months old.
“In a place like this, I wouldn't think they would get their news fresh off the press” King responded when Williams pointed this out.
“Still” Williams said. “That's a long time, even for way out here.”
When it came to claiming sleeping areas it was nearly impossible for all of us to be satisfied with the results. Not only was it crammed with all of us in the back office, but both men also suffered from night terrors.
By the time we all had our designated sleeping spots, Williams grumbled about being low on cigarettes and ordered me to run to the island's convenience store and “grab an armful.”
At first I protested, but they told me that since the island was abandoned it wasn't stealing.
It was my turn to grumble, but I did as I was told.
As I walked to the convenience store, I wondered how Farsight would react if they knew King and Williams sent me off by myself like this.
Pulling the door open to go inside, I was surprised to find that the store looked nearly the same as the one in Gray Hill. They had stuffed animals on the walls, pickled pig parts in glass jars, they even had the same off brand food items that I could never find anywhere other than home.
Excited, I raced to the cooler and found the same brand of ginger ale I loved so much. I sucked down one, feeling the carbonation reach up into my nose and burn like hell.
Once I loaded the rest of the bottles in my bag I went over to the counter and hopped over it to grab Williams his cigarettes.
After leaving the store I saw a truck parked out front of the church that wasn't there when I left. Feeling something was wrong I ducked behind a fence. Just in time too because a second later the door swung open and a group of people were dragging King and Williams to the truck.
The people seemed to be wearing the furs of all sorts of animals. From skunk to deer to bear and whatever else that lived on the island. At first I thought their faces were covered in dirt, however thanks to D’s alterations I could see that it was actually black rocks glistening in the dying light. Not only that but they were growing out of these people. One had a large piece coming straight up from behind his left collarbone, another had her face peppered with small rocks but the man who appeared to be their leader had one coming out of his eye socket.
King and Williams were shouting at the group, what they were saying I can’t repeat and if I cleaned it up it wouldn't be much of a sentence.
I stayed still and out of sight until the truck pulled away. Since I was only armed with the buck knife I kept on my belt at all times I wouldn’t be much help. Even less so if I was caught by whoever took the more experienced monster hunters.
As soon as the truck was out of sight I ran into the church to grab the weapons we brought with us. Both shotguns that were filled with special shells we made ourselves and our rune covered machetes.
Just as I was about to leave I remembered the backpack filled with explosives. When I scooped that up I took off in the direction I last saw the truck going.
I ran for about two miles before finally finding the truck which was parked in the middle of nowhere on the side of the road. Most of the journey was uphill, however thanks to what D did to me I had plenty of energy to spare.
It didn't take long for me to see that there were tracks that led into the woods and without thinking about it, I followed them. King and Williams needed my help.
The tracks were easy to follow considering there were six people plus King and Williams who were struggling with their abductors.
I had been tracking these people for fifteen or twenty minutes by the time I came across a rocky hill, and since rocks don't leave tracks, I thought I lost them. However, just then I saw a small cave entrance. Figuring that was where King and Williams were taken, I hustled up the hill to investigate, making sure I kept low and quiet.
When I got in the cave I thought my eyes would adjust, however it didn't. Inside was completely dark and there was no sound other than my own breathing and footfalls. I would come to learn later than caves are like that. Completely dark so even my eyes couldn't adjust and they muffle sounds.
After a short time of navigating down a narrow passageway by dragging my hand on the wall I saw a faint orange glow and slowly walked towards it, careful not to make any sound. As I drew closer, I heard a group of people chanting in a strange language that almost sounded like angry small dogs.
A few stalagmites and stalactites separated the passageway I was on from a large open area with small bonfires scattered around. The people who took King and Williams were circling a large black monolith that sat in the middle of the room and they seemed to be praying to it. To me the monolith resembled the rocks that grew out of the people.
“I’mma kill you” shouted a familiar voice about ten feet below where I stood. It was King. Both he and Williams had their hands tied behind them, around a rock. “Stem to stern, you hear that? You hear that?!”
As King was shouting, I figured I would have less of a chance at getting caught if I climbed down the steep cave wall instead of following the path. Thankfully I managed to get to them without making a sound that Kings yelling didn't muffle.
D made me a borderline superhero, and superheroes save people. So even though my heart was jumping out of my chest, that didn't stop me from doing what I had to do.
“Shh” I whispered to Williams as I put the handle of my knife in his still bound hand. “I’m leaving the bag of explosives behind you. The shotguns and your machete too.”
Williams didn't make a sound, but he nodded and started to cut the ropes.
King was still shouting to his abductors, masking my voice as I told Williams that I was going to buy them time by serving as a distraction.
Without waiting for a nod, I went back the way I came and started climbing. I was sure I was going to get caught when I caused a few rocks to fall, but then Williams started to yell, joining King to mask the sound.
After reaching the passageway I came from, I turned around to see Williams give me a slight nod. Then I shouted for everyone to hear.
“Your mom shaves her chest and you—”
I didn't get any further than that because the people hissed and ran towards me. Some climbed the wall I just did while others ran down the path I chose not to take in order to reach the two more experienced hunters.
Seeing how fast they were moving made me regret not thinking past this part of the plan.
I ran as fast as I could down the dark and narrow path I entered from. The entire time I could hear them behind me and I imagined that they were getting closer.
As soon as I got outside, it was dark and I made a split second decision to run to the coast. This would make it look like I was trying to get to a boat instead of buying the more experienced monster hunters some time. However every time I tried to head towards the beach a few of my pursuers would be in my way, forcing me to change course.
After what D did to me I was fast, not Olympic speed but it was safe to say I was faster than everyone I knew. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that these people were keeping pace with me. If it was just one of them, I wouldn't have given it much thought, but all of them were. Even the fat and the old ones.
I tried coming up with answers that might help my chances if I had to fight these people, or should I say what these people became? The rocks gave them enhanced strength and speed, but other than that the clues I had were minimal. The rocks could have been anything from viral, extraterrestrial, interdimensional or even parasitic.
However it was safe to say that even if it was parasitic it was not demonic. If it was, the HSD would’ve picked it up.
If I knew what language these people were speaking, that would narrow the possibilities that much further.
I must have been running for about ten minutes before I realized three things at once. The first thing was these people were much faster than they were letting on and were just toying with me. The second was that I was being herded back to the cave and the third was that I was going to have to stop running and fight.
As soon as I stopped running, I pulled the machete out from its sheath and turned to face those who meant me harm.
They surrounded me like a pack of wolves, and like a pack of wolves they snapped their jaws and made sounds that reminded me of a group of angry tiny dogs barking. These people also attacked like wolves too because the ones behind me would be doing the attacking.
The first one tried to jump onto my shoulders but before she could wrap her arms and legs around me I quickly turned around and used her momentum to throw her into the others. Immediately another lept towards me and was met with a front kick, connecting right below the belly button.
That was when the third one, the one with the rock growing out of his eye, bit my hand.
I don't know who was more surprised, me because I was bit, or him because it cracked his teeth.
I recovered from the shock before he did and raised the machete up to cut off his head.
As I swung he lifted up his hand to block it. Even though I didn't take his head, I still managed to take his hand and half of his forearm.
If he felt pain he sure hid it well.
He swiped at me with his other hand and I leaned back to dodge it. He was fast though and managed to rake my cheek with his nails.
Before I could swing my weapon again, another jumped on my back and put me in a choke hold. The grip was tight and as I tried to free myself the others tackled me. Thankfully this loosened the grip around my neck. However I was on my back and the others were closing in.
I kicked one of my attackers in the knee so it broke and went backwards. This person didn't make a sound and I doubt they felt it.
One of them kicked me in the face and even though it didn't knock me out, it hurt like hell and made me see stars.
I swung my machete in a wide half circle, managing to open the belly of another.
That bought me some room but as I tried to stand up two more jumped on my back and took me to the ground. The rest all piled on top of me, snapping at me while growling and nipping at each other to get out of the way so they could get to me.
I really thought this was going to be how I was going to die, however just then all of them went limp and fell.
A fraction of a second later I heard an explosion coming from the cave.
As I layed there, in the bottom of the pile of bodies, it felt like my heart was going to explode. I was so close to dying, but I prevailed.
I won.
I let out a warcry that Otis would have been proud of and pushed the bodies off of me.
Standing up, I gave one of my attackers a kick for good measure. However it was like kicking a dried up hornets nest and the toe of my boot went right through. The only part that wasn’t brittle was the rocks that grew out of them.
Wiping my boots off in the grass, I heard shouting on the other side of the hill. As soon as I heard this I knew it was Williams and King and ran towards them, a large grin on my face.
“Hey” I yelled out happily when I saw them, but they didn’t seem to hear me and were yelling at each other. Not because they were angry, but because the explosion made them momentarily deaf.
“What?” King asked as he rubbed his ears.
“You’re an idiot,” Williams shouted.
“I can’t hear you,” King complained, pointing at his ears.
“Are you two okay?” I asked as I jogged closer to them.
Williams saw me in the corner of his eye and jumped. When he saw it was me a grin spread on his face. “Hey, you’re alive.”
“Of course I am.”
“What?” King shouted before turning around and seeing me.
“You saved us” Williams answered as he used his pinkie finger to rub deep in his ear.
“Damn,” King said as he took my chin in hand and turned my head to get a look at my face.
“It was nothing,” I answered.
With a closer inspection of my nose, King sucked air through his teeth. “Could've been worse, I guess.”
“It’s true what they said about you,” Williams yelled. “The Order is going to hear of this.”
“Hear of—-“ I started, nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” Williams asked loudly, his ears were still ringing.
“What are you saying?” King shouted.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, louder than before.
Williams and King looked at each other for a moment and there was a fleeting mischievous expression that came over their faces.
“Where's my cigarettes?” Williams asked sternly.
I didn't know what to say to this and stammered.
A smile grew on William's face and he walked past me. “Just playing with you, kid. Just playing with you.”
“You did good,” King said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I think Farsight was right about you.”
“Right about me?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
King smiled. “You remember the first day of training?”
I nodded because dozens of kids jogged in formation for miles at five in the morning, sparring with blunt weapons, performing military drills, eating in the mess hall during mealtimes and sleeping in one of the bunkhouses that were hidden in the woods wasn't something I was likely to forget. “Why?”
“You remember that little test they gave you?”
I nodded. All of the questions involved how to dispose of one monster or another. Most of the monsters I never heard of, but as I filled the questionnaire out I remembered Otis’ wise words during my time mowing the lawn at Miss Luther's house: Gotta hit them with your bullets.
This was what I used to answer all the questions.
“Yeah, what about it?”
King squeezed my shoulder and his smile grew. “The Order was impressed and I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but… they think you're going to save the world.”
WAE

I feel alienated from people these days. Just want friends who care for the animals the same way I do.
Me: I’m a guy in my mid twenties. I love music, and dancing is my happiest thing to do. I love taking my headphones to the beach and moving to my favorite songs – going to festivals and feeling free in a crowd of people is something I crave very much, so I’m a very party kinda person. I do all kinds of animal rights activism. I’m into photography and filmmaking. I try to stay fit, mostly just going to the gym, but recently started climbing. Honestly I just love going places and just doing things, things that I would do there if I were a kid I guess, as in just finding fun in things that are boring.
Write something about yourself and hope we can get to know each other.

Good day people!
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how to write posts like this here, but I'd absolutely love to find someone to connect with. Hopefully, someone reading this will find something to relate to, if you did - drop me a message! :)
I'll start by saying I'm not someone desperately looking for affection, I was somewhat of a 'lone wolf' most of my life, and I've learned to be completely fine with it, and truthfully - I am. But lately I've grown to realise that it would actually be nice to have someone to create new experiences, memories and share them together. I find it very important to be able to form a connection with someone, I've learned that it's an awful feeling when you are with someone with whom you constantly feel careful about what you say, do and can't be fully yourself. I've always been someone who tries to find a laugh in everything, so a sense of humour is a big deal for me.
Here's a little about me - I am 30 years old, white, have hazel eyes, 6"2 in height and I currently live in a small country in Eastern Europe.
I'm naturally super curious as a person, I constantly listen to various podcasts or watch documentaries and I'd like to think I can hold a conversation about plenty of different topics. It comes to the point where I feel like I have so much information in my head, but majority of it is at a very shallow level. A lot of people must feel that way too - like having awareness and understanding on a vast number of different topics, but only on a surface level.
Outside of that I love nature and animals a lot, and when I say a lot I mean it - it hurts me deeply when I see tree branches being cut. On the other hand, I do have a bit of a nerdy side too, for example I love Lord of the Rings and fantasy worlds in general, and one of my items on my bucket list is to one day release my own book. I know gaming is a big thing nowadays, and I might have been called a gamer years ago, but, unfortunately, I had to pretend to be an adult at some point of my life and cut the gaming drastically. Not against it tho.
I would also say I am extremely open-minded as a person and non-judgemental at all, I always try to understand the other side, and what they may be experiencing internally before comitting to judgement. Also, very clumsy and I prefer cold over hot.
ANYWAY, hopefully this caught someones attention and if you'd fancy to have a chat with this internet stranger who eats sushi with hands and occasionally hugs trees - drop me a message! :)

I feel alienated from people these days. Just want friends who care for the animals the same way I do. Me: I’m a guy in my mid twenties. I love music, and dancing is my happiest thing to do. I love taking my headphones to the beach and moving to my favorite songs – going to festivals and feeling free in a crowd of people is something I crave very much, so I’m a very party kinda person. I do all kinds of animal rights activism. I’m into photography and filmmaking. I try to stay fit, mostly just going to the gym, but recently started climbing. Honestly I just love going places and just doing things, things that I would do there if I were a kid I guess, as in just finding fun in things that are boring. Write something about yourself and hope we can get to know each other.

Good day people!
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how to write posts like this here, but I'd absolutely love to find someone to connect with. Hopefully, someone reading this will find something to relate to, if you did - drop me a message! :)
I'll start by saying I'm not someone desperately looking for affection, I was somewhat of a 'lone wolf' most of my life, and I've learned to be completely fine with it, and truthfully - I am. But lately I've grown to realise that it would actually be nice to have someone to create new experiences, memories and share them together. I find it very important to be able to form a connection with someone, I've learned that it's an awful feeling when you are with someone with whom you constantly feel careful about what you say, do and can't be fully yourself. I've always been someone who tries to find a laugh in everything, so a sense of humour is a big deal for me.
Here's a little about me - I am 30 years old, white, have hazel eyes, 6"2 in height and I currently live in a small country in Eastern Europe.
I'm naturally super curious as a person, I constantly listen to various podcasts or watch documentaries and I'd like to think I can hold a conversation about plenty of different topics. It comes to the point where I feel like I have so much information in my head, but majority of it is at a very shallow level. A lot of people must feel that way too - like having awareness and understanding on a vast number of different topics, but only on a surface level.
Outside of that I love nature and animals a lot, and when I say a lot I mean it - it hurts me deeply when I see tree branches being cut. On the other hand, I do have a bit of a nerdy side too, for example I love Lord of the Rings and fantasy worlds in general, and one of my items on my bucket list is to one day release my own book. I know gaming is a big thing nowadays, and I might have been called a gamer years ago, but, unfortunately, I had to pretend to be an adult at some point of my life and cut the gaming drastically. Not against it tho.
I would also say I am extremely open-minded as a person and non-judgemental at all, I always try to understand the other side, and what they may be experiencing internally before comitting to judgement. Also, very clumsy and I prefer cold over hot.
ANYWAY, hopefully this caught someones attention and if you'd fancy to have a chat with this internet stranger who eats sushi with hands and occasionally hugs trees - drop me a message! :)

RTs THAT HAVE BEEN POSTED
Denzel Crocker
The Monstars
Little John
Robin Hood
The Bad Guys
The Dirty Bubble
God
Percival King
Segata Sanshiro
Man Ray
Sandy Cheeks
Karen
The Flying Dutchman
Neil Clarke
Adam Szalinski
Crash Nebula
Mighty Mom & Dyno Dad
Lucy
Princess Fiona
FDR
The Scooby-Doo Detective Agency
Desiree
Bruce Nolan
Stanley S. Squarepants
The Marble
MatPat
Charles Entertainment Cheese
Skeppy
The Aliens
Shitass
The Center for Chaos Containment
Right Hand Man
Ellie Rose
Charles Calvin
The Wizard of Speed and Time
The Blue Djinn
Masuda
Chuck Norris
Clifford The Big Red Dog
God
The Tramp
Tinkerbell
Peter Pan
Rick Astley
Eden, The Genie Of The Bottle
Madam Mim
Merlin
Casper
The Trunchbull
Half Off Oscar
The Pink and Blue Unicorns
Matilda
Chuck Norris
Chaos
Jack Gable
Norm The Genie
Pepe Le Pew
Eddie Valiant
David Blaine

Grand Theft Auto is no stranger to add-on content, but the latest in a long line of leaks suggests Rockstar might be taking a bit of a different approach for the long-awaited sequel — splitting up parts of the game to repackage as DLC.
The rumor comes from established Rockstar leaker Tez2, who says Grand Theft Auto 6 is currently targeting a release in holiday 2024 “which has been pushed back multiple times.” Tez2 adds the game may be pushed back again, into to 2025.
Furthermore, Tez2 claims Rockstar is considering breaking up the game’s content into post-launch DLC, to ensure the game can meet a release date. If GTA 6 launches in 2024, it will be a whopping 11 years since the last release in the franchise.
This wouldn’t be an unprecedented move from Rockstar, considering the approach the studio has taken with GTA Online, incrementally releasing massive updates and new story content. Notably, however, GTA 5 didn’t feature any additional story content, just updates to the Online portion of the game.
GTA Online GTA Online has managed to stay relevant for a decade with consistent updates, and it makes sense Rockstar would pivot to that same approach to single-player content.ROCKSTAR Taking this approach would let Rockstar more easily hit whatever internal timeline is established for GTA 6, and provide a road map of content to make post-launch more appealing to players. Interestingly, this isn’t the first time this kind of rumor has been brought up by Tez2, as last August the leaker reported GTA 6 would “expand over time,” adding on new cities after launch.
The easiest approach would be to create content that ties into both the single-player and multiplayer aspects of GTA 6, and creating new cities in-game could do just that. New locations could be fully playable in the online portion, while also adding on hand-crafted stories and missions. This would allow Rockstar to continue the overwhelming success of GTA Online, while story content could help attract new players or those that might not care to engage with multiplayer.
This tactic of splitting up elements of the game as DLC is something Nintendo has been using for years, to great success. Mario Strikers: Battle League, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Mario Kart 8, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, and Nintendo Switch Sports, have all seen scheduled add-ons for new content, even years after their initial release. At this point, it’s not clear how much of a live-service element there will be for GTA 6, but this Nintendo-like approach would allow Rockstar to retain players who are primarily interested in single-player experiences.
GTA 5 Although GTA 5 never received single-player DLC, Rockstar’s director of design said in a 2017 interview the studio would “love to do more single-player add-ons for games in the future.”ROCKSTAR Nintendo stands apart from other developers, though, in that typically these updates are free or bundled with a Switch Online subscription. It’s a smart move, as games like Mario Strikers, which would typically have a very short shelf life, suddenly provide players with more of a reason to stick with it for the long haul. It also allows Nintendo to continue to sell its older, first-party titles with minimal discounts.
There’s no video game property in existence bigger than Grand Theft Auto, and a report in 2020 estimated GTA Online made a staggering $600 million in 2019. Even in 2023, it continues to hold an enviable place in the sales charts month after month. The popularity of GTA Online has only continued to increase over the years, and that mainstream success is exactly what’s poised to make GTA 6 such a massive success.
Breaking up content into DLC lets Rockstar bring GTA 6 back into the conversation every six months, year, or whatever release timeline suits the studio and the community best. Seeing a big GTA 6 update in a State of Play or other presentation will likely bring thousands of players flocking back to the game, and considering GTA 5 and GTA Online are still alive and kicking a decade later, it’s easy to say Rockstar is hoping for lightning to strike twice with GTA 6.

I was watching the movie Hush, particularly the scene in which the killer is taunting maddie with her dead friends earrings being taken off of her, and I was wondering if animal empathy could extend to the dead? For example, if you killed a bears cub, and then later stomped on it, would the mother bear care? Or would that have ended with the cubs death.

Vagrancy and Vanity
Our protagonist, an emotional vagrant named Charles, suffered from a condition familiar to his generation.
“That's valid.” A phrase that might be accompanied by “King” or “Queen” sounds deceivingly positive. The vainest of the youth have weighted validity with a considerable portion of their being. Most of these people became exceptionally sensitive and courteous, yet the sensitivity and courtesy weren’t intentional. Anxious uncertainty compelled such considerations as nobody knew what else to do. That is the condition: anxious uncertainty. Every human being has experienced such a condition, but only our youth have endured these normal trifles under new social stressors.
Our vagrant, from intuition or rebelliousness, rejected it all. “I don’t care if you think I’m valid, and I’m no king!” He’d say. “Why should you know what is and isn’t valid!” He’d think, but even in rejecting the language, he remained just as, if not more of a vagrant than his peers. In this tale, Charles wrote, and he wrote until he rid himself of any residing resentment.
If everyone must be validated, then where is true validity? Such concepts manifest themselves in a new language and in a new culture, of seeking approval. How can a person of our generation find anything of substance when their conception of value relies solely on what others might approve? All we do is walk someone else’s dog, and we think we like it. I don’t want to walk your damn dog!
Heaven forbid such criticism. The only acceptable criticism is the silence of uncertainty. In this silence, they, or rather we, look at our peers in desperation. Everyone is terrified to break it. For fear of what? Being imperfect? Being human? It has become taboo for a person of our generation to criticize unless their criticism is “valid”. Someone, reading this very passage, might even think to themselves, “This is so valid!”. How do you know? What exactly makes it valid? Maybe it's not valid. Might you consider that?
Without criticism, we grow disillusioned and egotistical. It's as if we’re all famous celebrities who cannot take no for an answer. We tread on the thin ice of validity which has melted down from the dense truths that once were. Every complaint and excuse for laziness, under the guise of mental health, was approved for them.
I’ve met students who are proud of their diagnosis! “I have trauma, and I suffer.” They say in their validated victimhood. “You are a person, and a person is not their diagnosis!” I want to yell at them as they are the worst of us. I know mental illness is real, but something that is true needs no validation. Who has the worst trauma? Who suffers more? We exist in a shared state of unparalleled vanity, and due to our condition, anyone who attempts to help us will appear malicious. We don’t know to love anymore.
Charles saw how spoiled the youth had become. He saw it in himself and knew his only escape was through hard work. “I’ll become what I’ve pretended to be.” He grew excited in his scheme. It impassioned him, and he wrote without satisfaction. Perhaps he grew too excited because he forgot something. “Aaah, all this school is getting in the way. None of it will matter when I’m rich. I’ll spend my nights drinking and writing alone. Nobody can tell me what to do then!” That final phrase echoed in his head.
Charles’s warmly colored and cozy bedroom had no air conditioning. It was small and nearly cramped. Sweat traced down the side of his cheek, and he hunched over his black folding table. Worries subsided. His fingers became one with the laptop, and so he wrote on.
I have deep lakes of jealousy, fear, anger, and sadness in my mind. I’m ok with the sadness. I dislike the fear. I fear the anger, and the jealousy controls me. I’m not sure if jealousy is the right word because there is nothing in particular and no one in particular of whom I am jealous. My identity spills into places of my life where it does not belong. I need to contain myself.
Mania is becoming more probable as my vast collection of ideas continues to flop like dominoes. I simply cannot stop. I feel as though my chest might physically burst from an inundation of swirling and euphoric agitation. A martial artist, a drawer and painter, a writer, a philosopher, a fool, a lover, a friend, an enemy, a genius, a degenerate, a comic, a nerd. I’m the whole of many parts, but not one of them defines me. Is there even a self?
These ponderings are ok to be left unanswered. Even if the self is an illusion, it's there to stay. It’s there to be developed, but it can be abused and twisted. I’m abused. Maybe I’m twisted too, but I simply cannot be stopped!
Charles grimaced. His muscles strained while his fingers danced across the keyboard. The boy lost himself in ecstatic agitation as he wrote on.
I have an itch somewhere deep inside. Scratching this itch is impossible because I’m not sure where it is or how to scratch it. Nagging and nagging and still nagging. It never stops. The more I try and scratch the itch, the harder it is to find. I want so desperately to scratch it bloody, scratch it with shameful pleasure, but I cannot find it. Oh my god! What even am I talking about?
I numb my mind with goodies and treats. In those moments, my itch is harder to notice. Perhaps that is how I am scratching. But as you know, when you scratch an itch, it gets a little bit itchier. I scratch a bit more. I scratch harder and harder until I’m left bloody and mangled. So caught up in all my scratching, I couldn’t see the damage I’d already done. Bloody and mangled I need to heal, but now my itch is not just an itch. It's grown into an insatiable angst! If I scratch it now, I’ll never be healed again. If don’t scratch it now, I will suffer until I’m healed. I absolutely must not fiend into my cravings. But just this once, it’ll be ok. After all, it never stops.
“What never stops?” you may ask. This is difficult to articulate. “It” simply never stops. Catching a break might be possible, but still, it never stops.
“Well ok, but seriously, what never stops?” you continue to prod. My answer is: “you’ll see.” It never stops for anyone.
Charles groaned with dissatisfaction. He went to use the bathroom and intentionally didn’t lock the door. The bathroom connected his and his roommate’s room, and a particular pettiness habituated in the boy’s mind. He felt some edge by leaving himself vulnerable to nakedness, and every time he heard the door lock on his side, a noticeable satisfaction swirled in his chest. He finished his business and returned to his layer.
“I’d sell my own soul to get published!” In his chair, spinning in circles, with a furrowed brow and eyes all awry, he simply couldn’t be stopped. Life can be heavy and slow for years, but those who lift their burdens will float over what once felt impossible. Charles arose with a near-violent urge. It was an urge so violent, it didn’t seem like an urge, but rather a genuine burst of energy. He danced with nimble ferocity to his closet, and the knob felt warm. Then it felt hot. He yanked it in pain, and the door crashed into the wall.
Charles froze. Behind the dingy closet door stood a steaming devil. The beast peered down at him with a daunting intensity, and it stunk of death and embers. Its eyes glowed viciously. With skin black and scaly, its horns twisted then swirled from its brow! There was a pause before it spoke.
“Hello, Charles.” The demon spat with candid charisma.
“Uhh,” Charles choked on his atheism and coughed up his drug use. The beast radiated an unmistakable heft.
“Call me Satan. Don’t worry, I’m here to help.” Satan’s voice ran smoothly through the room, and Charles’s curiosity tried to shine through.
“The - Satan?” Charles shook his head, “What brings you to my closet?” He asked with a cheerful tremble in his voice.
“Charles, I’m here to help. Come inside, I know what you seek.” Satan gestured.
“There’s no way in hell I step inside that closet. I don’t swing that way!”
“No way in hell?”
“Yeah, and give me that! ‘What I seek’ is a drink!” The boy spat. Satan’s eyes flashed red at the brash response, and he handed the boy his rum. Charles gulped greedily.
“Thank you sir!” He glanced over his shoulder and shivered.
The monster hadn’t left. “The mania, it's certain now! I’ve got to strike while the iron's hot!” He thought as the warm liquor tickled his guts. He stumbled to his desk.
“Satan… you… you…” He slumped in his chair, and Satan stole him away. Wheeled into the closet, he sank through the dark floorboards with the weight of evil. Charles had been floating over things he had no business floating over. He needed to look underneath the floorboards before trusting their sturdiness.
The boy awoke, all folded up, with a crick in his neck; he cracked the closet. “Am I in hell?”. He peered out holding a novel fear of God. Charles was not in hell, but he was close enough to it. The crack revealed a somewhat large, vile, low, and most putrid crawl space. It was as if nobody had bothered to look at it for ten years. If they did, they’d see something so terrible, it could not be worth fixing. Charles's eyes tracked across the chilly room toward the sound of a grimy little Russian scratching his pen. He sat with the abyss of clutter, blending with it all and thriving in the chaos. Clearly, writing took precedence over all else, even the rats.
Each sentence, one after another, appearing terribly touched by his own eloquence, the man whispered. The spite spewed plentifully,
“Yes, but here I come to a stop! Gentlemen, you must excuse me for being over-philosophical; it's the result of forty years underground!” (Dostoyevsky 21). He spoke, with beautiful and sophisticated insolence, as if the gentlemen sat in his presence.
Charles wondered how he understood the Russian. Feeling an unusually warm breath down the back of his neck, he flinched,
“Hush Charlie boy, you shan't disturb him yet!” Satan cackled.
“Your breath smells!” The boy sneered.
The demon’s claws dropped a smoldering copy of Notes From Underground. It burned the mortal’s calloused palms, and he dropped it.
The boy leaned on the door. He wanted to ask where his favorite author was. Too late. Satan vanished with the book, and the closet burst open, banging against the wall with violence. Charles fell on a pile of wet books while the man whipped his head around. The door no longer belonged to a closet. Flat on his butt, he peered up at an ascending staircase which led outside to the gloomy St. Petersburg streets. Flurries danced in the wind, and the cold blew dusty snow underground.
Charles dodged the man as he hastened to slam the door. Shadowed in candlelight, the man under the floorboards showed no face. They stared at each other through rays of light creeping in from above. Silence. The underground man turned back to his pen.
“What’s your name?” Charles asked.
No reply. Charles walked behind him and tapped his left shoulder only to remain unnoticed. The man kept muttering,
“Men, men, men are not piano keys! They’ll see how intelligent I really am.” He tried to formulate some thought. Towering above the underground man, Satan appeared again.
“Glad to see you two are getting along!” His yellow teeth twisted up some demented smile.
“What is this?”
“Just watch Charlie boy!”
The demon whispered a phrase from the scolding pages, “The very word sticks in one's throat,” (Dostoyevsky 20). The beast’s voice read crisp and deep.
The underground man wrote with unchecked greed as Satan kept reading, “And, indeed, this is the odd thing that is continually happening: there are continually turning up in life moral and rational persons, sages and lovers of humanity who make it their object to live all their lives as morally and rationally as possible, to be, so to speak, a light to their neighbours simply in order to show them that it is possible to live morally and rationally in this world,” (Dostoyevsky 20). The man scribbled away, and Charles saw terrible sin.
Reminiscing on his first encounter with this passage, he could no longer admire Satan’s wicked words,
“And yet we all know that those very people sooner or later have been false to themselves, playing some queer trick, often a most unseemly one. Now I ask you: what can be expected of man since he is a being endowed with strange qualities? Shower upon him every earthly blessing, drown him in a sea of happiness, so that nothing but bubbles of bliss can be seen on the surface; give him economic prosperity, such that he should have nothing else to do but sleep, eat cakes and busy himself with the continuation of his species, and even then out of sheer ingratitude, sheer spite, man would play you some nasty trick,” (Dostoyevsky 21). Charles took a deep breath, and he watched the faceless man contort.
“Stop!” Charles yelled, and he sounded upset.
“I thought you liked this book. Do you not like it anymore?” The beast taunted.
“This doesn’t feel right coming from you.” The boy faced him.
“Where else should it come from?” Satan snarled.
“This isn’t our book! Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote this!” He cried.
“Charlie boy! Where do you think we are!” Satan boomed, still smiling.
“I know where this book should come from! I won’t let you have it.” Charles snatched the scolding book. It absolutely had to be finished.
The boy read furiously as his skin melted on the smoldering leather, “He would even risk his cakes and would deliberately desire the most fatal rubbish, the most uneconomical absurdity, simply to introduce into all this positive good sense his fatal fantastic element,” (Dostoyevsky 21). In a fit, overriding any hesitation, something took over the boy’s mental faculties.
“Yes, Charles! Yes! Keep going my boy! Keep going!” Satan cried mockingly.
Charles began to raise his voice, maniacally spewing the text, “It is just his fantastic dreams, his vulgar folly that he will desire to retain, simply in order to prove to himself--as though that were so necessary-- that men still are men and not the keys of a piano, which the laws of nature threaten to control so completely that soon one will be able to desire nothing but by the calendar. And that is not all: even if man really were nothing but a piano-key, even if this were proved to him by natural science and mathematics, even then he would not become reasonable, but would purposely do something perverse out of simple ingratitude, simply to gain his point,” (Dostoyevsky 21). Charles heaved for air, and the underground man shook his sore fingers.
“Here it is Charles. The best part! The genius of it all! Why is the ego concerned with proving? Proving worth, proving freedom. You humans, you’re all so pathetic. Is this your precious self-interest?” Satan’s yellow teeth shined, and his nostrils smoked.
“This is the best part!” Charles yelled in agony, “But you don’t know why! You’re too arrogant!” He grew ravenous, even bloodthirsty with his voice.
“What did you say?” Satan boomed and flames spread about under the floorboards.
Charles couldn’t be stopped, “And if he does not find means he will contrive destruction and chaos, will contrive sufferings of all sorts, only to gain his point! He will launch a curse upon the world, and as only man can curse (it is his privilege, the primary distinction between him and other animals), may be by his curse alone he will attain his object--that is, convince himself that he is a man and not a piano-key! If you say that all this, too, can be calculated and tabulated--chaos and darkness and curses, so that the mere possibility of calculating it all beforehand would stop it all, and reason would reassert itself, then man would purposely go mad in order to be rid of reason and gain his point! I believe in it, I answer for it, for the whole work of man really seems to consist in nothing but proving to himself every minute that he is a man and not a piano-key! It may be at the cost of his skin, it may be by cannibalism! And this being so, can one help being tempted to rejoice that it has not yet come off, and that desire still depends on something we don't know?” (Dostoyevsky 21). Charles shut up as if surprised by something. He blankly stared about the flaming crawl space. The book stuck to his melted skin, and his burnt eyebrows wisped away. Flames danced in a circle around the underground man. He kept writing.
“Stop writing, we’ve got to leave!” Charles yelled as he ran to the door with the flames growing about the cluttered space.
“It’s too late Charles. You’ve killed the man.” Satan’s cackle boomed with insolence.
“Maybe this place is better off burning,” Charles said, and with a swift stomp, he kicked the book from his palms. His skin became the cover, and his blood became the ink.
“Where do you think you’re going, boy? Give me back my book!” The beast approached with an army of fire as the boy’s raw hands slipped all over the doorknob.
“This book is mine now! You don’t even understand it anyway!” Charles kicked the door down. He grabbed his book and ran up the stairs. The snowy streets blinded him. The ground shook, and the building collapsed behind him in flames. He stared at the rubble and began to weep.
“Dostoyevsky, I know now. Men are not piano keys, but that isn’t the point.” The boy smiled through his tears. Blood pooled from his hands in the snow, and he seized in the streets.
Charles dreamed of a Russian library. It was haunted, and he navigated it with friends. For some reason, he knew if they touched the books, something terrible would happen. Despite his warning, one at a time, they touched the books, and their hearts grew corrupted until he was the only one left.
When he awoke, it was morning though he knew the underground was no dream. His experience seemed too clear to be insanity. Besides, a person is not their diagnosis. He gazed at trees and clouds on the way to class feeling light, as if he were floating, from perplexity. He didn’t even care that his eyebrows were missing.
“Though men are not piano keys, maybe I should be. Then I could play a beautiful song.” He smiled. “I shouldn’t take myself so seriously. Then might it stop?” Charles finally remembered himself. He studied diligently and moved with intention. When he returned to his apartment, he opened his closet. The knob felt cool this time, but his mangled hands remembered the pain. Inside, he stared at the faint burn marks in the shape of the devil. Satan was gone, but Charles knew, without love and without truth, he’d have to face the demon again. He returned to his writing with a sensitive air of redemption.
It can feel like I’m floating between worlds. One moment, my thoughts are clear and decisive. The next, it seems like there is a new me, and this person wants nothing that I do. I feel almost concerned about writing this, but instead, I laugh. I laugh because I’m blind. I’ve known this other me for my whole life, but he’s ugly so I don’t look at him. He’s mean too, so I definitely don’t wanna talk to him. Instead, I shove him under the floorboards where he accumulates filth and makes friends with the devil.
Though I won’t listen, he speaks. His words find a way into my life. Without my attention, they control me. He drinks too much, and is lazy, and doesn’t care for his body. He tries to show off, and he hurts people. In ignoring these parts of myself they’ve grown irritable and they seek attention. Attention is what I lack because I’d rather not pay the world more than I have to. This is a stupid attitude because I owe everything I have to the world, yet it owes me nothing. That is why I’m irritable. I’m just a little bit dumb, and I’m dumb on purpose. I’ve known this for so long, so what lies under the floorboards pulls me down.
I waited too long to face these demons, so they burned my hands… and my eyebrows! It's ok though. They’re ash and dust now.
I asked, “Is there even a self?” Surely there isn’t. The ideas in my head are not my own. They’ve been heard a thousand times, so how could they be original? That is my itch. I want, and I want to be someone. How could I do that when I am full of different versions of myself? Nothing is aligned, and I suppose I’m lost in a sea of lies born out of egotism. “I deserve a break. My life sucks. That is so valid. You are worthless! I want to be somebody!” All this selfishness distracts from the only thing that really is. “I” is why it never stops. It's not from validation or whatever flaw our generation might be facing.
I hope I don’t spend my whole life itching because I was wrong. I somehow missed something so obvious. How could it not stop? It's as if I expected to live forever! Maybe if I wasn’t so itchy, I could enjoy a moment or two before it's all gone.
There is no room for me in Utopia
Work Cited
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor. 1864 Notes from the Underground. Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, Translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky. Published September 1994.