Did you know you can kill weeds with vodka? Remove stains on clothes with aspirin? Make jewellery gleam with tomato ketchup? Here are 40 surprising tips to save you time and money
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and for ... aluminium cans
To create a simple Chinese lantern, mark two lines around a clean empty can, about 2.5cm from the top and bottom. With a sharp craft knife, make vertical cuts about 1.5cm apart between the lines. Make a cut across the bottom of two adjacent strips to make an opening for a candle. Gently press down on the can to make the strips bend in the middle. Insert a tea-light through the opening, then tuck the cut ends of the opening strips inside the can. Finally attach a hanging loop. You can spray-paint the can before cutting it if you like.
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and for ... apples
If you've been heavy-handed with the salt shaker when cooking a soup or stew, simply drop a few apple (or potato) wedges into the pan. After cooking for another 10 minutes or so, remove the wedges, which will have absorbed the excess salt.
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and for ... aspirin
Before giving up hope of removing a stubborn perspiration stain from a shirt, try this. Crush two aspirins and mix the powder in 100ml warm water. Soak the stained part of the garment in the solution for two to three hours.
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B is for ... bread
You can remove most dirty or greasy fingerprints from painted walls by rubbing the area with a slice of white bread. Bread does a good job of cleaning nonwashable wallpaper as well. First cut off the crusts to minimise the chance of scratching the paper.
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and for ... baby oil
Buff up a dull-looking stainless steel sink by rubbing it down with a few drops of baby oil on a soft clean cloth. Rub dry with a towel and repeat if necessary. This is also a terrific way to remove stains on the chrome trim of kitchen appliances and bathroom fixtures.
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and for ... bicarbonate of soda
Even the smelliest shoe or trainer is no match for the power of bicarbonate of soda. Liberally sprinkle powder in the offending loafer or laceup and let it sit overnight. Discard the powder in the morning. (Be careful with leather shoes as repeated applications can dry them out.)
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C is for ... crayons
Crayons make an excellent filler for small gouges or holes in resilient flooring. Select a colour that closely matches the floor. Melt the crayon in the microwave on medium power over a piece of greaseproof paper, until you have a pliant glob of colour. With a plastic or putty knife, fill the hole. You can use a softened crayon to cover even quite deep scratches on wooden furniture.
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and for ... carpet remnants
Place a series of carpet offcuts upside down and cover them with bark mulch or straw for a weed-free garden path. Use smaller scraps as mulch around your vegetable garden.
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and for ... coffee grounds
They're full of nutrients that acid-loving plants crave. Save them to fertilise rose bushes, azaleas, rhododendrons, evergreens and camellias. It's better to use grounds from a drip coffeemaker than the boiled grounds from a percolator as the drip grounds are richer in nitrogen.
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and for ... compact discs
Use them as garden/driveway reflectors. Drill small holes into a CD and screw it ito a gatepost or stake. Install several of them to mark out a night-time path to your front door.
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and for ... correction fluid
Dab small nicks on household appliances with correction fluid. Once it dries, cover your repair with clear nail polish for protection.
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D is for ... dental floss
Secure a button permanently with dental floss - it's much stronger than thread. Make hardwearing repairs to outdoor items. Because dental floss is resilient but fine, it is an ideal replacement for thread when you are repairing an umbrella, tent or rucksack.
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E is for ... emery board
If a favourite pair of suede shoes have become stained and tired, an emery board can revive them. Rub the stain lightly with the emery board, and then hold the shoe over the steam from a kettle to remove the stain. This technique will work for suede clothing too.
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F is for ... fabric softener
End clinging dust on the TV. To eliminate the static that attracts dust, dampen a duster with a little fabric softener straight from the bottle.
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and for ... freezers
Place candles in the freezer for at least two hours before burning. They will last longer.
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G is for ... golfing equipment
If a screw won't grip because its hole has become too large, dip the tip of a golf tee in wood glue and tap the tee into the hole. Cut the tee flush with a craft knife. When the glue dries, you can drill a new pilot hole in the same spot.
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H is for ... hairspray
To keep a child's priceless work of art at its very best before you put it on the pinboard or fridge door, preserve it with hairspray to help it last longer. This works especially well on unstable chalk or pastel pictures as it stops them from getting smudged so easily.
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I is for ... ice cube trays
Here's what to do with a half-drunk bottle of red or white wine. Freeze the wine into cubes that can be used later in pasta sauces, casseroles or stews.
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and for ... ice cubes
If you're putting sealant around the bath, run an ice cube over it to get a nice even bead - it will never stick.
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J is for ... jars
If you've taken a break from gardening, help your gloves dry out by pulling each one over the bottom of an empty jar. Stand the jar upside down on a radiator or hot-air vent. Warm air will fill the jar and dry damp clothing in an instant.
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K is for ... ketchup
Keeps silver jewellery sparkling. Soak it in a small bowl of ketchup for a few minutes. If it has a tooled or detailed surface, use an old toothbrush to work ketchup into the crevices. To avoid damaging the silver, don't leave the ketchup on longer than necessary. Rinse and dry.
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L is for ... lemons
Get rid of tough stains on marble. Cut a lemon in half, dip the exposed flesh in some table salt and rub it vigorously on the stain. You will be amazed how well it works.
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and for ... ladders
A straight ladder or front part of a stepladder makes a shallow planter with ready-made sections that look appealing filled with annuals, herbs or salad greens. After a couple of years of contact with soil, a wooden ladder will decompose.
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M is for ... milk cartons
Keep drinks cold at a barbecue or party with ice blocks made from empty milk cartons. Rinse them, fill them with water and put them in the freezer. Peel away the container when you're ready to put them in the punch bowl. If you intend to use them as cooler blocks, leave the container in place.
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N is for ... nail varnish
Preserve the important information on labels with a coat of clear varnish. Keep a shirt in good shape by putting a drop of clear varnish on the thread in the buttons. It prevents fraying and loss of buttons.
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and for ... newspaper
Slow-ripen tomatoes that are still on the vine in autumn. Wrap each one in a couple of sheets of newspaper and then store them in airtight containers inside a dark cabinet or cupboard at room temperature. Check each one every three or four days; they will eventually ripen to perfection.
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O is for ... olive oil
Make your own furniture polish. Combine two parts olive oil with one part lemon juice or white vinegar in a clean recycled spray bottle, shake it up and squirt it on. Leave the mixture on for a minute or two, then wipe off with a clean cloth or paper towel. If you're in a hurry, apply olive oil straight from the bottle on to a paper towel. Wipe off any oil that remains with another towel.
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and for ... oatmeal
Add luxury to a regular bath. All you need is 200g oatmeal and your favourite scented oil. Grind the oatmeal in a blender, put it in a cheesecloth bag, add a few drops of scent and suspend the bag under the running water as you fill your bathtub.
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and for ... oven cleaner
To remove paint or varnish from wooden or metal furniture, try oven cleaner. It costs less than commercial strippers and is easier to apply (if you spray it). After applying, scrub off the old paint with a wire brush. Neutralise the stripped surface with vinegar, then wash it off with water. Allow to dry. Warning: never use oven cleaner on antique or expensive furnishings - it may darken wood or discolour metal.
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P is for ... plastic bottles
Create a drip irrigator for plants. Cut a large hole in the bottom of a bottle, then drill two to five tiny (1.5mm) holes in or around the cap. Bury the closed bottles upside down about three-quarters submerged beneath the soil near the plants you need to water, and fill with water through the hole on top. Refill as needed.
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R is for ... rubber flip-flops
Slip a rubber flip-flop on to your hand and rub carpets and rugs in the direction of the pile. Any pet hair will form into balls that can then be vacuumed up. This works well on upholstery, too, including car seats.
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S is for ... sand
Fill a large bucket with builder's sand and pour in about a litre of clean motor oil. Plunge spades, hoes, rakes and other tools into the sand a few times to clean and lubricate them. To prevent rust, you can leave the tool blades in the sand for storage.
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and for ... salt
Watermarks from damp glasses or bottles left on a wooden surface are unattractive. Make them disappear by mixing one teaspoon of salt with a few drops of water to form a paste. Gently rub the paste on to the ring with a soft cloth or sponge until the spot is gone. Restore the lustre with furniture polish.
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T is for ... tennis balls
Give yourself a relaxing and therapeutic back massage: fill a long tube-shaped sock with a few tennis balls, tie the end and stretch the massager around your back as you would a towel after a shower.
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and for ... tights
To find lost small objects, cut the leg off an old pair of tights, making sure the toe is intact and pull it over the nozzle of the vacuum cleaner hose. Secure with a rubber band. Turn on the vacuum and you will soon find your valuable attached to your homemade filter.
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U is for ... umbrellas
Make an instant trellis. Remove the fabric from an old umbrella and insert the handle into the ground to support climbing vines such as clematis. The umbrella's shape, covered with flowers, will look terrific in the garden.
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V is for ... vodka
For a quick and easy weedkiller, mix 30ml vodka, a few drops of washing-up liquid and 400ml water in a spray bottle. Apply at midday on a sunny day to weeds growing in direct sunlight because alcohol breaks down the waxy cuticle covering on leaves, leaving them susceptible to dehydration. It won't work in shady spots.
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is for ... WD40
For fast relief from a bee or wasp sting, spray WD-40 directly on the bite. It will soothe the pain at once.
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Y is for ... yoghurt
Put 200ml plain active-culture yoghurt into a blender, along with a handful of moss and about 200ml water. Blend for about 30 seconds. Use a paintbrush to spread the mixture wherever you want moss to grow - between the cracks of a stone path, on the sides of flowerpots - as long as the spot is cool and shady. Keep misting the moss with water until it is established.
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Z is for . . . zips
Ever lost your car keys in the sand at the seaside? Stitch a small zipped pocket to one corner of the underside of your beach towel, just big enough for keys, sunglasses and maybe a few coins.
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And if you're feeling really bold ...
Four bizarre problem-solving suggestions
· If you want to post a fragile item to a friend, wrap the item in disposable nappies before sealing the package. You can be sure your gift will arrive in one piece.
· To get chewing gum out of hair, apply some peanut butter to the matted gum and hair and rub the gum until it comes out. Your child's hair may smell like peanut butter until you wash it, but it is a better solution than having to cut the gum out.
· Wash lettuce in a washing machine. If you are expecting lots of people for lunch, place one pillowcase inside another. Fill the inside case with lettuce leaves. Close with string or a rubber band and throw in the washing machine. Now run the rinse and spin cycle.
· Get the comfort of a salon treatment when giving yourself a home pedicure. Just place marshmallows between your toes to separate them before you apply nail polish.
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Article Source

This sub helped me out a lot so thought I'd share my experience in Japan. Hope I can bring a bit of a different perspective because unlike most of the people that seem to post here, we are definitively not early risers and rarely left the hotel before 1pm every day. Still had a great time and crowds were only an issue in a few places.
We're an early 30s Asian-American couple traveling from Germany, so we're coming at this from a bit of an in-between of Western and Eastern perspective. I have been to Japan when I was 15 with family, but remember basically nothing. It was my wife's first time. We had an absolutely wonderful time and both thought it was the best vacation we've had in years.
The trip was pretty last minute (for my standards at least). I started planning the trip from scratch (no flights, hotels or anything booked) in early April and our trip was May 18-30. We spent 5 days in Tokyo including DisneySea, 2 nights in Hakone, 3 nights in Kyoto including day trip to Nara, and 1 night in Osaka. We flew in to Tokyo Narita and flew out of Osaka Itami. We decided to fly from Osaka to Tokyo instead of bullet train back to Tokyo so we didn't have to buy JR rail pass and worry about luggage.
Tokyo

• We stayed in Ginza, which was significantly cheaper than similar hotels in Shibuya or Shinjuku. Maybe it was because I was planning such last minute, but I enjoyed the area just fine. Lots of restaurants and close to Tokyo Station which was convenient.
• Shout out to Star Club in Shinjuku. Had a wonderful Saturday night there drinking til 4am, chatting with other patrons and the super friendly bartender. Mix of locals and tourists.
• T's Tantan Ramen in Tokyo Station was one of my favorite ramen places of the trip (tied with the Michelin star one from Kyoto, but minus the wait). The bowl had a good variety of vegetable ingredients (which didn't seem that common in Japan, most ramen was just noodles and meat) which I really appreciated. Small queue but didn't wait more than 10m.
• The only restaurant reservation we made all trip was at Bon. Vegetarian multi-coursed meal. I would recommend, it was very nice, though sometimes a tad under salted for my taste. My wife loved it though. You get your own little private room to eat, even for two people, which was unexpected and very lovely.
• Asakusa has a tourist center with air conditioning, bathrooms, and an 8th floor view. Nice place for a rest
• Akihabara did nothing for us, as we're not really into anime or games. Pretty skippable if you are similar.
• I thought Ameyoko Shopping District was a disappointment. More like a flea market, it was similar to many Taiwan street/night markets that we've been to before. We also had probably our worst meal in Japan here, at a hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant where the food was extremely mediocre. I would have skipped this place altogether and go to Ueno Park or something instead.
• Character Street in Tokyo Station was very fun to explore, we did a lot of shopping there. Nice place to visit before taking the Shinkansen.
• We enjoyed Takeshita Street in Harajuku. As mentioned before we went at around 8pm and it wasn't too crowded.
• When planning I had thought about skipping Shibuya Scramble but I'm really glad I didn't. Something about witnessing the sheer number of people bustling about was so epic and grand. Reminded me of Saturday midnight at EDC (Electric Daisy Carnival) when the atmosphere is electric and everyone is moving from one main stage to another.
• Golden Gai was interesting to look at, but way too claustrophobic for us. Very small alleys and very small bars.
• I enjoyed Tsukiji Market a lot. This is one of the places I would agree with people here and advise you get there early. Take advantage of jet lag and get here before 7am, and it is literally a buffet of delicious fresh foods. (not much choice for vegetarians though sadly). By 8am it was starting to get REALLY crowded. I prefer picking out my sashimi this way as opposed to a restaurant tbh, you can look at many options and pick whatever looks freshest. First time eating Wagyu here, had it on a stick. Delicious. Not the cheapest, but I figured if I ate it at a restaurant I'd also be paying for table service and atmosphere. I'm not big on the "restaurant experience", I'd rather just eat my food and be on my way.
• I thought Hamarikyu Gardens was wonderful. I love city parks where there is green, peaceful nature in the fore ground, contrasted by enormous skyscrapers towering in the background. Hamarikyu Gardens fits that perfectly. Got there right when they opened after visiting Tsukiji Market and it was a perfect way to walk off the big hearty breakfast. ~1 hour at a moderate pace should do it.
• Ginza Corridor after work was very interesting to see around 5-7pm or so. Simply packed to the brim with business folks wearing suits and having a good time after their work day

DisneySea

• We checked the weather and specifically went on a rainy weekday. I highly recommend, it was not crowded at all. Almost all the rides are indoors anyway and most of the queueing is either inside or covered. We got to the park at 2pm and basically rode everything we wanted before the park closed at 9pm with time to spare.
• Popular rides still had 40m-1hour wait, but we used premier pass for Center of the Earth and Soaring. Most we ever waited was 20m for Finding Nemo (similar to Star Tours, all in Japanese but very fun). I checked the app the next day when it was sunny and saw the wait times for each attraction were 3-4x longer.
• Another thing I think the rain helped with was that the premier passes did not sell out. We were able to buy them as late as 6pm to Journey to the Center of the Earth. (Fun ride, but I can't imagine waiting 1.5 hours for it)
• I think Soaring is pretty meh, I'd probably skip it next time. I've been to the one in CA ages ago and remember thinking it was just okay too, but we had extra time so decided to try it here.
• Sinbad was excellent, the ride that most exceeded expectations. It's basically "It's A Small World" but way better animatronics and story telling.
• Indiana Jones is worse than in the one in California (less exciting, no fire effects), but the line was nonexistent so we went on it twice.
• It stopped raining at night too so we were able to catch the Believe show with no issues. It's a good show but it is very long, about 40m. Much longer than I thought. After show is over, there's only about ~1 hour before the park closes, so good time to catch a last ride at one of the popular attractions while the locals are heading home.
• I love how every restaurant has a display in front that shows you what the food will look like. They were all extremely accurate and not at all misleading!
• (not a tip but a rant, is it really necessary to have 10 thousand parking spots when the vast majority of people are going to arrive on Tokyo's world-class public transit system?)

Hakone

• Open Air Museum was really nice on a pleasant day. It's mostly outdoors. We spent a leisurely two hours there, but you could probably do it in one hour at a brisk pace.
• We left our Ryokan at 1pm to do the Hakone Loop and still completed it comfortably with plenty of time spent on shopping.
• Speaking of shopping, Cat Goods near Gora station was a wonderful little store full of cat stuff!! Our shopping list in Japan was basically to buy as much cat-themed home goods at possible, and we went crazy here. They also do tax-free! Recommend this place if cat-themed goods sounds interesting to you, the shop people were super nice!
• We stayed 2 nights 3 days in a Ryokan. I purchased Hakone free pass for 3 days, which was maybe not worth it. The first and last day we only took transport to leave Hakone to Odawara station, so I think it would have been cheaper to use the IC card to pay for it ad-hoc instead of an entire extra "free pass" day. Might be worth looking in to.
• If you have the Freepass, don't tag IC card at the stations. Show your Freepass to the attendant instead. It can't be a screenshot, they need to see the day
• Google Maps was great everywhere except Hakone. For some reason it was especially unreliable here, it led us stray a few times.
• Busses are faster for getting around, but have very little space for luggage and seemed packed with locals. If time is not an issue, I'd ride the Hakonetozan Line with your luggage, much more comfortable and more space.
• If you can spare the money, getting a private onsen was really really nice. Plus you can drink while you chill!

Kyoto

• Had an excellent time at Gion Bar M16, favorite bar experience we went to in Japan. The owner was super friendly and welcoming, and was himself a very interesting person that has lived a full life and travelled all over the world. Very interesting to talk to. He was also very knowledgeable about whiskey and drank whiskey with us while letting us try some different whiskeys and giving recs about what to buy and bring home. Also gave us lots of delicious and interesting snacks while we got drunk together. We also met a friend of the owner there who is a foreigner that has been living in Japan for 8 years, and gave us some recs.
• One of his recs was Eikan-do Temple as a less-crowded temple option. Good rec! We really enjoyed this place a lot. Probably our favorite temple out of the 5 or so we visited. They have this really extensive "shoes-off" wooden walkway on support beams. It felt like exploring a big tree house, because the wooden part went up the cliff as well. The insides areas were also very extravagant and intricate. Not so many tourists, even Sunday middle of the day. I really recommend as well!
• Another of his recs was Men-ya Inoichi (has a Michelin star). You line up when the shop opens to get a ticket, and then come back at a designated time, though there's still a wait before you actually eat. We probably waited ~50m in total, 20m at the beginning and 30m when we returned. Even then, thought it wasn't worth the time. Don't get me wrong it was very good, but IMO not significantly better than other ramen places.
• Kodai-ji Temple was a miss for us, especially after Eikan-do. Thought it wasn't that interesting, would have skipped.
• Kiyomizu-dera was indeed very nice, but very very crowded. Another place I would actually either going early or late for.
• The shopping street in front of Kiyomizu-dera was super fun to browse, but also very crowded.
• Had lunch at this tucked away Soba restaurant in an alley that was very nice, one of my favorite meals in Japan. Owner was friendly and spoke in Japanese to a translator that replayed his words in English. Noodles nice and chewy. Good experience, felt very personal!
• We visited Yasaka-jinja Shrine and Maruyama Park both in the evening and during the day, and much much prefer it when it's dark. Less crowded and there are cute little lamps that are lit up and make the whole place look magical.

Nara

• Arrived in Nara station at ~2:30pm and left at 7pm. Felt like we saw plenty.
• Nothing new to add, the bowing deer are fun to visit and feed, though they can be quite aggressive. We went on Saturday and there was large crowds of children in their school uniforms, but we didn't really mind it too much.
• Isuien Garden and Yoshikien Garden are both very nice gardens, good place to get away from crowds for some peace and quiet.

Osaka

• Didn't spend much time in Osaka, but Dontonburi was fun to walk through and shop.
• Ate at a very nice Okonomiyaki restaurant. It was our first time eating it so can't compare it to anywhere else, but the staff was super friendly and bubbly and we had an excellent time there. They also have a little dice game you can play to "gamble" on getting a drink for free, or "lose" and get the drink double sized and also pay 2x the price
• Shout out to our hotel, Hotel Royal Classic Osaka. We were only there for one night, but my god this hotel was so convenient. Directly connected to the subway station via an elevator, and also has a 24-hour FamilyMart you can enter from the lobby. It was also only 3m walking away from a airport limousine bus, which made going to the airport super easy. If we ever visit Osaka for a longer stay, we would definitely book this hotel again.

Random Tips

• The flipside to getting to a popular tourist spot early, is to get there very late. We visited Takeshita Street in Harajuku at 8pm at night and it was very comfortably not crowded. Also noticed other tourists spots tended to clear up near closing time, like Senso-Ji in Asakusa.
• As everyone says, toilets are generally as clean as you can reasonably expect, everywhere from parks to gardens to subway stations. Nastiest toilet I saw was in Don Quixote at 1am, trash everywhere.
• 7/11 seemed to have English featured more prominently on their products labels compared to other convenience store chains. All the convenience store food options seemed very similar, so I started to favor 7/11 for the language convenience. (FamilyMart had English in super tiny letters on the side of the label lol)
• In one of those small counter seating type restaurants, I saw someone take the wrong backpack when they left (didn't know it was the wrong backpack at the time ). A few minutes later, the person who's backpack was taken got up to leave, and was very confused trying to find his backpack. He spent a long 10m talking to the restaurants folks (in Japanese), before the original guy came back super apologetic. Anyway keep an eye on your stuff. I know Japan is a safe country, but accidents do happen.
• One trick we had was to tie a little charm or hair tie to the handle of our umbrella, making it less likely someone would accidentally take yours from the sea of indistinguishable white plastic umbrellas.
• Yes there's a lot of walking. My feet tend to get damp if I'm out all day and foot powder works wonders, highly recommend it. Picked up this trick while attending music festivals.
• No issues with tax refunds and customs. We packed some of our stuff in carry-on in case they inspected, but nothing happened.
• Used Ubigi esim and it was perfect. I bought 10gb and used 7gb over our trip, doing most of the navigation and planning. My wife bought 1gb and used about 700mb with just random internet surfing. I will 100% be using this service for travel to other countries in the future, not just Japan, it was so damn convenient.

Transportation

• Definitely leave extra time for navigating subway stations, those things are like enormous underground malls.
• Shinkansen app didn't work for our iphone country (Germany), but I was able to use the mobile web browser pretty easily. Great for free, last-minute rescheduling of Shinkansen tickets when we inevitably take too long shopping.
• Apple Wallet Suica / IC card worked like a charm (with AMEX and Mastercard). One thing though it that it can sometimes take up to 1 minute for the money to load onto the account, so don't wait until the very last minute and accidentally hold up the bus.
• Taxis are green when someone is in it and red when they are free (at least in Tokyo?). Confused the hell out of drunk me at 4am in the morning. I think in Kyoto it is orange instead when someone is in them, and the orange/red difference is quite hard to spot from far away.
• On that note, I had sorta assumed the metro runs all night in Tokyo, but this is definitely not the case. They stop service from about midnight to 5am, so keep an eye on the last train if you do intend to catch it. Otherwise you'll have to take a more-expensive-than-usual taxi (captive markets), but not a big deal. We thought it was typically priced in comparison to most other US and European cities.
• We had a choice between a 1 hour or 3 hour layover in Tokyo NRT and we chose 3 hour because we weren't sure how long it would take to transfer from Terminal 3 to Terminal 1 in NRT. In actuality it took less than 30m, so the 1 hour would have probably been fine. We didn't mind the extra buffer time to relax though.- Absolutely enormous plane flying between Osaka and Tokyo. Like literally it was the size of a transatlantic plane, with 10 seats in each row, for a sub 1 hour flight, completely full with business travelers (judging by their suits and brief cases).

Food

• We aren't big foodies; we like Japanese food a lot but food isn't really a top priority for us while traveling. Some of our favorite meals were from 7/11 (kelp & bonito flavoured tofu stick, sukiyaki beef over rice, fish flavored cheese snacks, grilled squid. Yum!)
• Most meals were good, if a bit straightforward. At least the places we ate at, main courses seemed to be carb heavy, with a side of meat, and little else. I know we could have gotten side dishes, but the portion sizes were too big for us to order more.
• Very few vegetables in general, and if there were some they were pickled. (Guess it makes sense for an island country). I usually bring fiber pills with me when traveling and do recommend it for Japan too.
• Wife is vegetarian, I am not. Japan is not particularly vegetarian friendly if you don't like tofu, which fortunately my wife does. Most places did have at least one tofu option, so it worked out okay for us. She doesn't follow it super strictly though. A few times she would order a dish and I would just pick out the meat from her bowl.
• Portion sizes were a LOT bigger than I thought they would be. I think maybe we are just small eaters. US and European portions are a little bit bigger I suppose, but Japanese portion sizes were too big even for us. Especially ramen! It was crazy to see folks wolf down an giant bowl of ramen, then ask for an extra helping of noodles with their remaining soup, and finish that up too.
• We only made one reservation beforehand and waited in line over 10m once. Worked out fine for us.
• Restaurants tend to do last call an hour or more before closing, so don't get there too late. Happened to us twice before we learned our lesson, got to a restaurant about one hour before the listed closing hours and they turned us away.
• The Japanese palette seems to be much more subtle than typical western palette, and notably less salty. We often find Asian food at US/German restaurants too salty or saucy. Even then, some of the food we ate was bordering on the minimum range of my taste buds to almost be bland. Just my opinion, most of it was good but sometimes the lack of salt was pretty noticeable to me. My wife tends to like things less salty than me though and she thoroughly enjoyed all of those meals no problem. Soup noodle places like ramen and udon are excluded from this, those were usually perfectly salted to my taste.
• Walking while eating seemed fine. I saw at least 3 different instances of Japanese people doing it.
• Apparently there are no laws banning public drinking in Japan. You can drink alcohol on the street no problem, but I rarely saw people doing that (unlike here in Germany where people seem to take full advantage of it and also leave trash everywhere). I did see a few groups of Japanese people doing it at night in Tokyo, usually near bus stops, and the next morning saw the empty bottles and cans. Guess there are litterers everywhere. We had a beer in the park at night, weren't loud about it and took our trash with us. That was very pleasant.

Hotels

• Hotels always have liquid or foam hand soap! I hate the bar soaps that most Western hotels provide in the room, so I usually bring my own liquid hand soap. Was totally not necessary for this trip.
• Lots of people on this sub have mentioned check-in time being very precise, as in you rarely can check in before the designated time. We didn't experience this first hand. But on the flip side, we did find out that check out time is very precise too! They start calling your room about 15-20m after your check out time. This is in contrast to most American/European hotels that we've stayed at, which are in my experience very lax about their check out times. We can often get away with leaving the room at 1-2 hours after the stated check out time (we're late risers). Not so in Japan.
• Agree with other people's advice that booking a hotel close to a big subway station is probably the most important factor. It sucks having to walk 10m to the station every single day, and it is amazing when it is close. Also being close to a 24/7 convenience store was also very nice for late night munchies.

Language

• We only knew sumimasen, konichiwa, and arigato gozaimasu and got alone just fine (lots of hand gestures!). We do know a bit of Mandarin Chinese though so that was helpful with reading signs.Some places knew Mandarin better than English and would switch to that if they thought we could speak it. Chinese tourism seems like big business (we saw a ton of Chinese tourists everywhere) so I guess it makes sense for people in tourism industry to cater towards that. Announcements (like over train stations) always went Japanese, English, often Chinese, then sometimes Korean.

Luggage Forwarding * I thought it was kind of expensive, but it does make things easier.- ○ Tokyo -> Hakone: 2310 yen- ○ Hakone to Kyoto: 2630 yen- ○ Kyoto -> Osaka: 1940 yen. * I feel like for that price you could take a taxi to and from your hotels to the train station and it wouldn't be much more work. There was plenty of space on the Shinkansen to put smaller checked luggage overhead. Then you don't have to prepack things the day before. * For the first leg Tokyo -> Hakone, we shipped two checked luggage which was about ~32 euros. After that we only shipped one, not two. * The middle ground we found was to designate one suitcase as souvenirs and dirty laundry and forwarded it every time. We would then travel with two carry-ons and one checked luggage. YMMV depending on your number of luggage and ease of carrying them.

Y'all, I think lentils might be magic for blood sugar? When I don't feel like cooking, I've been eating a can of Amy's low sodium lentil and vegetable soup, usually with a side of fruit, and I get my lowest after meal numbers when I eat this soup (88, 89). These soups are pricey, though, and I've been wanting to make a new soup recipe, so I combined a few recipes to make a sweet potato corn chowder and thought hey let's throw lentils in there, too, it seems like my blood sugar likes them.
It came out SO GOOD. I had a lil bit as a last snack of the day after I finished cooking it last night so I didn't check my blood sugar after, however I did have a good fasting number this morning.
I just ate a 320g bowl of it along with a side of cucumbers, hummus, and baby tomatoes. I walked on the treadmill for about 10 min after I ate like I usually do, and I was so shocked I took my blood sugar 3 times. I got a 66, 76, and 68 which is even lower than my normal fasting. I couldn't believe what I was seeing so I did some googling and read that "blood glucose levels decreased between 20% and 30%," in people who ate meals that incorporated lentils into their starches.
https://www.healthcentral.com/condition/diabetes/how-eat-rice-potatoes-without-spiking-your-blood-sugar-add-lentils
In case anyone is dying for something sweet and wants to make a recipe with some fresh summer corn, I thought I'd share!
Sweet potato, corn & lentil chowder (makes ~2020g cooked weight recipe which is ~6 servings if each serving is 350g)
Ingredients

• 1 onion, any color should do (217g)
• 1 red bell pepper, deseeded and diced (170g)
• ~1T minced garlic
• 3 cups broth (I did 1 whole "Not-Chick'n Cube" plus 1/2 a low sodium veggie cube mixed in hot water)
• 1 large sweet potato, peeled and diced in about 1 in cubes (515g)
  • I'm sure you could use any kind of potato, but I had a sweet potato lying around and no plans for it
• 1 jalapeño, deseeded and diced (55g)
• 5 cobs of fresh corn, chopped off the cob (575g) could definitely sub for frozen/canned
  • If you use fresh corn, keep the cobs to cook in the chowder for a bit
• 1 cup dry split red lentils, washed
• 1/2 cup soy milk
• 1-2 bay leaf if you have some
• 1 t. smoked paprika
• 1/2 t. pepper
• Few shakes of chipotle powder if you have it
• Garlic/onion powder or whatever spices your little heart desires. Some cayenne if you like it spicy.
• I didn't do this, but next time I'd definitely hide some chopped kale in it to get more nutrients packed in

Instructions

• In a large pot or dutch oven, sautee diced onions and red bell pepper in a splash of water for ~5 min
• Add your minced garlic and sautee for a couple more minutes
• Add 3 cups broth, diced sweet potato, diced jalepeno, corn kernels and cobs, smoked paprika, pepper, bay leaf, chipotle powder and any other seasonings you wish
  • Bring to a boil and then let simmer ~ 10 minutes
• Add your washed lentils and let simmer ~ 5 more minutes
• Once potatoes and lentils are soft, fish out the corn cobs and the bay leaves
• Add 1/2 cup soy milk and mix together
• Blend lightly
  • Use an immersion blender if you have it, or let your soup cool off enough to be able to put it in the blender and pulse a few times. I did it this way, but FYI you might have to blend in a couple batches.
• Top with whatever you like! Maybe cilantro or green onions? Enjoy!

Nutrition facts per 350g (~2000g total recipe)

• Calories: 328
• Total fat: 3g
  • Saturated fat: 0.7g
  • Trans fat: 0g
• Cholesterol: 0mg
• Sodium: 397 mg
• Total Carbs: 65g
  • Dietary fiber: 9g
  • Total sugars: 11.5g
• Protein: 14.6g

​

[First] / Next
After sitting, Markus realized that he would need to exchange his money for the local currency. He rushed back into the airport and found an exchange service. He traded nearly a thousand dollars for yen, receiving nearly 140 thousand yen, in bills and coins. Thanking the trader, he rushed back outside to wait for his bus.
As he was waiting, he spied a taxi nearby and wondered if it would be better. He walked over and knocked on the window.
“_I’m sorry, excuse me? How much to get to Rikyuan Kyoto Nishikyogoku?_”
The driver blinked twice and looked at this rude American. “_Nine thousand. No less._”
Markus slid into the back seat and fished out ten thousand yen, and handed it to the driver.
“Thank you, sir. Today is my first day in your country, and I would just like to get to my room and sleep. I have an important meeting tomorrow, and I’d like to be as refreshed as possible,_” While Markus’ Japanese wasn’t great, it _was passable, and better than most Americans.
The driver grunted an acknowledgement, and off they sped into the night. Along the way, Markus watched the lit streets for anything recognizable. Finding little beyond 7-11 gas stations and some obvious convenience stores, he quizzed the driver.
“_Excuse me? Where can I find a stylist? I’d like to look my best for my meeting._”
“_A stylist? For hair? You’re as bald as a baby. Or do you mean that mop on your face?_”
Markus looked sharply at the rearview mirror, only to see the smiling, mirthful eyes of the driver. He laughed softly. “_Yes, friend. I’d like to get this unruly mop tamed. Do you have any suggestions?_”
The driver was quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. “_One moment, please. I have to call him,_” he said as he pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.
“_Yes? Gen-kun? You want to make some money? Got an American here. Needs his beard taken care of professionally. Says he has an important business meeting tomorrow. Where? I dunno. Let me ask._” The driver spoke up to Markus. “_Hey, man. Where did you say this meeting was?_”
“_Uh…A place called Kitcho Arashiyama, I think. Why?_”
The driver let out a low whistle. “_Kitcho, huh? They must have some money. Hey! This offer will be amazing, man! You better take it. Not everyone can afford to eat there._”
“_Really? I think we are just meeting for tea, though. I don’t even know this man. Just got a letter out of the blue, and here I am. A lonely gaijin here in your amazingly beautiful country for the first, and probably last, time. I hope I’ve not been tricked. The gods have been merciless toward me lately,_” Markus replied.
“_Gen-kun? You hear all that? He’s going to Kitcho. Do him up right, and we might be taken care of, too! Okay. Okay. I’ll tell him. Bye, bro._”
Markus laughed softly. “_I’ll tell you what. If I land this job, or whatever it’s going to be, and it’s lucrative enough, I’ll call on you and your brother to drive me around and make sure I am as presentable as possible, and I’ll make sure you two are taken care of. How does that sound?_”
The driver looked up in the mirror, awe evident on his face. “_You would do that? A lowly cab driver like me and a hair stylist like my brother?_” he asked quietly.
“_Absolutely. I reward kindness with kindness my friend. I don’t have much right now, but if this goes well enough, I will take care of you and your brother._”
“You have a deal, American. What is your name?”
“Your English is pretty good. I am Markus Barton. And you are?”
“I am glad to meet you, Barton-san. I am Kimura Atsuki.”
“Thank you, Kimura-san.”
Atsuki grunted an acknowledgement and refocused on the road. In a few more minutes, they arrived at the small inn.
Markus got out, retrieving his bag from the back seat. Atsuki exited as well, taking a good look at this surprisingly kind, yet rude, American.
He saw a man, heavily built, with a bushy black beard that reached down to the middle of his chest. Broad shoulders that wouldn’t be out of place for a farmhand, but decidedly odd for a salaryman. A slightly too small t-shirt clung to his body, showing a bit of a beer belly, and most interesting of all, he seemed to be wearing a black skirt.
“_Barton-san? Why do you wear a woman’s skirt?_”
“_Hmm? Oh this? This isn’t a woman’s skirt. It’s called a kilt. It comes from the people of the British Isles. My family comes from that area, and once I tried it on, I was hooked. No pants for me ever again._”
“_Huh. You learn something new every day._”
“_Here is my contact information, Kimura-san. I will call on you should I take the offer. By the way, do you know of any decent restaurants or noodle shops in the area? I’m hungry._”
Atsuki laughed loudly. “_You were my last fare. I will wait, and then take my new friend out for dinner at a good place. Go. Check in, and I’ll see you back here._”
Markus smiled and nodded. He rushed inside and took care of business, being shown to a room on the ground floor. He deposited his bag inside, just past the genkan, locked the door, and returned to his new friend, hopping back in the taxi, to explore what Kyoto had to offer.
Atsuki took an appraising look at Markus. Nodding his head with a finality, he said, “_I am taking you to a good ramen-ya. You say you are hungry, and I say you will eat. Let’s go!_” He smiled and slapped the dashboard of his taxi, taking off into the night.
Atsuki and Markus chatted in a mish-mash of English and Japanese, getting to know each other as well as they could in the fifteen minute drive to the ramen-ya.
It turned out that Atsuki was recently divorced from his wife of four years and had no children. He and his brother, Gen, lived in a modest apartment not terribly far from the Rikyuan that Markus was staying at. He was an avid gamer, something of a shut-in, and had a collection of U.S coins.
“I am only missing the Arkansas _(he pronounced the final ‘S’), and the Marysland state quarters for 2022. I have the other years already. They are in mint condition and sealed in special bags so that they do not tarnish. Pretty neat, huh?_”
Markus gave him a lopsided grin. “_Have you ever met another American, Kimura-san?_” When Atsuki gave him a negative answer, Markus nodded. “_Very well. I shall help you some. I’m not really into coin collecting, but I think it’s pretty neat that you are. You’re the only person I know who is, if I’m honest. The state names are pronounced like this: Arr-can-saw and Maryland. There isn’t an ‘s’ in Maryland. I know it seems like there should be, but there isn’t. I can’t really tell you why Arkansas is said the way that it is, though. I don’t think I have either of those two quarters on me, though. Let me look._”
Markus dug around in his left pocket, pulling out the change there. He shuffled through the coins, not expecting to find anything larger than a dime, but came across a quarter. He unlocked his phone, using the screen to illuminate his findings. It was a 2022 quarter, but it was Hawai’i, not either of the ones Atsuki needed.
“_Nope. Just Hawai’i. Sorry, man._”
“_Bah. Thank you for looking, though. You’re a good man. I appreciate it very much. Ah. We are here. It may be just a little hole in the wall, but it happens to be one of my favorites. I apologize for the traffic. We would be here in half the time, had it not been bad,_” Atsuki said.
Markus smiled. “_Fifteen minutes is a short drive where I’m from. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just enjoy some ramen, yeah?_” he asked.
Atsuki nodded with a smile, and the pair walked in. Markus noticed that the shop was sparsely populated with people, and the gentleman behind the counter was relaxing with a book. Decidedly odd.
“_Yo, Komamura-san! Two bowls of tonkatsu with lots of chashu for me and my new friend, Barton-san! Firm, please. Thank you._”
Komamura grunted a reply and set about making the requested ramen, and the pair sat at the counter. Atsuki ordered a beer for both of them, and the two chatted and ate for quite some time.
At least until the shop began to get busy. When Atsuki noticed the line beginning to form outside, he paid the bill and thanked the chef.
Komamura glared at Markus for a moment, his face devoid of expression. “_Why did you bring a gaijin to my shop, punk?_”
“_This gaijin, my friend, has an interview tomorrow at Kitcho. He has promised to take care of my brother and I if he gets the job. Right, Barton-san?_” Atsuki shot back.
“_He is right, Komamura-san. If I do well, I will do what I can for the brothers. Kimura-san has been very helpful to me, and if his brother can tame this mop on my face, I’ll help him, too,_” Markus said, gazing softly at the older man.
Komamura grunted a reply and returned to his customers. As the pair were leaving, he shouted “_Good luck, Barton-san! You’re still a punk, Kimura-kun!_” and laughed loudly.
“_What was that about, Kimura-san?_” Markus asked as they got back in the car.
“_Ahhh… I might have stolen a few bowls in my younger days from old man Komamura-san. He never called the cops or anything. Just made me and my brother clean his shop when I did. He’s a good man, and I try to pay him back every time I come, but he never takes it. So, in return, I try to drive as much business to him that I can,_” Atsuki replied, somewhat embarrassed.
“_I see. Well, it is good that you are trying to correct your past wrongs. I’d say the old man has a fondness for you. You’re a good man, Kimura-san,_” Markus stated with finality.
“_Bah. I’m still a punk kid. I’m just lucky it was Komamura-san that I stole from. Other ramen-ya are said to be tied with our local gangs. I don’t ever want to step out of line again, so I stick with Komamura-san. He’s safe. The last time a gang tried to tangle with him, he sent them all running. He may not look like it now, but the old man used to be quite the fighter back in his younger days,_” Atsuki explained.
Markus nodded and yawned. He checked his phone. Good grief, it was already two in the morning. “_Kimura-san. It’s late, and I’ve been on a long flight. Plus I’ve my meeting tomorrow. I’m sorry to ask, but could you please take me back to my room?_” he asked, his face a mask of apology.
“_What? How late?_” Atsuki checked his watch, and saw the time. “_Oh shit. I should get home, too. My shift starts in four hours,_” Atsuki explained, heading back to Markus’ room.
The pair rode in relative silence for the remarkably shorter trip back. Markus exited the vehicle and turned to Atsuki. “_Thank you, Kimura-san. If tonight and tomorrow are all I have in Japan, You’ve made it all the richer. Be safe getting home,_” he said with a smile and a polite bow.
“_Let me know how it goes, yeah? I’ll send you a message so you have my number. Good luck, my friend!_” he called back, and drove off into the night.
Markus stumbled to his door, and went in. Shucking his shoes at the genkan, he stripped and fell into the surprisingly soft bed. He was asleep in moments.
Waking to his alarm always sucked. Markus reached out blindly and grabbed his phone. Shit, it was already noon. He checked his messages and saw a few from an unknown number. It was Atsuki. Apparently, he and his brother would be over in roughly forty-five minutes.
That gave Markus just enough time to shower and get dressed for his meeting. Hopefully. He scrambled for the shower, and got himself clean and dressed in thirty minutes. He was sitting there on the bed when he heard a knock at the door.
Opening the door, he saw the smiling face of Atsuki and a younger, much more shy man behind him.
“_Barton-san! I have brought my brother, Gen-kun and he will tame that mop on your face! Ha!_” Atsuki said jovially as he and his brother bowed respectfully and entered the small room.
“_I am so sorry, Barton-san. I speak no English. Forgive me,_” Gen said sorrowfully.
“_Think nothing of it, my friend. I understand you well enough. I only hope my Japanese is good enough for you,_” Markus replied with a soft smile on his face.
Gen nodded with a smile and set his bags down. He certainly carried a lot of product with him. Markus watched with interest as he set various amber-colored glass vials down, along with a bottle of yellowish oil. He also set out several tins with screw-on tops. Most interestingly, he had what looked like a spice shaker filled with coffee beans.
“_So, what do you have here?_” Markus asked the younger man.
“_I have various scented oils that I will blend for you to bring out your manly scent. It will be tailored specifically to you, Barton-san. No other may wear it and smell quite so nice,_” Gen explained.
“_Neat. So what is in the metal boxes?_”
“_Different lightly scented balms to help moisturize your “mop” of a beard. How do you want it styled?_” he asked.
“_I was thinking of a pair of braids, honestly. Or a single, thicker one if you think that would look better. I also brought some jewelry to put in it,_” Markus explained.
“_Show me._”
Markus fished in his bag and pulled out a small bag with a few metal beads in it. They all had different designs. Gen gently took it and selected a few after some moments of thought. \ \ “_These are what you will wear. Now be quiet. I need you still, calm and quiet for the next few minutes,_” Gen said to Markus.
Markus nodded, closing his eyes as Gen closed his own, centering himself.
“_I will drive you, Barton-san. You need not worry with me around!_”
“_Quiet, brother. I am concentrating._”
“Sorry.”
Gen sat still for several more minutes, then opened his eyes. He leaned in, sniffing Markus by his neck, behind his ears and even the top of his head. He lifted his arms and smelled his armpits, his back and his chest. Markus was certain he’d just been violated, but was too intrigued to say anything.
Wordlessly, Gen turned to his vials and opened three of them. Inhaling the aroma of the coffee first, he sniffed each vial in turn. Shaking his head, he closed one, and selected another. This pattern went on with periodic sniffs from the coffee until Gen had three vials in front of him. Taking an empty vial from another bag, he opened it. Wordlessly he dripped several droplets of the various scented oils into the empty vial, then filled it from the bottle of yellowish oil. He shook this concoction up, thoroughly mixing the blend.
Next, he opened each of the tins in turn, sniffing them and rejecting a few. In the end, he had two left, and proffered them to Markus.
“_Choose._”
Markus, confused, took first one, and then the other, smelling each. “_What does the oil smell like? Am I to pick one that compliments it?_” he asked.
“_No. They both do that. Which do you prefer?_” was the answer he received.
“_This one, then,_” Markus said, handing one to Gen.
Gen took the small tin and set it aside, and then concentrated on Markus’ beard. It was freshly cleaned and slightly damp. Gen took a towel and gently dried Markus’ face. Afterwards, he generously applied the oil to his hands and massaged it into Markus’ face. Markus recoiled slightly from the unusual scent, then gave a nod of approval.
Gen grinned. His gift had yet to let him down. He oiled his clients face, then massaged the balm into his hair. Such a lovely beard. Long, thick and curly. Just as it should be. Once his beard was tamed, he put a pair of braids in it, each hanging down from roughly the corners of his mouth. Once he was satisfied with their length and evenness, he slipped a barrel bead over each braid. They had a curious symbol on them, but his favorite were the pair of oni skulls the man had, that he slipped on under the barrel beads. These were surely the secret to his amazing looks and presence. To have a pair of oni looking after you was especially noteworthy. In his mind, at least.
Finishing his work, he handed Markus a mirror. Markus examined himself and smiled. “_This is perfect, my friend. Let’s get the final ties on them, and we can head out!_” Markus exclaimed as he looked at his phone. It was nearing three-thirty. How had two hours elapsed already?
Gen finished the work in front of him and nodded. “_I can do no more. I would surely be treading upon God’s territory if I tried. Get him to his meeting, Brother. I have a good feeling!_” Gen exclaimed.
Markus thanked the younger man and pressed a few bills into his hand. He rose, slipping on his new boots, and together with Atsuki, walked out to the car.
[First] / Next
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Master List

After sitting, Markus realized that he would need to exchange his money for the local currency. He rushed back into the airport and found an exchange service. He traded nearly a thousand dollars for yen, receiving nearly 140 thousand yen, in bills and coins. Thanking the trader, he rushed back outside to wait for his bus.
As he was waiting, he spied a taxi nearby and wondered if it would be better. He walked over and knocked on the window.
“I’m sorry, excuse me? How much to get to Rikyuan Kyoto Nishikyogoku?”
The driver blinked twice and looked at this rude American. “Nine thousand. No less.”
Markus slid into the back seat and fished out ten thousand yen, and handed it to the driver.
“Thank you, sir. Today is my first day in your country, and I would just like to get to my room and sleep. I have an important meeting tomorrow, and I’d like to be as refreshed as possible,” While Markus’ Japanese wasn’t great, it was passable, and better than most Americans.
The driver grunted an acknowledgement, and off they sped into the night. Along the way, Markus watched the lit streets for anything recognizable. Finding little beyond 7-11 gas stations and some obvious convenience stores, he quizzed the driver.
“Excuse me? Where can I find a stylist? I’d like to look my best for my meeting.”
“A stylist? For hair? You’re as bald as a baby. Or do you mean that mop on your face?”
Markus looked sharply at the rearview mirror, only to see the smiling, mirthful eyes of the driver. He laughed softly. “Yes, friend. I’d like to get this unruly mop tamed. Do you have any suggestions?”
The driver was quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. “One moment, please. I have to call him,” he said as he pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.
“Yes? Gen-kun? You want to make some money? Got an American here. Needs his beard taken care of professionally. Says he has an important business meeting tomorrow. Where? I dunno. Let me ask.” The driver spoke up to Markus. “Hey, man. Where did you say this meeting was?”
“Uh…A place called Kitcho Arashiyama, I think. Why?”
The driver let out a low whistle. “Kitcho, huh? They must have some money. Hey! This offer will be amazing, man! You better take it. Not everyone can afford to eat there.”
“Really? I think we are just meeting for tea, though. I don’t even know this man. Just got a letter out of the blue, and here I am. A lonely gaijin here in your amazingly beautiful country for the first, and probably last, time. I hope I’ve not been tricked. The gods have been merciless toward me lately,” Markus replied.
“Gen-kun? You hear all that? He’s going to Kitcho. Do him up right, and we might be taken care of, too! Okay. Okay. I’ll tell him. Bye, bro.”
Markus laughed softly. “I’ll tell you what. If I land this job, or whatever it’s going to be, and it’s lucrative enough, I’ll call on you and your brother to drive me around and make sure I am as presentable as possible, and I’ll make sure you two are taken care of. How does that sound?”
The driver looked up in the mirror, awe evident on his face. “You would do that? A lowly cab driver like me and a hair stylist like my brother?” he asked quietly.
“Absolutely. I reward kindness with kindness my friend. I don’t have much right now, but if this goes well enough, I will take care of you and your brother.”
“You have a deal, American. What is your name?”
“Your English is pretty good. I am Markus Barton. And you are?”
“I am glad to meet you, Barton-san. I am Kimura Atsuki.”
“Thank you, Kimura-san.”
Atsuki grunted an acknowledgement and refocused on the road. In a few more minutes, they arrived at the small inn.
Markus got out, retrieving his bag from the back seat. Atsuki exited as well, taking a good look at this surprisingly kind, yet rude, American.
He saw a man, heavily built, with a bushy black beard that reached down to the middle of his chest. Broad shoulders that wouldn’t be out of place for a farmhand, but decidedly odd for a salaryman. A slightly too small t-shirt clung to his body, showing a bit of a beer belly, and most interesting of all, he seemed to be wearing a black skirt.
“Barton-san? Why do you wear a woman’s skirt?”
“Hmm? Oh this? This isn’t a woman’s skirt. It’s called a kilt. It comes from the people of the British Isles. My family comes from that area, and once I tried it on, I was hooked. No pants for me ever again.”
“Huh. You learn something new every day.”
“Here is my contact information, Kimura-san. I will call on you should I take the offer. By the way, do you know of any decent restaurants or noodle shops in the area? I’m hungry.”
Atsuki laughed loudly. “You were my last fare. I will wait, and then take my new friend out for dinner at a good place. Go. Check in, and I’ll see you back here.”
Markus smiled and nodded. He rushed inside and took care of business, being shown to a room on the ground floor. He deposited his bag inside, just past the genkan, locked the door, and returned to his new friend, hopping back in the taxi, to explore what Kyoto had to offer.
Atsuki took an appraising look at Markus. Nodding his head with a finality, he said, “I am taking you to a good ramen-ya. You say you are hungry, and I say you will eat. Let’s go!” He smiled and slapped the dashboard of his taxi, taking off into the night.
Atsuki and Markus chatted in a mish-mash of English and Japanese, getting to know each other as well as they could in the fifteen minute drive to the ramen-ya.
It turned out that Atsuki was recently divorced from his wife of four years and had no children. He and his brother, Gen, lived in a modest apartment not terribly far from the Rikyuan that Markus was staying at. He was an avid gamer, something of a shut-in, and had a collection of U.S coins.
“I am only missing the Arkansas (he pronounced the final ‘S’), and the Marysland state quarters for 2022. I have the other years already. They are in mint condition and sealed in special bags so that they do not tarnish. Pretty neat, huh?”
Markus gave him a lopsided grin. “Have you ever met another American, Kimura-san?” When Atsuki gave him a negative answer, Markus nodded. “Very well. I shall help you some. I’m not really into coin collecting, but I think it’s pretty neat that you are. You’re the only person I know who is, if I’m honest. The state names are pronounced like this: Arr-can-saw and Maryland. There isn’t an ‘s’ in Maryland. I know it seems like there should be, but there isn’t. I can’t really tell you why Arkansas is said the way that it is, though. I don’t think I have either of those two quarters on me, though. Let me look.”
Markus dug around in his left pocket, pulling out the change there. He shuffled through the coins, not expecting to find anything larger than a dime, but came across a quarter. He unlocked his phone, using the screen to illuminate his findings. It was a 2022 quarter, but it was Hawai’i, not either of the ones Atsuki needed.
“Nope. Just Hawai’i. Sorry, man.”
“Bah. Thank you for looking, though. You’re a good man. I appreciate it very much. Ah. We are here. It may be just a little hole in the wall, but it happens to be one of my favorites. I apologize for the traffic. We would be here in half the time, had it not been bad,” Atsuki said.
Markus smiled. “Fifteen minutes is a short drive where I’m from. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just enjoy some ramen, yeah?” he asked.
Atsuki nodded with a smile, and the pair walked in. Markus noticed that the shop was sparsely populated with people, and the gentleman behind the counter was relaxing with a book. Decidedly odd.
“Yo, Komamura-san! Two bowls of tonkatsu with lots of chashu for me and my new friend, Barton-san! Firm, please. Thank you.”
Komamura grunted a reply and set about making the requested ramen, and the pair sat at the counter. Atsuki ordered a beer for both of them, and the two chatted and ate for quite some time.
At least until the shop began to get busy. When Atsuki noticed the line beginning to form outside, he paid the bill and thanked the chef.
Komamura glared at Markus for a moment, his face devoid of expression. “Why did you bring a gaijin to my shop, punk?”
“This gaijin, my friend, has an interview tomorrow at Kitcho. He has promised to take care of my brother and I if he gets the job. Right, Barton-san?” Atsuki shot back.
“He is right, Komamura-san. If I do well, I will do what I can for the brothers. Kimura-san has been very helpful to me, and if his brother can tame this mop on my face, I’ll help him, too,” Markus said, gazing softly at the older man.
Komamura grunted a reply and returned to his customers. As the pair were leaving, he shouted “Good luck, Barton-san! You’re still a punk, Kimura-kun!” and laughed loudly.
“What was that about, Kimura-san?” Markus asked as they got back in the car.
“Ahhh… I might have stolen a few bowls in my younger days from old man Komamura-san. He never called the cops or anything. Just made me and my brother clean his shop when I did. He’s a good man, and I try to pay him back every time I come, but he never takes it. So, in return, I try to drive as much business to him that I can,” Atsuki replied, somewhat embarrassed.
“I see. Well, it is good that you are trying to correct your past wrongs. I’d say the old man has a fondness for you. You’re a good man, Kimura-san,” Markus stated with finality.
“Bah. I’m still a punk kid. I’m just lucky it was Komamura-san that I stole from. Other ramen-ya are said to be tied with our local gangs. I don’t ever want to step out of line again, so I stick with Komamura-san. He’s safe. The last time a gang tried to tangle with him, he sent them all running. He may not look like it now, but the old man used to be quite the fighter back in his younger days,” Atsuki explained.
Markus nodded and yawned. He checked his phone. Good grief, it was already two in the morning. “Kimura-san. It’s late, and I’ve been on a long flight. Plus I’ve my meeting tomorrow. I’m sorry to ask, but could you please take me back to my room?” he asked, his face a mask of apology.
“What? How late?” Atsuki checked his watch, and saw the time. “Oh shit. I should get home, too. My shift starts in four hours,” Atsuki explained, heading back to Markus’ room.
The pair rode in relative silence for the remarkably shorter trip back. Markus exited the vehicle and turned to Atsuki. “Thank you, Kimura-san. If tonight and tomorrow are all I have in Japan, You’ve made it all the richer. Be safe getting home,” he said with a smile and a polite bow.
“Let me know how it goes, yeah? I’ll send you a message so you have my number. Good luck, my friend!” he called back, and drove off into the night.
Markus stumbled to his door, and went in. Shucking his shoes at the genkan, he stripped and fell into the surprisingly soft bed. He was asleep in moments.
**********
Waking to his alarm always sucked. Markus reached out blindly and grabbed his phone. Shit, it was already noon. He checked his messages and saw a few from an unknown number. It was Atsuki. Apparently, he and his brother would be over in roughly forty-five minutes.
That gave Markus just enough time to shower and get dressed for his meeting. Hopefully. He scrambled for the shower, and got himself clean and dressed in thirty minutes. He was sitting there on the bed when he heard a knock at the door.
Opening the door, he saw the smiling face of Atsuki and a younger, much more shy man behind him.
“Barton-san! I have brought my brother, Gen-kun and he will tame that mop on your face! Ha!” Atsuki said jovially as he and his brother bowed respectfully and entered the small room.
“I am so sorry, Barton-san. I speak no English. Forgive me,” Gen said sorrowfully.
“Think nothing of it, my friend. I understand you well enough. I only hope my Japanese is good enough for you,” Markus replied with a soft smile on his face.
Gen nodded with a smile and set his bags down. He certainly carried a lot of product with him. Markus watched with interest as he set various amber-colored glass vials down, along with a bottle of yellowish oil. He also set out several tins with screw-on tops. Most interestingly, he had what looked like a spice shaker filled with coffee beans.
“So, what do you have here?” Markus asked the younger man.
“I have various scented oils that I will blend for you to bring out your manly scent. It will be tailored specifically to you, Barton-san. No other may wear it and smell quite so nice,” Gen explained.
“Neat. So what is in the metal boxes?”
“Different lightly scented balms to help moisturize your “mop” of a beard. How do you want it styled?” he asked.
“I was thinking of a pair of braids, honestly. Or a single, thicker one if you think that would look better. I also brought some jewelry to put in it,” Markus explained.
“Show me.”
Markus fished in his bag and pulled out a small bag with a few metal beads in it. They all had different designs. Gen gently took it and selected a few after some moments of thought. “These are what you will wear. Now be quiet. I need you still, calm and quiet for the next few minutes,” Gen said to Markus.
Markus nodded, closing his eyes as Gen closed his own, centering himself.
“I will drive you, Barton-san. You need not worry with me around!”
“Quiet, brother. I am concentrating.”
“Sorry.”
Gen sat still for several more minutes, then opened his eyes. He leaned in, sniffing Markus by his neck, behind his ears and even the top of his head. He lifted his arms and smelled his armpits, his back and his chest. Markus was certain he’d just been violated, but was too intrigued to say anything.
Wordlessly, Gen turned to his vials and opened three of them. Inhaling the aroma of the coffee first, he sniffed each vial in turn. Shaking his head, he closed one, and selected another. This pattern went on with periodic sniffs from the coffee until Gen had three vials in front of him. Taking an empty vial from another bag, he opened it. Wordlessly he dripped several droplets of the various scented oils into the empty vial, then filled it from the bottle of yellowish oil. He shook this concoction up, thoroughly mixing the blend.
Next, he opened each of the tins in turn, sniffing them and rejecting a few. In the end, he had two left, and proffered them to Markus.
“Choose.”
Markus, confused, took first one, and then the other, smelling each. “What does the oil smell like? Am I to pick one that compliments it?” he asked.
“No. They both do that. Which do you prefer?” was the answer he received.
“This one, then,” Markus said, handing one to Gen.
Gen took the small tin and set it aside, and then concentrated on Markus’ beard. It was freshly cleaned and slightly damp. Gen took a towel and gently dried Markus’ face. Afterwards, he generously applied the oil to his hands and massaged it into Markus’ face. Markus recoiled slightly from the unusual scent, then gave a nod of approval.
Gen grinned. His gift had yet to let him down. He oiled his clients face, then massaged the balm into his hair. Such a lovely beard. Long, thick and curly. Just as it should be. Once his beard was tamed, he put a pair of braids in it, each hanging down from roughly the corners of his mouth. Once he was satisfied with their length and evenness, he slipped a barrel bead over each braid. They had a curious symbol on them, but his favorite were the pair of oni skulls the man had, that he slipped on under the barrel beads. These were surely the secret to his amazing looks and presence. To have a pair of oni looking after you was especially noteworthy. In his mind, at least.
Finishing his work, he handed Markus a mirror. Markus examined himself and smiled. “This is perfect, my friend. Let’s get the final ties on them, and we can head out!” Markus exclaimed as he looked at his phone. It was nearing three-thirty. How had two hours elapsed already?
Gen finished the work in front of him and nodded. “I can do no more. I would surely be treading upon God’s territory if I tried. Get him to his meeting, Brother. I have a good feeling!” Gen exclaimed.
Markus thanked the younger man and pressed a few bills into his hand. He rose, slipping on his new boots, and together with Atsuki, walked out to the car.

Hi everyone! This sub was so incredibly helpful to me in the planning process - I was deeply grateful for everything I learned, so I thought I'd post a trip report now that we're back!
About us: We're a 30s couple from the Midwest US. We're pretty experienced travelers (South America, UK/Ireland, Europe, lots of places in the US), but this was our first visit to Asia and first visit to Japan. As travelers, we love getting out on foot, local food/drink (especially street food), live music, nerd shit, weird art/vending machines. Also, my partner is a cis guy, but I am a trans masc person who is visibly trans (post-op in a few ways, but not passing/not stealth).
Dates: May 13 - May 29
What we did: Tokyo Kyoto Osaka Hakone Back to Tokyo
Tips and tricks:

• Definitely get your walking training in ahead of time! We walked 10 miles a day on the trip. We're pretty avid backcountry camping/hiking fans who regularly put in 8 - 10 miles on the trail (not to mention taking our dog for multiple walks a day in the neighborhood), so I figured we'd be good - but it was A LOT, especially since you're also trying to translate and navigate at the same time. Japan is not generally a super accessible place from a disability perspective; benches and public seating areas are not common. I found myself wishing I'd packed a collapsible seat of some kind, tbh!
• Good shoes a must! Merrell Moabs are my go-to for hiking, but for this trip I went with Nike Dunk 6 high-tops, which rocked. My partner went with Onitsukas and didn't do as well - he wound up buying inserts partway through the trip, which helped.
• Work on a little Japanese ahead of time! We came in with about a dozen words/phrases, which was honestly truly helpful. So many people are so kind and thoughtful anyway, but it was an appreciated gesture that we had planned ahead and were trying our best. Google Translate's camera feature (Google Lens) was a life-saver for translating written words on signs!
• We had a great experience with Ubigi for an eSIM. The days of purchasing an actual SIM card or even a burner device (like we used to do when backpacking in Europe) are long past. We hooked up our Ubigi eSIMs beforehand, flipped the switch when we got there, and we were golden. Just in case, we'd set up our Verizon coverage to include a Pay-As-You-Go international plan, but we didn't end up using it. We also didn't use half as much data as we thought we would - we both came home with extra GB on our Ubigi plan still. We didn't do a PocketWifi and I don't think we needed it - Ubigi did most of the heavy lifting, and free WiFi at various places did the rest.
• Fly into Haneda, not Narita - way closer to Tokyo city center.
• Get your Suica right away at the airport - our beloved Suica got us through so many things! We also withdrew some cash and split it up between us - we withdrew a few more times on the trip and it worked like a charm. (Just make sure it's an international ATM that includes your card type - not all of them do. Also, notify your bank you'll be traveling, so your card doesn't throw a flag!) We used our credit card as well - the Chase card was accepted pretty much all places CCs are, but many places remain cash-only, especially bars and restaurants.
• Had a great experience using the Friendly Limousine Airport Bus service straight from Haneda to our hotel area.
• I booked shinkansen tix ahead of time, so I got nice discounts on weekday Green Car tix for two - but I really needn't have worried, there were plenty of seats available day-of.
• Don't bother with shinkansen for Kyoto to Osaka - we wound up just hopping on a local with our Suicas and it was fine.
• Don't bother with the Romancecar from Hakone back to Tokyo - it's fastemaybe a nicer seating experience, but just hopping on a local with your Suica is an order of magnitude cheaper.
• Look things up in Japanese if using Google Translate; use Tabelog for restaurants if possible. Google Maps in English is more touristy reviews/reactions.
• Tokyo Skytree was hit-or-miss - only real letdown of the trip.
• Tokyo teamLab PLANETS was completely worth it - absolutely worth the hype in my opinion.
• Queer and trans travelers - I felt completely safe, but as a plus-size trans masc nonbinary queerdo, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I didn't feel in danger, but I was absolutely aware that I did not fit in. Stares were common, especially from older men and young kids. (Weirdly, local women seemed more friendly and curious about me!) Just be prepared for it and remember you're not in any danger physically - it's all just curiosity.
• I have to thank this subreddit for recommending Hakone, especially for the tip to book a ryokan with private onsen access. We had an absolutely beautiful experience at Yamanochaya in Hakone, which included both a private "onsen" soaking tub in our room and private 1:1 access to a larger, actual hot spring onsen on the property. I otherwise would not have been able to experience a real hot spring onsen at all, as they are gender-segregated. Thank you, /JapanTravel!

Because I'm a nerd, here's the actual breakdown!
DAY 1 ARRIVAL 📍 Flew into Haneda; made it to our hotel (lovely experience at Hotel Plaza Sunroute); had our first world-famous konbini 7/11 experience; walked around Shinjuku; went out for dinner at Ryu no Miyako Inshokugai - talk about jumping in the deep end 🍣 Onigiri and vending machine green tea; little whipped cream treats; Nagahama ramen and sesame mackerel donburi 👣 10,400 steps 🏁 4.8 miles
DAY 2 SHIBUYA 📍 Meiji Shrine and Gardens - got goshuin and omamori; Harajuku, went to 7/11; back to the hotel for a nap; Shibuya, including Don Quijote, Center Gai and Dogenzaka Street; Nonbei Yokocho for late night 🍣 7/11 (plum onigiri and corn/mayo sandwich, some kind of spam musubi situation, matcha roll); Ichiran coin-op ramen with extra chashu and a matcha tofu custard thing; banana shock smoothie at Shibuya109 in Center Gai; chicken and pork belly yakitori with beers at Morimoto; brown sugar shoju and shoju-infused Oolong tea cocktails at Tight Bar (strong recommend for this joint!); grilled squid, octopus, and okonomiyaki for afters at Tsukishima Monja Kuuya Shibuya 👣 32,000 steps 🏁 14.5 miles 😮‍💨
DAY 3 SHINJUKU 📍 Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden; Shinjuku area (including Disk Union, Disney, Onitsuka); Kabukicho and Kabukicho Tower; GODZ metal bar; Golden Gai; Omoide Yokocho 🍣 7/11 (onigiri, matcha filled roll thing, royal milk tea, tomago sushi, strawberry donut, cafe latte); many types of dango (sesame oil, soy sauce, and apricot mochi were our favs); McDonald's (weirdly good chicken sandwich with yuzu radish topping, vanilla custard chocolate pie, white grape soda); yummy little warm imagawayaki filled with adzuki bean paste + royal milk from depachika); a couple of Asahis at GODZ; simple yakitori snacks at Golden Gai (including some… mystery offal items); back to 7/11 for drunk matcha ice cream and waffle snacks 👣 28,800 steps 🏁 13.0 miles
DAY 4 ASAKUSA 📍 Went out for coffee; walked around Kinarimon Gate and Nakamise; toured Asakusa Shrine, Senso-ji Temple, surrounding Shinto and Buddhist shrines; stopped for sushi and mochi; went for a walk up Sumida River; dipped into Shoden and Imado shrines; crossed Kototoi Bridge to Tokyo Skytree; went up Tokyo Skytree; back to Senso-ji for night photos; capped off evening with gyoza 🍣 Lattes at cute puppet theater coffeeshop (espresso, dandelion tea); 7/11 for breakfast-y fuel; strawberries from a street stall at Nakamise; sushi lunch; beautiful mochi + tea dessert; grilled gyoza, soup dumpling gyoza, shoujo Oolong tea cocktail for afters 👣 25,500 steps 🏁 11.66 miles
DAY 5 JIMBŌCHŌ, AKIHABARA 📍 Train to Ichigaya - notable French-inspired neighborhood; breakfast at local French café; Yasakuni Shrine; Kanda River walk by Hosei University; Tokyo Daijingu Shrine; Jimbōchō Old Book Town; walked from there to Akihibara; hit up noodles, arcade, nerd shops (comics, TCGs/CCGs, retro video games systems, TTRPGS, etc); gachapons; hit up the bizarre rare vending machines 🍣 Vending machine coffee and milk tea; yummy French pastries (bacon and sour cream roll, quiche, sour cream raisin custard thing); had to try some avocado and cheese Doritos; cold udon with duck broth soup, curry rice for Chris; fish-shaped taiyaki with custard cream dessert treat; dope gyoza place ("weekday" version with pork and cabbage, shrimp and chili mayo, yakitori with tare, and shogayaki with onions) 👣 Forgot watch at hotel - we’ll say 10,000 steps 🏁 Guessing about 5 or 6?
DAY 6 TEAMLAB PLANETS, TRAVEL TO KYOTO 📍 Hit up teamLabs, had an amazing time exploring the exhibits - the infinite light crystal room was our fav; train to Tokyo Station; lunch at underground Ramen Street restaurants under the station - went with Soranoiro, one of the few veg/vegan ramen shops in Japan - delicious; shinkansen to Kyoto; out for nightlife in Kiyamachi-Dori and Pontocho 🍣 Quick 7/11 snacks; train snacks (pocky, coffee, little teriyaki cutlet sandwich); Soranoiro ramen bowls; killer yakitori we fried right at our table in izakaya in Pontocho (honestly probably a meal highlight of the whole trip); brown sugar shoujo; 7/11 for ice cream on the way back 👣 18,900 steps 🏁 8.63 miles
DAY 7 KINKAKUJI, NISHIKI, GION 📍 Kinkakuji Temple; bus back to Kiyamachi-dori; spent whole afternoon walking and eating street food at Nishiki Market; back to hotel for rest, laundry, rooftop drink; out for nightlife in Gion 🍣 Family Mart for coffee and doughnuts; Nishiki Market Street street food delights - seared yakitori style crab stick, little octopus chuka idako on skewers, kara-age on skewers, sea squid croquettes and beer, strawberry and adzuki bean mochi balls; mimosas and red wine; Kyoto Gion Okaru - geisha-decorated izakaya with insane curry udon bowls and beers; picked up box of mochi dango for dessert 👣 20,200 steps 🏁 9.07 miles
DAY 8 SHRINE DAY 📍 OK, this is a lot:

• Yasakajinja (we happened to be here while a young couple was having a Shinto wedding ceremony!)
• Yasui Kompira-gū (built 1170, shrine for ending bad relationships and starting new ones, has special stone that you pin your wishes to - many young girls will crawl through the stone to mark a breakup or wish for love)
• Kennin-ji (built 1202, large grounds - among the oldest in Kyoto);
• Reigen-in (part of Kennin-ji grounds, a Zen teahouse with a tea garden where they served adzuki bean buns with tea made from the actual hydrangeas of the tea garden outside!)
• Zenkyoan (boar shrine which we initially thought were cute hedgehogs)
• Kyoto Ebisu Shrine (dedicated to fishermen - we happened to be here during the shrine's annual mikoshi festival - a battalion of locals in traditional clothes, hoisting and dancing with the mikoshi around the neighborhood)
• Kodai-ji (built 1606, gorgeous grounds - we skipped the tour)
• Hōkan-ji/Yasaka Pagoda (dating back to 589 and rebuilt in 1400s, huge black 5-story pagoda featuring massive shakyamuni pole inside and reliquary of a bone of the Buddha in the foundations)
• Ryōzen Kannon (built 1955 after WW2, massive Buddha statue and active Buddhist temple)
• Of course the world-famous Kiyomizudera (built 778, enormous Kyoto-red temple with beautiful buildings spiraling up into the forest)

🍣 Hotel coffee, tea, cream puffs; adzuki bean buns with tea made from the actual hydrangeas of the tea garden at the shrine; dope bento box lunch; got takeout fast food donburi and fizzy lemonade 👣 22,800 steps 🏁 10.39 miles
DAY 9 FUSHIMI-INARI 📍 Fushimi Inari, the famous shrine of over 1,000 torii gates - super amazing (and intense!) summit of Mt Inari! Back to Nishiki Market for reward street food and drinks; back to hotel for a rooftop drink and soak; finally out for soba at Kawamichiya Ginka in Pontocho. 🍣 Snack pack on our hike (sausages, cheese, some kind of fish meat/cheese stick, and surume - sweet chewy dried squid stuff); orange smoothie; conveyor belt sushi; strawberry mochi roll; whisky highball and red wine; massive soba spreads (chicken seared with wasabi/yuzu/horseradish dipped in ponzu sauce, fried soba noodles in a rich soup, cold soba noodles dipped tsukemen-style in a really amazing umami soy sauce soup, tempura shrimp and veggies, a hot soba noodles in a clear broth soup) 👣 27,600 steps 🏁 Supposedly 12.3 miles, but that hike to summit Mt Inari was something else 😤
DAY 10 TRAVEL TO OSAKA, SHINSABASHISUJI, AMEMURA, DOTONBURI 📍 Beautiful brunch on the bank of the canal in Kyoto; local train to Osaka-Umeda; checked into Osaka hotel; walked around Shinsaibashisuji and Dotonburi a little bit; scoped out Amemura ("Ameri-mura") for dope American-inspired Japanese streetwear; wandered up and down street food stalls in Dotonbori; swung by Namba Hips (mostly pachinko); found a couple of fun little hole-in-the-wall places (little Japanese craft beer brewery, retro video games bar) 🍣 Brunch at Kawa Cafe (croque monsieur, ramen, tea and delicious apple tart); takoyaki, cheesy waffle shaped like a massive 10yen coin, sweet chili hotdogs from stands in Dotonbori; dashi gose craft beer (by Derailleur Brew Works) from Umineko, shots at Space Station bar 👣 19,500 steps 🏁 9.01 miles
DAY 11 NAMBAYASAKIJINA, DOTONBURI 📍 Morning Japanese breakfast at a wonderful little 24-hour diner; Hozen-ji (moss shrine); Kamigata Ukiyo-e Museum across the street (focusing on Osaka woodcuts celebrating Dotonburi's kabuki and entertainment history); Nambayasaka-jinja (lion head shrine); Den Den Town (Osaka's Akihabara); ended up at a cozy little kushikatsu bar which actually was playing the Tigers game (away game vs the Swallows at Tokyo); street food waffles for dessert; hit up a late-night batting cage - ended up at Round1 (a big multi-floor arcade complex) and did the rooftop batting cage! My partner won a giant plushie for me from a claw machine! 🍣 Dope traditional japanese omelette and fish breakfast; cute macarons from market stand; Family Mart for snacks before nightlife; skewers, beer, and highballs from Dotonbori kushikatsu place; ridiculous nutella, whip, and strawberry stuffed waffle from Waffle Khan 👣 29,100 steps 🏁 13.31 miles
DAY 12 KUROMON ICHIBA, OSAKA CASTLE, DOTONBURI 📍 Kuromon Ichiba Market for street food; Osaka Castle Park and Nishinomaru Gardens; toured Osaka Castle and museum all the way up to the top; subway to Tanimachi-9-chome subway station for amazing live jazz at Sub Jazz Cafe. (This was amazing! Akira "Ro" Hasegawa (sax) and Yukie Fujikawa (keys) - Ro is also the owner and was bartending on this particular night too.) Out to Don Don for killer yakiniku and beer; found our way to Oboradaren, an Tokunoshima-themed island vibes bar and music spot where there was a great live band playing fun island vibes beach rock - big crowd of 40s+ Japanese women who knew all the songs, wound up drinking passionfruit chuhai and joining them in the conga line around the bar 🍣 Oden hot pot, wagyu skewer, otoro sashimi, crab gratin in the half-shell, bracken green tea soy cakes at Kuromon Market; ice cream sandwiches at Osaka Castle; milk tea, little roast beef sandwich, and cheesecake at Sub Jazz Cafe; yakiniku-style wagyu, ribs, ox tongue, assorted mushrooms; passionfruit chuhai and red wine at the island vibes spot; taro and brown sugar boba teas 👣 23,000 steps 🏁 10.42 miles
DAY 13 KAIYUKAN, SHINSEKAI, DOTONBURI 📍 Fun trip to Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan; quick pass through Shinsekai; lunch at spot where you can fish your own catch from an indoor fishing boat pool; out for one last Dotonburi night - wound up getting konbini snacks and sitting on the waterfront talking and people-watching for hours 🍣 Not a banger food-wise, but interesting little spread at the fish-your-own place - huge prawn for grilling, kara-age, and fatty tuna nigiri for Max, tempura veggies and whitefish with doteyaki for Chris; from Family Mart, fruit smoothie, ice cup, and KitKat for Max, onigiri and lemonade for Chris 👣 19,100 steps 🏁 8.64 miles
DAY 14 TRAVEL TO HAKONE, HAKONE SHRINE 📍 Bombed to Shin-Osaka for an early shinkansen to Odawara; trained to Odawara to Hakone; dropped luggage off at ryokan, then bus to Motohakone; saw Hakone Shrine and Onshi-Hakone Park (as well as a segment of the actual Old Tokaido!); returned to ryokan for the night, where we were treated to a gorgeous 1:1 kaiseki from a Michelin-star chef, private hot spring onsen, and private in-room hot spring bath 🍣 Konbini snacks before shinkansen; snacks and coffee on train; late lunch in Motohakone (curry and soba, pork cutlet); incredible, massive multi-course kaiseki and sake for dinner, plus strawberry cake, champagne, and more sake for dessert 👣 13,900 steps 🏁 6.26 miles
DAY 15 HAKONE OPEN AIR MUSEUM, TRAVEL TO TOKYO, LAST NIGHT IN SHINJUKU 📍 Woke up in gorgeous ryokan; leisurely kaiseki breakfast with leftover cake; final soak in the private onsen; Hakone Open Air Museum - very cool; had kind of a challenging trip back but finally made it from Museum back to ryokan to bus stop to Hakone-Yumoto to Odawara to Shinjuku to the hotel 😮‍💨 Considering the last night as our real "last night" of the trip, our final night out in Tokyo was all just extra icing on the cake - went out for yakitori skewers and Asahi Superdrys in cozy alley in Omoide Yokocho, found really wonderful cake and tea dessert open late also in Omoide, hit up 🎵 Donki! 🎵 for a final round of bulk snacks and souvenirs, ended up on a late-night excursion to find Park Hyatt Hotel (featured in Lost in Translation); finished night at hotel watching the city go to sleep from our balcony 👣 22,700 steps 🏁 10.3 miles
FINAL SCORE 📸 Pics: 1,929 👣 Steps: 337,700 🏁 Miles: 153.78 (we averaged 9.6 miles per day, every day, for 16 days) 🇯🇵 “Nihongo jōzu!”: 4 (I know more proficient Japanese speakers are insulted, but it's honestly a pretty nice comment when you're at my level) 👶 Comments on how young we look/how we can’t possibly be celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary: 3 ✨ Gratitude: Infinite.

so my ex and i met april of last year. before this i didn't know who she was, she is irrelevant to my friends and other ppl. however my one friend reese told my friend that she thought i was hot. I then started to snap her in may. i played with her feelings in the summer. in my defense a lil background information, i told her i just go out of a relationship and i would hurt her if she wanted to be with me. my previous relationship hurt me a lot which is no excuse but is important that i kept finding out more and more bad things out that happened in relationship through our summer. i was rlly on and off with my now ex, let's call her kyle. Kyle was in love with me in summer and i treated her terribly but i also didn't know her feelings. i was on and off with her however i did want to talk to her and i did have a thing for her i just was scared of getting close to somebody and another relationship. anyways i was ready for a relationship in october and we started facetiming every night and falling asleep. talking 24/7 etc. then one day she got mad at me and was going to say something to hurt me then stopped. i force it out of her and she said she made a african american boy cum ×3 times today and i hung up. i only let you know he's an african american boy because i'm a white girl which i feels important. let's call this guy aaron. so she ends it with aaron we were good and hanging out all november and in december she had to figure so things out so we had a break mid december but it didn't last long. then we were good again. next issue was january she asked for us to take another break, didn't last long. but she got with aaron and didn't tell me. two weeks later i thought we were good but then she fell asleep while we were watching tiktok's on her phone. i kept scrolling but i wanted to look at her drafts but those are in my opinion too personal but i looked through her privately posted and i see a video of aaron as the most recent video so i click on it and he's shirtless in her bed putting on this wife beater while she's singing a song that goes "i know my pussys better than all the bitches you been with" and i'm tearing up watching. she wakes up and ask why i'm acting weird so i tell her and she told me. i got up walked away. i couldn't go home however. i ended up forgiving her be it was when we were on a break it just hurt. but that night she told me she loved me and it was to figure out if anything was still there and it wasn't and she only wanted me. so we spend all the next day together, which is a saturday. sunday is super bowl sunday so we both go spend it in our own homes with our own families. then next day, monday she tells me she got with aaron the night before. broke me to pieces. i was very hurt but forgave her after two weeks of her begging and apologizing. we got passed it. i stopped trusting her i didn't stop loving her. tuesday she got me a valentines gift shoes. after she told me the day before she cheated along with a long note saying sorry and i deserve better and she's going to me. all of march we were good. start of April was perfect no arguing just us being in love. her birthday april 16th we hung out alone to celebrate the next night we had ppl over we both drank a lot. i drank mixed alcohol, dark and light. and i was very very messed up and she just ended it saying i didn't treated her well and i didn't do anything wrong. and other things. we both are sobbing she's punching herself be she feels bad that i'm hurting and think it's my fault. the next morning nobody knows anything happen. we broke up and she wanted to stay friends and i tried. until this morning when i woke up to her blocking me out of nowhere with no warning. i found a way to talk to her and she said it's for the best and i'm still in love with her. i can't do this i feel dead and empty inside what do i do.

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Check products in compilation image: https://i.imgur.com/1yQC1LR.jpeg or https://i.ibb.co/G5K8ymZ/eb63a2008f5f.jpg
-1- Wireless Home Window Door Entry Magnetic Sensor
✳️ https://bit.ly/3AjTOui
〽️ Price: 2.99 USD / Lowest: 2.99 USD
-2- 9pcs Set Non-magnetic Socket Set
👉 https://bit.ly/3orNK0z
💰 Price: 3.13 USD / Lowest: 3.13 USD
✏️ Coupon: BG20236Tool
-3- Drillpro DB-T2 13pcs 1.5-6.5mm HSS Titanium Coated 1/4 Inch Drill Set
🌀 https://bit.ly/42wCqzc
👉 Price: 5.31 USD / Lowest: 5.87 USD
❤️ Coupon: BG20236Tool
-4- Eachine EC11 RC Car
🌀 https://bit.ly/41mTxlC
👌 Price: 6.99 USD / Lowest: 9.99 USD
👉 Coupon: BG4d7f91
-5- Automatic Dimming Welding Glasses
🌐 https://bit.ly/459lv7j
💣 Price: 7.42 USD / Lowest: 7.42 USD
🖍 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-6- 115 in 1 Screwdriver Set
🌍 https://bit.ly/43xRa12
✌️ Price: 9.94 USD / Lowest: 9.94 USD
📌 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-7- 150mm Stainless Steel LCD Digital Caliper
👌 https://bit.ly/3qywQhq
🥇 Price: 9.99 USD / Lowest: 9.99 USD
-8- Xiaomi Aqara Wireless Switch Gyroscope Version
✌️ https://bit.ly/3IMYPPm
💰 Price: 9.99 USD / Lowest: 9.99 USD
🖍 Coupon: BG201e58
-9- Xraydisk Class 10 MicroSD Card 128GB
👌 https://bit.ly/3N15sjC
📉 Price: 10.19 USD / Lowest: 10.59 USD
-10- Tuya 16A Smart WiFi Power Socket with USB
📌 https://bit.ly/3qv33pT
✌️ Price: 10.99 USD / Lowest: 12.99 USD
🔖 Coupon: BGbef792
-11- A9 Upgraded 1080P HD Mini Wireless WIFI IP Camera
❗️ https://bit.ly/45VSL2f
🔹 Price: 10.99 USD / Lowest: 11.99 USD
-12- 11 In 1 Precision Electric Screwdriver Set
❇️ https://bit.ly/43wakUU
✌️ Price: 11.50 USD / Lowest: 11.5 USD
🔑 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-13- BlitzWolf BW-SHP15 Zigbee 3.0 16A 3680W Smart Plug
🔗 https://bit.ly/3lxnoc9
💣 Price: 11.99 USD / Lowest: 11.99 USD
🔖 Coupon: BGc9246e
-14- Astrolux PD2 Type-C 18W Battery Charger
👌 https://bit.ly/40g3f9D
📉 Price: 12.99 USD / Lowest: 11.99 USD
-15- Tuya 433MHz RF Remote Control
👌 https://bit.ly/3CiqjtZ
👌 Price: 13.99 USD / Lowest: 15.99 USD
🔖 Coupon: BGca2142
-16- Tuya WiFi Smart Humidity Temperature Sensor
❇️ https://bit.ly/3qu6EV3
👉 Price: 13.99 USD / Lowest: 13.99 USD
👉 Coupon: BG2fca32
-17- 36 In 1 Precision Electric Screwdriver
🌐 https://bit.ly/3qpLo2M
👌 Price: 14.90 USD / Lowest: 14.9 USD
🔖 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-18- Tuya WiFi Temperature Humidity Sensor With LCD Display
🌀 https://bit.ly/3WZK4zY
💲 Price: 16.99 USD / Lowest: 17.99 USD
🔖 Coupon: BGb05e60
-19- PULUZ 52mm UV ND2-ND400 Adjustable Lens Filter Set for GoPro Hero 11 10 9
❇️ https://bit.ly/42uoJQo
⭕️ Price: 17.19 USD / Lowest: 20.23 USD
🖍 Coupon: BGMatt2022
-20- Lecoo Keyboard Mouse Set KW201 2.4GHz Wireless
👌 https://bit.ly/3oXNIOb
💰 Price: 17.99 USD / Lowest: 17.99 USD
-21- 50 In 1 Precision Electric Screwdriver Set
🌀 https://bit.ly/3Ck2K3L
👉 Price: 18.69 USD / Lowest: 18.69 USD
👉 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-22- ImmersionRC Tramp HV 6-18V RC Video Transmitter [HK]
❗️ https://bit.ly/3gItZhg
👌 Price: 19.90 USD / Lowest: 21.99 USD
-23- Tranya T10 Pro Earbuds
👌 https://bit.ly/3BfAfnm
💣 Price: 19.99 USD / Lowest: 20.29 USD
-24- HS-1115K Soldering Iron 10 in 1 Set
🔗 https://bit.ly/3WYOVRY
💲 Price: 23.10 USD / Lowest: 23.1 USD
💵 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-25- JJRC Q135 Amphibious Off Road RC Car
🌀 https://bit.ly/3P7T5Fn
🔹 Price: 23.99 USD / Lowest: 23.99 USD
-26- USB 192kHz Condenser Microphone with Tripod
🛒 https://bit.ly/3oN9kNn
⭕️ Price: 23.99 USD / Lowest: -1 USD
-27- Lumintop B01 Bike Light Flashlight
❇️ https://bit.ly/40irJhq
✌️ Price: 24.99 USD / Lowest: 23.99 USD
👉 Coupon: BGBLF33
-28- Yidajia RC Car 4WD Gesture Induction
❇️ https://bit.ly/45VQWlP
📉 Price: 25.49 USD / Lowest: 25.19 USD
🔓 Coupon: BG32cf1e
-29- H96MAX Android 13.0 RK3528 TV Box 2/16GB
❇️ https://bit.ly/3qC1Jl9
💲 Price: 26.99 USD / Lowest: 27.99 USD
✌️ Coupon: BGc5251e
-30- Mensela ID-L2 18V Brushless Impact Driver 480Nm for Makita 18V [EU]
👌 https://bit.ly/42jTtmY
👌 Price: 26.99 USD / Lowest: 29.99 USD
-31- HOCO Y12 Ultra Smart Watch
✌️ https://bit.ly/3NClQct
👌 Price: 27.99 USD / Lowest: 29.99 USD
-32- H96MAX Android 13.0 RK3528 TV Box 4/32GB
✅ https://bit.ly/42mLea3
⭕️ Price: 29.79 USD / Lowest: 32.99 USD
▪️ Coupon: BGb4580f
-33- H96MAX Android 13.0 RK3528 TV Box 4/32GB
❇️ https://bit.ly/43vuC0W
👌 Price: 29.99 USD / Lowest: -1 USD
-34- MATEMINCO FT01 Flashlight
📌 https://bit.ly/3MUoaJT
👌 Price: 31.91 USD / Lowest: 34.16 USD
⏳ Coupon: BGBLF25
-35- H96MAX Android 13.0 RK3528 TV Box 4/64GB
✌️ https://bit.ly/41SeIwh
📉 Price: 33.99 USD / Lowest: 34.99 USD
💵 Coupon: BGKAMD
-36- Drillpro 18V 800W 125mm Brushless Angle Grinder For Makita [EU]
✳️ https://bit.ly/3X1Q9Mb
📉 Price: 33.99 USD / Lowest: 34.71 USD
-37- Wuben C2 SST40 Flashlight
🌐 https://bit.ly/3ClfN59
🚨 Price: 37.47 USD / Lowest: 34.95 USD
✂️ Coupon: BGBLF13
-38- MATEMINCO FT02 Flashlight
❗️ https://bit.ly/45RMfts
📉 Price: 39.01 USD / Lowest: 39.69 USD
💵 Coupon: BGBLF25
-39- Xiaomi Mijia Sneakers 4 Running Shoes 40-44
🌍 https://bit.ly/3oOsW3F
👌 Price: 39.99 USD / Lowest: 44.99 USD
-40- Mateminco FT03 SFH55 Flashlight
🔗 https://bit.ly/3P4zUMv
📉 Price: 41.30 USD / Lowest: 61.99 USD
💵 Coupon: BGBLF23
-41- GameSir X2 Type-C Mobile Gaming Controller [EU]
🌀 https://bit.ly/3I4pOqI
💰 Price: 42.99 USD / Lowest: 49.99 USD
-42- Mateminco MT-911 XLD-G90 6200lm Flashlight
🌐 https://bit.ly/3oH38Ga
💲 Price: 44.17 USD / Lowest: 44 USD
👉 Coupon: BGBLF21
-43- Wuben X0 Flashlight
🌍 https://bit.ly/3NlyFY7
💣 Price: 45.31 USD / Lowest: 51.92 USD
💵 Coupon: BGBLF19
-44- WUBEN T1 SST40 2000lm Flashlight
👌 https://bit.ly/3qyJugt
💲 Price: 56.59 USD / Lowest: 71.99 USD
💎 Coupon: BGBLF14
-45- WUBEN X2 2500lm Flashlight
✌️ https://bit.ly/42H1gN7
💥 Price: 59.46 USD / Lowest: 64.99 USD
🔑 Coupon: BGBLF16
-46- BLITZWILL BWL-FL-0001 36W Two-Head Floor Lamp [EU]
🌀 https://bit.ly/3K6jT5Z
💣 Price: 59.99 USD / Lowest: 54.99 USD
🔖 Coupon: BG213636
-47- iMars 7 Inch 2 Din Car MP5 Player
👉 https://bit.ly/45S10MS
✌️ Price: 59.99 USD / Lowest: 59.99 USD
✌️ Coupon: BG669365
-48- 588VF Cordless Jig Saw Electric Handheld Saw with 2 Batteries
❗️ https://bit.ly/43vLe8T
🚨 Price: 59.99 USD / Lowest: 65.99 USD
-49- ATuMan DUKA TR1 1200mm Laser Range Finder
✅ https://bit.ly/43LTv8g
💥 Price: 60.99 USD / Lowest: 60.99 USD
-50- Mateminco FW3S SFT40 Flashlight
✳️ https://bit.ly/3Nv7E4F
💲 Price: 60.99 USD / Lowest: 74.53 USD
💎 Coupon: BGBLF22
-51- 588VF Cordless Jig Saw Electric Handheld Saw with 2 Batteries
🌐 https://bit.ly/43vLe8T
💥 Price: 65.99 USD / Lowest: 65.99 USD
-52- Wuben X0 Brass Flashlight
🔗 https://bit.ly/3J8Rg75
📉 Price: 67.43 USD / Lowest: 75.68 USD
📍 Coupon: BGBLF18
-53- JJRC X28 Drone RTF with 2 Batteries
👌 https://bit.ly/43BeZ7T
🥇 Price: 79.99 USD / Lowest: 79.99 USD
⏳ Coupon: BG3621a4
-54- N-ONE NPad S MT8183 4/64GB 10.1 Inch Android 12 Tablet [EU]
👌 https://bit.ly/42dcEPq
👉 Price: 89.99 USD / Lowest: 89.99 USD
✌️ Coupon: BG873812
-55- MATEMINCO FW3 LEP Flashlight
📌 https://bit.ly/3N1qQW8
👌 Price: 95.79 USD / Lowest: 119.99 USD
🔓 Coupon: BGBLF24
-56- Lumintop ThorII V2.0 LEP Flashlight
🌐 https://bit.ly/42C2YxP
✌️ Price: 105.87 USD / Lowest: 110.49 USD
💎 Coupon: BGBLF05
-57- NEXTORCH L10 Max 1200m LEP Flashlight
🌍 https://bit.ly/3X1vk3I
🥇 Price: 108.22 USD / Lowest: 115.99 USD
✌️ Coupon: BGBLF09
-58- MJX 16207 HYPER GO 1/16 Brushless RC Car with 2 Batteries
📌 https://bit.ly/3MMEagI
✌️ Price: 119.99 USD / Lowest: -1 USD
-59- Lumintop Thor III 3 Thor3 Flashlight
👌 https://bit.ly/3P3zlT3
〽️ Price: 120.99 USD / Lowest: 124.08 USD
🔓 Coupon: BGBLF01
-60- HBX 901A RTR 1/12 RC Car
🔗 https://bit.ly/3WW6n9M
🔹 Price: 127.19 USD / Lowest: 133.97 USD
🖍 Coupon: BGa332e2
-61- LUMINTOP THOR4 Flashlight
🔗 https://bit.ly/3Clyp5a
👌 Price: 129.00 USD / Lowest: 131.12 USD
👉 Coupon: BGBLF04
-62- Douxlife GC-RC03 Gaming Chair with Massage [EU]
❇️ https://bit.ly/43te6yD
🥇 Price: 135.99 USD / Lowest: -1 USD
-63- Handheld 4inch Display Spectrum Analyzer TinySA ULTRA
✌️ https://bit.ly/3ClbqH7
💲 Price: 144.49 USD / Lowest: 149.99 USD
👌 Coupon: BG20236Tool
-64- FMS FXC24 POWER WAGON RTR 12401 1/24 RC Car
🌐 https://bit.ly/43KDZtg
💲 Price: 144.99 USD / Lowest: 139.22 USD
💵 Coupon: BG80638e
-65- N-One NPad Pro T616 8/128GB 4G 10.4 Inch 2K Tablet [EU]
🛒 https://bit.ly/3NiLq5G
💲 Price: 149.99 USD / Lowest: 169.99 USD
🔑 Coupon: BGEUIP503
-66- JETBeam RRT-M2S WP-T2 1KM LEP Flashlight with Battery
❗️ https://bit.ly/3N0DjZY
📉 Price: 152.48 USD / Lowest: 156 USD
▪️ Coupon: BGBLF03
-67- JETBeam RRT-M1X 2.3KM LEP Flashlight with Battery
🌍 https://bit.ly/3WW0bP4
✌️ Price: 162.85 USD / Lowest: 169 USD
👉 Coupon: BGBLF02
-68- WUBEN X1 Falcon 12000lm Flashlight White
👉 https://bit.ly/3ClcIlB
⭕️ Price: 173.60 USD / Lowest: 179.99 USD
👉 Coupon: BGBLF17
-69- NEXTORCH T10L Flashlight
👌 https://bit.ly/43wRm0o
💥 Price: 240.00 USD / Lowest: 271.15 USD
💎 Coupon: BGBLF08
-70- Weltool W3 Pro Flashlight
✳️ https://bit.ly/3N0F3T0
👉 Price: 248.56 USD / Lowest: 236.3 USD
🔑 Coupon: BGBLF11
-71- Weltool W5 2807m 699lm LEP Flashlight With Battery
❗️ https://bit.ly/3MYDiGb
✌️ Price: 305.00 USD / Lowest: 340 USD
💵 Coupon: BGBLF06
-72- GPD XP Plus Dimensity 1200 6/256GB Game Console
🌐 https://bit.ly/3JNn9kU
👌 Price: 319.99 USD / Lowest: 429 USD
-73- Enjoywood CEL-E10 Laser Engraver 10W [EU]
🌍 https://bit.ly/3oN72Od
🥇 Price: 329.99 USD / Lowest: -1 USD
-74- Weltool W4 Pro 568lm 3394m LEP Flashlight
🛒 https://bit.ly/3MYDOUD
💥 Price: 369.99 USD / Lowest: 395 USD
✏️ Coupon: BGBLF07
-75- BIQU BX FDM 3D Printer [EU]
🌀 https://bit.ly/3P41QjM
📉 Price: 399.00 USD / Lowest: 499 USD
-76- WUBEN A1 20000lm Flashlight 2000m
🌍 https://bit.ly/3J4s6GQ
🚨 Price: 585.25 USD / Lowest: 840.64 USD
✏️ Coupon: BGBLF15
-77- ZD Racing MX 07 1/7 8S RC Car 150A ARTR ROCKET
👌 https://bit.ly/3N7dNEc
✌️ Price: 588.20 USD / Lowest: 608.96 USD
🎯 Coupon: BGd7710b
-78- ZD Racing MX 07 1/7 8S RC Car 160A ARTR
🌐 https://bit.ly/3V7k2Kh
✌️ Price: 636.65 USD / Lowest: 659.12 USD
💵 Coupon: BGd7710b
-79- PVY Z20 PRO 36V 10.4Ah 500W 20inch Electric Bicycle [EU]
📌 https://bit.ly/3G3V3RP
🔹 Price: 759.99 USD / Lowest: 759.99 USD
💵 Coupon: BGISSAM601
-80- BEZIOR M3 48V 10.4Ah 500W Electric Bicycle [EU]
👉 https://bit.ly/43JJ9WD
💥 Price: 989.99 USD / Lowest: 994.01 USD
-81- IM-J1 48V 15Ah 500W Electric Bicycle [EU]
✅ https://bit.ly/3WXaGl2
⭕️ Price: 1129.99 USD / Lowest: 1129.99 USD
✌️ Coupon: BG15b833
-82- YYG ZM21 48V 20Ah 1200W 20x4.0inch Electric Bicycle [EU]
🌀 https://bit.ly/3FTXGFE
📉 Price: 1559.99 USD / Lowest: 1589.99 USD
💵 Coupon: BG4d0efb
Products compilation image: https://i.imgur.com/1yQC1LR.jpeg or https://i.ibb.co/G5K8ymZ/eb63a2008f5f.jpg

I’ve been up this way 8+ times myself but never with my dog. Dog is standard poodle, ~55lbs.
There’s one specific part after the backbone that is very narrow that I’m concerned about. If I recall, I remember not being able to place my shoes side by side because of how narrow it was. So naturally, wouldn’t a dog have a lot of trouble during this stretch?
Would be going up the backbone and down the bowl. And advice is appreciated. Planning to bring 2 liters for dog, 4 liters for me.

Needs to be an overweight operator,
First skin: Grill Daddy
Outfit: new balance shoes, calf high white socks, Jorts, braided lether belt, tucked in tshirt, grill apron with some corny slogan, glasses and comb over. Also, add the grill holster. One side BBQ sauce and chili powder the other side a big grill spatula dangling.
Standing execution: taps on shoulder spins them around and sprays bbq sauce in the face and then slices the throat with the spatula
Prone execution: jumping stab in the back with pruning shears
Knocked execution: pulls out a weed whip and shoves it in their face.
Potential voice calls: “Get of my lawn” “Who touched the thermostat” “Oh look you’re dead, hi dead i’m dad” “Just wait until your mom gets home” “Do you think money grows on trees?!”
Guns: Saiken “Lawn Mower” Shotgun with DB “Grill Daddy”
All I ask Activision is let me do the voice lines!
Additional skins for the same operator details coming soon:
“Lord of the links” golf version
“300” bowling version

NARRATOR: (Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) According to all known laws of aviation, : there is no way a bee should be able to fly. : Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. : The bee, of course, flies anyway : because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. BARRY BENSON: (Barry is picking out a shirt) Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. : Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. JANET BENSON: Barry! Breakfast is ready! BARRY: Coming! : Hang on a second. (Barry uses his antenna like a phone) : Hello? ADAM FLAYMAN:
(Through phone) - Barry? BARRY: - Adam? ADAM: - Can you believe this is happening? BARRY: - I can't. I'll pick you up. (Barry flies down the stairs) : MARTIN BENSON: Looking sharp. JANET: Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. BARRY: Sorry. I'm excited. MARTIN: Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. : A perfect report card, all B's. JANET: Very proud. (Rubs Barry's hair) BARRY= Ma! I got a thing going here. JANET: - You got lint on your fuzz. BARRY: - Ow! That's me!
JANET: - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! (Barry flies out the door) JANET: Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! (Barry drives through the hive,and is waved at by Adam who is reading a newspaper) BARRY== - Hey, Adam. ADAM: - Hey, Barry. (Adam gets in Barry's car) : - Is that fuzz gel? BARRY: - A little. Special day, graduation. ADAM: Never thought I'd make it. (Barry pulls away from the house and continues driving) BARRY: Three days grade school, three days high school... ADAM: Those were awkward. BARRY: Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM== You did come back different. (Barry and Adam pass by Artie, who is jogging) ARTIE: - Hi, Barry!
BARRY: - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. ADAM: - Hear about Frankie? BARRY: - Yeah. ADAM== - You going to the funeral? BARRY: - No, I'm not going to his funeral. : Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. : Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. ADAM: I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. (The car does a barrel roll on the loop-shaped bridge and lands on the highway) : I love this incorporating an amusement park into our regular day. BARRY: I guess that's why they say we don't need vacations. (Barry parallel parks the car and together they fly over the graduating students) Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. (Barry and Adam sit down and put on their hats) : - Well, Adam, today we are men.
ADAM: - We are! BARRY= - Bee-men. =ADAM= - Amen! BARRY AND ADAM: Hallelujah! (Barry and Adam both have a happy spasm) ANNOUNCER: Students, faculty, distinguished bees, : please welcome Dean Buzzwell. DEAN BUZZWELL: Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... : ...9: : That concludes our ceremonies. : And begins your career at Honex Industries! ADAM: Will we pick our job today? (Adam and Barry get into a tour bus) BARRY= I heard it's just orientation. (Tour buses rise out of the ground and the students are automatically loaded into the buses) TOUR GUIDE: Heads up! Here we go.
ANNOUNCER: Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. BARRY: - Wonder what it'll be like? ADAM: - A little scary. TOUR GUIDE== Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco : and a part of the Hexagon Group. Barry: This is it! BARRY AND ADAM: Wow. BARRY: Wow. (The bus drives down a road an on either side are the Bee's massive complicated Honey-making machines) TOUR GUIDE: We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life : to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. : Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. : Our top-secret formula : is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured : into this soothing sweet syrup : with its distinctive golden glow you know as... EVERYONE ON BUS: Honey! (The guide has been collecting honey into a bottle and she throws it into the crowd on the bus and it is caught by a girl in the back) ADAM: - That girl was hot. BARRY: - She's my cousin! ADAM== - She is? BARRY: - Yes, we're all cousins. ADAM: - Right. You're right. TOUR GUIDE: - At Honex, we constantly strive : to improve every aspect of bee existence. : These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. (The bus passes by a Bee wearing a helmet who is being smashed into the ground with fly-swatters, newspapers and boots. He lifts a thumbs up but you can hear him groan) : ADAM==

• What do you think he makes? BARRY:
• Not enough. TOUR GUIDE: Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. (They pass by a turning wheel with Bees standing on pegs, who are each wearing a finger-shaped hat) Barry:
• Wow, What does that do? TOUR GUIDE:
• Catches that little strand of honey : that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ADAM: (Intrigued) Can anyone work on the Krelman? TOUR GUIDE: Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. : But choose carefully : because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. (Everyone claps except for Barry) BARRY: The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. ADAM:

What's the difference? TOUR GUIDE: You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off : in 27 million years. BARRY: (Upset) So you'll just work us to death? : We'll sure try. (Everyone on the bus laughs except Barry. Barry and Adam are walking back home together) ADAM: Wow! That blew my mind! BARRY: "What's the difference?" How can you say that? : One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. ADAM: I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY: But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM: Why would you question anything? We're bees. : We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.
BARRY: You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? ADAM: Like what? Give me one example. (Barry and Adam stop walking and it is revealed to the audience that hundreds of cars are speeding by and narrowly missing them in perfect unison) BARRY: I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. ANNOUNCER: Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY: Wait a second. Check it out. (The Pollen jocks fly in, circle around and landing in line) : - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! ADAM: - Wow. : I've never seen them this close. BARRY: They know what it's like outside the hive. ADAM: Yeah, but some don't come back. GIRL BEES: - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! (The Pollen Jocks hook up their backpacks to machines that pump the nectar to trucks, which drive away)
LOU LO DUVA: You guys did great! : You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! (Punching the Pollen Jocks in joy) I love it! ADAM: - I wonder where they were. BARRY: - I don't know. : Their day's not planned. : Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. : You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. ADAM== Right. (Barry and Adam are covered in some pollen that floated off of the Pollen Jocks) BARRY: Look at that. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. ADAM: It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. BARRY: Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. (Barry waves at 2 girls standing a little away from them)
ADAM== Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? BARRY: Distant. Distant. POLLEN JOCK #1: Look at these two. POLLEN JOCK #2: - Couple of Hive Harrys. POLLEN JOCK #1: - Let's have fun with them. GIRL BEE #1: It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. BARRY: Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! : He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! (Slaps Adam with his hand to represent his scenario) GIRL BEE #2: - Oh, my! BARRY: - I never thought I'd knock him out. GIRL BEE #1: (Looking at Adam) What were you doing during this? ADAM: Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. BARRY: I can autograph that.
(The pollen jocks walk up to Barry and Adam, they pretend that Barry and Adam really are pollen jocks.) POLLEN JOCK #1: A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? BARRY: Yeah. Gusty. POLLEN JOCK #1: We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY: - Six miles, huh? ADAM: - Barry! POLLEN JOCK #2: A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. BARRY: - Maybe I am. ADAM: - You are not! POLLEN JOCK #1: We're going 0900 at J-Gate. : What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY: I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. (The scene cuts to Barry looking out on the hive-city from his balcony at night) MARTIN:
Hey, Honex! BARRY: Dad, you surprised me. MARTIN: You decide what you're interested in? BARRY: - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. : Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN: Son, let me tell you about stirring. : You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. : You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. BARRY: You know, Dad, the more I think about it, : maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. MARTIN: You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? : That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. :
Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! JANET: - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY: - I'm not trying to be funny. MARTIN: You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! JANET: - You're gonna be a stirrer? BARRY: - No one's listening to me! MARTIN: Wait till you see the sticks I have. BARRY: I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! (Barry's parents don't listen to him and continue to ramble on) MARTIN: Let's open some honey and celebrate! BARRY: Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. : Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! JANET: I'm so proud. (The scene cuts to Barry and Adam waiting in line to get a job) ADAM: - We're starting work today!
BARRY: - Today's the day. ADAM: Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY: Yeah, right. JOB LISTER: Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... BEE IN FRONT OF LINE: - Is it still available? JOB LISTER: - Hang on. Two left! : One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. ADAM: - What'd you get? BEE IN FRONT OF LINE: - Picking crud out. Stellar! (He walks away) ADAM: Wow! JOB LISTER: Couple of newbies? ADAM: Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! JOB LISTER: Make your choice. (Adam and Barry look up at the job board. There are hundreds of constantly changing panels that contain available or unavailable jobs. It looks very confusing)
ADAM: - You want to go first? BARRY: - No, you go. ADAM: Oh, my. What's available? JOB LISTER: Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. ADAM: - Any chance of getting the Krelman? JOB LISTER: - Sure, you're on. (Puts the Krelman finger-hat on Adam's head) (Suddenly the sign for Krelman closes out) : I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. (Takes Adam's hat off) Wax monkey's always open. ADAM: The Krelman opened up again. : What happened? JOB LISTER: A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. : Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. : Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!
ADAM: Oh, this is so hard! (Barry remembers what the Pollen Jock offered him and he flies off) Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, : humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, : mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? (Adam turns around and sees Barry flying away) : Barry! POLLEN JOCK: All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... ADAM: (Through phone) What happened to you? Where are you? BARRY: - I'm going out. ADAM: - Out? Out where? BARRY: - Out there. ADAM: - Oh, no! BARRY: I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM:
You're gonna die! You're crazy! (Barry hangs up) Hello? POLLEN JOCK #2: Another call coming in. : If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd : that gets their roses today. BARRY: Hey, guys. POLLEN JOCK #1 == - Look at that. POLLEN JOCK #2: - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LO DUVA: Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. POLLEN JOCK #1: It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. (Puts hand on Barry's shoulder) LOU LO DUVA: (To Barry) Really? Feeling lucky, are you? BEE WITH CLIPBOARD: (To Barry) Sign here, here. Just initial that. : - Thank you. LOU LO DUVA: - OK. : You got a rain advisory today, :
and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. : So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, : hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. : Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. : Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! BARRY: - That's awful. LOU LO DUVA: (Still talking through megaphone) - And a reminder for you rookies, : bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! : All right, launch positions! POLLEN JOCKS: (The Pollen Jocks run into formation) : Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! LOU LU DUVA: Black and yellow! POLLEN JOCKS:
Hello! POLLEN JOCK #1: (To Barry)You ready for this, hot shot? BARRY: Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. POLLEN JOCK's: Wind, check. : - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. : - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. BARRY: Scared out of my shorts, check. LOU LO DUVA: OK, ladies, : let's move it out! : Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! : All of you, drain those flowers! (The pollen jocks fly out of the hive) BARRY: Wow! I'm out! : I can't believe I'm out! : So blue.
: I feel so fast and free! : Box kite! (Barry flies through the kite) : Wow! : Flowers! (A pollen jock puts on some high tech goggles that shows flowers similar to heat sink goggles.) POLLEN JOCK: This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. : Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. : Roses! POLLEN JOCK #1: 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. : Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. (The pollen jock fires a high-tech gun at the flower, shooting tubes that suck up the nectar from the flower and collects it into a pouch on the gun) BARRY: That is one nectar collector! POLLEN JOCK #1== - Ever see pollination up close? BARRY: - No, sir. POLLEN JOCK #1:
(Barry and the Pollen jock fly over the field, the pollen jock sprinkles pollen as he goes) : I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, : a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. BARRY: That's amazing. Why do we do that? POLLEN JOCK #1: That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY: Cool. POLLEN JOCK #1: I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. could be daisies. Don't we need those? POLLEN JOCK #2: Copy that visual. : Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. POLLEN JOCK #1: Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? POLLEN JOCK #2: Affirmative. (The Pollen jocks land near the "flowers" which, to the audience are obviously just tennis balls) KEN: (In the distance) That was on the line!
POLLEN JOCK #1: This is the coolest. What is it? POLLEN JOCK #2: I don't know, but I'm loving this color. : It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. POLLEN JOCK #1: Yeah, fuzzy. (Sticks his hand on the ball but it gets stuck) POLLEN JOCK #3== Chemical-y. (The pollen jock finally gets his hand free from the tennis ball) POLLEN JOCK #1: Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. (The pollen jocks turn around and see Barry lying his entire body on top of one of the tennis balls) POLLEN JOCK #2: My sweet lord of bees! POLLEN JOCK #3: Candy-brain, get off there! POLLEN JOCK #1: (Pointing upwards) Problem! (A human hand reaches down and grabs the tennis ball that Barry is stuck to) BARRY: - Guys! POLLEN JOCK #2: - This could be bad. POLLEN JOCK #3: Affirmative. (Vanessa Bloome starts bouncing the tennis ball, not knowing Barry is stick to it)
BARRY== Very close. : Gonna hurt. : Mama's little boy. (Barry is being hit back and forth by two humans playing tennis. He is still stuck to the ball) POLLEN JOCK #1: You are way out of position, rookie! KEN: Coming in at you like a MISSILE! (Barry flies past the pollen jocks, still stuck to the ball) BARRY: (In slow motion) Help me! POLLEN JOCK #2: I don't think these are flowers. POLLEN JOCK #3: - Should we tell him? POLLEN JOCK #1: - I think he knows. BARRY: What is this?! KEN: Match point! : You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to EAT IT! (A pollen jock coughs which confused Ken and he hits the ball the wrong way with Barry stuck to it and it goes flying into the city) BARRY:
Yowser! (Barry bounces around town and gets stuck in the engine of a car. He flies into the air conditioner and sees a bug that was frozen in there) BARRY: Ew, gross. (The man driving the car turns on the air conditioner which blows Barry into the car) GIRL IN CAR: There's a bee in the car! : - Do something! DAD DRIVING CAR: - I'm driving! BABY GIRL: (Waving at Barry) - Hi, bee. (Barry smiles and waves at the baby girl) GUY IN BACK OF CAR: - He's back here! : He's going to sting me! GIRL IN CAR: Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! (Barry freezes as well, hovering in the middle of the car) : GRANDMA IN CAR== He blinked! (The grandma whips out some bee-spray and sprays everywhere in the car, climbing into the front seat, still trying to spray Barry) GIRL IN CAR: Spray him, Granny! DAD DRIVING THE CAR: What are you doing?! (Barry escapes the car through the air conditioner and is flying high above
the ground, safe.) BARRY: Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. (Barry sees that storm clouds are gathering and he can see rain clouds moving into this direction) : I gotta get home. : Can't fly in rain. : Can't fly in rain. (A rain drop hits Barry and one of his wings is damaged) : Can't fly in rain. (A second rain drop hits Barry again and he spirals downwards) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! (WW2 plane sound effects are played as he plummets, and he crash-lands on a plant inside an apartment near the window) VANESSA BLOOME: Ken, could you close the window please? KEN== Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. : You see? (Folds brochure resume out) Folds out. (Ken closes the window, trapping Barry inside) BARRY: Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. (Barry tries to fly away but smashes into the window and falls again) : What was that?
(Barry keeps trying to fly out the window but he keeps being knocked back because the window is closed) Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... : Drapes! (Barry taps the glass. He doesn't understand what it is) That is diabolical. KEN: It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. ANDY: What's number one? Star Wars? KEN: Nah, I don't go for that... (Ken makes finger guns and makes "pew pew pew" sounds and then stops) : ...kind of stuff. BARRY: No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. KEN: When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. BARRY: (Looking at the light on the ceiling) There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. (Starts flying towards the lightbulb) : I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. (Barry hits the lightbulb and falls into the dip on the table that the humans are sitting at) KEN:
I predicted global warming. : I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. (Andy dips a chip into the bowl and scoops up some dip with Barry on it and is about to put it in his mouth) : Wait! Stop! Bee! (Andy drops the chip with Barry in fear and backs away. All the humans freak out) : Stand back. These are winter boots. (Ken has winter boots on his hands and he is about to smash the bee but Vanessa saves him last second) VANESSA: Wait! : Don't kill him! (Vanessa puts Barry in a glass to protect him) KEN: You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! VANESSA: Why does his life have less value than yours? KEN: Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA: I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. (Vanessa picks up Ken's brochure and puts it under the glass so she can carry Barry back to the window. Barry looks at Vanessa in amazement) KEN:
My brochure! VANESSA: There you go, little guy. (Vanessa opens the window and lets Barry out but Barry stays back and is still shocked that a human saved his life) KEN: I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. VANESSA: Put that on your resume brochure. KEN: My whole face could puff up. ANDY: Make it one of your special skills. KEN: Knocking someone out is also a special skill. (Ken walks to the door) Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. : - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA: - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. : (Vanessa tries to close door) KEN== - You could put carob chips on there. VANESSA: - Bye. (Closes door but Ken opens it again) KEN: - Supposed to be less calories.
VANESSA: - Bye. (Closes door) (Fast forward to the next day, Barry is still inside the house. He flies into the kitchen where Vanessa is doing dishes) BARRY== (Talking to himself) I gotta say something. : She saved my life. I gotta say something. : All right, here it goes. (Turns back) Nah. : What would I say? : I could really get in trouble. : It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. : I can't believe I'm doing this. : I've got to. (Barry disguises himself as a character on a food can as Vanessa walks by again) : Oh, I can't do it. Come on! : No. Yes. No. : Do it. I can't.
: How should I start it? (Barry strikes a pose and wiggles his eyebrows) "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. (Vanessa is about to walk past Barry) Here she comes! Speak, you fool! : ...Hi! (Vanessa gasps and drops the dishes in fright and notices Barry on the counter) : I'm sorry. VANESSA: - You're talking. BARRY: - Yes, I know. VANESSA: (Pointing at Barry) You're talking! BARRY: I'm so sorry. VANESSA: No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. : But I don't recall going to bed. BARRY: Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA: This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee!
BARRY: I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, (Pointing to the living room where Ken tried to kill him last night) but they were all trying to kill me. : And if it wasn't for you... : I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. (Vanessa stabs her hand with a fork to test whether she's dreaming or not) : That was a little weird. VANESSA: - I'm talking with a bee. BARRY: - Yeah. VANESSA: I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! BARRY: I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. (Barry turns to leave) VANESSA: - Wait! How did you learn to do that? BARRY: (Flying back) - What? VANESSA: The talking...thing. BARRY:
Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. VANESSA: - That's very funny. BARRY: - Yeah. : Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. : Anyway... VANESSA: Can I... : ...get you something? BARRY: - Like what? VANESSA: I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee? BARRY: I don't want to put you out. VANESSA: It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. : - It's just coffee. BARRY: - I hate to impose. (Vanessa starts making coffee) VANESSA: - Don't be ridiculous!
BARRY: - Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA: Hey, you want rum cake? BARRY: - I shouldn't. VANESSA: - Have some. BARRY: - No, I can't. VANESSA: - Come on! BARRY: I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. VANESSA: - Where? BARRY: - These stripes don't help. VANESSA: You look great! BARRY: I don't know if you know anything about fashion. : Are you all right? VANESSA: (Pouring coffee on the floor and missing the cup completely) No. (Flash forward in time. Barry and Vanessa are sitting together at a table on top of the apartment building drinking coffee)
: BARRY== He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. : He finally gets there. : He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. : And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. : Why would I marry a watermelon?" (Barry laughs but Vanessa looks confused) VANESSA: Is that a bee joke? BARRY: That's the kind of stuff we do. VANESSA: Yeah, different. : So, what are you gonna do, Barry? (Barry stands on top of a sugar cube floating in his coffee and paddles it around with a straw like it's a gondola) BARRY: About work? I don't know. : I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. VANESSA: I know how you feel.
BARRY: - You do? VANESSA: - Sure. : My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY: - Really? VANESSA: - My only interest is flowers. BARRY: Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. : Anyway, if you look... (Barry points to a tree in the middle of Central Park) : There's my hive right there. See it? VANESSA: You're in Sheep Meadow! BARRY: Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! VANESSA: No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. BARRY: - Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA: - Why not? BARRY:

• It's like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA:
• Maybe I'll try that. (A custodian installing a lightbulb looks over at them but to his perspective it looks like Vanessa is talking to a cup of coffee on the table) CUSTODIAN:
• You all right, ma'am? VANESSA:
• Oh, yeah. Fine. : Just having two cups of coffee! BARRY: Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. VANESSA== Yeah, it's no trouble. BARRY: Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. (Barry points towards the rum cake) : Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA: Sure! Here, have a crumb. (Vanessa hands Barry a crumb but it is still pretty big for Barry) BARRY:
• Thanks! VANESSA:
• Yeah. BARRY: All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around.
  : Or not. VANESSA: OK, Barry... BARRY: And thank you so much again... for before. VANESSA: Oh, that? That was nothing. BARRY: Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... (Vanessa and Barry hold hands, but Vanessa has to hold out a finger because her hands is to big and Barry holds that) (The custodian looks over again and it appears Vanessa is laughing at her coffee again. The lightbulb that he was screwing in sparks and he falls off the ladder) (Fast forward in time and we see two Bee Scientists testing out a parachute in a Honex wind tunnel) BEE SCIENTIST #1: This can't possibly work. BEE SCIENTIST #2: He's all set to go. We may as well try it. : OK, Dave, pull the chute. (Dave pulls the chute and the wind slams him against the wall and he falls on his face.The camera pans over and we see Barry and Adam walking together) ADAM:
  
• Sounds amazing. BARRY:
  
• It was amazing! : It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life.
  

ADAM: Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! : Giant, scary humans! What were they like? BARRY: Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. : They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. ADAM: - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? BARRY: - Some of them. But some of them don't. ADAM: - How'd you get back? BARRY: - Poodle. ADAM: You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. : You had your "experience." Now you can pick out your job and be normal. BARRY: - Well... ADAM: - Well? BARRY: Well, I met someone.
ADAM: You did? Was she Bee-ish? : - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! BARRY: - No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM: - Spider? BARRY: - I'm not attracted to spiders. : I know, for everyone else, it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. : I can't get by that face. ADAM: So who is she? BARRY: She's... human. ADAM: No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. BARRY: - Her name's Vanessa. (Adam puts his head in his hands) ADAM: - Oh, boy. BARRY== She's so nice. And she's a florist! ADAM: Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!
BARRY: We're not dating. ADAM: You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes : with power washers and M-80s! That's one-eighth a stick of dynamite! BARRY: She saved my life! And she understands me. ADAM: This is over! BARRY: Eat this. (Barry gives Adam a piece of the crumb that he got from Vanessa. Adam eats it) ADAM: (Adam's tone changes) This is not over! What was that? BARRY: - They call it a crumb. ADAM: - It was so stingin' stripey! BARRY: And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! : - You know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM: - No. (Adam opens a door behind him and he pulls Barry in)
BARRY: It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. ADAM: Be quiet! BARRY: They heat it up... ADAM: Sit down! (Adam forces Barry to sit down) BARRY: (Still rambling about Cinnabons) ...really hot! (Adam grabs Barry by the shoulders) ADAM: - Listen to me! : We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! BARRY== Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? ADAM: There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! : You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! BARRY: - Thinking bee. WORKER BEE: - Thinking bee. WORKER BEES AND ADAM: Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee! (Flash forward in time; Barry is laying on a raft in a pool full of honey. He is wearing sunglasses) JANET: There he is. He's in the pool. MARTIN: You know what your problem is, Barry? (Barry pulls down his sunglasses and he looks annoyed) BARRY: (Sarcastic) I gotta start thinking bee? JANET: How much longer will this go on? MARTIN: It's been three days! Why aren't you working? (Puts sunglasses back on) BARRY: I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. MARTIN: What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! JANET: Would it kill you to make a little honey? (Barry rolls off the raft and sinks into the honey pool) : Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. : Martin, would you talk to him? MARTIN:
Barry, I'm talking to you! (Barry keeps sinking into the honey until he is suddenly in Central Park having a picnic with Vanessa) (Barry has a cup of honey and he clinks his glass with Vanessas. Suddenly a mosquito lands on Vanessa and she slaps it, killing it. They both gasp but then burst out laughing) VANESSA: You coming? (The camera pans over and Vanessa is climbing into a small yellow airplane) BARRY: Got everything? VANESSA: All set! BARRY: Go ahead. I'll catch up. (Vanessa lifts off and flies ahead) VANESSA: Don't be too long. (Barry catches up with Vanessa and he sticks out his arms like ana irplane. He rolls from side to side, and Vanessa copies him with the airplane) VANESSA: Watch this! (Barry stays back and watches as Vanessa draws a heart in the air using pink smoke from the plane, but on the last loop-the-loop she suddenly crashes into a mountain and the plane explodes. The destroyed plane falls into some rocks and explodes a second time) BARRY: Vanessa! (As Barry is yelling his mouth fills with honey and he wakes up, discovering that he was just day dreaming. He slowly sinks back into the honey pool) MARTIN: - We're still here.
JANET: - I told you not to yell at him. : He doesn't respond to yelling! MARTIN: - Then why yell at me? JANET: - Because you don't listen! MARTIN: I'm not listening to this. BARRY: Sorry, I've gotta go. MARTIN: - Where are you going? BARRY: - I'm meeting a friend. JANET: A girl? Is this why you can't decide? BARRY: Bye. (Barry flies out the door and Martin shakes his head) : JANET== I just hope she's Bee-ish. (Fast forward in time and Barry is sitting on Vanessa's shoulder and she is closing up her shop) BARRY: They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? VANESSA: To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream!
: Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. BARRY: A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? VANESSA: No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? BARRY: It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. VANESSA: Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. BARRY: TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! VANESSA: You don't have that? BARRY: We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. VANESSA: Oh, my. (A human walks by and Barry narrowly avoids him) PASSERBY: Dumb bees! VANESSA: You must want to sting all those jerks. BARRY: We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us. VANESSA: So you have to watch your temper (They walk into a store) BARRY: Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, : write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: : Anger, jealousy, lust. (Suddenly an employee(Hector) hits Barry off of Vanessa's shoulder. Hector thinks he's saving Vanessa) VANESSA: (To Barry) Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? (Barry is getting up off the floor) BARRY: Yeah. VANESSA: (To Hector) - What is wrong with you?! HECTOR: (Confused) - It's a bug. VANESSA: He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! (Vanessa hits Hector across the face with the magazine he had and then hits him in the head. Hector backs away covering his head) Barry: What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? (Vanessa sets Barry back on her shoulder)
VANESSA: Yeah, it was. How did you know? BARRY: It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. VANESSA: You've really got that down to a science. BARRY: - Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. VANESSA: - I'll bet. (Barry looks to his right and notices there is honey for sale in the aisle) BARRY: What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? (Barry looks at all the brands of honey, shocked) How did this get here? Cute Bee, Golden Blossom, : Ray Liotta Private Select? (Barry puts his hands up and slowly turns around, a look of disgust on his face) VANESSA: - Is he that actor? BARRY: - I never heard of him. : - Why is this here? VANESSA: - For people. We eat it. BARRY:
You don't have enough food of your own?! (Hector looks back and notices that Vanessa is talking to Barry) VANESSA: - Well, yes. BARRY: - How do you get it? VANESSA: - Bees make it. BARRY: - I know who makes it! : And it's hard to make it! : There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! VANESSA: - It's organic. BARRY: - It's our-ganic! VANESSA: It's just honey, Barry. BARRY: Just what?! : Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! : You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! :
And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. : I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! (Flash forward in time; Barry paints his face with black strikes like a soldier and sneaks into the storage section of the store) (Two men, including Hector, are loading boxes into some trucks) : SUPERMARKET EMPLOYEE== Hey, Hector. : - You almost done? HECTOR: - Almost. (Barry takes a step to peak around the corner) (Whispering) He is here. I sense it. : Well, I guess I'll go home now (Hector pretends to walk away by walking in place and speaking loudly) : and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. BARRY: You're busted, box boy! HECTOR: I knew I heard something! So you can talk! BARRY: I can talk. And now you'll start talking! : Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier? HECTOR: I don't understand. I thought we were friends. : The last thing we want to do is upset bees! (Hector takes a thumbtack out of the board behind him and sword-fights Barry. Barry is using his stinger like a sword) : You're too late! It's ours now! BARRY: You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! HECTOR: You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! (Barry hits the thumbtack out of Hectors hand and Hector surrenders) Barry: Where is the honey coming from? : Tell me where! HECTOR: (Pointing to leaving truck) Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! (Barry chases after the truck but it is getting away. He flies onto a bicyclists' backpack and he catches up to the truck) CAR DRIVER: (To bicyclist) Crazy person! (Barry flies off and lands on the windshield of the Honey farms truck. Barry looks around and sees dead bugs splattered everywhere) BARRY: What horrible thing has happened here?
: These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now : they're on the road to nowhere! (Barry hears a sudden whisper) (Barry looks up and sees Mooseblood, a mosquito playing dead) MOOSEBLOOD: Just keep still. BARRY: What? You're not dead? MOOSEBLOOD: Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? BARRY: To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. MOOSEBLOOD: I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! ANOTHER BUG PLAYING DEAD: I'm going to Tacoma. (Barry looks at another bug) BARRY: - And you? MOOSEBLOOD: - He really is dead. BARRY: All right. (Another bug hits the windshield and the drivers notice. They activate the windshield wipers) MOOSEBLOOD== Uh-oh! (The windshield wipers are slowly sliding over the dead bugs and wiping
them off) BARRY: - What is that?! MOOSEBLOOD: - Oh, no! : - A wiper! Triple blade! BARRY: - Triple blade? MOOSEBLOOD: Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! (Mooseblood and Barry grab onto the wiper and they hold on as it wipes the windshield) Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! : How much do you people need to see?! (Bangs on windshield) : Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! RADIO IN TRUCK: From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. MOOSEBLOOD: But don't kill no more bugs! (Mooseblood and Barry are washed off by the wipr fluid) MOOSEBLOOD: - Bee! BARRY: - Moose blood guy!! (Barry starts screaming as he hangs onto the antenna) (Suddenly it is revealed that a water bug is also hanging on the antenna.
There is a pause and then Barry and the water bug both start screaming) TRUCK DRIVER: - You hear something? GUY IN TRUCK: - Like what? TRUCK DRIVER: Like tiny screaming. GUY IN TRUCK: Turn off the radio. (The antenna starts to lower until it gets to low and sinks into the truck. The water bug flies off and Barry is forced to let go and he is blown away. He luckily lands inside a horn on top of the truck where he finds Mooseblood, who was blown into the same place) MOOSEBLOOD: Whassup, bee boy? BARRY: Hey, Blood. (Fast forward in time and we see that Barry is deep in conversation with Mooseblood. They have been sitting in this truck for a while) BARRY: ...Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. MOOSEBLOOD: Wow! BARRY: I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. : I mean, that honey's ours. MOOSEBLOOD: - Bees hang tight. BARRY:

• We're all jammed in. : It's a close community. MOOSEBLOOD: Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. BARRY:
• What if you get in trouble? MOOSEBLOOD:
• You a mosquito, you in trouble. : Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! BARRY: At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. MOOSEBLOOD: Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. : Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. (An ambulance passes by and it has a blood donation sign on it) You got to be kidding me! : Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! (Mooseblood leaves and flies onto the window of the ambulance where there are other mosquito's hanging out) :
• Hey, guys! OTHER MOSQUITO:
• Mooseblood!

MOOSEBLOOD: I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? (The truck goes out of view and Barry notices that the truck he's on is pulling into a camp of some sort) TRUCK DRIVER: We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. (Barry flies out) BARRY: What is this place? BEEKEEPER 1#: A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. BEEKEEPER #2: They are pinheads! : Pinhead. : - Check out the new smoker. BEEKEEPER #1: - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. : The Thomas 3000! BARRY: Smoker? BEEKEEPER #1: Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. : A couple breaths of this knocks them right out.
BEEKEEPER #2: They make the honey, and we make the money. BARRY: "They make the honey, and we make the money"? (The Beekeeper sprays hundreds of cheap miniature apartments with the smoker. The bees are fainting or passing out) Oh, my! : What's going on? Are you OK? (Barry flies into one of the apartment and helps a Bee couple get off the ground. They are coughing and its hard for them to stand) BEE IN APARTMENT: Yeah. It doesn't last too long. BARRY: Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? BEE IN APPARTMENT: Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. (The apartment room is completely empty except for a photo on the wall of the "queen" who is obviously a man in women's clothes) BARRY: This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! : That's a drag queen! : What is this? (Barry flies out and he discovers that there are hundreds of these structures, each housing thousands of Bees) Oh, no! : There's hundreds of them! (Barry takes out his camera and takes pictures of these Bee work camps. The beekeepers look very evil in these depictions)
Bee honey. : Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! : This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. (Flash forward in time and Barry is showing these pictures to his parents) JANET: Oh, Barry, stop. MARTIN: Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. BARRY: Do these look like rumors? (Holds up the pictures) UNCLE CARL: That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. JANET: How did you get mixed up in this? ADAM: He's been talking to humans. JANET: - What? MARTIN: - Talking to humans?! ADAM: He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! JANET: Make out? Barry!
BARRY: We do not. ADAM: - You wish you could. MARTIN: - Whose side are you on? BARRY: The bees! UNCLE CARL: (He has been sitting in the back of the room this entire time) I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. JANET: Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? BARRY: I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! : Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked : your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. JANET: I remember that. BARRY: What right do they have to our honey? : We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!
ADAM: Even if it's true, what can one bee do? BARRY: Sting them where it really hurts. MARTIN: In the face! The eye! : - That would hurt. BARRY: - No. MARTIN: Up the nose? That's a killer. BARRY: There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. (Flash forward a bit in time and we are watching the Bee News) BEE NEWS NARRATOR: Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. BEE PROTESTOR: No more bee beards! BEE NEWS NARRATOR: With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. : Weather with Storm Stinger. : Sports with Buzz Larvi. : And Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE: - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. JEANETTE CHUNG:

• And I'm Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE: A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, : intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, : packaging it and profiting from it illegally! JEANETTE CHUNG: Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, : we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, : Classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. (The scene changes to an interview on the news with Bee version of Larry King and Barry) BEE LARRY KING: Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. : Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? BARRY: Bees have never been afraid to change the world. : What about Bee Columbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? BEE LARRY KING: Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.
  : We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. BARRY: How old are you? BEE LARRY KING: The bee community is supporting you in this case, : which will be the trial of the bee century. BARRY: You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. BEE LARRY KING: It's a common name. Next week... BARRY: He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... BEE LARRY KING: Next week... BARRY: Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. BEE LARRY KING: Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here, live. (Bee Larry King gets annoyed and flies away offscreen) BARRY: Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. (Flash forward in time. We see Vanessa enter and Ken enters behind her. They are arguing)
  

KEN: In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! VANESSA: It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. KEN== Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? BARRY: (To Ken) Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. KEN: (Pointing at Barry) - Is that that same bee? VANESSA: - Yes, it is! : I'm helping him sue the human race. BARRY: - Hello. KEN: - Hello, bee. VANESSA: This is Ken. BARRY: (Recalling the "Winter Boots" incident earlier) Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. KEN: (To Vanessa) Why does he talk again? VANESSA:
Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. KEN: But it's our yogurt night! VANESSA: (Holding door open for Ken) Bye-bye. KEN: (Yelling) Why is yogurt night so difficult?! (Ken leaves and Vanessa walks over to Barry. His workplace is a mess) VANESSA: You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! BARRY: Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. ADAM: - Frosting... - How many sugars? ==BARRY== Just one. I try not to use the competition. : So why are you helping me? VANESSA: Bees have good qualities. : And it takes my mind off the shop. : Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. BARRY:
Those are great, if you're three. VANESSA: And artificial flowers. BARRY: - Oh, those just get me psychotic! VANESSA: - Yeah, me too. : BARRY: Bent stingers, pointless pollination. ADAM: Bees must hate those fake things! : Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. : Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. VANESSA: - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. BARRY: - I guess. ADAM: You sure you want to go through with it? BARRY: Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able : to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! (Flash forward in time and we are watching the human news. The camera shows
a crowd outside a courthouse) NEWS REPORTER: It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, : where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, : we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. (We are no longer watching through a news camera) ADAM: What have we gotten into here, Barry? BARRY: It's pretty big, isn't it? ADAM== (Looking at the hundreds of people around the courthouse) I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. BARRY: You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? SECURITY GUARD: Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. (A limousine drives up and a fat man,Layton Montgomery, a honey industry owner gets out and walks past Barry) ADAM: - What's the matter? BARRY: - I don't know, I just got a chill. (Fast forward in time and everyone is in the court) MONTGOMERY: Well, if it isn't the bee team.
(To Honey Industry lawyers) You boys work on this? MAN: All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. JUDGE BUMBLETON: All right. Case number 4475, : Superior Court of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry : is now in session. : Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? MONTGOMERY: A privilege. JUDGE BUMBLETON: Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? (Everyone looks closely, they are waiting to see if a Bee can really talk) (Barry makes several buzzing sounds to sound like a Bee) BARRY: I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. JUDGE BUMBLBETON: Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. MONTGOMERY: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, : my grandmother was a simple woman. :
Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right : to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. : If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, : just think of what would it mean. : I would have to negotiate with the silkworm : for the elastic in my britches! : Talking bee! (Montgomery walks over and looks closely at Barry) : How do we know this isn't some sort of : holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? : They could be using laser beams! : Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, : he could be on steroids! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Mr. Benson?
BARRY: Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. : I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. : It's important to all bees. We invented it! : We make it. And we protect it with our lives. : Unfortunately, there are some people in this room : who think they can take it from us : 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, : you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have : but everything we are! JANET== (To Martin) I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Call your first witness. BARRY: So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have. KLAUSS VANDERHAYDEN: I suppose so. BARRY: I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! KLAUSS: Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. BARRY: Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. : I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? KLAUSS: (Quietly) - No. BARRY: - I couldn't hear you. KLAUSS: - No. BARRY: - No. : Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, : it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. KLAUSS: They're very lovable creatures.
: Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. BARRY: You mean like this? (The bear from Over The Hedge barges in through the back door and it is roaring and standing on its hind legs. It is thrashing its claws and people are screaming. It is being held back by a guard who has the bear on a chain) : (Pointing to the roaring bear) Bears kill bees! : How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! : Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! JUDGE BUMBLETON: OK, that's enough. Take him away. (The bear stops roaring and thrashing and walks out) BARRY: So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. : - Where have I heard it before? MR. STING: - I was with a band called The Police. BARRY: But you've never been a police officer, have you? STING: No, I haven't. BARRY:
No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example : of bee culture casually stolen by a human : for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. STING: Oh, please. BARRY: Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? : Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. : Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! MONTGOMERY: That's not his real name?! You idiots! BARRY: Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on : your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. RAY LIOTTA: Thank you. Thank you. BARRY: I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome : with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow. RAY LIOTTA: I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? BARRY: Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? : Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't : have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? RAY LIOTTA: Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! BARRY: This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! (Ray Liotta looses it and tries to grab Barry) RAY LIOTTA: Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! JUDGE BUMBLETON: - Order in this court! RAY LIOTTA: - You're all thinking it! (Judge Bumbleton starts banging her gavel) JUDGE BUMBLETON: Order! Order, I say! RAY LIOTTA: - Say it! MAN:

• Mr. Liotta, please sit down! (We see a montage of magazines which feature the court case) (Flash forward in time and Barry is back home with Vanessa) BARRY: I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. VANESSA: I think the jury's on our side. BARRY: Are we doing everything right,you know, legally? VANESSA: I'm a florist. BARRY: Right. Well, here's to a great team. VANESSA: To a great team! (Ken walks in from work. He sees Barry and he looks upset when he sees Barry clinking his glass with Vanessa) KEN: Well, hello. VANESSA:
• Oh, Ken! BARRY:
• Hello! VANESSA: I didn't think you were coming. : No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... (Ken holds up his phone and flips it open. The phone has no charge) ...the battery... VANESSA:

I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. KEN: Oh, that was lucky. (Ken sits down at the table across from Barry and Vanessa leaves the room) VANESSA: There's a little left. I could heat it up. KEN: (Not taking his eyes off Barry) Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. BARRY: So I hear you're quite a tennis player. : I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. KEN: That's where I usually sit. Right... (Points to where Barry is sitting) there. VANESSA: (Calling from other room) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, : and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. KEN: (To Barry) You think I don't see what you're doing? BARRY: I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common.
KEN: Do we? BARRY: Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. KEN: (Menacingly) That's just what I was thinking about doing. (Ken reaches for a fork on the table but knocks if on the floor. He goes to pick it up) VANESSA: Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. (Ken quickly rises back up after hearing this but hits his head on the table and yells) BARRY: I'm going to drain the old stinger. KEN: Yeah, you do that. (Barry flies past Ken to get to the bathroom and Ken freaks out, splashing some of the wine he was using to cool his head in his eyes. He yells in anger) (Barry looks at the magazines featuring his victories in court) BARRY: Look at that. (Barry flies into the bathroom) (He puts his hand on his head but this makes hurts him and makes him even madder. He yells again) (Barry is washing his hands in the sink but then Ken walks in) KEN: You know, you know I've just about had it (Closes bathroom door behind him) with your little mind games. (Ken is menacingly rolling up a magazine) BARRY:
(Backing away) - What's that? KEN: - Italian Vogue. BARRY: Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. KEN: It's a lot of ads. BARRY: Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? KEN: That's funny, I just can't seem to recall that! (Ken smashes everything off the sink with the magazine and Barry narrowly escapes) (Ken follows Barry around and tries to hit him with the magazine but he keeps missing) (Ken gets a spray bottle) : I think something stinks in here! BARRY: (Enjoying the spray) I love the smell of flowers. (Ken holds a lighter in front of the spray bottle) KEN: How do you like the smell of flames?! BARRY: Not as much. (Ken fires his make-shift flamethrower but misses Barry, burning the bathroom. He torches the whole room but looses his footing and falls into the bathtub. After getting hit in the head by falling objects 3 times he picks up the shower head, revealing a Water bug hiding under it) WATER BUG: Water bug! Not taking sides!
(Barry gets up out of a pile of bathroom supplies and he is wearing a chapstick hat) BARRY: Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! (Ken switches the shower head to lethal) KEN: I've got issues! (Ken sprays Barry with the shower head and he crash lands into the toilet) (Ken menacingly looks down into the toilet at Barry) Well, well, well, a royal flush! BARRY: - You're bluffing. KEN: - Am I? (flushes toilet) (Barry grabs a chapstick from the toilet seat and uses it to surf in the flushing toilet) BARRY: Surf's up, dude! (Barry flies out of the toilet on the chapstick and sprays Ken's face with the toilet water) : EW,Poo water! BARRY: That bowl is gnarly. KEN: (Aiming a toilet cleaner at Barry) Except for those dirty yellow rings! (Barry cowers and covers his head and Vanessa runs in and takes the toilet cleaner from Ken just before he hits Barry) VANESSA: Kenneth! What are you doing?! KEN== (Leaning towards Barry)
You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! VANESSA: We need to talk! (Vanessa pulls Ken out of the bathroom) : He's just a little bee! : And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! KEN: Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? VANESSA: No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! KEN: Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... : My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! VANESSA: Goodbye, Ken. (Ken huffs and walks out and slams the door. But suddenly he walks back in and stares at Barry) : And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners MADE BY MAN! (Ken leaves again and Vanessa leans in towards Barry) VANESSA: I'm sorry about all that. (Ken walks back in again)
KEN: I know it's got an aftertaste! I LIKE IT! (Ken leaves for the last time) VANESSA: I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. : I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. : Are you OK for the trial? BARRY: I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. (Flash forward in time and Barry, Adam, and Vanessa are back in court) MONTGOMERY-- We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. ADAM: Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... (Barry stares at Adam) ...Yeah. LAWYER: Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. MONTGOMERY: Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around : is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. (To lawyer)

• You got the tweezers? LAWYER:
• Are you allergic? MONTGOMERY: Only to losing, son. Only to losing. : Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. : What exactly is your relationship (Points to Vanessa) : to that woman? BARRY: We're friends. MONTGOMERY:
• Good friends? BARRY:
• Yes. MONTGOMERY: How good? Do you live together? ADAM: Wait a minute... : MONTGOMERY: Are you her little... : ...bedbug? (Adam's stinger starts vibrating. He is agitated) I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand,
  : doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? BARRY:
  
• Yeah, but... MONTGOMERY: (Pointing at Janet and Martin)
  
• So those aren't your real parents! JANET:
  
• Oh, Barry... BARRY:
  
• Yes, they are! ADAM: Hold me back! (Vanessa tries to hold Adam back. He wants to sting Montgomery) MONTGOMERY: You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? ADAM: He's denouncing bees! MONTGOMERY: Don't y'all date your cousins? (Montgomery leans over on the jury stand and stares at Adam) VANESSA:
  
• Objection! (Vanessa raises her hand to object but Adam gets free. He flies straight at Montgomery) =ADAM:
  
• I'm going to pincushion this guy! BARRY: Adam, don't! It's what he wants! (Adam stings Montgomery in the butt and he starts thrashing around)
  

MONTGOMERY: Oh, I'm hit!! : Oh, lordy, I am hit! JUDGE BUMBLETON: (Banging gavel) Order! Order! MONTGOMERY: (Overreacting) The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! : I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! : You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! : Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! BARRY: - Adam, stay with me. ADAM: - I can't feel my legs. MONTGOMERY: (Overreacting and throwing his body around the room) What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison : from my heaving buttocks? JUDGE BUMLBETON: I will have order in this court. Order!
: Order, please! (Flash forward in time and we see a human news reporter) NEWS REPORTER: The case of the honeybees versus the human race : took a pointed turn against the bees : yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. (Adam is laying in a hospital bed and Barry flies in to see him) BARRY: - Hey, buddy. ADAM: - Hey. BARRY: - Is there much pain? ADAM: - Yeah. : I... : I blew the whole case, didn't I? BARRY: It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. ADAM: I'd be better off dead. Look at me. (A small plastic sword is replaced as Adam's stinger) They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.
: Look, there's a little celery still on it. (Flicks off the celery and sighs) BARRY: What was it like to sting someone? ADAM: I can't explain it. It was all... : All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! BARRY: ...All right. ADAM: You think it was all a trap? BARRY: Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. : What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. ADAM: What will the humans do to us if they win? BARRY: I don't know. ADAM: I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. BARRY: Adam, they check in, but they don't check out!
ADAM: Oh, my. (Coughs) Could you get a nurse to close that window? BARRY: - Why? ADAM: - The smoke. (We can see that two humans are smoking cigarettes outside) : Bees don't smoke. BARRY: Right. Bees don't smoke. : Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. : That's it! That's our case! ADAM: It is? It's not over? BARRY: Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. : Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. (Flash forward in time and Adam is making a paper boat in the courtroom) ADAM: And assuming you've done step 29 correctly, you're ready for the tub! (We see that the jury have each made their own paper boats after being taught how by Adam. They all look confused) JUDGE BUMBLETON:
Mr. Flayman. ADAM: Yes? Yes, Your Honor! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Where is the rest of your team? ADAM: (Continues stalling) Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. : Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, : and as a result, we don't make very good time. : I actually heard a funny story about... MONTGOMERY: Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs : taken up enough of this court's valuable time? : How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? : They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges : against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. : I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case! JUDGE BUMBLETON: Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going : to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. ADAM: But you can't! We have a terrific case. MONTGOMERY: Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? : Show me the smoking gun! BARRY: (Barry flies in through the door) Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? : Here is your smoking gun. (Vanessa walks in holding a bee smoker. She sets it down on the Judge's podium) JUDGE BUMBLETON: What is that? BARRY: It's a bee smoker! MONTGOMERY: (Picks up smoker) What, this? This harmless little contraption? : This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. (Montgomery accidentally fires it at the bees in the crowd and they faint
and cough) (Dozens of reporters start taking pictures of the suffering bees) BARRY: Look at what has happened : to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" : Is this what nature intended for us? : To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines : and man-made wooden slat work camps? : Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? (Barry points to the honey industry owners. One of them is an African American so he awkwardly separates himself from the others) LAWYER: - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. BARRY: Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! ADAM AND VANESSA: Free the bees! Free the bees! BEES IN CROWD: Free the bees! HUMAN JURY: Free the bees! Free the bees! JUDGE BUMBLETON: The court finds in favor of the bees!
BARRY: Vanessa, we won! VANESSA: I knew you could do it! High-five! (Vanessa hits Barry hard because her hand is too big) : Sorry. BARRY: (Overjoyed) I'm OK! You know what this means? : All the honey will finally belong to the bees. : Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. MONTGOMERY: This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. : You'll regret this. (Montgomery leaves and Barry goes outside the courtroom. Several reporters start asking Barry questions) REPORTER 1#: Barry, how much honey is out there? BARRY: All right. One at a time. REPORTER 2#: Barry, who are you wearing? BARRY: My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.
(Barry flies outside with the paparazzi and Adam and Vanessa stay back) ADAM: (To Vanessa) - What if Montgomery's right? Vanessa: - What do you mean? ADAM: We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. (Flash forward in time and Barry is talking to a man) BUSINESS MAN: Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? BARRY: First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. (As Barry is talking we see a montage of men putting "closed" tape over the work camps and freeing the bees in the crappy apartments) Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, : every last drop. (Men in suits are pushing all the honey of the aisle and into carts) We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more (We see a statue of a bear-shaped honey container being pulled down by bees) than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. : We're all aware of what they do in the woods. (We see Winnie the Pooh sharing his honey with Piglet in the cross-hairs of a high-tech sniper rifle) BARRY: (Looking through binoculars)
Wait for my signal. : Take him out. (Winnie gets hit by a tranquilizer dart and dramatically falls off the log he was standing on, his tongue hanging out. Piglet looks at Pooh in fear and the Sniper takes the honey.) SNIPER: He'll have nausea for a few hours, then he'll be fine. (Flash forward in time) BARRY: And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... (Mr. Sting is sitting at home until he is taken out of his house by the men in suits) STING: But it's just a prance-about stage name! BARRY: ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products : and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. (An old lady is mixing honey into her tea but suddenly men in suits smash her face down on the table and take the honey) OLD LADY: Can't breathe. (A honey truck pulls up to Barry's hive) WORKER: Bring it in, boys! : Hold it right there! Good. : Tap it.
(Tons of honey is being pumped into the hive's storage) BEE WORKER 1#: (Honey overflows from the cup) Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! : - I think we need to shut down! =BEE WORKER #2= - Shut down? We've never shut down. : Shut down honey production! DEAN BUZZWELL: Stop making honey! (The bees all leave their stations. Two bees run into a room and they put the keys into a machine) Turn your key, sir! (Two worker bees dramatically turn their keys, which opens the button which they press, shutting down the honey-making machines. This is the first time this has ever happened) BEE: ...What do we do now? (Flash forward in time and a Bee is about to jump into a pool full of honey) Cannonball! (The bee gets stuck in the honey and we get a short montage of Bees leaving work) (We see the Pollen Jocks flying but one of them gets a call on his antenna) LOU LU DUVA: (Through "phone") We're shutting honey production! : Mission abort. POLLEN JOCK #1: Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. (The Pollen Jocks fly back to the hive)
(We get a time lapse of Central Park slowly wilting away as the bees all relax) BARRY: Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. ADAM: Oh, yeah? BARRY: What's going on? Where is everybody? (The entire street is deserted) : - Are they out celebrating? ADAM: - They're home. : They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. : I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. BARRY: At least we got our honey back. ADAM: Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? : It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. : This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. :
And now... : Now I can't. (Flash forward in time and Barry is talking to Vanessa) BARRY: I don't understand why they're not happy. : I thought their lives would be better! : They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. VANESSA: You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? BARRY: - What did you want to show me? (Vanessa takes Barry to the rooftop where they first had coffee and points to her store) VANESSA: - This. (Points at her flowers. They are all grey and wilting) BARRY: What happened here? VANESSA: That is not the half of it. (Small flash forward in time and Vanessa and Barry are on the roof of her store and she points to Central Park) (We see that Central Park is no longer green and colorful, rather it is grey, brown, and dead-like. It is very depressing to look at) BARRY: Oh, no. Oh, my. :
They're all wilting. VANESSA: Doesn't look very good, does it? BARRY: No. VANESSA: And whose fault do you think that is? BARRY: You know, I'm gonna guess bees. VANESSA== (Staring at Barry) Bees? BARRY: Specifically, me. : I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. VANESSA: It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. BARRY: That's our whole SAT test right there. VANESSA: Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. : And then, of course... BARRY: The human species? : So if there's no more pollination,
: it could all just go south here, couldn't it? VANESSA: I know this is also partly my fault. BARRY: How about a suicide pact? VANESSA: How do we do it? BARRY: - I'll sting you, you step on me. VANESSA: - That just kills you twice. BARRY: Right, right. VANESSA: Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. (Vanessa leaves) BARRY: (To himself) I had to open my mouth and talk. : Vanessa? : Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? (Vanessa is getting into a taxi) VANESSA: To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. :
They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. : It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. BARRY: Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. VANESSA: I know. Me neither. (The taxi starts to drive away) BARRY: Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. : Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? : Roses! : Vanessa! (Barry flies after the Taxi) VANESSA: Roses?! : Barry? (Barry is flying outside the window of the taxi) BARRY: - Roses are flowers! VANESSA: - Yes, they are. BARRY: Flowers, bees, pollen!
VANESSA: I know. That's why this is the last parade. BARRY: Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? VANESSA: Could you slow down? (The taxi driver screeches to a stop and Barry keeps flying forward) : Barry! (Barry flies back to the window) BARRY: OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. VANESSA: Yes, it kind of is. BARRY: I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you : with the flower shop. I've made it worse. VANESSA: Actually, it's completely closed down. BARRY: I thought maybe you were remodeling. : But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. VANESSA: I don't want to hear it!
BARRY: All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. : I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. : All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. : - Bees. VANESSA: - Park. BARRY: - Pollen! VANESSA: - Flowers. BARRY: - Re-pollination! VANESSA: - Across the nation! : Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. : They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. : Security will be tight. BARRY: I have an idea.
(Flash forward in time. Vanessa is about to board a plane which has all the Roses on board. VANESSA: Vanessa Bloome, FTD. (Holds out badge) : Official floral business. It's real. SECURITY GUARD: Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. =VANESSA== Thank you. It was a gift. (Barry is revealed to be hiding inside the brooch) (Flash back in time and Barry and Vanessa are discussing their plan) BARRY: Once inside, we just pick the right float. VANESSA: How about The Princess and the Pea? : I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! BARRY: Yes, I got it. : - Where should I sit? GUARD: - What are you? BARRY: - I believe I'm the pea. GUARD: - The pea? VANESSA:
It goes under the mattresses. GUARD: - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. VANESSA: You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! : Let's see what this baby'll do. (Vanessa drives the float through traffic) GUARD: Hey, what are you doing?! BARRY== Then all we do is blend in with traffic... : ...without arousing suspicion. : Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. (Flash forward in time and Barry and Vanessa are about to get on a plane) SECURITY GUARD: Stop! Security. : - You and your insect pack your float? VANESSA: - Yes. SECURITY GUARD: Has it been in your possession the entire time? VANESSA: - Yes.
SECURITY GUARD: Would you remove your shoes? (To Barry) - Remove your stinger. BARRY: - It's part of me. SECURITY GUARD: I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. (Barry plotting with Vanessa) BARRY: Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. (Flash forward in time and Barry and Vanessa are flying on the plane) Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! VANESSA: I think this is gonna work. BARRY: It's got to work. CAPTAIN SCOTT: (On intercom) Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. : We have a bit of bad weather in New York. : It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. VANESSA: Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. BARRY:
I gotta get up there and talk to them. VANESSA== Be careful. (Barry flies right outside the cockpit door) BARRY: Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. (The flight attendant opens the door and walks out and Barry flies into the cockpit unseen) BARRY: Captain, I'm in a real situation. CAPTAIN SCOTT: - What'd you say, Hal? CO-PILOT HAL: - Nothing. (Scott notices Barry and freaks out) CAPTAIN SCOTT: Bee! BARRY: No,no,no, Don't freak out! My entire species... (Captain Scott gets out of his seat and tries to suck Barry into a handheld vacuum) HAL: (To Scott) What are you doing? (Barry lands on Hals hair but Scott sees him. He tries to suck up Barry but instead he sucks up Hals toupee) CAPTAIN SCOTT: Uh-oh. BARRY: - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
HAL: (Hal doesn't know Barry is on his head) - Who's an attorney? CAPTAIN SCOTT: Don't move. (Scott hits Hal in the face with the vacuum in an attempt to hit Barry. Hal is knocked out and he falls on the life raft button which launches an infalatable boat into Scott, who gets knocked out and falls to the floor. They are both uncounscious.) BARRY: (To himself) Oh, Barry. BARRY: (On intercom, with a Southern accent) Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. : Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? (Vanessa looks confused) (Normal accent) ...And please hurry! (Vanessa opens the door and sees the life raft and the uncounscious pilots) VANESSA: What happened here? BARRY: I tried to talk to them, but then there was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. : Now one's bald, one's in a boat, and they're both unconscious! VANESSA: ...Is that another bee joke? BARRY:

• No! : No one's flying the plane! BUD DITCHWATER: (Through radio on plane) This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? VANESSA: This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. BUD: Where's the pilot? VANESSA: He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. BUD: Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? BARRY: As a matter of fact, there is. BUD:
• Who's that? BARRY:
• Barry Benson. BUD: From the honey trial?! Oh, great. BARRY: Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. : It's got giant wings, huge engines.

VANESSA: I can't fly a plane. BARRY: - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? VANESSA: - Yes. BARRY: How hard could it be? (Vanessa sits down and flies for a little bit but we see lightning clouds outside the window) VANESSA: Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. (An ominous lightning storm looms in front of the plane) (We are now watching the Bee News) BOB BUMBLE: This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, : where a suspenseful scene is developing. : Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... ADAM: That's Barry! BOB BUMBLE: ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers : and an incapacitated flight crew. JANET, MARTIN, UNCLE CAR AND ADAM: Flowers?! (The scene switches to the human news)
REPORTER: (Talking with Bob Bumble) We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls : with absolutely no flight experience. BOB BUMBLE: Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. BUD: I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. : They've done enough damage. REPORTER: But isn't he your only hope? BUD: Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. : Their wings are too small... BARRY: (Through radio) Haven't we heard this a million times? : "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense."... BOB BUMBLE: - Get this on the air! BEE: - Got it.
BEE NEWS CREW: - Stand by. BEE NEWS CREW: - We're going live! BARRY: (Through radio on TV) ...The way we work may be a mystery to you. : Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. : But let me tell you about a small job. : If you do it well, it makes a big difference. : More than we realized. To us, to everyone. : That's why I want to get bees back to working together. : That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. : We get behind a fellow. : - Black and yellow! BEES: - Hello! (The scene switches and Barry is teaching Vanessa how to fly) BARRY:
Left, right, down, hover. VANESSA: - Hover? BARRY: - Forget hover. VANESSA: This isn't so hard. (Pretending to honk the horn) Beep-beep! Beep-beep! (A Lightning bolt hits the plane and autopilot turns off) Barry, what happened?! BARRY: Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. VANESSA: - That may have been helping me. BARRY: - And now we're not! VANESSA: So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. (The plane plummets but we see Lou Lu Duva and the Pollen Jocks, along with multiple other bees flying towards the plane) Lou Lu DUva: All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! : Move out! (The scene switches back to Vanessa and Barry in the plane) BARRY: Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! (Barry sticks out his arms like an airplane and flys in front of Vanessa's face)
VANESSA: Don't have to yell. BARRY: I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. VANESSA: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! BARRY: It's not a tone. I'm panicking! VANESSA: I can't do this! (Barry slaps Vanessa) BARRY: Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! VANESSA: (Slaps Barry) You snap out of it. BARRY: (Slaps Vanessa) : You snap out of it. VANESSA: - You snap out of it! BARRY: - You snap out of it! (We see that all the Pollen Jocks are flying under the plane) VANESSA: - You snap out of it! BARRY: - You snap out of it!
VANESSA: - You snap out of it! BARRY: - You snap out of it! VANESSA: - Hold it! BARRY: - Why? Come on, it's my turn. VANESSA: How is the plane flying? (The plane is now safely flying) VANESSA: I don't know. (Barry's antennae rings like a phone. Barry picks up) BARRY: Hello? LOU LU DUVA: (Through "phone") Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? (All of the Pollen Jocks are carrying the plane) BARRY: The Pollen Jocks! : They do get behind a fellow. LOU LU DUVA: - Black and yellow. POLLEN JOCKS: - Hello. LOU LU DUVA: All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop. BARRY: Where? I can't see anything. Can you? VANESSA: No, nothing. It's all cloudy. : Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. BARRY: - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. (On the runway there are millions of bees laying on their backs) BEES: Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! BARRY: Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. VANESSA: - What? BARRY: - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. : Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. : Bring the nose down. BEES: Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! CONTROL TOWER OPERATOR: - What in the world is on the tarmac? BUD: - Get some lights on that!
(It is revealed that all the bees are organized into a giant pulsating flower formation) BEES: Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! BARRY: - Vanessa, aim for the flower. VANESSA: - OK. BARRY: Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? LOU LU DUVA: Affirmative! BARRY: Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. : Land on that flower! : Ready? Full reverse! : Spin it around! (The plane's nose is pointed at a flower painted on a nearby plane) - Not that flower! The other one! VANESSA: - Which one? BARRY: - That flower. (The plane is now pointed at a fat guy in a flowered shirt. He freaks out and tries to take a picture of the plane) VANESSA: - I'm aiming at the flower!
BARRY: That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! (The plane hovers over the bee-flower) : Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. : Rotate around it. VANESSA: - This is insane, Barry! BARRY: - This's the only way I know how to fly. BUD: Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? (The plane is unrealistically hovering and spinning over the bee-flower) BARRY: Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! : Just drop it. Be a part of it. : Aim for the center! : Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! : Come on, already. (The bees scatter and the plane safely lands) VANESSA: Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly!
BARRY: - Yes! (Vanessa is about to high-five Barry) No high-five! VANESSA: - Right. ADAM: Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? BARRY: What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! ADAM: - Thank you. BARRY: - But we're not done yet. : Listen, everyone! : This runway is covered with the last pollen : from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. : That means this is our last chance. : We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. : If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say?
: Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? BEES: We're bees! BEE WHO LIKES KEYCHAINS: Keychain! BARRY: Then follow me! Except Keychain. POLLEN JOCK #1: Hold on, Barry. Here. : You've earned this. BARRY: Yeah! : I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. (The Pollen Jocks throw Barry a nectar-collecting gun. Barry catches it) Oh, yeah. JANET: That's our Barry. (Barry and the Pollen Jocks get pollen from the flowers on the plane) (Flash forward in time and the Pollen Jocks are flying over NYC) : (Barry pollinates the flowers in Vanessa's shop and then heads to Central Park) BOY IN PARK: Mom! The bees are back! ADAM: (Putting on his Krelman hat) If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time. : I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! (The bee honey factories are back up and running) (Meanwhile at Vanessa's shop) VANESSA: (To customer) Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next? : Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. (There is a room in the shop where Barry does legal work for other animals. He is currently talking with a Cow) COW: Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! : Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! BARRY: I had no idea. VANESSA: Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? BARRY: Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. MOOSEBLOOD: Sorry I'm late. COW: He's a lawyer too?
MOOSEBLOOD: Ma'am, I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. VANESSA: Have a great afternoon! : Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. BARRY: No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. VANESSA: You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next? BARRY: All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. VANESSA: Thank you, Barry! (Ken walks by on the sidewalk and sees the "bee-approved honey" in Vanessa's shop) KEN: That bee is living my life!! ANDY: Let it go, Kenny. KEN: - When will this nightmare end?! ANDY: - Let it all go. BARRY: - Beautiful day to fly. POLLEN JOCK:

• Sure is. BARRY: Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. (Barry recreates the scene near the beginning of the movie where he flies through the box kite. The movie fades to black and the credits being) [--after credits; No scene can be seen but the characters can be heard talking over the credits--] You have got to start thinking bee, my friend! :
• Thinking bee!
• Me? BARRY: (Talking over singer) Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. : I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? SINGER: Oh, BarryBARRY: I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! SINGER: All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. BARRY: I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

UPDATE EDIT BELOW!!

I live in an apartment building, and my direct neighbor is elderly, mid to late 70s. We both, separately, live on our own. When she knocks on the door, she does NOT just knock knock knock, she will quietly tap the door - but she won't stop. A year ago, I once timed her knocking on my door, and after 45 seconds I yelled to shut up - and she stopped. Go get a timer and time how long 45 seconds actually is and think of someone knocking on your door continuously, 4-6 taps a second, for that time.
On to why I'm posting this, because an incident happened yesterday and after telling friends and family, I'm getting mixed opinions on my reaction being good or bad.
Yesterday, I got home to my apartment, and before I had my shoes off, my neighbor was knocking on my door. She was giving me a bottle of Gatorade she picked up for me - cute and nice yes, but it was shrouded in her telling me my apartment stinks like pot smoke (it 100% doesn't, I hadn't smoked that day yet, and it doesn't smell because my friends are non-smokers and confirmed). I literally thanked her for her input and shut the door, politely. I go pee, and lay down with my cat who's lying on my bed, and it's interrupted by her knocking again..
I get up to go get it, and she says she wanted to tell me about the noises outside today - I tell her I'm working and can't talk, talk to you later, and shut the door, again, politely.
I make a sandwich and pack a bowl into my bong and smoke it, it being the first one of the day, hits a bit rough, I cough about 4-6 times. Guess what...
^{knockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknock}
"Are you smoking that funny shit again? you know it's bad for you!" I asked her, more sternly this time, if she needed anything, and she said no, so I outright asked her, "Did you just knock on my door to tell me smoking is bad for me?" and she said yeah, with a smile on her face, thinking I was joking around.. but I'm not at this point.. I tell her "ok, thanks, it's legal, goodbye", and shut the door, firmly this time, and locked the door so that it made the noise, in hopes to get a point across.
By the time the 2nd song the Spotify list I played is finished, she's knocking again.. I'm not having it.. I RUDELY yell "THAT'S ENOUGH , GO AWAY". 5 seconds of silence.
^{knockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknockknock}
It's just me and my cat, and I loudly yell "OH FOR FUCK SAKES" and stomp over my door - loud enough that she would hear. Open it quickly and say "What?! What do you want this time?!" and she's holding a plate of spaghetti, asking if I want any..
I fell bad, but I'm not letting it go, I tell her I've eaten already, thanks for thinking of me, but please, can you stop knocking on my door? She says ok, looks defeated, and goes back to her place.
I shut the door and haven't heard from her since, including today.
EDIT: I asked the building management to do a wellness check, and she's alright.
EDIT 2: I also asked her over two years ago now, if she wanted to smoke, and she said she didn't smoke or drink - she was a nurse.
EDIT 3: I plan to buy her a potted plant today at work and give it to her with apologizing for yelling through the door, but I also plan to take this time to define some boundaries.
UPDATE EDIT:
Didn't feel like this deserved a whole new post, so. I bought her a $25 gift card to a coffee shop, and a mug, that I had the maintenance guy at work engrave her name into. Put it all in a box with a card that said sorry, was having a stressful day, and to please come by so we can discuss appropriate times to knock.
She did, and we agreed, Monday-Friday, 4pm-8pm, unless it's an emergency, or she needs food (happened a few times). I asked once per day limit but told her it's flexible, just not "6 times in an hour". I also agreed to move my pot smoking station to farther away from the door, so any residual smoke doesn't waft out.

I’ve always loved Piloti Prototipo driving shoes…they really are the best for heal and toe downshifts, and everyday comfort. The only downside…most people think I’m wearing bowling shoes.
Looking at their website…they seem have to have upped their style game…not that I really care about that…so I bought a new pair. And they suck. Well…they re that bad…except for a long drive my heal hurts…which is weird becasue my old ones still don’t hurt.
Anyone try the recent Piloti shoes, what are your experience with them?

Main hub thread with the full 131 rankings
Anchors aweigh, my boys, anchors aweigh
Farewell to foreign shores, we sail at break of day, of day
Through our last night ashore, drink to the foam
Until we meet once more, here's wishing you a happy voyage home
Navy is one of the oldest football programs in the country, having fielded their first team in 1879. With that comes a history of excellence, as it should with the Navy, who as a program is top 25 in all-time wins for FBS schools, has 2 Heisman winners, and a national title in 1926. Quarterback Roger Staubach, known as “Captain America”, was the winner of the 1963 Heisman and is an NFL Hall of Famer, the only QB in history to achieve both feats.

Best Seasons and Highlights

1. 2015: 19. Navy: 11-2 (25.276) 2. 2019: 19. Navy: 11-2 (24.894) 3. 2009: 28. Navy: 10-4 (13.712) 4. 1996: 28. Navy: 9-3 (8.642) 5. 2013: 42. Navy: 9-4 (7.584) 6. 2004: 31. Navy: 10-2 (6.282) 7. 2010: 41. Navy: 9-4 (4.625) 8. 2016: 47. Navy: 9-5 (3.576) 9. 2008: 44. Navy: 8-5 (3.107) 10. 2006: 42. Navy: 9-4 (2.051) 11. 2014: 53. Navy: 8-5 (-0.393) 12. 2005: 45. Navy: 8-4 (-2.572) 13. 1997: 51. Navy: 7-4 (-3.492) 14. 2007: 57. Navy: 8-5 (-4.937) 15. 2012: 61. Navy: 8-5 (-5.454) 16. 2003: 62. Navy: 8-5 (-7.845) 17. 2017: 64. Navy: 7-7 (-9.488) 18. 1984: 62. Navy: 4-6-1 (-12.294) 19. 1985: 59. Navy: 4-7 (-16.923) 20. 2011: 78. Navy: 5-7 (-18.345) 21. 1995: 67. Navy: 5-6 (-20.772) 22. 1999: 77. Navy: 5-7 (-22.534) 23. 2021: 93. Navy: 4-8 (-24.879) 24. 1990: 83. Navy: 5-6 (-25.375) 25. 2022: 101. Navy: 4-8 (-25.436) 26. 1993: 90. Navy: 4-7 (-34.187) 27. 2020: 111. Navy: 3-7 (-34.632) 28. 1998: 92. Navy: 3-8 (-36.294) 29. 1989: 85. Navy: 3-8 (-36.349) 30. 1983: 92. Navy: 3-8 (-38.305) 31. 1988: 90. Navy: 3-8 (-38.616) 32. 2018: 110. Navy: 3-10 (-42.027) 33. 1994: 93. Navy: 3-8 (-43.185) 34. 1986: 97. Navy: 3-8 (-46.615) 35. 2002: 109. Navy: 2-10 (-51.419) 36. 1987: 99. Navy: 2-9 (-52.186) 37. 1992: 100. Navy: 1-10 (-54.324) 38. 2000: 108. Navy: 1-10 (-56.258) 39. 1991: 105. Navy: 1-10 (-56.694) 40. 2001: 114. Navy: 0-10 (-60.702) Overall Score: 11207 (78th) 

• 220-256-1 record
• 0 conference titles
• 9-7 bowl record
• 2 consensus All-Americans
• 8 NFL players drafted

No conference titles? Navy’s bad! Kidding of course, they didn’t have a chance to win any as an independent until 2015 when they joined the AAC. As you can see on the list above, Navy’s clearly had some bad years, with a whopping 14 seasons of 3 or less wins. To make up for it, they’ve achieved some remarkable highs for a service academy, with 11 finishes inside my top 50. A 10-2 season in 2004 narrowly misses out on Navy’s top 5 seasons because of their 107th ranked strength of schedule that year. Despite some remarkable QB play in recent years from Keenan Reynolds and Malcolm Perry, the 2 consensus All-Americans are both from RB Napoleon McCallum in 1983 and 1985, who finished 6th and 7th in Heisman voting in those years, respectively. Speaking of Keenan Reynolds, he set the NCAA career record for rushing TDs in 2015, accumulating 88 in his 4 year career.

Top 5 Seasons

Worst Season: 2001 (0-10 overall, Independent)
Navy gets a pass for 2001. 2 weeks into the season, the September 15th game against Northwestern was cancelled shortly after the 9/11 attacks. The Army-Navy game was more than a game this year, with President George W. Bush taking part in the on-field coin toss. Army prevailed 26-17 on the day. Navy LB Brian Stann ribbed that Navy only got pregame visits from President Bush and Senator John McCain, while Army received an impassioned speech from General Norman Schwarzkopf. The game finished off a stressful year for Navy, who fired head coach Charlie Weatherbie after an 0-7 start. On-field lows were a 7-70 loss to Georgia Tech, a loss to 3-9 Tulane, and of course the Army-Navy Game. Navy hired Paul Johnson for 2002, who’d turn around the program for good. If you’re an MMA fan, you probably recognize Brian Stann who I quoted above. Stann went on to become a successful UFC fighter and commentator, joining Fox Sports after his retirement from MMA in 2013.
5. 2013 (9-4 overall, Independent)
A season with many highs. A 3-1 start included a 41-35 win over Indiana and 28-10 over Air Force. After losing 2 straight to strong Duke and Toledo teams, Navy went 5-1 the rest of the regular season, only losing 34-38 to a Notre Dame team that finished in the top 25. Wins included 24-21 over Pitt, 58-52 in 3OT over a San Jose State team coming off an 11-2 year, and 34-7 in the Army-Navy Game. A perfect ground game of 366 rushing yards against Middle Tennessee in the bowl led to a 24-6 win to finish 9-4 in Navy’s second to last season as an Independent. QB Keenan Reynolds (more on him later) threw for 1000+ yards with 8 TD 2 INT, but most importantly ran for 1346 yards and 31 TD, setting an NCAA record for rushing TDs in a season by a QB. Reynolds also ran for 7 TD against San Jose State, an NCAA record. Outside of Reynolds, longtime New England Patriots long snapper Joe Cardona was also on this team, and didn’t have a bad snap all season long.
4. 1996 (9-3 overall, Independent)
Even for as bad as 2001 was, Charlie Weatherbie’s teams had their moments. A 5-1 start featured 3 wins over Power 6 teams: 10-6 over Rutgers, 64-27 over Duke, and 47-18 over Wake Forest. That set up a Shamrock Classic game in Ireland between Navy and Notre Dame. A 54-27 win for Notre Dame set a record for the longest winning streak over an annual opponent at 33 games. Unfazed, Navy won 3 more straight including a nice 36-26 win over Georgia Tech in Atlanta. But even so, Weatherbie’s teams…left a lot to be desired. Navy watched their 21-3 lead over Army evaporate by the end of the game, stopped at the goal line twice for a 28-24 Army victory. To be fair, this was one of Army’s best teams of the past few decades, and they finished ranked #25. Navy rebounded to beat Steve Mariucci’s Cal team in the Aloha Bowl 42-38 to finish 9-3. Navy OC Paul Johnson left to become Georgia Southern’s head coach, and would go on to perfect the triple option at Navy from 2002-07 and institute it at Georgia Tech from 2008-18. WR LeBron Butts (no relation to the basketball player) had 14 catches for 179 yards and 2 TD.
3. 2009 (10-4 overall, Independent)
Oh look, one of my all time favorite players, QB Ricky Dobbs. Dobbs was a steady work horse all season. He only averaged 3.6 yards per carry, but had the 3rd most carries in the nation with 315 and ran for 1203 yards with an NCAA QB record 27 TD. The record wouldn’t be broken until 2013 by Navy’s own Keenan Reynolds. Dobbs led a steady offense combined with a great defense (19.4 PPG allowed), leading to Navy’s 2nd double digit win season since 1905. Navy had a chance to tie #6 Ohio State with 2 minutes left, but their 2 point conversion attempt was returned by OSU for 2 pts themselves, making the final score 27-31. A 14-27 loss two weeks later to Pitt turned out to be another quality loss, with Pitt going on to finish 10-3 and #15. A 10-4 final record included wins such as 16-13 over 8-5 Air Force, 38-35 over 8-5 SMU, 13-10 over Wake Forest, 17-3 over Army, 35-13 in the bowl over 8-5 Missouri, and the pièce de résistance, 23-21 over #19 Notre Dame in South Bend. Previously on a 43-year losing streak to the Irish heading into 2007, this was now the 2nd time in 3 years Navy had beaten Notre Dame, previously unthinkable.
2. 2019 (11-2 overall, 7-1 American)
After Keenan Reynolds left for the NFL, the QB position had big shoes to fill. Following a stopgap 9-5 record in 2016, 2017 arrived. Zach Abey took the majority of snaps, but Malcolm Perry was too talented to keep off the field, far and away the best athlete on the team. Perry had a monstrous year with 9 starts at slot back and 3 at QB, rushing for 1182 yards and 11 TD on 8.6(!) YPC, and was the team’s 2nd leading receiver with 13 catches for 303 yards and 2 TD. Perry started 5 games at QB in 2018, but dealt with injuries en route to a 3-10 season. That led to a mysterious 2019, with Navy picked 5th in the 6-team AAC West Division.
A 2-1 start showed potential, with a 42-10 win over East Carolina and close 23-35 loss to one of the conference favorites in Memphis. A 34-25 win over an Air Force team that would finish 11-2 showed Navy was back to their winning ways, with a real chance at a bowl as long as Perry stayed healthy. Navy reeled off blowout win after blowout win, eventually getting up to #23 before losing to #16 Notre Dame 20-52. Now at 7-2, Navy still had a shot at making the AAC title game. Perry showed up big against #25 SMU, rushing for 195 yards and throwing for 162 in a 35-28 win. After beating Houston 56-41, Navy just needed Memphis to drop one game, but the Tigers won out to make the AAC title game at 11-1. Navy played Army in the last game as usual, and Perry WENT NUCLEAR. He didn’t throw a single pass, rushing for 304 yards on 29 carries with 2 TD in a 31-7 win. In the bowl against 8-4 Kansas State, Perry again went for 200+ on the ground, winning 20-17 on a last second FG. Navy finished the year #20 in the country.
Perry went off all year long, winning AAC Offensive POTY with 1084 passing yards 7 TD 3 INT with 2017 rushing yards and 21 TD on 6.8 YPC. Perry legitimately was one of the quickest athletes in the country, if you watch his highlights he looks like a quicker but slower Kyler Murray. Because of this he was drafted in the 7th round by the Miami Dolphins as a WR, and has caught 9 passes for 92 yards and 1 TD in the NFL.
1. 2015 (11-2 overall, 7-1 American)
2015 was a magical year not just for Navy fans, but for college football fans following Navy. QB Keenan Reynolds was the darling of football, and went down as arguably the greatest option QB in college football history. Reynolds became one of football’s biggest stories as Navy kept winning throughout the year, starting 9-1 with wins such as 33-11 over 8-6 Air Force, 29-17 over 8-5 USF, and 45-20 over #13 Memphis. Navy got as high as #15 in the nation and was one of the favorites to earn the Group of 5’s spot in a New Years 6 bowl. After a loss to Houston the dream ended, but they still had the Army-Navy game to tend to. The game earned its biggest rating this century with a 5.1 overnight, mostly due to Reynolds’ star power. Reynolds finished 5th in Heisman voting, and when he wasn’t invited to the ceremony, people protested and lobbied for changing the invitation rules. A 44-28 win in the bowl over 8-4 Pitt capped Navy’s first ever 11 win season, and their highest finish in over 50 years at #18.
Navy announced the retirement of Reynolds’ #19 jersey after the season, joining a short list of Roger Staubach (12), Joe Bellino (27), and Napoleon McCallum (30). Navy’s 36 wins in Reynolds’ 4 years tied the class of 1909 for the most ever by a 4-year Navy squad. Reynolds finished as the NCAA’s all-time leading rushing TD leader with 88. In 2015 he threw for 1203 yards 8 TD 1 INT with 1373 rushing yards and 24 TD. This was the 3rd straight season he finished top 5 in rushing TDs in the country. He earned 3rd Team All-American status, won the AAC Offensive POTY, and won the James E. Sullivan Award given to the most outstanding collegiate or Olympic athlete in the United States. After the season, he was drafted in the 6th round by the Baltimore Ravens, the first Navy QB drafted since Roger Staubach in 1964.

5th Quarter

What do you remember about Keenan Reynolds and that 2015 season? How about Malcolm Perry? Who was the better passer, runner, and overall player between the two? Is Reynolds the greatest option QB of all time, even over Tommie Frazier? What other Navy moments/games/plays/players do you remember? How does Navy look to fare in the upcoming seasons? Does Ken Niumatalolo get enough credit in the college football media for what he’s done at Navy? What else is on your mind about Navy?
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In my junior year (1972), some kid wore spray painted bowling shoes to school. Before long, EVERY kid was wearing them… including me.

I have a 14 month old male Ginger cat. We got him when he was 3 months old, already potty trained, we got him fixed when he was about 6 months old. He never sprayed or had any litter accidents before. We transitioned him to wood clumbing pellet on February and there were no issues. During May we had a friend over staying at our house for 2 days. This is where the nightmare starts. He smelled and urinated on our friend's clothes. Our friend has many cats and not all of them are neutered.
We thought that this is an one time insident. But then he pissed again after several days against our outside door. I thought that this has some explaining too as there are several stray cats outside our home which is almost on ground floor and they had sprayed outside our door and on the balcony. I cleaned up everything.
Then it got worse. He peed on our couch. Washed up everything and sprayed on with white vinegar. This did not stop him as everytime his urine smell in our home disappears he pees again somewhere in the house. He uses his litterbox for poop and sometimes for pee. Some days he stops peeing outside the litterbox and he is really calm (I even tried some spot on calming ampoules that seemed to help at first but eventually not) but then out of nowhere he starts peeing even in front of us. I have really lost track of how many times he peed on several things and on which ones. On the curtains, on the bathtub curtain, on a shoe box, on the couch, on doors ... This is the 3rd time I am going to wash the couch and it's 3 AM. He had a completely clean litterbox and he peed on the curtains and then the couch. I am really devastated and tired of cleaning after his messes, I really sense urine and white vinegar under my nose all the time.
It really seems to us that his behavior is like he is not a neutered cat. He is a bit aggressive, extremely active, likes to bite on things like he is a dog ... We really spend plenty of time with him as remote workers. He has cat tree, scratching post and several high places to climb. We really love him. But we cannot live like this. No one can live like this. We are going to move to another house next week and the floors there are wooden. If he pees in the new house the floors will be ruined.
Of course I will call our vet tomorrow but I don't believe this is a med issue. He is a bit of a jerk and it looks like for some reason he started to mark his territory.
I am sorry if all of this sounds bad, but I am devastated and it is 3 AM. I really love cats and especially my cat I want him to be happy and healthy and I tried to do everything right from the beginning. I feel so disappointed and all this situation stresses me out.
P.S. : I also tried to feed him on the couch and then next to the couch. It seemed to be working for about a week. Until today. His bowls were literally next to the couch when he peed on it.