Wasn't sure on the flair, because I think this could fall under a few things.
This could be long, so here we go.
I have no clue how to talk to others, who it should be, what situation is appropriate, where it is acceptable, and I have nothing to even talk about.
I am 35m. I've been really lost in life the past year, and I've honestly never been happy, at least I couldn't tell you the last time I was. So I wanna try at least starting with this, I guess?
My parents didn't do a great job making sure I socialized when I was younger, and I was hit and verbally abused quite a bit (so were my sisters, who got far away). I had to move back in with my parents a few years ago because, despite working full time and moving up a few positions, rent skyrocketed and I couldn't afford my apartment.
When I was in school, on top of not being taught to socialize, I was bullied a lot by guys and girls, and that made every day of my life scared to go to school and wondering why parents would bring a kid into this world for this shit. I spent, and still spend, every day thinking "gee, thanks for nothing mom and dad".
The handful of friends I managed to make in school have since moved away, or have committed suicide. Because I had such a miserable time learning to socialize, I've never known how to make friends, or even talk to people.
And being in my 30s now? I don't think I have ever felt so lonely.
I've lost interest in a lot of things over the years. I have a hard time being interested or finding a new interest in something. Everything just kind of seems like "meh, millions of others are already doing that. It's just some other thing to spend money on."
It really struggling to understand socializing, too.
I genuinely can't think of anything to talk about. "How's the weather?" Yeah, I am sure everyone would just love to hear that one more time from somebody. "What do you think of (insert topic)?" I don't really know a lot about the world, and stuff I do know: again, I am just one more person asking the same question so you can give the same answer.
Sure, I guess there's a ton of topics out there, but how many times do you wanna hear different people have similar things to say on each topic?
Sometimes this socializing issue is brought up on reddit, and everyone swears up and down we're social creatures. But then there's apparently rules for everything. Well, depends on the place. Well, depends on if it's even a "social setting" to begin with (isn't everywhere a social setting?). How come nobody, and I mean literally nobody outside asking for help at work, comes up to me and randomly talks? A handful of dudes have said something weather related, and I have NEVER had a woman be the first to say anything to me (fuck incels, in case that last part gets taken the wrong way). We're social creatures aren't we? Is it all up to me?
I just seriously don't understand it all in the first place, but I also really wanna know how to do it. Because my god do I hate being me, and really hate being this alone.

Well when you’re feeling lost, and tired of bugging your friends, turn to Reddit, right?? Has anyone just moved somewhere completely new to start over, post-divorce? Or taken similar risks? In a bit of a quandry…feeling stuck and stressed!
After a 3+ year separation, my divorce was finalized in December, married for 8+ years. It was complicated by us co-owing a business, him being a jackass and spending most of my money during the pandemic while living with another woman. I refused to let him get away with everything, so there was some haggling, and lawyer fees. But regardless, that’s almost behind me – as soon as he pays what’s owed. (Funny sidenote – apparently his new GF threatened to throw him out last month cause he was lying to her about my involvement in the business. Ha!)
Last fall, I sold the condo we had – that I’d been living in since he left, was mine pre-marriage. I just wanted to get away and start over. I only had a few friends in the area, and many were associated with the business, and I needed to distance myself from XH too.
My moving plans were put on the backburner because my sister was facing some challenges with cancer progression, and needed my help. So I put my stuff in a storage unit and came up to NY/NJ, where both she and my mom live. My plan was to stay til January then regroup...got slightly delayed due to some treatment changes, but now my sister’s on a routine plan, where I can support her but also not live in the area FT.
My mother of course is not a fan of me living elsewhere – she doesn’t understand why I can’t just sleep in the guestroom on a pullout couch and work on my laptop on her dining room table. And be at her beckon call, whenever she needs something.
All of this was complicated in January when my boss decided to close our company – today’s our final day of operation. It worked in my favor – he had been trying to get me to buy it, so now I just get to keep my clients and start my own business. But LLCs are tied, at least when created, to where you live – and well, living in NJ long-term was not part of the plan.
What I want to do is relocate to Ohio, in a nice apartment complex, and see what happens when I live 15-30 minutes away from a guy I’ve been chatting with since summer of 2020. We have met, and have had discussions about me ending up in Ohio, but he’s also skiddish, a typical male that doesn’t like to discuss feelings and seems to think I’d suffocate him. But I like what the area offers, in addition to being closer to him – yoga/spinning studios, running trails, outdoor pool – and the chance to just start over. I also need a dedicated office space, to focus on work.
We’re both in our mid-40s, and somewhat set in our ways – I don’t have any expectations that we’d be together 24/7…I just thought it’d be nice to be able to date like normal people, and see what happens. I’m willing to take the risk and know there’s a chance that it may not work out…then I’ll regroup.
Today’s the day I need to inform the complex about my move-in date, or if I’m not going to move forward with the lease. I’d be out $250, which I knew going into this…but I know if I don’t do it and get stuck here, I’ll just be miserable and feel lost.
He and I have talked about it, but I think he has had some fears of high expectations on his time from me…he’s at work now, so haven’t chatted today. I REALLY want to do this…it’s about more than this relationship. After four years of focusing on everything/everyone else, I really want to do something for me.
Am I nuts? Guess we’ll find out soon.

But then again, the dysfunctional unit I’m in will also chastise me for not being at a certain point in my life despite sabotaging any shred of individuality I’ve planned for myself. I’m the one who makes the plan to get my license, documents, a job and so much more but left and right they’ll try anything to prevent me from having basic ambitions for their own benefit.
My path to go NC from these people will take a while, but I don’t care as long as I’m making the effort to get away. My cousin is lucky to have a parent who’s active in her life enough to help her get her license while I have to put up with excuses as of why someone made me late for my test…..

Hello! Alittle bit of backstory, I am a second year teaching and was diagnosed with UC in November. As a middle school teacher I can’t be running of as needed, so I have been on medical leave since January. My leave carry’s me through summer. This job is near my parents house, so out of college I was able to move in and saved money ever since. I am worried I will eventually have to go on disability.
Is it possible to afford a place of your your own and have a decent life while on disability? Not worried about getting rich, just wanted to see if I’d be losing savings. Just got my second dose of Remicade, with my third loader dose expected in a month

This is not a post about gun control. This is not a post about politics.
This is an authentic post from a parent who has a child starting school this fall. I hope to open a dialogue with other parents.
CAN WE DO MORE AS PARENTS?
I say we have to. I don't believe we can be reactive to these situations any longer. All is lost by then. We must be proactive to protect our kids. No one is doing anything to protect our kids. I can't drop of my child and cross my fingers and hope everything will be okay. I can't live that way. Can't we do more? I say we have to.
Ideas:
Can parents raise funds to provide for private trained security to be present at the school? Possibly an off duty police officer? Maybe there are even retired security, military, or police that would donate their time? They have kids and grandkids. As a parent, I am willing to sacrifice financially to provide this. Aren't you? The only solution I see is to have a professionally trained person present, onsite, just like they do at a bank or elsewhere. I know this opens a can of worms for some, but imperfect situations require imperfect solutions. I feel the only thing that makes a real difference is a quick response. That is what saves lives.
Parents need to take action. Should this be our burden? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe as parents, we can be the needed catalyst to drive action. Maybe we raise the money and it embarrasses the local government and the state. This is Colorado. Currently, since the legalization and taxation of marijuana, the state as collected almost $2.4 billion dollars since 2014. Where is this money? The point is, their is money to be had. Action must be taken, and if that falls on me, so be it. (source: https://cdor.colorado.gov/data-and-reports/marijuana-data/marijuana-tax-reports)
As a parent, what are you willing to do?
Do you have any ideas that could help?
I understand this is a complicated issue with imperfect solutions but we have to do something. Please don't make this political or about gun control, though I value people having opinions on these topics, it doesn't help today.

Sometimes I watch tv and I’ll see the way the families operate and am genuinely perplexed. I want to know what’s considered normal for y’all.

Utah is a new pioneer, becoming the first state in the United States to require social media firms to obtain parental consent for children to use their apps and verify all users are at least 18.

children #law #legal #legislation #mobilephones #socialmedia #Utah #dangersofsocialmedia #depression #mentalhealth #emotionalsupport #mymindnews

https://mymindnews.com/cracking-down-utah-becomes-first-us-state-to-limit-teen-social-media-use/

A good hacker has been a difficult thing to come by lately. I searched the dark web, found some frauds but eventually luck was on my side when I found this amazing lady hacker. She helped me clear my doubts and was extremely helpful so if you are in need of a hacker that is knowledgeable, reliable, efficient and actually knows what she's doing, I'll advise you contact this hacker, she listens and was very understanding. Her de ella skills are extraordinary, she also provided a friend of mine with phone monitoring hack which helped her get through her divorce de ella. I hope everyone gets the help they deserve.
Her Contact link
Telegram:AGAt2U
Instagram: AGAT2U
She can access accounts on any social media you can think of
such as Instagram, Facebook, twitter, tinder, snapchat, tiktok, WhatsApp, discord and so on. Some of her many services include: Social media hacks, (WhatsApp, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Facebook messenger, Viber etc.), Incoming calls Restrictions, GPS Location Tracker, School Grade Upgrades, Intercepting and Retrieving of Instant messages, Credit Score Upgrade , WhatsApp Spy , USSD Control Commands , Facebook / Messenger Spy , Skype Spy , Hacking into Database of all kinds , Internet Usage Monitoring , Calendar Monitoring , Video Game Hacking and Cracking , Remotely Accessing SMS , Remote Email Spying , Key logging , and many more. She also gave me an option of a total refund if I encountered any displeasing factor about the job but that option was totally not needed because she did a good job.

How would you help a parent advocate for their child who is black and experiencing racism in high school? The district she’s in is not practicing anti racism and her son is a minority and being targeted severely. I’m a teacher in the same state but different district. Admin keeps gaslighting her. They want specific student names in order to file an incident report. The student knows the reality of giving the names is even more of a beat down for them. They want to file a report but admin says no not unless you give names. Advise please!

I’m now 20 turning 21 this year. I was physically abused by both parents up until I was 18, they always said it wasn’t abuse just punishment. I have no hate against them now. As a result Ive had bad anger issues for as long as I can remember. I was sexually and emotionally abused for 5 years as a teenager by a guy. He constantly manipulated me, and was completely obsessed with me, he also tried to keep me in his house against my will many times. When I was 18 he got arrested but he never got charged as there was apparently not enough evidence and he denied everything. Obviously he came back after that as he’s crazy and thinks he’s got power over me. Even though he’s blocked on everything I know he’s still watching on fake accounts. I keep thinking I’m getting over it and then it bothering me again. I also dissociate quite regularly is this to do with after effects of abuse as I’ve always wondered?

I'm 17f and I have an older brother who is 19. My dad was never a very good dad. He and my mom separated when I was young but never divorced, not sure why. He was crappy as a dad before the separation, crappy after the separation and crappy when my mom died three years ago. By crappy I mean he wasn't there. Didn't spend time with us, didn't show up for anything, didn't take care of us when we were sick, never knew anything about us, etc. While living in the same house there were times I didn't see him in two, three or even four months at all. About two years ago he met Sally, married her after six months, and she had her three kids under 10 moved into the house. Dad is so much more involved with Sally's kids than he ever was with me or my brother. My brother stopped talking to him after he saw how dad was with Sally's kids. I pulled way back too. I do my own thing and don't care to interact with dad or Sally or Sally's kids. Sally's kids think I'm the coolest person ever and they try very hard to hang out with me. Sally has tried to push her kids on me so many times. She told me I should embrace being a big sister now and embrace having a bigger family. I told her this isn't my family. This is just where I stay until I can move out and be with my family, my brother.
Sally must have told dad because he spoke to me after I said that to her. Then he spoke to me again and again and again. Then, after a few months of me just ignoring his attempts to talk, he asked why I was being such a brat and why I wasn't getting to know my family. I told him this was no family of mine. He was no dad to me or my brother. I told him he was a shitty fucking dad and did he really think we'd be happy he was being a better dad to kids not his own. He said they are his kids and they're my siblings now and I should embrace that. That pissed me off and I told him as much. I also corrected his calling them my siblings, because we're no siblings, and none of them will be in my life in a few months. He told me I should be glad he's trying to be a better dad to them and by being a better dad to them it will make him a better dad to my brother and I too. I laughed and called him pathetic and reminded him yet again he was a shitty fucking dad. Sally and her kids heard everything. The kids were upset that I said we weren't siblings. They were upset I was "mean to their dad". Sally thought I was being a spoiled little princess for judging my dad super harshly. She also thought I should be willing to give them a shot.
Then they (dad and Sally) got my grandparents involved who decided to preach forgiveness and reconciliation to me. They implored me to make an effort to salvage things with dad now that he has grown. They also said calling my father pathetic and laughing at him is wrong.
I feel like I'm living in another reality but gotta ask AITA?

Have you ever had a transformative experience that changed your outlook on life?

Personal Information (hooks/demographics):

• First Gen (Both for college and immigration wise), Low income (about 23k a year for a 3 person household)
• Woman, Hispanic

Special Circumstances: Extracurriculars in Freshman and Sophomore year were limited because of my parents divorce. I had to stay home to take care of younger brother.
Weighted GPA: 4.063 (will go up by end of this year because I'm going to end with an A in all classes but one, which will be an A-).
Freshmen Year: AP Human Geography: B+, 5 on Exam, Honors Biology: A-, Honors English: A-, Honors Geometry: A, Honors Spanish II: A- , Theology: A, Intro to Painting: A- , Health & PE: A
Sophomore Year : AP Euro: A, 5 on exam, Honors English II: A, Honors Chem: A- , Honors Algebra II: B+, Honors Spanish III: A, Leadership: A, Drawing: A, Theology II: A
Junior Year: AP Lang, AP Sem, AP Physics , AP Art History , AP US History , Honors Precalc, Honors Spanish IV, Theology III
Expected classes to take Senior Year: AP Bio , AP Spanish, AP Computer Science , AP Research , AP Calc, AP Gov, Global Scholars ,Theology IV
PSAT Score: 1260 (didn’t study or anything, waiting on SAT)

• Took SAT March 21, although I did not prep or anything but I plan to retake once I get my score to see where I need to improve. Starting SAT Prep as soon as I get score back.

NOTE: Won’t submit if under 1480.
No class rank because class sizes are REALLY small (Only 60 people in my graduating class)
Extracurriculars

• Passion Project: Equity over Equality: Connects Low income and Minority students with shadowing and research positions, established via a local summer mentorship program. Accepted on a $650 grant.
• Apollo Medicine: 30+ hours of clinical experience shadowing physicians
• Mock Trial Team: Gavel Winner (Best Witness) Junior year, 2 year commitment (will explain that I had to quit before competition Freshmen Year because of my home situation, couldn’t rejoin until Junior year).
• Teen Leadership Council at Local Library: set up for events, network with schools
• Nurse Intern for School Nurse: Help nurse with daily tasks every other day.
• NHS Peer Tutor (Spanish and Writing)
• Environmental Club: member of 2 years, co president senior year. 3 years total commitment
• Knitting Club: member of 2 years, co president senior year. 3 years total commitment.
• Mental Health Advocacy: member of 1 year, co president senior year. 3 years total commitment
• MED club: member of 3 years (couldn’t be in it Junior year because of scheduling issues)
• Read Aloud Delaware: 2 year commitment, main source of volunteering (in total I have around 100+ volunteer hours)

Other Commitments:

• Junior Varsity Tennis: 3 year commitment
• Foreign Film Club, 2 years
• Film Club, 1 year

Random Accomplishments:

• Organized School Cultural Fair
• Chosen for School Leadership Conference in Ohio (all expenses paid)

Other Awards and Honors

• National Hispanic Scholar (CollegeBoard)
• Chosen to Participate in CHCI Next Gen Leadership Program
• Gavel Winner (Best Witness) in Mock Trial
• National Honors Society

Summer Programs

• Waiting to hear back from: QuestBridge CPS and Thrive Scholars
• Accepted to CHCI Next Gen (As noted above)

By time of application, I will also *most likely* be:
AP Scholar with Distinction
Note: Also in pursuit of Capstone Diploma
Reach College List (I have a number of safeties im looking at other than these 10).
- Brown, Northeastern, Columbia, Boston University, NYU, UNC, UPenn, Boston College, UMich, Tufts
I plan to major in Bio because I am unsure if I want to do Law or Medicine and I feel as though starting with Bio leaves me in a good place for either.

My brother passed away recently and both my parents (and myself) are extremely sad.
My father is 78 years old and in the past he used to play a lot of Tetris (Dr. Mario on NES, Tetris 2/Tetris Flash on SNES and Tetris Plus on PS1).
These days he just play Spider Solitaire on a beat up tablet.
I decided to give this gift to him and am waiting for it to arrive.
I want it to be as simple as possible for him to turn on and play these games and probably try other if he want to.
From a perspective of an older guy who just doesn't care to thinker, is there any advantages changing the firmware to GarlicOS or any other or the stock one runs just fine?
I think the biggest plus is having the game box in the screen so he can spot the games easily.

A bit of background before I dive into the title: I (26F) am married to a good man (28M) who is generally kind to me, 98% understanding of my quirks that come from childhood and early adulthood family trauma and is generally a good life partner. Easy on the eyes and always says I’m beautiful to him even though I have gained 30 pounds in the last 3-4 years and look just above average. He is a good listener about 75-80% of the time.
TL;DR version of our relationship is as follows: my family was dead set against us due to being from a culture that doesn’t approve dating and so our time dating was extremely stressful and the issues I had with my family about my dating were publicly known to all friend, family and community members as our dirty laundry was aired back in 2017. We got married last year and are homeowners and pet parents now.
As my title says, I am genuinely craving affection especially non-sexual, romantic affection. My husband is a funny guy and I love how much he makes me laugh pretty much daily. He is a good person with a warm heart.
I feel guilty for saying this but I have been wishing to find a male friend who can be safely flirtatious with me and want spontaneous adventures and randomly shower me with non-sexual affection and maybe things like a card or something or randomly buy me a small thing like my favourite chocolates or something when I’m on my period.
I don’t want to have sex with a man who isn’t my husband. But basically I am craving like a non-sexual dating relationship maybe???
I don’t want to leave my husband and I also can’t because a lot has been invested emotionally and financially in this marriage and I have to make it work.
But I just wish there was a way to fulfill that other part without having to leave him. I definitely don’t want to cheat but I feel what I’m wishing for is basically cheating so I’m just feeling lonely in this right now and want some solution but without anyone finding out.
I haven’t shared this with anyone because it would mean telling my best friends that I’m feeling sort of unsatisfied in my marriage and I don’t want to air stuff like that to the world.
I have brought it up to my husband but it’s just not who he is and so he either feels guilty about it or gets upset as it’s not him and says he isn’t good at this stuff but to give him time to work on it.
From my perspective, he has shown little to no improvement so I don’t understand the “give me time” thing.
I love him and don’t want to hurt him but I am hurting from this situation because I just really want that in my life.
Thank you if you’ve read this far. I hope you have a nice day ahead.

So, things are really bad and my parent has been making hints that I should leave and even said to my brother "why doesn't he just fu*k off then?"
My parent did try to kick me out before but I profusely apologized (because they asked me to) and saved myself a home. This time its gone beyond that and I need to prepare for this possibility.
(I live in a suburban town that's void of crime, and nearby me are some big cities btw.)
​
I am unemployed, but have; 1200 pounds in savings, a guaranteed job offer coming soon and two more interviews next week, so I have some options to make being homeless less miserable.
I've already scouted businesses ahead of time so know where to get a cheap tent, will be submitting a passport application within days (to eventually go abroad) and I think I know a good abandoned spot to sleep in if so required.
​
Is there anything else I should do this weekend to save my ass?

I 30f have been in love with the same man since I was 18.We were in a 3 year relationship when I was 19 and he was 20. No one has ever been there for me during all the troubles in my life financially and with family drama like he was. I was close with his family (especially his mom) and when my parents kicked me out his family let me stay with them until I got back on my feet. We had a good relationship he was my best friend, my everything and I couldn’t see my life without him. Towards the end of our 2 years together I fount some things in his phone that made me break my trust with him and I couldn’t look at him the same.Nothing broke my heart more than the man I wanted a future with talking about doing sexual things with another female. I still stayed with him thinking I could get over it.I mean this was my first love ,my best friend how could I leave him.A year went past and I couldn’t regain my trust with him and on top of that his mother sadly passed away and that grew us even further apart. He became more angry and irritable.I felt like he didn’t like me anymore. I ended our relationship when I was 22 cause I couldn’t take it anymore. I have always regretted doing that because I wish I was in a more mature mindset to talk with him and work out our problems instead of unnecessary arguments and lashing out for no reason. We have always kept somewhat in touch over the past 8 years though he was in a long term relationship and had a child.I also was in a 2 year relationship (that ended badly) since then. Now we are in our 30’s and are both currently single.We reconnected back early in 2022 and have been getting a lot closer since August of 2022.All my feelings that I have bottled up for all these years are still there like they never left. Since he has came out of his long term relationship he isn’t looking for anything at the moment so I haven’t mentioned to him of how I’m feeling. I’ve tried to be the cool friend listening to his girl problems giving advice but deep down I wish we could start off where we left off. Most recently we have became even closer due to him being in an accident we’re he almost lost his life. I was at the hospital almost everyday because the thought of almost losing him devastated me and I couldn’t imagine my life without him completely.We’ve been spending more time together on the phone and in person and I’ve been absolutely enjoying it.Most recently he mentioned another girl and though I’ve been trying to bottle my feelings up I had gotten mad that he was even interested in someone else besides me.I told him I didn’t want him in that way he can go off with her.He was shocked that I said that and in my mind I’m thinking “Did I just ruin my chances with him again?” My mind is racing and I don’t know what to do.Should I give him space or just tell him how I feel. Should I just maintain our friendship and see where things go? I haven’t been able to be in a healthy relationship because I can never get over him or over us.I love this man beyond words and I don’t think I could allow myself to love someone like the way I love him.This is the man I want to be with but does he even feel the same?

Rockstar Games is a studio that invokes feelings of enjoyment and feelings of ire, the latter primarily for opponents of the studio's works, often parents. That's thanks to the studio's reputation as the creator and distributor of games that often contain sexuality, violence, and swearing. That has drawn them some legal attention over the years, though the one lawyer who was usually on the crusade, Jack Thompson, is now disbarred. The issue lately, though, is that the popular Online portion of Grand Theft Auto 5, GTA Online, has a very nasty exploit crop up that can allow for remote code execution (RCE).
The exploit can allow cheaters to remotely add, remove, and modify stats. It could also permanently corrupt the data on another player's account. Any of these issues, in turn, means that Rockstar's systems could permanently ban or delete an innocent player's account on GTA Online.
Just modifying the games files is bad enough, but some say that this RCE could potentially allow for code execution at the system level. The issue is has created so much concern that the current advisement by the community for PC gamers is to either ensure a certain firewall rule is in place, or just not play at all. We'd opt for the later. If, for some reason, your game data does get corrupted, though, there is a fix. Find the "Rockstar Games" folder on your PC's Documents folder and delete it. The files should refresh upon reloading the game.
Rockstar was made aware, rather rapidly, thanks to the subreddit for the game and are working on a fix. This has prompted the Rockstar Support Twitter to make a post indicating a Title Update is coming to GTA Online. The company has even posted a job listing on LinkedIn for a Cheat Software Analyst to add to its staff.
gta online car Image of a vehicle from Grand Theft Auto Online
As the Tweet says, if you feel you have been affected by cheaters, make sure you contact Rockstar Support. We're hoping this doesn't take too much of Rockstar's attention from from Grand Theft Auto 6, because we're pretty excited for it with all the leaks so far. Still, an RCE exploit is a big concern, and resolving it should be of the highest priority.

Hi,
For the basic info, I live in the UK. Height 5'10, weight around 50 kgs last I checked, race: white/latino, duration of this 11 years but getting progressively worse over time. Reposting this because I didn't get any replies from docs last time and hoping someone could help me shed light on this issue.
Existing medical issues: Dust mite allergies, depression, anxiety, ADHD, infertility.
Medication: Antihistamine nose spray for allergies, works okay but could be better.
Okay so onto the issue, ever since I've turned 18 I've been tired all the time. It used to come and go then but with the years it's gotten worse to the point where now I'm too tired to even get basic tasks done, have slow reactions, and it takes me hours to get out of bed. I just lay there falling back asleep because I can't bring myself to get up. I wake up more exhausted then when I went to sleep. My entire body feels heavy like lead. If an alarm goes off before I'm ready to get up in my half asleep daze I will keep pressing snooze. I've pressed snooze for FOUR HOURS before, every fifteen minutes. If I have to get up early for classes, forget it. I won't be able to. I've almost gotten expelled from college for missing all my morning classes even though I knew I had to go.
Last night I slept for FOURTEEN HOURS from 2 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I woke up at 9 a.m., so damn tired I went right back to sleep then kept waking up and falling back asleep every two hours. It's 11 pm now. I have been tired as hell ever since like 6 p.m to the point I could go back to bed and probably sleep again.
I have CONSTANT brain fog to the point that some of my ADHD symptoms are probably part of this issue rather than even having ADHD. I have muscle weakness to where if I'm sitting up for a long time my entire body starts vibrating. My hands have a slight tremble. If I bend down for a while my legs start shaking and even an hour later my legs are still shaky, then I get sore the next day. I go to the gym sometimes in hopes to get stronger but I can't even lift my own body weight while I see other newcomers lifting the same or more while I've been at it for a while. I get out of breath when doing cardio much faster than others and start seeing black dots, feeling faint to the point I have to sit down or I'll pass out. Same thing happens if I get injured. My long term memory is fine, short term horrible.
I can't gain weight no matter how much I eat, have been like this my entire life when I ate 4 meals a day and mcdonalds multiple times a week. I try to be health concsious nowadays with what I eat but it does nothing. I have zero appetite, progressively worse for the past 3 years and eating is an exhausting chore. I don't enjoy food at all. I am aging too fast, started getting grey hair at 23 and fine lines at 24. Both my parents started going grey in their mid 30's-early 40's. None of them even have wrinkly skin now despite being in their 50's-70's. My grandparents are youthful looking too.
I have circadian rhythm issues where even when I try to fix my sleeping schedule it keeps shifting to an 8 a.m-4 p.m. schedule. I have considered this to be the issue but I sleep better and deeper when it's during the day. When I've fixed my sleeping schedule to sleep at night I've been even more tired during the day. I constantly dream at night, more than most and I don't think I even go into other sleep cycles aside REM. I dream so much that I feel I've slept for much longer than I actually have. When I have 15-20 min naps I start dreaming, that's not supposed to be possible. Same when I sleep for any other time.
Tests I have done: STD test (negative), sleep apnea/breathing study (all came back fine), full blood test(came back iron and vitamin D deficient. I fixed that, pushed them up to normal and did another blood test, still felt constantly tired and it changed nothing), liver and kidney function(liver fine, have phosphate a bit higher than it should be and a few things that could indicate kidney problems), hormone test (all fine), muscle function test or something similar I don't know the name (all fine), COVID screening (negative), heart exam and ECG (fine), blood pressure (low/normal), ENT exam for deviated septum (don't have one). When asked about my inability to gain weight doctors just said I have a fast metabolism. Thyroid screening (normal), lyme disease(negative), HIV (negative).
Irregularities worth mentinoing are that in blood tests I always come back having a nonexistent basophil count. It's bolded and 0.00 but nobody has ever talked to me about it. Despite allergy meds I usually wake up with one nostril blocked. I wake up once every two hours but idk why when I don't have sleep apnea. I have horrific dark circles under my eyes that never go away no matter how much I sleep. When left to my own devices I sleep 10-12 hours a night. I have a lower body temp than most (around 35 C). Get ill less often than most adults. I am infertile and have almost nonexistent libido. Have to pee more than most people and get up at least once a night to pee. Have pelvic muscle issues.
I know this is a horribly long post but I would really appreciate it if someone could help me because I am at the end of my rope. I waste so much time sleeping and it does nothing. I can't do ANYTHING, this tiredness is ruining my life. I have no energy or motivation and I'm going to get expelled from uni if I don't go to class. I've told endless doctors about this, had endless tests done and nobody knows what the issue is. I used to have so much energy as a teenager, I got bored and antsy if I stayed inside even for a day and loved being busy. Now I simply don't have the energy to do anything two days in a row. I'm unemployed because I don't have the energy to work. I would do anything to get that back.