What does smfh mean in text

Hi, I'm making a black-and-white piece set in the 1960s. Does anyone what adjustments I need to make to the sound (voice-over) to give it that muted, 60s effect?

Where else could they even show up that you would be muting them from? Clearly I'm not gonna subscribe and then mute a subreddit to keep it off my main feed, when it wasn't on there in the first place.
What does muting do if not block subreddits from all? Why do I keep seeing the same muted subreddits over and over?

So i had my daughter in may 2022. Since then my psoriosis is worse than ever. Not respondin to steroid creams anymore.. have been trying for a biologic to be approved since oct. But my insurance company is denyinh everything. I am tryin through Novartis patient Assistant program.. in the mean time i may ask about methotrexate. My dr is totally against it for some reason. Im miserable. Its literally 1000x worse and now have the psoriatic arthritis symptoms especially with costochondritis in my rib cage.. 😫 . Is methotrexate really that bad?? I need something while waiting on a biologic what can i say to my derm help

TLDR: fiance hungout with random women and partied on his work trip struggling with his mental and physical health for many months, never told me about one woman he's now connected to and inappropriately flirts with her through text and probably in person one on one. What do I do? I'm pregnant with our first and we're buying a house.
I'm (26F) 12 weeks pregnant, closing on buying a house with my (27M) fiance, started a new job for better pay for us 3 weeks ago, and my fiance went on a business trip but wasted most of his time going to casino and clubs partying, with a random woman we "knew of from Facebook and through mutuals, but never officially met (until he did while there).
This is our first baby to be together. After 4 and a half years together, we're finalizing home ownership at the end of the month. I felt this was all about us growing together now but the way hes acting lately it's like he wants a snippet of the single life with partying with random people, beautiful women, including one on one time with said other women for dinners and more casino time. His partying behavious has increased for the last several months. He owns his own business, and it's expanded so much while we've been together into making a few million a year, a bigger team, and expanding to another town whoch adds to his pressure and work stress. He has random people from our town and neighboring towns that we "know of" (small territory) on social media for advertising reach, but this one woman he ended up deleting since she annoyingly posted a lot, I'll call her Valene. He went to the city for 3 weeks to pick up products and get one of our dogs neutered, so because of the surgery, he stayed 5 days longer.
He went to the casino/clubs around 5-10 times at least, on weekends and week days, including when the trip was extended for our dog's neutering. During this he caught up with an old friend(23F) I'll call her Lisa that we both know from highschool also an ex of his, no feelings leftover, just platonic but very beautiful woman and into fitness. His time with her, he was letting me know ahead of time when they were going to hang out and got food, most times with another guy friend of his as well. Including over a weekend air bnb rental in the next city but she ended up going home when they got into a dumb drunken fight (from the sounds of it) while also all binge drinking and doing drugs together all night before that weekend.
He saw the younger woman Valene (23F) that he had on facebook but deleted because she posted so much, at a party casino his first night and they recognized eachother, he told me that she was looking and walking with a drink staring at him and accidentally walked into some other person. They didn't have eachother online for a month or 2, but then recently I saw her reacting and commenting on his posts like they know eachother, after he told me he already deleted her the first night he mentioned to me he saw her. Now they're connected online again a couple weeks after his trip. I found that odd, and he never mentioned anything to me about her. He told me he was struggling in pain physically and mentally more so during his trip which is why he was partying. His flight was delayed for 2 days since the airline didn't accept the original kennel our dog was shipped with (too small, they never said anything from here) so he had to buy a new one.
I know it isn't right to snoop in your partners phone, but I wanted to know why they were connected and he didn't mention anything to me, I figured that they ran into eachother one night out again and that was it but they did more like exchanging numbers, texted the next day, went for food and to the casino until 2am again, she texts him like they're long time friends but with some flirting, that I'll get into more detail about.
He told her his flight was moved for an extra couple days, said let's do something, that he'll take her out to eat and tried getting her when he was at a restaurant already, she said "atleast give me 4 hours i look like shit". She has an almost 1 year old from a cheating ex that she left last year so she needed to arrange a babysitter ahead of time as well, and asked if he could pay, he responded "never even fucked yet and I'm already paying your babysitter hahahaha. That was a joke though <3" which i feel has crossed a line. She said "your dime my time" "hahaha I can say the same thing" "Okay until midnight?" he said,"2am lets go casino again" "I got one for all night" "trying to sleepover? Hahaha. " "No, I don't want to wake my baby up in the middle of the night you wish." "hahaha actually, I dont, but it was a joke." Then they ended up hanging out, and he picked her up, and I can tell that he dropped her off around 2am by their following texts.
A couple weeks later she was messaging him every day to every few days until just over a week ago, she was saying things like "sup fuck" "hey how's it going you make it back up" "Good morning" "hey" "have you seen my dad up there? He doesn't talk to me anymore. Reinstated daddy issues lol" "What do you mean? " "nvm" she also asked if he has snap, he said he does, but he doesn't use it. She said "well?" "And I'm not going to use it."
She seems to initiate all their convos, they kinda catch up, but since they don't hang out now, it's minimal. But she also messaged. " I have a question for you. You told me you're allowed to have female friends, but you told me you didn't tell your wife about meeting me. Why?" He said "yea so, idk lol" "okay" "you can tell her idc" "that would be the dumbest thing as a woman" and he went off on his rant saying "I meet so many people everywhere I go I don't discuss everything, I hungout with a ton of people when I was there male female it's normal life. Plus, most times, we hung out to party or go eat idk it's no big deal. I did get confused having to pay for your babysitter, haha, but you're a student all good. How come u ask haha" she said "idk" then changed the topic.
There's been more frequency of him having no patience for me, and he gets very upset and angry when i try to talk and communicate my needs in our relationship, but I'm hurt that he can pretend to be all nice with these other random women,, pay for their babysitter, take them for food, party with them in a whole different city. I wanna let him know if his flirting is too much for me (I let him flirt with other women many times while we we're out together but I was there and went home with him). He always defends that attraction to other people is natural, flirting is sometimes good for his business or getting deals etc. If this woman wasn't attractive, he wouldn't even have hung out with her and now be "friends". It's not like they're long time friends she's a random new woman from the bar from a month ago.
How do I bring it up, if at all, with his anger problems? Any advice is welcome. I'm anxious about dealing with this only now that I'm pregnant with him, so confused with my feelings and what to do. Would personal or couples therapy help us through this? I thought of saying, "I noticed her commenting. Did you end up meeting with her?" Or something along the lines to not push him into anger. Or should this be a conversation at all initiated by me?

I've been diagnosed with bpd since 2021. Recently I was trying to get undiagnosed because I didn't really feel the symptoms anymore. I went in to my psychiatrist and we did a SCID-5P screening again, and the results shocked me. I did not really understand much, but from what I've read I have BPD with two secondary personality disorders: Dependent and avoidant.
After googling for a bit about dpd and apd, I found out that these two are completely different disorders. Apd is about being avoidant of social situations, not making new relationships, a fear of being critized. While dpd are people who are dependent on these things (making new relationships etc). Also the criteria I have for these two are also symptoms of bpd.
Now my question is, does somebody have Bpd with secondary apd and/or dpd? I don't want to question a literal psychiatrist but the mental health system isn't great around personality disorders. Maybe I misunderstood some things, or maybe I am just in shock that I still have bpd and score 18 of 18 on scid-5. I just really felt like I was doing alot better.

•Species: feline • Age: around 8 or 9 • Sex/Neuter status: male neutered • Breed: half Siamese/half DSH • Body weight: 15 lbs • History: outdoor cat for 8 years before we adopted him from a neighbor and kept him indoors for the last 8 months, hit by car in 2020 and recovered • Clinical signs: fracture on left hind metatarsus, lethargy, not eating or drinking, sudden eye color change • Duration: 4 days • Your general location: western Washington • Links to test results, vet reports, X-rays etc.
On Friday evening we realized our cat had not eaten all day and found him hiding. He was not moving well so we brought him for his first ER visit. They did a full blood panel and said everything was normal. On an X-ray they discovered he had a possible fracture on his left hind metatarsus. He was sent home with pain medication.
All of Saturday he was lethargic and not moving. He would not eat, drink, or move. Two times he limped to his litterbox and was unable to get out so he laid down in it and we moved him back to his bed.
Sunday morning he still had not eaten or drank anything. He was severely dehydrated so I brought him to a different er. They found he had congestion and a fever of 104 and would not use either of his hind legs. They looked at the blood panel from Friday and confirmed everything was normal but he had high blood sugar around 250. They rechecked his blood sugar levels and they were normal on Sunday so it was assumed that it was due to stress. He was given antibiotics for the congestion, an appetite stimulant, and IV fluids.
By Monday morning he had gone downhill even more and now could no longer use the litter box so he was urinating on himself and bed. His eyes are normally a pale blue but one had suddenly changed to a sickly green color. We decided to put him down at this point as he had completely lost all life in him and seemed to be waiting to die and was again severely dehydrated.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what could’ve happened to our cat?

I'm taking a database engineering course and am having trouble understanding the nuances between indexes, how they are logically implemented, and how it affects the storage of the data.
The database engineering instructor explained that tables are stored either ordered/clustered or unordered/unclustered.
When we create a primary index on an ordered/clustered table, it points directly to the data (page) & secondary indexes point to the primary index. I found this Stack Overflow comment which seems to back that up, describing primary/integrated indexes as those that store the actual data (pages) in the leaves of an index, as opposed to a secondary index, which stores index entries in the leaves of an index that point to the actual data (pages).
However, again, from my understanding from the course, when it comes to unordered/unclustered table, both primary & secondary indexes point to the row id & page number. I understand the row id concept as an internal, system maintained automatically by the DBMS to uniquely identify each row.
I guess my questions are:

• In the case of an unordered/unclustered table, is there any difference between the primary & secondary index if they both point to the row id & page number?
• Also, being a beginner, I always linked the terms primary key & clustered index together, but it seems they mean different things:
  • Primary key = column(s) that uniquely define each row in a table?
  • Clustered index = a data structure where the data is organized in order, typically by organizing the table in a B-Tree structure; can be unique, doesn't have to be
  • Are clustered indexes always sorted by the primary key? If not, what is it sorted by?
• Where do non-clustered indexes fit into all of this?
• When a table is ordered/clustered, is it ordering just the pages, or the data in those pages as well?
• Do primary indexes on ordered/clustered tables also look at the row id & page number, as they do on in an unordered/unclustered index?

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I apologize for the mess of questions, as you can see I am very confused & the more searching I do, the more confused I am. Would really appreciate some clarity on this, thanks!

Hi,
Running Windows 11 on my tablet, and would like to remap a button to open the touch keyboard. Searching online only points to Control + Windows + O, which opens up the on-screen keyboard.
I'm looking for a shortcut that opens up specifically the touch keyboard, not the on-screen keyboard (which is more than I need and looks worse IMO). Does anyone know what keys can open this?
Swiping up and enabling it from the taskbar is a pain since I have it set to auto-hide, and everytime you swipe up it opens the Start menu and immediately focuses on the search box for text input.

We all no there are only cohencidences in life which always have a deeper meaning, a story, a thread that begs to be pulled. On this MOASS eve what is your best tinfoil theory regarding the music before the conference call?
It is all tracks from La Bohéme, an old opera love tragedy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_boh%C3%A8me
Show me what you got.

I met this guy on omegle not even a full week ago, when we met he said that I seem like a very good and nice person and that he wants to stay in contact just as friends. I agreed and we exchanged snapchats. Before we disconnected the chat he told me ‘imagine how sick it would be if we became such good friends that we could meet up in person’ and I was just like ‘lol yeah’ The next few days he would praise me about how much of a great person I am and that he has much love for me (I barely even know him and haven’t had a proper conversation with him ever besides exchanging maybe 3-4 sentences of text messages in a day, basically we are still strangers). However I didn’t think anything was weird up until this point. Then he messaged me and told me that he told his friends about me and that they think I seem like a great person. This made me confused because I am not a significant person in his life, all I did was add him on snapchat and maybe say ‘heyy’ ‘Whats up’ ‘not much just bored, u?’ Like we barely even know each other. Today he messaged me and said he has good news because he is coming to visit California for the first time this summer and we could even meet up. I can’t help but think he’s coming to California specifically to meet up with me. It is seeming creepy. I didn’t know what to say so I said ‘oh wow! That’s great’ even though I didn’t think it was great I thought it was a very weird coincidence.

Matched with a girl on an app. Convo was going great, sending messages back and forth for about 6ish hours, getting a response every 30 minutes or so. So, I invited her to drinks this Thursday. She replied instantly saying she would love to. Great
I asked her if she had Instagram, but she said she hasn’t used it in over a year. I replied and at the end, left my number. That was at 6:30pm ish last night
I was waiting for her to text me…. Nothing. I’d check the app from time to time, and no reply. She hasn’t deleted our convo or unmatched, but she hasn’t said anything to it.
This seems weird to me. I’ve asked a few friends for advice and some say “Do not double text” and others have said “just keep the convo going and pretend like nothing happened”
Frankly both seem like odd ways to proceed but at this point, I’m not sure what to do. We tentatively agreed to meet this Thursday. One friend suggested just waiting till tomorrow and saying “Are we still on for tomorrow?” - Even this seems weird to say, to me.
Did I do something I’m not seeing? Was it inappropriate to give my number? Or am I being impatient? She was replying every 30 minutes and now hasn’t said anything in 20 some hours. Seems off, who knows…
Thanks for your feedback

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 71%. (I'm a bot)

President Vladimir Putin has said Russia would be "Forced to react" if the UK sent shells made with depleted uranium to Ukraine.
"The British Army has used depleted uranium in its armour piercing shells for decades," the statement added.
Depleted uranium is what is left over after natural uranium has been enriched, either for weapons-making or for reactor fuel.
Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said sending depleted uranium ammunition to Ukraine would mean the UK was "Ready to violate international humanitarian law as in 1999 in Yugoslavia".
On Tuesday evening, a spokesman for the Pentagon said the US would not be sending any munitions with depleted uranium to Ukraine.
Shells with depleted uranium were used in Iraq and the Balkans, where some claim it was linked to birth defects.

Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: uranium^#1 depleted^#2 weapon^#3 tank^#4 Ukraine^#5
Post found in /ukraine, /worldnews and /UkrainianConflict.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.

A little backside to this story. Our company was sold, and bought out by a new company. We were told everything (meaning direct deposit information ) would be transferred over into their new payroll system; however, we received a paper check as our first check this last Friday. Some people receive their pay via director deposit on wednesdays-just depends on who they bank with.
Hundreds of employees tried to deposit the check at multiple different banks and were all given the same reasoning as to why we were unable to cash the check: “the bank won’t take it. They said that the account that the money is coming from is not authorized to release the funds, and they wouldn’t accept the check. “
We were not given ANY heads up, reasoning, or explanation. My check took 5 days to become available to me (Friday-Tuesday), and was hit with multiple NSF fees. I live in Oregon. Does anyone know laws regarding this? Or someone who has experienced this before? The DOL and BOLI will not return any calls. And yes, I am currently looking for a new employer.

Holy crap I honestly just wanna die, I'm tired of dealing with this (not in a suicidal way but just like I need a break). My mom hates me at this point. I'll give the whole backstory so this'll be a long post. Here is where the actual question is and info on that: paragraph 6 and on
Growing up my father was a narc and was very emotionally, physically and sexually abusive with me. He left when I was 13 and because of the way he was, my mom was perfect compared to that. But now I realize you can be better than someone without being good. That's my mom. She's way better than him, but that doesn't mean she is what people would consider a good parent.
My mom used to hit me a bunch, but it was always justified as me not listening to all the warnings and she had no other choice. So I'm like oh, ok, I guess I suck. My mom found out abt the sexual abuse in October and even now she still says I'm just like my father (which hurts so much in the first place, but now she's literally saying that I'm the same as someone who sexually abuses children). When I was 15 I was self harming cause I wasn't allowed therapy and I had trauma nightmares every night to the point that I barely slept, I lived with my grandparents, like life was really hard at the time and I had no one to talk to and that was a way I could get out my emotions. At 16 I told my mom and she said that no one will sleep with me and then she walked away. That hurt so much and she never apologized.
Last night we were fighting and she said she's never been hurt this much in her life (I was slow to help clean up a small flood and it was my birthday so I had a friend over or dinner. I came upstairs and said 'I cannot believe her. Like I just am so done. I'm not even hungry anymore so now my whole birthday dinner is ruined (that I made) and she's worried about being 30 minutes late to see her bf (long term and he's always late so it's not a big deal) and eat her dinner when my birthday is a bit ruined'). She asked me what I'd do if roles were reversed and I was trying to come up with an excuse but I couldn't so I said 'I'd be sad and then let it go' and she got mad. I said that she's hurt me way more before, she said if I don't have an example then I'm lying. I mentioned the sh thing and she was like 'ok I'm sorry if I said that'. Yay. Then today she said 'Like I know I'm not the best parent, but I try my best. Even with the sh thing like I've never dealt with that before so obviously I didn't know how to react (I think saying no one will have sex with you is something you avoid saying in this situation) and like how was I supposed to react when I found out you were cutting your thigh for pleasure. Like I never knew you were just cutting yourself for fun. And so that hurt a bunch too cause she said that it was just fun, like yes, I love having scars all over my thigh and being stressed to wear swim suits! That is so fun!
So yeah, still not really saying sorry. And so yesterday she was saying how she just wants me out, she can't live with me anymore, she's so close to kicking me out, like she wants to just kick me out. I said 'can I have a max of 5 more months? I can apply to -- and move there by the end of summer' and then she got so mad saying she bought this house for me, she bought me a car, she works so hard cause this is where I said I wanna go to school (I never wanted to go to school here, she kept pushing me and this whole time I've been coming up with other schools to go to. I never wanted a car, since I was a child I wanted to buy my own first car cause it's a pride thing and so I kept saying I'll just take the bus but she didn't feel safe with that.) And so then I packed a bag to stay with a friend last night. but 4 hours later at 9 my mom asked me to come home so I did.
-------here is where the actual question starts------
Now she's saying that I'm not a bad person at all, we all do bad things but one thing doesn't define us after she literally said I'm just like my father and she's never been hurt this bad in her whole life. She's like 'if you wanna move away for school then go for it, I just want you to be happy, like we can figure this out!'
But my issue is that my current school is a shit school. The only other schools I can afford (in terms of rent) are shit schools. Otherwise I can only go to Toronto and that's too expensive cause rent for a room is usually $1000-1200 a month and that's just not possible for me. Ottawa is $600-700 utilities included. Uottawa is a good school, but I'm in Social work and they only offer it in French which I don't speak. So I only have Carleton (if you know the school) and that's similar ranking to my current school. Plus right now I'm already accepted to social work at my current school, but at any other schools the deadline passed so I'd have to do honours psych for the first year, hope my grades are good enough to then get into social work for the second year.
So it doesn't make a lot of sense but I also think I need to get away from my mom but then I feel really bad and I'm so confused. This whole thing is so confusing and like idk if she supports me. If I leave she'll likely never speak to me again and idk if that's good or bad and idk what to do and I'm so confused. Like she pretty much kicked me out but then when I actually left she started apologizing and wanted me back and now I'm getting convinced that I'm a horrible person and I am just like my dad and I suck and I'm conceited and manipulative and I don't know what to do so please give me advice.
I'm sobbing while writing this so sorry if it doesn't read the best.

With LAG disbanding, the guard are seemingly pulling out of all esports what’s this mean for the boys

Hi everyone, so ive never posted here but its really really really getting to me. My parents have been married for 20 years but their marriage has had insane amounts of drama and horribleness. I've been dragged into it and if I had siblings, I bet they would've been dragged into it as well (ive gotten beat, got lots of panic attacks including while I slept, yelled at, blamed, etc etc)
To put it shortly, a couple months ago, my parents started getting fitness lessons from this company. they were going pretty well and both my parents were losing weight and i was happy for them. Then, my mom started talking to me how she suspects that the owner of the company might be hitting on her.
My moms always sort of loved other men's attention and since I was like 11 or so, shes been talking to me about other men flirting with her. I never said anything to my dad about it because my dad was being pretty abusive at the time and I didn't want to make things worse. But right now, my dads acting really nice and he seems to have changed. so I don't understand why shes still looking for attention from other men. Anyways, I told myself that shes an adult and she has full right to do whatever she wants to do and I cant control her. but then, she started dragging me more and more into her mess. lately, its gotten so bad that shes become obsessed with the guy. She tries to talk to me everyday about him (and she does) and she can talk about the guy for literal hours (when my dad was out of the house, she started talking to me about the trainer the second my dad left and right up to the second my dad came back which was about 6 hours later).
She gets really jealous about other women hitting on the trainer and one time even called a woman who was interested in him a "bitch". When I told her that he's young and its okay if he's interested in women his age, she basically said that the woman wasn't good enough for him and that the trainer likes women like her (my mom).
I admit that at first I didn't raise many red flags, but I was just happy that my mom felt wanted because shes had a lot of issues with my dad. But, looking closely at the situation, my dads really trying and whenever he tries to come close to her, she pushes him away. She always says that he embarrasses her while shes with the fitness company and acts like he's not good enough to be with her. I would have tried to ignore all this because there's no proof (and i don't think) that shes been doing a full out affair with the guy, especially cause he lives pretty far away. But, when she talked about letting the guy live with us (my family), I just felt really odd. And, I think my dad also feels off about it but he trusts my mom enough that she wouldn't cheat on him.
I honestly think that my moms spiraling a bit. Ive been trying to show her that I'm too busy with school to talk about the trainer, and shes been making instigating comments so that my dad will yell at me. She can be pretty monstrous when mad and I feel like full out saying I don't want to talk about the trainer anymore would set her off. I get that my moms lonely, however, I feel like she takes out her anger and frustration on me just because she can. And now, shes talking about another man with so much adoration, its weird. She even said that if my dad was doing what shes doing with her trainer with another woman (weird sentence I know), she would get mad. So like...she knows its wrong, right? Idk. I feel so torn because I know that if I told my dad, he would get mad at me and shout at me. If I told my mom I didn't want to talk about this, she would find ways to make my life hell and say horrible things to me (and those horrible things really hurt my feelings an have a big mental impact on me). I have no trusted adults around me and I feel stuck. Its still a couple months until I go off to college and there's a good chance that Im going to a college near home so Ill probably still be living with my family and have to deal with this. I also just turned 17 so its a whole year until I'm 18. In my culture, divorce is a pretty big nono and so is doing therapy.
Any help?
TLDR: I think my moms thinking of starting an affair with her trainer and she constantly ropes me into uncomfortable conversations about him that extend for hours. I can't tell my dad because of his anger issues and I can't tell my mom to stop talking to me about the trainer for the same reason. What do I do? Leaving home or telling a trusted adult is not an option, at the moment.

Hi, I have more LIPOs, ones that fit replica body and ones that does not. So I am thinking of adding extra wiring outside of gun into peq, this way I could use both of them (not simultaneously) if first runs out.
Solutions:

1. Should I just make an extension which will have basically connectors (dean) on both sides? This will mean when I want to connect peq battery, it's going trough 1 more connector node.
   
2. Or should I have 2 connectors - first inside replica body, second wired from same place but outside?
   

I am thinking if adding extra connector connection would create unnecessary resistance and make noticable issues. On the other hand, on second solution I must be aware to not connect both batteries of different capacity at the same time.
Thank you in advance for all inputs!
May the air force be with you.

I know how manifestation works I think. I know there are many ways to do it. I’ve read Esther Hicks LOA book. But I particularly like using a vision board on Pinterest for things I want to manifest.
I’m having a hard time with one thing in particular tho because it involves a drastic and difficult career change. I’m wanting to get into an industry that is very cut throat (and in tech which is facing huge layoffs currently), I don’t have experience but I am learning currently through a certificate program. I just get overwhelmed and discouraged sometimes thinking, I’m never going to pull this off.
I have issues with motivation and think I might have adhd. I find something really interesting at first then a few months later it’s like pulling teeth trying to stick with it. That’s how this certificate program is for me. But I’m trying to persevere because it’s something I’m passionate about.
Does anyone think loa or other types of manifestation might help me? First I need to manifest motivation and concentration to get through the certification then I can work on manifesting the skills/portfolio/ confidence, and finally the job. I’m just really stumped right now because nothing is currently getting me very far. Your advice will mean a lot to me.

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A rule breaking truck driver takes a forbidden detour.
​
Don't Feed the Pumpkins
I'm typing this as a record of what has happened to me. If someone should find me out here, where ever here is, this is what happened and who is responsible. Also, out of the dozens of vehicles bogged down in this field, mine is the Blue Jay 2013 Freight Liner. If I should die and it is recoverable, it should go to my son, John Grainger in Antioch, Illinois.
I left Litchfield Illinois around 2pm on Halloween with a last-minute load of pumpkins destined for the Antioch Walmart. Despite the fact I was once that told Illinois is the #1 pumpkin producer in the country the itself state appears to be in the midst of a shortage. I was due in about 8pm, but I was trying get in by 6pm and after unloading, I was going to visit my wife Carly and my son for Halloween. It was going to be the first Halloween in my son's life that I was going to be there for trick o treating. My wife was making a big deal out of it and John was 10 now, so, she said he would be “scarred with disappointment” if I didn't show now. So, I probably should have gotten better sleep the night before and sue me, I was gear jamming and popping go-pills like popcorn. Don't look down on me, don't be fooled, this is just the nature of the trucking industry. Everyone does it and I'm not afraid to tell it like it is.
Just after Normal on 39 I hit a wall of traffic. I could hear on the CB that there is a hazmat incident up ahead and they require special teams to clear it off. I, like the other truckers, get to gabbing on the radio, looking for shortcuts. To my surprise, after scrutinizing this route several times before, I was informed about a “gutshot” shortcut just ahead that could get in me into my destination at least an hour earlier, even with the fact I had sat in the backup for at least 45 minutes at this point. A second comrade in gears piped in and stated that the shortcut was closed. The first driver contradicted him and stated, he had used it two weeks ago, it was wide open country land you could go 70 the whole way, and the only town along the way had burned down in an industrial accident 30 years ago. The second trucker chimed in again. He said it was closed for tonight and only tonight and not to use it. I disregarded the second trucker, exited the interstate and followed the directions of the first trucker.
Well, Carly, you always said it would be this way. You always said, I needed to learn how to follow directions to not cut so many damn corners all the time. You always told me didn't put in the work, and the funny thing is, for the first time, on this drive, get there, I did. Sure, I cut all the corners, but I wanted to to put in the work. But you're right, I never put a second of effort in, and if this is how it ends, I suppose you're right, I never will. But I guess, one way or another, you're getting what you've wanted, what you text me, what you don't tell me about, and what I didn't care about. I was coming home for him and damn it, I know it won't hold up in court but I want my boy to get the damn truck!
Anyway, I found the road, 2 lanes clear to the sky, surrounded by corn and then pumpkin fields forever. My straight shot, I pushed 80 the whole way flying on cracked asphalt, diesel, and go-pills. Ahead, there were barricades and I applied the brakes and barely stopped in time. I got out and saw they were chained up with a padlock to concrete posts in the ground. In theory, I could blast through them but I would sustain serious damage. The ground was a bit wet so I didn't think I could cross the ditch and field and not get stuck either. The barricades were not official in the least. They had a sign on them made out of it mailbox stick-on letters which said: “Do Not Feed The Pumpkins”. As far as I could see from my cab and binoculars, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the damn road. I said hell and I knew it would take hours to reverse course and get back in time – in time to even unload much less make it in time to go trick o treating.
And I said it wasn't worth it. I didn't bother to call. I'd just show up now. Because it wasn't my fault. So I started back, turning around with great difficulty. I traveled back 2 miles and saw small signs for a rest area. I must have missed it the first time, too deep into the zone I suppose now. I needed to pee and probably eat a bit before starting a roundabout way back, so I stopped. It was a little old 2 story joint with a small dinner on the 1st level and looked like 4 or 5 small motel rooms on top and oddly an outhouse for a restroom. I want to emphasize the outhouse because that is how you'll find and catch this guy, the guy who did this to me. It was Bill Shaw of Shaw's Shack, who did this to me. It had a sign with the building, it too was made of stick-on letters and vaguely resembled a huge ransom note. It read “Yes! We are open! We are the only rest area for 67 miles and 1 of 2 “tombstones” for the late great town of Pumpkin Grove Illinois – the former pumpkin capital of Illinois. Ask Your host, Bill Shaw about the Pumpkin-beef-bean stew!
The parking lot had three vehicles in it, not including my own, a silver Prius, a grand cheeroke with wood panels, and an older model chevy pick up truck. I went inside. The dinner was small, set in a rustic décor with old license plates nailed to the walls. The cafe had eight counter seats and two smaller tables near the two windows. There were two witnesses to what happened that night, to what Bill Shaw did – at least partial witnesses. There was the older man with stringy white hair and octagonal glasses – unfortunately, I didn't get his name. There was that irritating millennial – All I remember is the metal crap in her ears and lip. Hell, if I die and John starts ever pulling that crap, I'll come back and haunt the crap out of both of you. Anyway, now, I wish I could remember their names or something else about them to put here. I didn't care about either one of them enough to remember.
I guess that goes for Shaw too. He was a bit taller as sometimes I couldn't see his face while sitting at the counter because of the low lights in the ceiling blocking his face. He had gray hair. Hell. That's it. Anyway, the old man said he was part of a historical society, said he spent the better part of his past two years tracking down anyone or anything about Pumpkin Grove. The college student – of course – it was college student said she was from the school newspaper, looking for a spooky story. When she asked me where I was from, I didn't respond.
Shaw came from the kitchen with two big bowls of the famous Pumpkin-beef-bean stew for first two. He seemed taken back by my presence for a bit before saying “howdy” and trying to get real friendly with me. He asked what media I was from. I told him I wasn't from no media and I was trying to get through the barricade up ahead. Neither of the other two seemed to know about the barricade. Shaw said he didn't know anything about it either. I was suspicious of him then because of the lettering on the signs. But I didn't push it. I wanted to eat and he said my choice was the stew or stew. So the stew seemed fine. He said he wished he had more time to chat with me but he promised to tell the story of Pumpkin Grove to the two others but I was welcome to listen and ask questions. I didn't say it but I couldn't care less, I was going no where fast and I needed to eat.
He started off by saying he and his wife are among a handful of survivors of the fire that consumed the town of Pumpkin Grove some 30 years ago on Halloween night. Then his story descended into a cross between a rambling fading nightmare and a ghost story. He said, without hesitation, fear of consequence or remorse that he was accessory to a murder in his childhood. Specifically, some 40 years ago, again on Halloween, he was friends with a small group of young men including one named Donnie, who was a little slow and had a slightly misshaped head. He was picked on a lot by the Gerst Brothers, notorious town bullies and teenage thugs of a bad seed thanks to their neglectful alcoholic single father. Long story short, he said, the Gerst Brothers lured Donnie, himself and another 2 boys out to a pumpkin field where they gave back Donnie's missing dog. Apparently they kidnapped the dog and wrapped every inch of it in duct tape a few days ago. They watched us try to peel and pull the duct tape off while the weakened, hungry, and thirsty dog whimpered away its last in the field. Unbeknownst to any of us, Donnie had a pocket knife and he lost it as the Gerst Brothers cackled around him and the dead dog. He leaped up as they laughed and sliced the vein on their necks. One of the Brothers died quickly while Donnie and the two others fought the other to death. Shaw said he just stood there, covered in arterial blood splatters, watching Donnie and the others finish off the Gersts.
Much of the town was shockingly grateful to hear the Gerst Brothers were dead and everyone was all too happy to sweep it under the rug rather than have 4 of their sons incarcerated for decades when they were needed to help with the town's bread and butter – the Pumpkins. So, they buried the Gerst Brothers in that field and grew pumpkins on their corpses and no one really talked about it. The town paid off their father, who was too inebriated most of the time to care and he gleefully drank himself to death on the payoff only about a year later.
I didn't have much of a reaction to the story. The historian on the other hand, was hesitant to stay and keep writing and he made a brief protest concerning whether or not the story was true and whether or not he could legally listen to it. Shaw said it was both true and legal. After all, there was nothing left of the town and the remains were long gone and he himself, would not bare witness to himself. The college student's dumb metal encrusted mouth was agape in a mix of horror and disbelief.
I was waiting, patiently, might I add, for my stew. Shaw promised it would be up soon. He continued the story, stating that the fields produced abnormally well afterwards and 10 years later he was visiting his parents with his girlfriend for the annual Pumpkin fest. It was just that the pumpkins weren't just more numerous and larger, or more resistant to the rains and the fungus, they were alive and nothing could keep them tame or from spreading wider and wider. And everyone thought this was great at first, the profits were never higher but then weird things began to happen. Equipment went missing and two farm hands were crushed by a wagon full of pumpkins tipping over onto them in what was at first called a freak accident. Shaw recounted how he took his girlfriend through one of the patches and the vines seem to wind and grapple her legs, of course, Shaw's folks passed it off as her not being used to the mud but Shaw said he knew better.
Shaw continued to describe that over the days that led up to Halloween, the Jack O Lanterns on people's porches and elsewhere began to do some unusual things. Things like seemingly move by themselves from dusk to dawn, changing the carvings of their faces slightly, or appearing to “jump” off a table onto the porch without damage or apparent cause. On the morning of Halloween, Shaw said that he found his black cat, Lucky, incinerated in front of a jack o lantern as if it had breathed fire on to it from its mouth though they had long ago blown out the candle inside.
After the cat burning, the elderly man from the historical society tossed his spoon in his bowl. Shaw asked if something was wrong. The elderly man got up to leave and he said it tasted like bitter cold bull and his story was bull and thanked him for nothing. After checking the remaining contents of his bowl of stew, Shaw chased him out of the door, to his car, asking him what direction he planned to go home. When he peeled out of the parking lot he was headed southwest. Shaw came back in and threw up his hands.
I tell nothing but the truth, he said, most people can't handle it. Part of me wanted to go, but I was cozy there, it was warm and the story, while bull to me at the time, was entertaining enough. The SJW sitting down the way looked exhausted, barely keeping her eyes open as Shaw finished out the story. In short he said, Donnie approached him at dusk on Halloween while he and his family sat on the porch eagerly awaiting trick o treaters. Donnie said the Gerst Brothers are alive in the pumpkins and that they planned to burn the whole town down tonight. Donnie said, he had to tell Shaw because Shaw wasn't supposed to die, he was supposed to watch.
I rudely stopped him and demanded more stew. I was still hungry and the stew was somehow unsatisfying. When he returned, he finished the story, stating the town was suddenly engulfed in flames and their house in particular with Donnie on the porch, flash burned to the ground like napalm from an exploding pumpkin. He escaped with his family and his future wife in the pick up truck sitting outside now.
The college student said she felt like she needed to lay down, that she didn't think she could make back to the campus to the north. Shaw attended to getting her one of the rooms upstairs. I stayed down stairs and went to the back for more stew. I rubbed my eyes intensely and felt as if I too should stay for the night. But in the tug of war between fatigue and dexrine, the dexrine was slowly coming out ahead.
Next to the stew was a cutting board and a knife and on it was some bluish whitish powder which I found peculiar. On floor was a bottle of medication. It was Insomnex – a sleeping pill I use when I'm coming off of dexrine. The stew was dosed.
I ran to my truck and pulled out my dexrine and my revolver. As I climbed out of the driver's side, I could see Shaw running out of the dinner with a huge kitchen knife. I ducked under the trailer and back out on his side and pointed the gun at him.
What the hell I asked as I slowly advanced on him with my snub nose pointed at his head. He dropped the knife. He said, I just wanted to puncture your tires, I had to do something to stop you. I know you want to go north and I know you might be crazy enough and your truck tough enough to smash the barricades but I can't let you. I can't let anyone else go through, he said hysterically. I asked the dumb question about whether or not he set the barricades and just as I previously suspected, he did.
I'm supposed to watch, Shaw cried. No one can get through tonight, no can be allowed to. I told him to shut up as he rambled on about how he and his wife took it upon themselves to ward off travelers on Halloween Night. Its a cursed road tonight, he said, we're cursed to stay here and this is the best we can do to stop it from spreading. Its been calling us for 30 years, he went on, we tried to walk away but it kept on spreading, the pumpkins, he said gritting his teeth in anguish.
Maybe it was the dexrine and the insomnex working together, hell maybe it was the stew by itself but I just started to laugh as I guided Shaw back into the dinner and proceeded to duct tape him down to the dinner chair to make sure he could not cause anymore harm to anyone else until the police arrived. I had some cash on me, I wasn't a criminal, I wasn't going to make it seem like I tied him up and dinned and dashed, I was in the right, I was doing the lawful thing. So I left him exact change, no tip for the food. In the process of making change for myself, I found the padlock key in the cash drawer, I was certain of it at the time as I waved it in front of Shaw and he gasped and thrashed behind the duct tape the hardest.
I got into my truck and gunned it north towards the barricades, which, as I suspected was easily opened with the key I confiscated from Shaw. I got on my CB and started making emergency calls to the State Police, I gave them my name, the location of the diner, and Shaw's name. I was in the middle of nowhere so it didn't surprise me when I got static and no acknowledgment. I had no bars on my cell phone either but that is typical of central Illinois.
I was going along about 70. The sun was almost down but I hadn't seen the moon yet. I turned on the radio and found a classic rock station. The song was Born on the Bayou from CCR. The opening riff perked me up and reassured me that I had done everything all well and all good. If things held, there was a chance, I could get my freight unloaded and see John tonight. I was eagerly tapping the steering wheel waiting to bust into “When I was just a little boy...” But just as the lyrics should have entered, the radio station seemed to have accidentally reset the song, it just started over.
The sun faded away entirely and yet no moon came up. The sky was so dark but I didn't remember seeing any clouds or expecting any for that matter. The song continued restarting itself, the same opening again and again. I flipped through the other stations and all of them had it playing. Eventually, the digital clock on my dash began to spin wildly like the LCD numbers on the tuner while in scan mode. The truck buffeted and shook side to side despite my headlights showing no cause for it.
To my shock, ahead, in the distance was single traffic light. It was went from green, to yellow, and red, as any other traffic light but there were no lights or towns on this road. I slowed to 40, then 35 then to 30 as I entered an unnamed densely populated area with small buildings, stores, and houses and one traffic light. I came to a stop at the light and I looked around, locked my doors and tried to glimpse where I was. Where ever I was, I felt, I felt like I shouldn't be there. There were dim orange lights in some of the rooms of the houses at the edge of the intersection.
I looked up at one of the windows and I saw a figure with large head in the window. I couldn't believe my eyes at least not until the figure turned to face outward. It was a jack o lantern, a classic one with a black glow where the eyes, nose, and mouth sat. It was held up right by a thin vine structure that seemed to grow and stretch as it stuck its head out of the window and let out a barely audible shrill whistle and stared directly at me.
I gunned it. I blew the red light as the town seemed to collapse into nothing by dark green swelling pumpkin vine and a sea of glowing jack o lanterns in my side view mirrors. I hit the radio off because all I could hear on it was that whistle filtering through. I drove and the mass of jack o lanterns grew in the mirrors. I glimpsed the left and right windows and the plains were glowing black with more pumpkins rolling and creeping towards the road.
The road began to warp and bend as I started to red line my truck. The buffeting side to side became difficult to control as the engine groaned. I couldn't explain how the road began to shift nor how the moon, blood orange began to circle around me from horizon to horizon. Aside from the moon, I thought I was making progress as I couldn't see the vines nor the hundreds of blacklight pumpkins swirling after me.
The moon slowed and dipped down and I started climbing a hill. As I crested, the moon filled the entire windshield and more. It spun and then settled on a black light pumpkin face and bore down on the cab.
I don't know what happened next but I woke up in my cab. The was engine smoking. All I could see was mud and putrid rotten pumpkins as far as I could see. My Blue Jay was sunk up to the cab down in mud, vines and rot. It wasn't going anywhere in it without some serious assistance. To my right and left I saw dozens of other vehicles, most of them at least ten years old, also up their doors in mud and rot. Swarms of flies were visible all around in the boiling midday sun. I'm not really sure how long it has been or what time it really was because the clock on my phone is broken and simply reads as 99:99. I don't know what day it is. I have no cell signal and no radio.
Carly, I need to be honest with you. I cheated on you. Maybe a dozen times. I did it before I thought, before I knew you were doing it to me. I can't live by the rules of trucking, or marriage or anything. It is the road and you command it and that is the only rule. But now, I'm worried I've broken my last rule. I have no food and no water. There is no road here. There is only rule of a blazing sun with jack o lantern face that never sets. I fear that in time, unless I find help or help finds me, I will be feeding the pumpkins.
​
Theo Plesha