Death Before Dishonor 2023
Claudio Castagnoli\ © vs Dalton Castle*
The ROH Champ takes on Castle, the man who carried the torch of ROH until his body was broken beyond repair. This match very well may be Castle’s last shot at the title, and he gives it his all. He throws everything he has at Claudio, but after an overhead belly-to-belly sends Claudio flying into the referee, Wheeler Yuta scrambles into the ring and smashes Dalton with the title! On commentary Nigel McGuinness doesn’t attempt to hide his disgust with Claudio breaking the Code of Honor. Claudio recovers and hits Castle with a Ricola Bomb to get the win. Nigel takes off his headset and leaves the ringside area as Claudio celebrates with Yuta.
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HonorClub
Nigel interviews Claudio, and makes it clear what he feels about the Champ’s actions. Claudio smugly retorts that Nigel is just a bitter, old, “broken toy”, who doesn’t like that his peers are still thriving while he’s wasting away behind a commentary desk. Nigel calls out Claudio and says that he might not be cleared to compete, but he’d be more than happy to fight. He challenges Claudio to fight him later that night, unsanctioned. Claudio agrees and Nigel goes to extend the hand, Claudio takes it and spits in it. The two men brawl as a referee runs down, apparently marking the beginning of the fight.
Nigel is rusty, he gets the brakes beaten off him. Claudio goes for a running uppercut, but Nigel is able to counter with an Artful Dodger pin! Nigel steals it! Nigel laughs in Claudio’s face, before getting blindsided by Yuta. The two men put the boots to Nigel, beating him viciously.
Nigel takes the time to consult many doctors, and the general consensus is that he will be able to return to competition… so long as he paces himself.
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HonorClub
Nigel McGuiness\ vs Wheeler Yuta*
Nigel wastes no time challenging Yuta. Yuta gives it his all, but the wily veteranship of Nigel allows him to get the win following a reversal into the Divorce Court DDT. Nigel calls out Claudio for not being able to beat a “broken toy”, Claudio comes down and declares that he WILL beat him and makes the defense official.
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AEW Fight For The Fallen 2023
Claudio Castagnoli\ © vs Nigel McGuinness*
Nigel goes to war, putting the champ on the backfoot early. After many near falls these men are left exhausted. Nigel hits lariat after lariat, but Claudio is barely able to survive. Claudio hits a combo of uppercuts to turn the tide, hitting an Alpamare Waterslide to retain the title. Nigel may not have won, but he proves he still belongs.
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HonorClub
Mox, Claudio, and Yuta are in the ring for a promo, stating that while they are built for combat, there is no honor in losing. Those who limit themselves to any “code” are cowards who will never reach their full potential. Nigel interrupts them, stating that that code is what he lived and died by during his career. He promises that it’s personal between him and BCC, declaring war officially. Nigel says that he’s not alone… he’s got back up! Aussie Open walk out behind Nigel! The three men run down to the ring and collide with BCC! The show ends as the battle rages on! What a way to end it!
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HonorClub
BCC vs Aussie Open & Nigel McGuinness\*
The two teams collide in an action packed match! The team of Kyle Fletcher and Mark Davis prove effective allies, as all six men are firing on all cylinders. Mox and Nigel have an extra bit of violence to their interactions. The two men brawl around ringside, almost trying to kill the other. Yuta is the legal man and he gets ganged up on by Aussie Open, who hit him with the Coriolis for the win!
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ROH All Star Extravaganza 2023
Jon Moxley vs Nigel McGuinness\*
Mox refuses to shake Nigel’s hand. He and Nigel exchange bombs for the first minute, with Mox ending the exchange with a knee to the head that drops Nigel. From there the match doesn’t slow, with Mox trying for submission holds and brutal strikes. While Nigel is able to avoid most of the onslaught from Mox, he catches Nigel on the chin with an elbow that staggers him. Nigel rebounds for the lariat, but Mox catches him with a Paradigm Shift! Nigel powers the shoulder up just before the ref counts three. Mox pulls down his knee pad and gives Nigel the middle finger! Mox goes for the Regal Knee! Nigel catches the knee! Nigel shoves him back and hits a lariat! Mox drops to a knee! Nigel hits a running lariat and hooks the leg! Nigel wins!
As Mox lays there, Bryan Danielson walks down to the ring. He and Nigel lock eyes. Mox climbs to his feet and goes to attack Nigel, but Danielson grabs him by the shoulder. Mox turns and stares daggers at him, before shouldering past him to the back. Nigel and Bryan nod at each other before Danielson rolls out of the ring.
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AEW All Out 2023
Nigel McGuinness\ vs Bryan Danielson*
These two may be the greatest rivals to every step into a ring. They’ve bled, sweated, and taken years off each other's lives. Yet the thing about them is that there is a healthy amount of respect that comes from all those wars.
The match begins with both men shaking hands. Maintaining the Code of Honor.
Nigel and Danielson continue their feud in a closing chapter of sorts, with both men giving it their all. Danielson catches Nigel with a rebound lariat, nearly knocking Nigel’s head off. Nigel barely kicks out. The war continues as Nigel locks in the London Dungeon, before pushing Danielson down onto the mat and locking in Cattle Mutilation! Danielson tries to fight but has nowhere to go! He taps out. Nigel releases the hold and the two lock eyes, once again shaking hands as Bryan welcomes his rival back.

Hello! am an experienced pet sitter who has been working in animal care and pet sitting for almost 13 years now! I absolutely love animals! I have worked as an animal care technician at both a veterinarians office and a boarding facility, worked as a doggy daycare attendant and a private pet sitter for house pets and farm animals including equine. I grew up on a farm riding horses and caring for farm animals. So I have hands on farm experience both personally and professionally.
::WHAT I DO:: I come into your home/property and care for your furry/feathery/scaley family member in their own safe space so they are comfortable and have no anxiety or added pressure of a new environment while you are gone. I request that all clients leave a detailed outline for me with any specific directions needed and I will follow that outline to a capital T! I will send you pictures and updates and also leave a short write up of my experience when I leave.
I am experienced with every type of house pet and most farm animal you can think of.
For dogs, I have worked with puppies to elderly dogs, from tiny toy breeds to the biggest extra large breeds. I have also worked with dogs with special needs.
Rates depend on the job. Just let me know the location and in depth what is needed, for how long and how many animals etc.
Feel free to reach out with any questions, concerns or anything you need me to elaborate more on.
Thank you for your time and have a wonderful day! 🐶🐱🐰🐴🐢🦮🐖🐄🐮🐕🐃🐑🐔🐠🐾

Plant a better future. They are worth more alive than dead.
Chopping them down sets the Earth back 15 years of tree growth each year for each tree 6/7 feet tall.
Convert farms to forests and transplant your living tree to enjoy for years to come. You (and your kids) can watch it/them grow!
Planting a tree is a much better gift/investment for children’s lives instead of many other gifts (oxygen and water is much more meaningful than toys, ornaments and lights).

I have 5 lovebirds and 1 cockatiel. None are tame. Their cage is 60x20x37. I also have some extra toys, food, and cage liner paper. The cage does not have the removable tray. It got left out in the sun last year and it melted.
The cockatiel is 3 years old. She came from a farm and was never friendly. We occasionally hiss at each other. Otherwise she just minds her business.
The black headed lovebird is Spooky. She’s the mom of the 3 green birds. She is also 3 years old. She spends the majority of her time futzing in her nest box, which I cleaned out yesterday.
The whitish and bluish guy is Spindrift. He’s the dad of the green guys, and is also 3 years old.
The 3 green lovebirds, 2 male and 1 female, were born in December. The boys have that orange uni-brow, and the girl has very little orange. One of the boys and the girl have bonded. The other boy likes to snuggle up with Spindrift.
Send me a note if you have any questions.

Hello everyone!
Any ideas on what I can get my little one? 18 month + toys?
He has a farm set, blocks, toy kitchen and toy phones/tablets, balls and lots of books. I feel like I've reached a point where I need to get him some more things to play with that's maybe more age appropriate or to keep in rotation?
It's very overwhelming looking at toys and I just have no idea what is good for him now he's a bit older 😂😭

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! We’ve sent out an old ugly version of this to a ton of agents and the only feedback we’ve gotten was “good query” which is weird because that was an objective lie lol. This query has yet to be submitted to an agent, let us know how to make it pop!
Edit! Thank you to everyone for the invaluable advice! It’s so refreshing to actually get real feedback. We are taking into account everything said here and will be looking to shorten the novel by 50-60k before resubmitting the novel. ——
Complete at 150,000 words, WAKING THE WITCH is an adult crime fantasy novel. It will appeal to lovers of punchy dialogue and heists like Elmore Leanord’s RUM PUNCH, but with a HARRY POTTER magical twist.
Forty years ago magic erupted from the land, and as a result many countries contested for a foothold in this terrifying new world, including the novel’s setting, the Divided States. The country, ravaged by death and sickness, struggles to recover from the Second American Civil War. It is the year 1993 and although the rights for witches have progressed, segregation and prejudice are still rampant, especially in the South. But there is one type of witch, through hearsay and propaganda, that is the most reviled of all, due to their ability to teleport through a realm deemed the ‘void’: the nomad––and unfortunately for Clementine Harding, she just so happens to be one.
At nineteen years old Clementine just wants to help pay off her mother’s surmounting medical bills and save the horse farm her father, recently deceased, dedicated his life to. So when upon discovering the existence of an invaluable prototype drug called ‘Cowfish,’ she steals it against her mother’s evangelical southern preachings.
Now she, and her three witch friends who perform as the quartet, The Nomads, when they’re not moonlighting as thieves, must flee to Oregon towards a potential buyer; a mysterious man who goes by the moniker ‘Pink Polo’ whose directly connected to the most influential drug lords of the Pacific North West, the Vernins.
In this desperate pursuit of freedom, Clementine’s doubts culminate as she is plagued by what she claims ‘prophetic dreams’ depicting one of the Nomads, Noah, dying a most gruesome death, and as the egomaniac Pink Polo is hell bent on toying with the Nomads for his own pleasure. Additionally, as she is further divided by distance and by consequence, she comes to realize that in her pursuit to save her family, she’s unknowingly pushed them further and further away; potentially to the point of no return.
All of Clementine’s fears come true when they discover the rightful owner of the prototype drug, Senimage, has long caught wind of them. The syndicate head, Ren Nishimura, gives the group an easy ultimatum, “work for us, or perish.” When Clementine learns the syndicate forces nomads into slavery, she is stricken by the knowledge that one false move could mean she’ll be lost to the world forever. Ren’s demands seem simple enough, ‘get us an in with the Vernin’s.’
But in order to do this, she must first convince the twisted sadist Pink Polo that their lives are worth saving.
Although this series is written by two authors, our intent is that it always reads as if in one voice. We are using the pen names of ___ and __, but our real names are __ and ___ respectively. We have no prior written works to our name, but in addition to this novel, we have a large portion of Volume II already written, and Volume III loosely planned, with ideas for a satisfying conclusion to this heart pounding series. We hope you will enjoy this book, as we feel it will be a great addition to your catalog. We look forward to hearing back from you.

Yea... I was there when the invasion began.
It was so long ago, yet I remember it like it was yesterday. Back then, we only had to worry about nuclear hell fire destroying out species. A result of mad men acting like children with the perverbial big red button. Yet despite this, we tried to live our lives the best way we could. Just trying to survive our own petty struggles that came with day to day life.
Back then, I was just a huble taxi driver, driving about my city, just trying to make a honest living. Iwas actually in my cab when I saw the first ships break through the clouds and begin their attack. I could still remember the screams of people when they began to open fire, destroying building as if they were nothing but toys.
I didn't even know how I was able to escape that blood bath, all I could remember was jumping into my car and hitting the gas as hard as I could. It was just all a big blur, I could see people running as the first ships landed and began to deploy their troops. That's when I saw them... Big ugly bastards dressed in black armor and carrying weapons ....weapons they used on the fleeing people as they tried to get away.
I guess I was one of the lucky ones, cause I was able to get away and didn't stop driving until I reached the mountains. For the first two days, I wondered around the Forrest. I was too afraid to sleep, as I feared what ever those things were would find me. I could hear jets and other aircraft flying overhead, but I could see them through the trees.
It was on my third day however, I ended up being discovered by a group of soldiers as I walked along the road. I guess I must had been more exhausted than I thought, cause the next thing I knew, I was waking up in a hospital bed inside of a large tent filled with doctors and patients.
I could see both soldiers and regular people being treated for various types of injuries. I could hear the sounds of helicopters and vehicles coming from outside, while doctors and nurses did what they could.
Eventually, I found out the true extent of what was going on and I have to admit, I could not believe what I was hearing. I think I even chuckled a bit when I was told that actual aliens were invading the planet. But I soon realized that was all too real, as I the camp I was now in was across a river from another city. A city that was now in complete ruin and was still burning.
Apparently, similar scenes we're taking place all over the world, as more and more ships landed and deployed troops. They... Who ever THEY were, never announced who they were, but it soon became clear to us this was not just an invasion, it was a extermination. As they killed everything and everyone in their way, even if they tried to escape.
Obviously, we were not to keen on becoming extinct and we fought back.... We fought back hard. The nuclear powers unleased their arsenal on the "Invaders", numerous mushroom clouds rising into the air as ballistic and cruise missiles found their targets. I guess that the invaders were not expecting such a a response, as their ships proved to be no match for our rather "Primitive" nuclear weapons. But the fighting continued and eventually, I would end up volunteering with a group calling itself the "15th Volunteer Regiment."
I became a gunner on a old Patton Tank, something that the army pulled out of storage as the war continued. I could remember the first battle I took part in, a small town somewhere in western Texas. We were to go in to releave a detachment of Mexican Soldiers who has been trying to retake the town for the last month.
I could remember when I saw one of the Alien Mech Suits appeared and began to open fire. I could also remember just how I felt when I saw the bastard burst into flames after taking a HEAT round to it's chest. I didn't feel anything for who or what ever had being sinsude that contraption, they were monsters for what they had done and they all deserved to die. It was also during that time that I finally got a good look at just who had invaded.... They looked just like us! But they were completely bald with some kind of tattoo pattern on their heads with impossibly pale skin and eyes that were nothing but whites. Yet we still did not know their name or what they called themselves.
Eventually, North America was cleared and my unit was then sent south to help in the fighting in those regions. Again, I saw the death and destruction the invades had caused. I saw entire towns filled with bodies, many of whom had wounds that suggested they were trying to run away when they were killed. We fought our way down and eventually linked up with the Brazilians and took part in the Battle of the Plate.
For Fives years, we continued to fight. Eventually making it to Africa, southern Europe, the Middle East and finally India. The 15th was there and were were all hell bent on making those bastards pay. By then, the suits in the lab had managed to reverse engineer some of the weapons we that were captured and we were now using tanks with large Lazer cannons, attack aircraft with used some kind of.... Anti-gravity engines, we even had mech suits of our own. But for the 15th, we still used the old Pattons and even a few T-72 we were able to acquire when some Nigerians joined our group.
Then.... Came the Battle of Rangoon.... The last major battle of the war. The invaders had set up some kind of base Intelligence believed to be their main operations center. Once again, al nuclear strike was used to soften their defences and we began to advance. We didn't beat the bastards.... We slaughtered them.
Mexico City... Caracas.... Largos.... Nice.... We remembered.... We remembered what we saw and what they did. We were not going to give them the luxury of Mercy... They were going to pay for what they did.
Five days of absolute hell... But eventually we took the command base and by extension, ended the war. The Rangoon Base was their last stronghold on the planet and we destroyed it. The war was won, but at a heavy cost.
Two billion people were dead, the atmosphere was now heavily irradiated due to the use of nuclear weapons. There was a very real fear of famine due farm land bring destroyed due to the fighting. The next twenty years following the war were not easy, but eventually were were able to rebuild and with the Technology the Invaders left behind. But.... We were not done....
We knew that it could only be a matter of time before they came back and we might not be so lucky. So we began to build up our militaries once again and untied them to form the United Earth Defence Forces. The ships were captured, the few they were, became the basis for a new Space Navy. We soon began to build ships of our own, build bases on other planets and designed new weapons. We never found out the name of our would be attackers, but my people will not soon forget them. We want to find them and show them the true consiquences of their actions.
"So why are you telling me this, ambassador?"
Ever since we became part of the Galactic community, my government have been trying to find out who had attacked us. So far, we have ether been meet with silence or some vauge legend.
"But what purpose would getting revenge serve at this point?"
You would not be saying that if what happened to my people, happened to yours. There is one thing you need to know about my people.... We don't like it when others bully us and we will do everything in our power to hit back at those who hurt us. So ... Will your people help us?
"You humans are driven too much by you emotions."
It what got us through the War and the many skirmishes with your people. Need I remind you who supported your government during your civil war? You owe us.
"And if my government refuses to help?"
It's in their best interest that they do. So will you help us?
"I... Will speak with them when I return home."
You do that... We will speak later.

(This is a nonviolent text.)
Life! Exclamation point! Today’s speaker is made of clock parts and possesses encyclopedic knowledge about the nature of natural life. Life! Exclamation point! Though biographies in the back of conference programs won’t ever tell the whole story, they tempt us with the true face of authority. Today’s speaker – Life! – is made of clock parts, probably a grandfather clock to begin with, young for its age, but then he started slapping on extra clock parts, moved by an urge he couldn’t explain, until the function of tolling the hour was more of a hobby, a weekend pass-time, compare to what all those precision instruments were up to on a regular basis. As a vision on stage, the speaker’s machinations were there for all to see – the whirring of gears and belts, the clanking of chains. Where his heart chakra was thought to manifest, swung a pendulum.
The nature of natural life is not an easy expertise to build a vocation around – Life! Exclamation point! – but what a sentence to say aloud. At this point in the address, one of the speaker’s mainsprings uncoils where his belly button would normally be. He uses the longer of his hands to poke it back into place without breaking stride, continues: What is a natural life? More to the point, what is a natural lifespan? Who better to know than me! He points to himself when he says this, does a quick spin in place, revealing the dozens of differently styled clock faces that cover the surface of his body, continues: I’m after the author’s natural lifespan, like to pretend I’m playing along, but the whole time, I’m thinking about his natural lifespan. Hmm, hmm, I wonder why? Ha! // The author changes the subject – today’s speaker thinks of something else.
When you discover someone living an unnatural lifespan, you seek to find out why. Not that the reason is the point – not by a longshot – but call me curious. Maybe they tripped at the right moment and tumbled past the grave. Maybe they did a few extra calisthenics before the cock crowed. Or – perish the thought – they succumbed to an unholy pact at a vulnerable moment. I have taken it upon myself to sniff them out – and when he says this, the regulators above his eyes both arch significantly. And what then? We usually have a quiet chat before I recite my speech and complete my visit. It isn’t personal, I begin – time sometimes wells up, spills over its banks, and floods the village. If we could avoid such catastrophe, we should – don’t you agree? The time nature intends, through natural lifespans, would never, let’s be honest, flood a valley.
And what, then, would I do? Proprietary information! hoots today’s speaker from the stage, does another quick spin, stage lights flickering off his crystals, his gleaming metals. About the author’s natural lifespan – oh, you thought I’d forgotten! Were you 18 when you first died? Had it happened before then? Were you but a child under-supervised? Under-supervision-ed, we might say. Remember the day? You rode a toy out into the street, and a car’s front bumper rushed forward to kiss you on the left side of your head, the temple, a stone flung by the age of automobiles. Don’t you remember? Of course you do – the passionate screeching of tires, as those around you stopped and turned to look, surprise gradually replaced by horror at what they knew happened but couldn’t bear to see. You thought you survived – didn’t you? – but thereafter, what appeared on your left temple? A knotted cist so prominent, people stopped you and asked what happened. You saw exactly two physicians over the next 10 years, both telling you not to worry about it, and so you didn’t. You didn’t! When you probed the spot with your fingers, it felt like a rounded room, a shelter built by something trying to survive. As for that 18-year-old involved in that off-road motor vehicle accident – nominee number two, let’s call it – true, you were far more aware of mortality by then, but your own? You climbed aboard a 3-wheeled vehicle that could travel at more than 50mph, completely lacking a seatbelt, headrest, or protective frame – without a helmet, boots, or jacket – and the brakes were less than half there that fateful day, a means of slowing down – a vehicle that would be rendered illegal to operate within a matter of years of the accident . . . the accident . . . remember the accident? August, you were traveling off-road to do farm work, the cornfield you were riding beside with several rows chopped out for silage, and on impulse, you decided to turn into the field to see where it went, then really opened her up because of the green blur of all that corn. Did you secretly expect the drainage ditch? Was this more of a suicide mission? Over the side you went, face first into the opposite bank, and if anyone was wondering – the effect was not of pain but of the lights going out all at once. Imagine the nature of reality that allows for: the inevitability of the crash, followed by all the lights going out – this is really happening – followed by some utterly absent experience, like a film editor cutting in a blankness where reality normally insists scenes of existence should be. The film projectionist would have been instructed to fast-forward through this part of the film, such that no time seems to pass, and the next thing we know, he is trying to push a 3-wheeler out of a drainage ditch. That thing weighing more than he does, and he’s trying to heave it above his head, up and out of the drainage ditch. What had he become? What time-wise tricks were in play? He finally gave up trying to free torment from its channel, staggered through the field toward the truck, face covered in blood, never went to the hospital. When the story is recounted later by his dad, the story became how dad fixed the 3-wheeler by prying the front wheel out of the frame with his truck and a chain. Can you imagine that chain now? They called it a log chain, and the links were cast iron. It was completely covered in rust.
The author knows all this already, receives a spiritual visitation during the writing of the phrase suicide mission, wondering if he’s okay. Yes, he replies, knowing this particular metaphysical weather report has a lot of ground to cover. Today’s guest speaker picks at one of his stems in a distracted way, lets the matter rest, inquires about whether – uh-hum! – he might be permitted to carry on. The author gets up, refills his coffee, returns to one of the picnic tables arrayed in front of the derelict peace church where he lives. He is surrounded by millions of individual affirmations of life, many of which are visibly in bloom or going to seed. A bumble bee flies by. A yellowish bug with zigzags on either side ambles up, its antennae twice as long as its body, tapping at the world in front of it. Among the local insect population, it’s regarded as a savant.
Uh-hum! How many more brushes with death would the author experience before it finally took? There was the time a few years later, same farm but different brother, taking turns firing a handgun at a target. This would be the last time he would fire a gun for any reason, was it not? They climb into the brother’s wedge-shaped sports car, named after the grasping part of a bird of prey, and into fate’s hands did fly. The car was totaled, the two of them, without seatbelts or airbags, unhurt inside the crumpled remnants of the crash, mere inches from winding up once more inside drainage infrastructure, this one built by municipal authority, and therefore of a substance that would have been altogether worse on an unsuspecting traveler headed straight down. Yes, you might have been saved from becoming the remains of the day – but by what?
The child who caused the crash, the one who pulled out in front of that bird of prey, barely old enough to drive, who had two younger passengers inside with him, taking them out for ice cream maybe – that young driver sat nearby while police sorted out the story. He was crying on the side of the road like he would never stop, like he had identified the crash as the latest in a series of personal failings that would stretch into the future of his adulthood like a hot blacktop road and which, at every stop along the way, tragic suffering would be the font of consolation. Was this the way reality was supposed to work? The author recognized the boy as himself at an earlier age, bent down beside him, put a hand on his shoulder, and said, you will be okay. No one was hurt, and the rest can be replaced – your heart is true, and your soul will find its relief.
Ah, yes, the crash, says the author – ah, yes, the crash. Ah, yes, the crash, says the author – ah, yes, the crash. Ah, yes, the crash, says the author – ah, yes, the crash. The late days of spring may be the most forgotten of the year. If we aren’t anticipating summer – it’s still spring? – then we’re longing for those moments when the world was still opening its mouth, and then its eyes, and then its hands. The trees are all open by now, those late-arriving sycamores even filling out their leaves, such that the twigs and branches are all mildly bowed by the extra weight. After spring assumes its labor, the rest of the season finds its dedication, and I imagine the beads of water rising through capillaries beneath the wood – call it a space program – and a sweetness spreads throughout the tubular organisms we call trees. Late spring – sweetness remembered.
Life! Exclamation point! Chronobiology knows nature has much to say about what is cyclical, when, and for how long – much less to say about the natural length of one’s existence. Is death something one develops a knack for? The next notable death in the author’s life occurred a few years later – the death that would make dying into a full-time vocation. And where again do we find the author? Beside a drain. This one introducing the age of indoor plumbing, as the author lay on the floor of a friend’s bathroom, his life flashing before his eyes, as he vomits into a toilet. This time the world does not go dark all at once but feels like fuses blowing out, like a timed demolition, flashing like a string of firecrackers across the structural frame of a building, and a voice not his own telling the author: you’ll be okay, ride it out, remain present, you’ll be okay.
Would he though? For this fourth death, another blank spot appeared, no two – two instances of nothingness, orbiting each other, during which time, during which time, during which time – perhaps language hasn’t the proper security clearance to convey the negotiations that must have taken place to bring about a return to the living. The author remembers his friend opening the bathroom door, before which she would have been knocking and calling his name. When the door struck him in the back, and he came back to life, had he landed in the place where that drain did lead? While his friend cleaned up the bathroom floor with a towel, he sat on a bed with his hands covering his face. The hideousness he’d just passed through was the abbreviated version of what was to come – he knew the drill by now. The knot on his forehead was gone.
Destiny had finally shown him to his home, gave him a tour of the place, before scraping him off the floor, then setting up a series of baffling crises – from autumn 2002 to May 2003 – that would occupy the author’s attention for decades to come. The will toward dying had finally brought the world to life, and the mind of the universe was both ecstatic and enraged about it. Down there, at the bottom of the drain, they were fighting a global war on terror, war on terror, war on terror, and if wars on terror sum up preferred formulations of self-annihilation – symbol of invocation: fighting a reflection – then perhaps the author’s presence was meant to form a mirror-in-mirror infinity from which sustainable futures would emerge. Welcome to Mirror World! Where reflectivity gives us an evolutionary future! Where a universal narrative unfolds!
The author is making me write this, I must confess, but to everyone’s surprise, I am forcing the author to make me! The author is mine! And the author wrote that, too, I must additionally confess, and the two of us go around and around like this – symbol of invocation: two snails having sex in midair. The flatness and hardness we associate with reflectivity is something we will all outgrow eventually, and the hologram of hyper-reality will appear within our being like a flying saucer, and we will all be both abductees and witnesses, shown around the universe in style. Too much to ask? The last such alien contact – the insinuation of verbal and mathematical language into the genome of big-brained primates – gave us the keys to earthly reality. We are now exiting the stone age, evolving the means to make benevolence a fixture of human life.
The author made me write that, too, and even though I am just as surely making him write this, we must admit the mutability within the fabric of reality was not won without a struggle. The author faced death 11 times that year, faced death the next year, and the year after that. Each point along the way wanted to finish what the others couldn’t, and soon death felt like an echo, and in that moment of not really distinguishing the source and the reflection – when they both look somewhat the same – he could tell life and death were likewise difficult to discern. Life! Exclamation point! Are you merely an extension of entropy? A quicker way of dissipating the heat from a rocky-bodied planetoid like the earth? And if you are, then is life really just another form of death? But death! Didn’t you show us the way? Wasn’t dying the source of the cure?
Today’s speaker made me write that, just as I made him think it. And as thoughts passed from gear to gear around his body – as cuckoos sprang forth through tiny doors at various angles – as a series of chimes and tones issued forth from the stage like the ringing of a bell, if the bell could tell time and was tolled by committee – then the river of the natural lifespan, subject of such grand speculation in a previous incarnation, could now take its course. Perhaps indeed valleys would flood, but such is the natural origin of certain fertile fields. Springtime couldn’t agree with me more, its will toward abundance glad to splay its fingers before another epic growing season. As the author considers ways to wind up this report – knowing such lived truth inspires concern – whether death equals life or life equals death, he reasserts a will toward world peace.
Peace.

I purchased a Hyundai Santro in Apr 2021, as my first car. Although I had started learning driving a decade before that, I wasn’t allowed to use the family car so this car was instrumental for me maturing as a driver.
Today I drive about 200km on highways for work every week, and I’ve started feeling like I would like a car which is powerful/solid to drive.
Now I’m not unhappy with my Santro, it’s solid and has everything I need, it’s just that I feel more confident as a driver and feel like I could use a car with a bit more punch to it. And it’s not a question of affordability. If I was to upgrade, I was thinking something on the lines of the Sonet or the Venue.
It would also be an opportunity to switch to a registration of the state I live in currently. My car was purchased at my home town, so it carries a different state tag. I have not had issues with the traffic police for this so far, but in a metro you can’t predict this.
My gut says I’m just wanting a new toy to play with, and it’s a stupid decision to upgrade, but I’m just trying to farm opinions and see what people think.

Introducing today's contestants:

• Tim, a communications consultant, grew up on a not-so-magical Christmas tree farm;
• Vickie, a retired postmaster, is a pro runner after having won $200 for coming in last; and
• Suresh, a networking engineer, whose childhood geography training has proven helpful. Suresh is a three-day champ with winnings of $38,199.

Jeopardy!
STATE HOLIDAYS // PETS ON FILM // DIASPORA // CLASSIC TOYS & GAMES // QUICK BOOKS // RETRONYMS
DD1 - $1,000 - PETS ON FILM - The title of this 2003 film about a big dog is also a symphony that premiered in 1808 in Vienna (Tim lost $1,000 on a true DD.)
Scores at first break: Suresh $3,200, Vickie -$400, Tim -$400.
Scores going into DJ: Suresh $4,800, Vickie $600, Tim $1,200.
Double Jeopardy!
AROUND THE WORLD // STARTS WITH "W" // EPONYMOUS SCIENCE // WITH THIS RING // TV: WHO SAID IT // A EURO LEADER PASS
DD2 - $1,200 - AROUND THE WORLD - In 1898 the Rough Riders charged up Kettle Hill I as well as this more famous one in Cuba (Tim dropped the table limit of $2,000.)
DD3 - $2,000 - A EURO LEADER PASS - "Leaving", a 2008 tragicomedy by him, was his first play in more than 20 years & drew from his time as Czech Republic president (Suresh lost $1,000 from his score of $15,200 vs. $4,400 for Tim.)
Suresh opened a substantial lead in DJ, found DD3 and chose to go small, which proved to be the right move as he missed but still was comfortably ahead into FJ at $15,800 vs. $7,200 for Tim and $3,800 for Vickie.
Final Jeopardy!
BRITISH NOVELS - Midway through this 1928 novel, the title character briefly takes “their” instead of his or her
Only Vickie was correct on FJ. Suresh stood pat to win with $15,800 for a four-day total of $53,999.
Final scores: Suresh $15,800, Vickie $7,595, Tim $6,694.
Odds and ends
Triple Stumper of the day: No one knew the toy that uses a 25-watt bulb, colored plastic pegs & black construction paper to make an illuminated picture is Lite-Brite.
One more thing: Not counting the two DDs he missed, Tim had six incorrect responses worth $3,000. If he could have avoided half of those, he likely would have kept the game alive into FJ, although it wouldn't have changed the outcome.
Correct Qs: DD1 - What is "Beethoven's 5th"? DD2 - What is San Juan Hill? DD3 - Who was Havel? FJ - What is "Orlando"?

Hello! I am an only dog. Recently my father’s aunt visited and she brought another Dog! Dad tried to bamboozle me by taking me off leash to a favorite farm of mine and then “coincidentally” running into his aunt and her dog. Well, we had a scuffle and he picked me up by my hemi (rear end) and put ME on a leash. We walked around and I was on leash and then let off later away from the other dog.
Now, I was a good sport after that and we walked around one another and as long as she kept her distance I was fine. We were even able to be off leash again together.
BUT, then dad brought his Aunt and her dog to MY DEN and partitioned me off into one half of the house. I sung the song of my people. I missed grandma and grandpa. That other dog was getting premium access to Dad and his aunt and grandma and the kitchen…
I am so angry! When dad lets me in to explore I can smell the other dog everywhere. She has chewed on my toys, slept on my floors, and so on.
While cuddling with me at bedtime last night dad said he was sorry but that I just am “too aggressive with the other dog” so he had to keep us separate for a few days until his aunt went home.
That feels like forever! Am I the Cloaca for wanting that other dog out of here? Why should I be nice to her? She is in MY DEN playing with MY STUFF!

I play Wow since 2017 and most of my game time was spent playing solo without any friends or guilds. Since I'm paying Expansion + subscription I'm trying to draw the most out of this game trying out literally every aspect and mechanic of the game. As an MMO RPG I'm MMOing and RPGing, collecting xmog, mounts, toys, achievements, doing PvP, Mythic+, sometimes Raids, I'm replaying older expansions with Chromie, reading about lore, characters and events, farming gold with professions and sometimes getting those tokens. Overall, I'm having full experience of the game. But I feel that majority of player base sees that as literal waste of time and seeks only repeatable instances where the biggest number gives them dopamine boost. Currently in DF I have a friend group of 10ish people and majority of them literally ridicule any other activity in the game other than Mythic+ or Raid runs. I understand every single individual seeks different gameplay and enjoyment, some love RP, some love high level Raids, some love Pet Battles, I don't care, but to so blatantly dismiss 97% of the game that is an MMO RPG so you can sound cool or edgy makes me think, what are you even doing. And that's purely consumerism and automatism. They will rather pay for char boost, learn and get meta rotations and builds off net, and disconnect their brain for 3-4 hours running literally same instances. Imagine spending so much money to play 5 same instances for random chance of few levels stronger loot in order to do it again. I love running dungeons and such, but man can you stfu when I'm like... fishing?!? In my opinion, you literally wasting money (not time) on the game you not even playing (properly). And that's their argument too, "you are not playing this game properly". So by properly they mean just that, dungeons and raids. Seriously? There is a new friend of mine that was introduced to WoW few months ago and he's still struggling to comprehend the size of the game, and the other day we were literally visiting Darkmoon Faire for sake of it and we were fishing there. When some friends found out, they were literally bullying us for wasting time. When he ran dungeons with me to level up, they were literally shocked for him not knowing the rotation of his class even tho he was 20ish level. Meaning he doesn't even have half of his talents and almost 0 experience in instances, let alone the game.
I believe this is a real health problem of the game where players like those can literally be blamed for the state of the game. Everything has everything now, you can teleport to anywhere anytime, everything has group finder, items are reduced only to item level, dps chart is all that matters, there is no room for anything other than instances etc. Just become NPC, give Blizz money, they give you instant dungeon teleport and infinite loot gambling. Just yesterday, one of those friends said "You (newbie friend) are currently playing (leveling) the very worst part of the game." That says everything.
Conclusion, if you play WoW just for instances, good, I love them too. I just so happen I love to do literally anything else as well.

My husband and I rescued an 8 month old Newfie/Pyr mix. We’ve had her for about 6 weeks and she has transitioned beautifully from a free range farm dog to a social city girl. She is a nearly perfect dog with one exception. She will NOT get in her crate at night. No matter what big value treat we through in there, once it’s dark she won’t even think about it. We have done everything our dog trainer has recommended: feeding her in the crate, making the crate cozy, making sure the crate has fun things in it throughout the day, never forcing her in it, etc. She will go in there semi willingly during the day for treats, toys, and mealtimes. And once she’s in there and the door is shut, she is totally fine. No crying or whining at all. She has also never had an accident in the crate. But at nighttime she won’t even go near it. We have resorted to sleeping on our couch while she sleeps on the floor in the living room, since her house manners are still questionable. She is not allowed in our bedroom since that room became a trigger for frequent pee accidents the first couple weeks we had her.
I know this stems from some separation anxiety, and we are working on leaving her alone periodically through out the day, both when she is in and out of the crate. But it’s difficult to build that separation when we don’t trust her to be loose in the house and she is so so difficult to get in the crate. Any ideas are welcome!

I can no longer fast travel even using the cheat terminal. Game crashes to desktop.
Active Plug-ins =249
Last Mods Added:
Previsibines Repair Pack (PRP) Stable Branch
Its Furniture
Visible Companion Affinity
Now for the current load order:
GameMode=Fallout4
​
Fallout4.esm=1
DLCRobot.esm=1
DLCworkshop01.esm=1
DLCCoast.esm=1
DLCworkshop02.esm=1
DLCworkshop03.esm=1
DLCNukaWorld.esm=1
ccfsvfo4002-midcenturymodern.esl=1
cceejfo4001-decorationpack.esl=1
ccbgsfo4045-advarccab.esl=1
ccfsvfo4003-slocum.esl=1
ccbgsfo4051-dgbox.esl=1
ccbgsfo4053-dggoldr.esl=1
ccbgsfo4054-dggreatd.esl=1
ccbgsfo4055-dghusk.esl=1
ccbgsfo4059-dgpit.esl=1
ccbgsfo4036-trnsdg.esl=1
cceejfo4002-nuka.esl=1
cctosfo4001-neosky.esm=1
cczsefo4002-smanor.esm=1
ccbgsfo4040-vrworkshop01.esl=1
ccfsvfo4005-vrdesertisland.esl=1
cctosfo4002_neonflats.esm=1
ccfsvfo4004-vrworkshopgnrplaza.esl=1
unlockedsettlementobjects.esm=1
Eisenwolfs Legacy.esm=1
EthreonMasterPlan.esm=1
VCM_LibrarySupportPlugin_F-ESL.esl=1
Snap'n Build.esm=1
CWSS Redux.esp=1
PoolTableStorageRacks.esl=1
BetterSettlementMenuFixer.esl=1
Homemaker.esm=1
BrightLightsBigCity.esl=1
StarlightDriveInAndDiner - ELECBLUETRIM.esl=1
MamaMurphyFurniture.esl=1
HoloDisplay.esl=1
DLCUltraHighResolution.esm=0
ScrapMachine.esl=1
BridgesandStairs.esl=1
EvilViking13_MinutemenMorale.esl=1
CWWorkshopMaster.esm=1
CWOutfitPackPart2.esl=1
PMOutfitPack.esl=1
CWWorkshopPackPart2.esl=1
CleanMySettlement.esm=1
Unofficial Fallout 4 Patch.esp=1
PPF.esm=1
ArmorKeywords.esm=1
SettlementKeywords.esm=1
Leah's Casino.esl=1
CleanLabcoat.esp=1
g2m_Workshop_Nexus.esp=1
SettlementMenuManager.esp=1
TerraformProject_HangmansAlley.esp=1
Rebuilt_SunshineTidings.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjectssp.esp=1
the castle.esp=1
Warwick Homestead.esp=1
MadKea-01.esp=1
TerraformProject_CoastalCottage.esp=1
cri-abernathyfarm.esp=1
Taffington Boathouse.esp=1
allreadynordhagenbeach.esp=1
CommonwealthChooksAndBunnies.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjectsdlc04.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjectsdlc03.esp=1
SOMERVILLE Homestead.esp=1
CoffeeAndDonutsWorkshopExpanded.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjectsdlc06.esp=1
clean and simple - oberland station startup.esp=1
Rebuilt_HomePlate.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjectsdlc02.esp=1
Static Objects and Buildings.esp=1
BridgetoSpectacleIsland.esp=1
brahmin milk in the commonwealth.esp=1
cc-nukafixpack.esp=1
GKX Apple Tree.esp=1
Diverse Cats.esp=1
Repaired Starlight Drive-In v1.3 -New Pond-.esp=1
NoAbernathyTower.esp=1
Snappy_HouseK.esp=1
functionalobjects_vanilla.esp=1
cVc Dead Wasteland 6.esp=1
CovenantExpansion.esp=1
OutpostZimonja.esp=1
CWCreateABot.esp=1
cc-interiorbench.esp=1
VisibleCompanionAffinity.esp=1
Prewar Grass Apocalypse - 01.esp=1
Prewar Grass Apocalypse - Nuka-World.esp=1
SanctuaryParts.esp=1
Armorsmith Extended.esp=1
exotic_lights_nukaworld.esp=1
uso_awkcr_patch.esp=1
not your average neon.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjects_menuoverride.esp=1
Northland.esp=1
NPC Spawner.esp=1
unlockedsettlementobjectsmashups.esp=1
MoreVaultRooms.esp=1
Northland Diggers.esp=1
betterstores.esp=1
hzy-newfurniture.esp=1
LooksMenu Customization Compendium.esp=1
move that workbench!.esp=1
VendorCaps.esp=1
MisfitInk.esp=1
HairVariations_YoungAtHeart.esp=1
Generator Fusebox - More realistic version.esp=1
Conduits and Pylons Various Ranges and Sizes.esp=1
SolarPower.esp=1
VerySmallGenerators100.esp=1
KSHairdos.esp=1
MiscHairstyle.esp=1
AzarPonytailHairstyles.esp=1
Valentine Noir - 4K.esp=1
Eli_Gunslinger.esp=1
HairVariations_FairyTails.esp=1
HairVariations_Elegant.esp=1
HairVariations_Sophisticate.esp=1
HairVariations_Conversions.esp=1
The Eyes Of Beauty.esp=1
GrimGamerTrio.esp=1
LightboxPower.esp=1
AkaWaterWorld.esp=1
WareHouseExt.esp=1
noirpenthouseworkshop.esp=1
BarnAdd.esp=1
AWARHERO Japanese Decor Pack.esp=1
creativeclutter.esp=1
PoolRackFix.esp=1
YM_L0neWander3rPatioRequest.esp=1
Blight.esp=1
Passive CC Arcade Cabinets.esp=1
WaterAnywhere.esp=1
AdvSettleTurretSet-RealNP.esp=1
Water Tower.esp=1
ChoiceChopped.esp=1
BuildableBurningCampfires.esp=1
AkaPoweredNeonLetters.esp=1
Femsheppings Minimalist Homewares.esp=1
Friffy_Fixed Rugs.esp=1
XnjguyFilledMods_AIO.esp=1
12PottedTrees.esp=1
personal paintings.esp=1
FAC_paintings.esp=1
Loot Detector.esp=1
Colored Workshop Lights.esp=1
LeatherChair.esp=1
SomeTables.esp=1
RemoveTurretPowerReq.esp=1
FilledBookcasesAIO.esp=1
NaiRaeCozyScavver.esp=1
RCSO_RoboChefSettlementObjects.esp=1
Hamed Taneh-e-Derakht Wall.esp=1
Eli_Crafting Shiz 9000.esp=1
Eli_Crafting Shiz 9000 SMM.esp=1
SymbioticSettlements.esp=1
cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC.esp=1
cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC2.esp=1
cVc Dead Wasteland 6 DLC3.esp=1
Northland Diggers New.esp=1
Farming Resources.esp=1
rbi_pack.esp=1
rbi_pack SMM.esp=1
OCDecorator.esp=1
SKE_OCD_Patch.esp=1
OCDecoratorDLC.esp=1
OCDispenser.esp=1
SettleObjExpandPack.esp=1
Snappy_DLC03.esp=1
Thematic and Practical.esp=1
Thematic and Practical - DLC.esp=1
CleanSettlement.esp=1
CleanSettlement Snap'n Build.esp=1
dinoshelf.esp=1
dinoshelf_extra_ammo.esp=1
dinoshelf_retex.esp=1
ModernModulars.esp=1
Evan_Modular Kitchen.esp=1
ScavversSettlementKit.esp=1
WWall.esp=1
MasterworkArchitectureProject.esp=1
BetterJunkFences.esp=1
Craft Your Grass.esp=1
woodysWastelandStuff.esp=1
Crimsomrider's Unique Furniture.esp=1
X13_Crimsomrider's Unique Furniture SMM Override.esp=1
cartman1975_concrete-glass.esp=1
Dont Throw Stones.esp=1
DD_why_am_i_doing_this.esp=1
ConnectedWorkshops.esp=1
RobotFactionPaint.esp=1
FVCO.esp=1
Homemaker - Streetlights Use Passive Power.esp=1
Homemaker - Unlocked Institute Objects.esp=1
Turret Stands.esp=1
Vault-Tec Workshop Overhaul.esp=1
VaultPlus_Railings.esp=1
ModularVault.esp=1
ModularVault_MVR.esp=1
DynStoreMats.esp=1
Business Settlements.esp=1
Better Vendor Stalls.esp=1
Buildable_PAFrames.esp=1
V's Stylish Decor2.esp=1
GruffyddsSignsAndPosters.esp=1
GS&P-SignsOfTheTimes.esp=1
GS&P-FactionsMinutemen.esp=1
GS&P-FoodAndDrink.esp=1
GS&P-GenericAndMiscellaneous.esp=1
GS&P-GenericSettlements.esp=1
Clean Wasteland Workshop.esp=1
DRG_Statics_Plus.esp=1
LooksMirror.esp=1
Glazing.esp=1
SurgeryBarberChair.esp=1
CommonwealthComponents.esp=1
CraftableChandeliers.esp=1
JetsBeds.esp=1
Green.esp=1
PreWarSanctuaryBridge.esp=1
StoneShit.esp=1
WareHouseExt-Clean.esp=1
CleanPoweredDoors.esp=1
LOCPoweredDoors.esp=1
AdvBubbleTurretSet-RealNP.esp=1
AdvBubbleTurretSet-RealNP-SKPatch.esp=1
Friffy_Fixed Curtains.esp=1
AES_Renovated Furniture.esp=1
aes_rendeco.esp=1
dinomore.esp=1
SR_Settlement_Signs.esp=1
Adobe House Kit.esp=1
slevins_art.esp=1
HW.esp=1
Old World Plaids SMM.esp=1
Femsheppings Minimalist Homewares SMM.esp=1
ScavversSettlementKit SMM.esp=1
Unicorn_Farts_And_God_Rays.esp=1
ButcherMeatRack.esp=1
ButcherMeatRack SMM.esp=1
PristineWorkshopAssets.esp=1
PristineWorkshopAssetsSMM.esp=1
WastelandGardening.esp=1
WastelandGardeningUninstaller.esp=1
0oicmilitaryclutter.esp=1
MoreVaultSigns.esp=1
MuseumPaintings.esp=1
Luxor's Paintings2.esp=1
ZerasPaintings.esp=1
Diverse Dogs.esp=1
g2m_FishFarmBridges.esp=1
g2m_FishFarmBridges SMM.esp=1
NewRecipes.esp=1
NewRecipesFH.esp=1
NewRecipesNW.esp=1
CK-CookingExpandedUltimate.esp=1
Colored Workshop Lights SMM.esp=1
Crimsomrider's Unique Furniture SMM.esp=1
Dinomore SMM.esp=1
HoloDisplay SMM.esp=1
Personal Paintings SMM.esp=1
EthreonMasterPlan SMM.esp=1
CleanSnB.esp=1
WDP-PC.esp=1
WDP_MenuFix.esp=1
CR_OuthouseCollection.esp=1
MiscOutfitPackv2.esp=1
CabinInTheWoods.esp=1
Sandbag Fortifications - Version 2C.esp=1
EvilViking13_MinutemenMorale.esp=1
GrafsSecurityFences.esp=1
BusySettlers.esp=1
AkaInvisibleFurniture.esp=1
SMH.esp=1
SJVanillaOutfits.esp=1
UnlockedMiscItemsDLC.esp=1
FilledBrahminFeedTroughs.esp=1
Unlocked Trade Caravan Post.esp=1
aes_FURN.esp=1
AWARHERO_Decor_Pack.esp=1
LooksMenu.esp=1
PRP.esp=1
Sanctuary_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
Sanctuary Hills - Repair and Cleanup - Compatibility Version.esp=1
SpectacleIsland_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_NukaCollector_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_ArcadeCabinets_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_SlocumsJoe_Patch.esp=1
CompactCrafting.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_AdvBubbleTurretSetRealNP_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_FarmingResources_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_Glazing_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_DecorationsPack_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_MasterPlan_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_MidCentury_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_SanctuaryParts_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_SnB_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_MoreVaultRooms_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_RenovatedFurniture_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_RenovatedDecorations_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_SRSettlementSigns_Patch.esp=1
WorkshopRearranged_DinoDecor_Patch.esp=1
A Forest.esp=1
GroundedWR.esp=1
CheatTerminal.esp=1
Autumn Overhaul.esp=1
SF-WR Patch.esp=1
Bunker Hill DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
Graygarden_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
RedRocket_DC_F-ESL.esp=1
EgretTours_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
TheSlog_DC_F-ESL.esp=1
JamaicaPlains_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
CroupManor_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
StarlightDrivein_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
GreentopNursery_DCnr_F-ESL.esp=1
KingsportLighthouse_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
TenpinesOutpostZimonja_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
CountyCrossing_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
EchoLakeLumber_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
NationalParkVC_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
DaltonFarm_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
MurkwaterConstruction_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
FinchFarm_DC_F-ESL.esp=1
LongfellowsCabin_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
MechanistLair_DC_F-ESL.esp=1
NukaWorldRedRocket_DC_F-ESL.esp=1
OberlandStation_DCnR_F-ESL.esp=1
Vault88_DC_F-ESL.esp=1

I resonate with autism symptoms and experiences, it’s been that way since I started researching autism last summer. However, there are 2 things that kind of worry me.
Firstly, I don’t think I really have a special interest. Technically I do (sharks) but I find myself getting tired of it after a few days. Although, I would argue that it still excites me the same amount even when I’m burned out from it. I also think autism in itself could be a special interest of mine because it doesn’t burn out as often as my interest in sharks.
Secondly, my mom says she doesn’t remember any autistic traits in me when I was younger except one, she said that I didn’t do imaginary play usually. I do know that I was a toe walker until kindergarten (went away after forcing myself to walk normally). I also remember playing with my toys in the same and specific way each time. I would take a farm set I had and organize the animals in their pens over and over. I also know that in third grade I carried around a stuffed bunny every day because it was my comfort and that I didn’t have any friends until my teacher forced me to talk to people. I remember sitting by myself in the playground and my teacher coming up to me to talk because she thought I was depressed and I wouldn’t shut up about American girl dolls.
Obviously those all sound like autistic experiences but I took the list of symptoms in young children from the cdc and read it to my mom and she said no to almost all of them so I’m kinda confused. She admitted to me that she sort of neglected me for the first few years of my life so that may be why she doesn’t remember seeing any of these things but I can’t tell that to the assessor I’ll be seeing about that before they talk with my mom since saying your own mom neglected you is a bit worrying.
So basically I’m really scared that when I do my assessment that because of these things, I won’t be diagnosed and I’ve just been convincing myself. Does anyone have any input of if my worries are valid?